


it's you, it's always you

by choi_kimmy



Series: in any version of reality, i'll still choose you [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Natasha Is A Broke College Student, She Just Wants Extra Cash, Slow Burn, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-08-23 20:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 90,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choi_kimmy/pseuds/choi_kimmy
Summary: “Before Natasha went to college, she vowed not to do the following things:1. Get so wasted that she ends up passing out in a stranger's house.2. Hooks up with someone from the same department as her.3. Breaks up with that person from the same department as her.4. Fall in love.”In other words: Natasha is in dire need of extra cash and jumps at the first research opportunity offering money to campus couples to participate in a semester long research study. The catch? She doesn't actually have a significant other. What she does have though, is a best friend of a decade by the name of Steve Rogers who she likes to think would do anything for her.And that includes pretending to be her boyfriend for the entire semester.





	1. the research study

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stevexnatasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevexnatasha/gifts).

> Ah, fake dating AU, the cliche of all cliches. But will I still write it? Yes, yes, I will.  
I actually haven't read any stevenat fake dating AUs here, so I hope this specific idea of mine has not been executed yet. I was inspired to write this by this prompt that I found on Tumblr and I thought hey this sounds hella cute, why not write it for the fandom? So yes uhh take it as a present from me to all of you after all the angst I've written so far and the torture I had to put Nat/Steve through lol. But this _will_ be a slowburn fic, just letting you guys know first. 
> 
> Special thanks to Crystal, Rach, Kenna and Aly for being my biggest supporters ever! 
> 
> Please forgive me for any grammar mistakes you find and I hope you enjoy and do let me know what you think of the story!

Before Natasha went to college, she vowed not to do the following things:

  1. Get so wasted that she ends up passing out in a stranger's house. 
  2. Hooks up with someone from the same department as her.
  3. Breaks up with that person from the same department as her.
  4. Fall in love.

It has only just dawned upon her, now that the final semester is ending soon, that Natasha had broken nearly all of the rules she’d set for herself before college. She realised this only when she saw the front page of the journal she’d first bought during her first year, realised a little too late that within 6 months of her undergraduate journey, she’d already broken the first rule - Natasha had gone to one of the parties hosted by a popular senior, and had woken up the next morning to the senior’s parents staring down at her in their living room. She’d never fled from a place out of sheer embarrassment (and Natasha _rarely _gets embarrassed) so fast in her entire life.

When she looks at the rules again, this time nearly four years after she’d first penned it down, Natasha finds herself laughing in amusement, because the irony is not lost. She remembers how determined she had been before college started, yet she’d broken all those rules in a blink of an eye - well, all except one, she thinks, as her eyes glide over the last sentence of the page; the last rule about not falling in love. 

Natasha had believed that if there is one rule she would never break, it would probably be this. Besides, she only has one month left before she graduates, anyway. Natasha figured that it is because she just isn’t one to easily let anyone into her heart, or let herself drown in that sappy, annoying feeling of constantly aching to be in someone’s arms, wanting to feel the flutter in her heart when she kisses that person. It used to be a faraway dream that Natasha didn’t think she could ever experience, because at this point, she’d convinced herself that her heart is made of ice; cold, almost impenetrable. 

Once upon a time, she’d believed with her entire heart, with conviction, that it is the only rule she wouldn’t break, because her falling in love? Impossible, absolutely not. It won’t happen. Never. 

Natasha closes her journal with a loud thud, suddenly overwhelmed by her own thoughts. She sucks in a deep breath, swallows the lump in her throat, and discards the journal back into the bottom of her desk drawer. She stares into thin air after that, her mind knotted with hundreds of thoughts, her heart hammering beneath her skin.

She comes to a conclusion, eventually. An inevitable, unforeseen, yet not quite surprising, conclusion that is gnawing its way from her stomach to her throat. It is a gradual acceptance of the feeling piling within her, the denial and disbelief dissipating into thin air as she finally came to terms with what her heart has been echoing quietly for weeks. She heaves a sigh, running a hand through her hair in slight frustration. This was _not_ supposed to happen. This - 

This is her conclusion: Natasha is in love. She is in love with _him_. 

“_Fuck_.” is all she says as the realisation sinks in slowly but surely.

* * *

**FIVE MONTHS AGO**

Natasha is walking across, no, _rushing_ across the vast garden of her department, trudging her feet in hurried motions as she lets out a string of curses in Russian - it is just the first day of the semester and she’s already running late for her class. 

Of all days her phone had to die overnight because she forgot to charge it, it just had to be on a Monday with an 8AM class where the professor is notoriously known to conduct manual registration for tutorials during the first class. By the time Natasha slips into the back of the lecture hall, just a little past 8.15, the entire class is already huddling in front, the hall in obvious chaos as all fifty students lunge for the respective papers containing the tutorial slot they desire. 

Natasha groans in defeat, burying her face into her hands. She smacks her head a few times in frustration before dumping her bag into the nearest empty seat she could find.

“It’s only your first day and you’re already late, Natasha?” 

She freezes when she hears the voice, whirling around to meet the gaze of Professor Janet van Dyne, the course coordinator for Perception and Action, and a long time family friend. Natasha eases into a comfortable smile. “_Professor. _My phone died.” She doesn’t elaborate further, knowing that Janet understood what she meant. 

The professor simply laughs, shaking her head. “That’s why we use actual _alarm clocks,_ Natasha.” She then nods to the direction of the rest of her students in front of the hall. “Aren’t you going to get in line?”

Natasha shrugs. “What’s the point, all the slots I wanted are probably full by now. Guess I’m seeing you at 5 on Friday evenings.”

“Like old times sake.” Janet teases, to which Natasha grins before saying, “Only that Hope is not around for me to bug anymore. How is she anyway?”

“Good.” Janet smiles. “She’s actually coming back for the weekend. If you’re free, you and Steve should drop by.”

“We might do just that.” Natasha chuckles, and Janet leaves it at that, smiling while she walks back to the front of the lecture hall slowly. Most of the students are already seated back to their respective places, so Natasha bounces down the steps quickly and scribbles her name onto the only remaining tutorial slot that isn’t full yet. 

It helps a little to know that at least she would be spending quality time revising on Friday evenings with someone as brilliant as Janet Van Dyne, and someone she’s already familiar with, but Natasha still lets out a sigh. Her mind lingers on how it is just the first day of her final semester - but it is already heading off to a bad start.

When she returns to her seat, Natasha’s phone buzzes five times in her jeans pocket. She takes it out to see a string of messages from Steve Rogers, her best friend and neighbour of 10 years, also studying in Midgard University like her. 

** _From: Steeb _ **

> _So? _
> 
> _Did you get to class in time? _
> 
> _Was Janet mad you were late?_
> 
> _I reminded you to charge your phone didn’t I? _
> 
> _How are you a Straight A’s student, but your memory span is like that of a goldfish?_

Natasha rolls her eyes at the last message, her thumbs already tapping on her screen.

> _Because my memory capacity is full with ways on how to murder you and get away with it._

** _From: Steeb _ **

> _Ha-ha, very funny._
> 
> _You can give Annalise Keating a run for her money._

Natasha snorts, before she resumes typing her replies to her best friend.

> _I was 10 minutes late and by the time I reached, the entire class was already fighting for the tutorial slots. _
> 
> _What a bunch of hooligans. _
> 
> _Janet wasn’t mad, in fact she actually invited us over to her place this weekend, Hope is coming back!_

Natasha puts her phone under her desk as she looks at the projector screen in front - Janet is explaining about the course outline and the weightage for their continuous assessment. She barely hears her when her phone vibrates again. Natasha promptly turns her phone into silent mode before opening her message thread with Steve.

** _From: Steeb _ **

> _One day, you should ask Janet why she does manual registrations. _
> 
> _Isn’t it like, super messy?_
> 
> _Oh. Okay. _
> 
> _I’ll go only if you go._

Natasha doesn’t reply immediately, her attention on Janet as she quickly types the course outline into her laptop. Then she reaches for her phone, fighting the urge to laugh as she types a reply to Steve.

> _Don’t tell me you’re still traumatised from the prank Hope did on you during senior year? ;)_

** _From: Steeb _ **

> _I’m not traumatised._
> 
> _I just don’t think her father would appreciate me showing up alone after I crashed into his car because I thought I saw a ghost._

The memory of that incident enters her mind immediately, and Natasha nearly wheezes out loud when she remembers how much Steve had screamed that night and accidentally stepped on the accelerator instead of the brakes. 

> _Come on, it’s been aeons ago. _
> 
> _Do you think Hank would keep a grudge over a small matter like this?_
> 
> _He’s probably too busy collaborating with Tony’s dad to even remember what you did to his car._

** _From: Steeb _ **

> _Do you even know Hank Pym???_
> 
> _That man is NEVER going to forget._
> 
> _Anyway. _
> 
> _Stop replying, I don’t want to be held accountable if you don’t get an A for this course._

Natasha simply smiles, biting back the words at the tip of her tongue; _you started this conversation you dumbass_, then pushes her phone back under her desk. She’d reply him later, after her lecture that morning.

* * *

The moment she steps out of the lecture hall, Natasha notices the small crowd in front of the notice board. Despite being curious, Natasha doesn’t think she has it in her to squeeze with the crowd just to read the newly pinned up notices on the board, so she turns in her heels and starts for the opposite direction - only to have someone call her name from behind her. 

Natasha turns, a smile already on her lips as she comes face to face with Carol Danvers, her closest friend from the department. It’s been almost an entire month since they’ve last seen each other due to the semester break, and Carol is giving her the widest grin, hands in the pockets of her varsity jacket.

“My god, you straighten your hair during the break.” is the first thing that Carol says as she walks towards Natasha. She gives her a nod of approval. “It suits you.”

Natasha laughs. “Thanks, Carol. How was your break?”

“Same old, same old.” She grins. “I spent most of my days at Maria’s and like one week at Minerva’s.”

Natasha isn’t surprised to hear that - Maria Rambeau and Minerva Chan are Carol’s girlfriend and best friend from high school respectively. They aren’t students in Midgard University, so Carol doesn’t get to see them often until she goes home during the breaks. Natasha had met them before, once, when they were in New York and had dropped by to visit Carol. 

“That’s great.” Natasha says with a huge smile. “Do send my regards to them.”

“Of course, they said hi anyway. Also, did you just get out from Prof Janet’s class? How was it?” Carol asks excitedly. “Did you survive the manual registration? I nearly died when I took her elective last semester.”

Natasha sighs with a shake of her head. “I was late to class this morning, can you _believe_ it? So no, I got the worst slot possible - Friday evenings.”

Carol grimaces immediately, her nose crinkling in sympathy. “Well that’s such a traves- I mean..._at least _Prof Janet is a brilliant woman.”

“The only consolation.” Natasha replies with a nod of agreement then gestures to the notice board, where the crowd has slowly begun to disperse. “Any new notices I should know of?”

“Nat, don’t be lazy.” Carol teases with a roll of her eyes. “But if you must know, there’s one that’s interesting but only if you are dating someone from the campus.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Why?” 

“Professor May has a research study on campus couples. So she’s finding for participants. Daisy Johnson, do you remember her?” Carol pauses, trying to see if Natasha remembers who Daisy is, but when she merely quirks her eyebrow even further, Carol continues, “Daisy, our senior? She graduated last year? I think she’s continuing her Masters here. Anyway, she was the one who put up the notice. Apparently, she’s Prof May’s research assistant.”

“Uh huh,” Natasha just nods uncaringly, she’s trying to shove her file into her backpack when Carol continues, “It’s a paid research opportunity, basically.”

Her head snaps up in an instant. “A _what_?”

“Paid research opportunity.” Carol repeats, then raises an eyebrow when Natasha strolls past her towards the notice board without missing another second. “Nat?” She turns around promptly to follow the redhead, but Natasha is already swiftly squeezing to the front of the notice board.

The first thing Natasha’s eyes land on is a notice with a heading written in block letters: _“PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY - Campus Couple Study”, _and suddenly her mind is kicking into overdrive, one thought piling after another. Natasha doesn’t even think twice before she grabs one of the flyers on the countertop right below the notice board. She hastily dumps the flyer into her bag, as if afraid that people might see her, and squeezes her way out from the people still reading the notices. She meets Carol halfway. 

“What was that?” Carol asks sceptically, one eyebrow arched and wary. “Did you just take the flyer for Prof May’s research?”

“Just in case I know anyone.” Natasha replies defensively, though deep down she squirms slightly - Carol doesn’t need to know that there’s something else bugging her mind for now. 

“Oh.” Carol blinks, as if she’d forgotten such a simple explanation exists. “Right. For a moment there I was going to ask who you’re dating.”

Natasha lets out a dry laugh, but doesn’t say anything in return. Carol glances at her watch and starts to take a step back. “I gotta go to the library for a bit. You _do _know that Forensic Psych later is cancelled, right? Prof Eliot sent out the email notification last night.” 

“As a matter of fact, I completely forgot about that.” Natasha says sheepishly. “What will I do without you, Carol?”

“Such a drama queen.” Her friend simply replies before waving a hand and turning around. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Nat.”

“See ya.” Natasha returns. 

The moment Carol disappears into a corner, Natasha reaches into her bag for the flyer again. She starts to walk, though her eyes are quickly skimming through it. Her heart is pounding for no reason, and Natasha lets her thoughts wander ceremoniously. 

A paid research opportunity. _Paid._ She hasn’t had the chance to tell Carol yet, but Natasha had just quitted her part time cashier job at the convenience store. She isn’t going to tell Fury about it, obviously, but there is no denying that as a broke ass college student, something is compelling her to jump at any opportunity presented to earn some extra cash.

The only problem, Natasha sighs at the huge block letters staring back at her, the _only _problem is that this is a research study for campus _couples_. She hasn’t been in a relationship in two years - how is she going to conjure a boyfriend out of thin air? Where can she even find a boyfriend in such a short period of time?

Natasha grumbles, then shoves the flyer back into her backpack before she stalks off in annoyance.

* * *

It’s been two hours since she’d last seen the flyer, and Natasha is _still _staring at it. With both legs propped up on her desk, Natasha leans forward to snatch the flyer, lifting it up to her eye level and finding herself reading the words again and again - she’d memorised the entire flyer by now. 

“This is so stupid.” She mumbles then chides herself. “Natasha why are you so _stupid_?” 

In true honesty, Natasha couldn’t believe that she’d let her thoughts linger on this research study opportunity for more than 10 minutes, let alone 2 solid hours. Part of her tells her to just drop it, because she’s clearly not eligible for it, but another part of her is telling her that this is such a _perfect _and _easy _way to earn some cash - she just needs to figure out how to resolve the boyfriend requirement, that’s_ all_.

“Nat?” A voice calling her name snaps her out from her thoughts immediately, and Natasha shoves the flyer quickly in between the pages of one of her textbooks. She removes her legs from her desk and whirls around in her chair, polite knocks on her door ensuing one second after. “Yeah?” She calls out, already knowing who it is on the other side, and the door opens slightly. 

Steve pokes his head in, eyes meeting with hers. “Maria told me you came home early today.” He says, then opens the door wider. “Everything okay?”

Natasha slowly removes herself from her chair, stretching slightly before making her way towards her housemate-slash-bestfriend. “Yeah. My evening class got cancelled, that’s all. I came back right before Maria went out for hers.”

“Oh.” is all Steve says as he smiles. “Well, guess who bought you lunch?”

Natasha returns his smiles gratefully, suddenly feeling the low growl of hunger in her stomach. She hasn’t even noticed that it is past 12P.M. “Always the most reliable friend.” She comments, side stepping out of her shared bedroom with Maria with Steve tailing behind her.

“Yeah. Exactly.” Steve scoffs. “When are you planning on finding a boyfriend so I can stop making sure you don’t starve yourself to death?”

_Talk about a harsh reminder, _Natasha mentally says. “God, is that you talking or is that Nick talking?” She groans, sliding into the seat by the dining table, already reaching out for the packed lunch Steve had bought for her. 

“A little bit of both. But mostly me.” Steve joins her, taking the empty seat across her. “I can’t take care of you forever, Nat, as much as I _love _doing favours for you.”

Natasha stops twirling her spaghetti, her mind suddenly going back to the flyer. She snaps her head up in one swift motion, her gaze now lingering on Steve. She frowns, hundred of thoughts floating into her mind at once.

_Well_, Natasha smirks in realisation, _what do you know_.

* * *

“No.” 

Natasha’s face falls in immediate disappointment. She’d waited until after both of them had finished eating their lunch before flitting back to her room to retrieve the flyer, and then breaking the news opportunity to Steve, and by the time she’d reached the part where Steve had caught on her intention, her best friend had glanced up from his empty plate to look at her. She’d held on to her breath, until - 

“Whaaat?” She strains her voice for dramatic effect. “Steve, _please_?”

Steve shakes his head politely, pushing the flyer back into her hands. “Absolutely not!”

“Why not?” She huffs, crossing her arms together in annoyance. “It’s not like you have a serious girlfriend at the moment.”

“I’d like to think I have the option to have one in the future.” Steve tries, even though he knows that deep down, this is a battle that he is going to lose - he was never able to win over her persuasion skills, anyway; once Natasha has set her mind on doing something, there would literally be nothing that could convince her to do otherwise.

“Rogers,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “You haven’t been dating anyone since Peggy and Peggy happened in high school. And high school,” She pokes a finger into his chest. “was four years ago!”

“Ouch.” He winces, one hand on the spot she’d poked him repeatedly. “Why do you need to hurt me like that?”

“What? It’s the truth.” Natasha blanches, then smirks. “Come on, don’t you need extra cash? The department is willing to pay participants on a monthly basis depending on how many sessions they attend. I don’t know about you but that sure sounds like a hella easy money to make. All we need to do is answer some tests and go through some interviews or whatever.”

“Nat…” He groans, but feels the slight shift in his decision. The offer does sound tempting, who wouldn’t want to make easy money, after all? “But we will be lying to those researchers. What if it affects their results?”

Natasha wants to scoff, but she doesn’t. She’s used to him being like this, anyway, Steve Rogers, this human pinnacle of all things good. It’s like he doesn’t have even a drop of bad blood in him. “Okay technically,” She shoves the flyer under his nose again. “ if you remove the words _romantic _and _dating _from the flyer, we would have fulfilled all the criteria they’re looking for. See-” 

Natasha points at the first bullet point. “Are in a committed,” She glosses over the word ‘romantic’ found in the sentence. “relationship with each other. Yup, we’re definitely committed in our friendship. First point, _check_.” 

Steve playfully rolls his eyes as she continues to persuade him. “Have been dating for at least six months. Okay, we’re _not_ dating, but we’ve known each other for ten years. That’s a better time period than what’s required!” 

“Mmhmm.” Steve hums in amusement now. He’d hardly ever seen her try so hard in convincing him to do something - it’s a little fun to watch if he has to be honest with himself. 

Natasha’s finger glides over the third bullet point. “Are currently living together. Yes. We are. They don’t _have _to know that we’re also living with Maria, Sam and Clint.”

“Right.” Steve says flatly, an eyebrow raised. But Natasha perseveres and moves on to the last bullet point. “Both over the age of 18, well _obviously_.” She cracks another smile. “See? It’s not lying if we’d fulfilled most of the criteria.” 

Steve doesn’t bring up the fact that Natasha has blatantly ignored the main purpose of this research study, instead he nods along with her. “Why do you want this so much?” He asks.

“Because,” Natasha sighs exasperatedly, her hands waving about in the air. “Because I’m dead _broke _and I need money?”

“Because you got fired from your part time job?” Steve half teases, and Natasha narrows her eyes sharply. “Hey! I did not get fired. I _quitted._ There’s a difference.” She snaps then continues, “And doing this is so much easier than bagging groceries and dealing with stupid manager assholes at the convenience store.”

“Alright, alright.” Steve relents, throwing his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. “Fine, if this means so much to you.”

Natasha heaves a sigh of relief. Her face splits into a wide grin. “You’re the best.” 

“Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, Romanoff.” Steve returns her grin with one of his own. “We need to settle some ground rules, first.”

She shifts in her seat. “Okay. Yeah, definitely.”

“First,” Steve starts. “What do we tell the others? If they catch on, they’ll definitely ask questions, especially -”

“Clint and Tony.” Natasha finishes his sentence for him, a groan escaping her lips. “Well, I can handle Barton, alright. But Stark...he’s yours.”

"Tony’s easy to handle. He already has a betting pool on how long it would take before we get together, anyway.” Steve chortles, suddenly remembering how after they’d met for the first time in college, Tony had not missed the opportunity to insist that they were romantically involved with each other, when they most definitely weren’t. “But Barton…”

Natasha dismisses his concern with a wave of her hand in the air. “Yeah, he’ll be suspicious for sure, but I’ve got a plan. I can handle him.”

“And Maria?” 

“Isn’t she part of Stark’s betting pool?” Natasha smirks, then laughs. “Oh god, it just struck me how much money Sam is going to lose.”

Steve shrugs with a smile. “We can buy him a meal to compensate indirectly, I suppose.”

“Deal.” Natasha juts out a hand for Steve to accept. He hesitates. “One more thing.” Steve clears his throat slightly. “You and I...it’s not going to affect our friendship, will it?”

Natasha quirks an eyebrow. “What, you mean like it will change things between us? Nah.” She says a little too confidently and looks down at her phone which had just lit up from a notification. 

Natasha misses the way Steve’s face falls ever so slightly. But the look is gone the second she looks back at him. “How sure are you?” He asks, an eyebrow raised. 

“Steve,” Natasha begins with a sigh. “We’ve been friends for ten years. I’ve literally seen you grow from a scrawny kid to -” She gestures at his muscles with a smirk. “- all that. I’ve been there every step of your way in your entire life. Don’t you think that if something were to happen between us, it would have happened by now?”

Steve takes in her words slowly, but nods eventually. When he looks at his best friend, it mirrors what she’d just told him about himself. Steve had been with Natasha since the day she was taller than him, and then years after when he’d started to tower over her. And even then, nothing has changed between them. He supposes that she’s right, that to him, Natasha will always just be his tenacious, fiery best friend who’d fought back his bullies when he was younger, the only friend he’d allow to copy his maths homework without a question asked, the one who could call him at 3AM if she needed his help and he would be there in a heartbeat. She will always be his platonic female best friend, Steve strongly believes, and nothing’s going to change that.

So he says finally. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

Natasha grins then shakes her still outstretched hand in front of him. “Looks like we have a deal then?”

“Only if you promise me that this will not change anything between us.” Steve says carefully, to which Natasha tilts her head to the side.

“Steve, are you worried I’m going to fall in love with you or something?” Natasha places her chin on her hand, a playful smirk on her lips. She could tell at once that Steve is blushing, clearly flustered from her suggestion. She laughs, then places one hand against his arm assuringly. “_Nothing’s _going to change between us. I _promise_.” 

Steve gives her a soft smile - he trusts her, always. A few seconds after, he accepts her handshake. “Deal.”

* * *


	2. "guess you're stuck with me for eternity"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of meeting Professor Melinda May for the first time, and Natasha stealing Steve's breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting so much wonderful feedbacks from all of you, so I just wanted to take this chance to thank you for your support; all your comments and kudos are very much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

During the weekend, Natasha and Steve are thrilled to see Hope van Dyne standing tall and confident as she always is, just beyond the front door the second she’d swung it open. Hope is already cracking into a large grin, hands on her hips. “Why, look who the wind blew in?”

“Hope!” Natasha is already taking a step forward to hug her long time friend. “It’s been ages, my god.”

Before Hope and her parents moved to the heart of New York City and closer to Midgard University where Janet had transferred to, they used to live an hour away in a quiet, suburban neighbourhood just a few houses down from Natasha and Steve’s. She’d naturally been close to both Natasha and Steve, since their parents are close friends with each other. On top of being an older sister to Natasha, Hope had also been her partner in crime for the longest of time, both always scheming and plotting for trouble while Steve would unfortunately, end up being the unfortunate victim to their pranks.

“Where’s Hank and Janet?” Steve asks a little too politely, to which Natasha stifles a laugh in reflex.

Hope smiles unsuspectingly. “Dad’s not home, he’s at Starks Industries. Mom’s in the kitchen, cooking. Why don’t you two come in?”

They do, just as Steve expels a breath of relief. Hope looks back over her shoulder in amusement as Natasha starts to cackle rather ungracefully. “Not traumatised _my foot_.” She says, elbowing Steve’s side sharply.

“_Shut_ up, _woman_.” Steve retorts with a groan as he meets eyes with Hope. He gives her a sheepish smile of defeat. “I’m still a little bit afraid of your dad, if I may be honest.”

Hope starts to howl in laughter in realisation, hands clutching onto her stomach as Natasha joins her. “Oh my god, it’s been _years._” 

“Your father is a scary man, Hope. I just have to put it out there.” Steve says exasperatedly, shuddering out of genuine fear as Hope lets out another laugh. He switches topic seamlessly. “How’s work? Are you done with your internship yet?”

“It’s fine I guess. I still have about a month to go, but once I’ve completed the programme, dad says I can start working in Pym Technologies.” She adds. “From the bottom, of course.”

“That’s great.” Natasha puts in, and Hope casts a grin into her direction.

“I can’t believe both of you are already in your final semester. Time flies, doesn’t it?” 

“Definitely. I still remember Steve crashing into Hank’s car like it just happened yesterday.”

Steve rolls his eyes, ignoring the two young women laughing at the memory. “Laugh all you want, ladies, I’m glad I entertained.”

“But seriously though, you should enjoy your final semester as much as you can.” Hope advises with a warm smile. “Make your final semester count, do all the things you want to do but haven’t. You might not be able to have as much fun and freedom once you start working.”

Natasha winces a little. “You’re scaring us.”

Hope nudges into her shoulder playfully. “Just a little advice, I guess. Any plans for the final semester? Any fun things that are about to happen that I should know of?”

Steve and Natasha share a knowing look with each other, but it is Natasha who shakes her head in the end before turning back to look at Hope. “Nope, it’s pretty mundane for now.” She says smoothly. “Nothing new that you should know about. In fact, the final semester is pretty much going to be just like other years, I bet.”

“Oh,” Hope just shrugs, her eyes glinting. “you never know.”

* * *

On Monday after lunch, Steve finds himself in the Department of Psychology, nerves jittering within him. 

Natasha had asked for him to meet her there so they could go to Professor May’s office together; Professor May had replied to Natasha’s email on Friday asking for them to come in after lunch on Monday for the preliminary interview to see if they would be eligible to participate in her research study. Steve could feel himself sweating nervously just waiting for Natasha, even though he didn’t wait for long by himself since his best friend showed up five minutes after he texted her saying that he had arrived.

Almost at once and in a rather natural manner, Natasha loops her arm around his and starts to pull him towards the direction of the staff office. “You must be really nervous, huh?” She teases lightly, and Steve could feel heat flushing into his cheeks almost at once. “Relax, just follow my lead.” 

Steve simply nods, relaxing in her touch as Natasha pulls him into a corner and heads straight for the double glass doors at the end. “Professor May is a really nice person, so you don’t have to worry about her. I took her elective before when I was in second year, so she already knows me.”

“Great.” Steve says, his palm sweating. “God, Nat, what if I-”

“When in doubt, just don’t say anything.” Natasha pats his arm gently. “Leave all the talking to me. It’ll be _fine_.”

He knows it would be. He trusts her, after all. Steve nods, finally giving her a small smile. They walk for a few more seconds before Natasha stops in front of a closed door, the name _Melinda May, PhD_ on its nameplate. “You ready?” Natasha pauses to gauge how Steve is doing, rubbing one palm up and down his arm assuringly. When he nods, she smiles, double checks her watch for the time, then knocks the door three times.

“Yeah? Come in!” Both of them hear the voice from the other side of the door, and with a deep breath, Natasha turns the doorknob and enters. 

“Good morning, Prof May.” Natasha greets the woman behind her desk naturally, a smile appearing on her face. Steve simply smiles and tips his head slightly. “Good morning, Professor.”

“Hello Natasha,” Professor May - Melinda - says with a warm smile before her eyes landed on the stranger beside her student. “Hello, you must be Steve Rogers.” 

“Yes, Professor.” Steve nods just as Melinda gestures for the both of them to sit at the empty chairs in front of her. Once they settled down, Melinda reaches into her desk drawer, pulling out a few pieces of paper. “Okay so if you two could just fill in these consent forms, that would be great.”

Steve darts a wary look at Natasha, who reaches forward to take the papers from Melinda. The latter looks completely unfazed as she passes his forms to him. 

“As you two would already know, I’ll be writing a paper on the relationships and behaviours of campus couples.” Melinda explains briefly, to which both students nod along in acknowledgement. “If you two are chosen, you will meet with my research assistant, Daisy Johnson, who graduated last year from this faculty - ” Nat nods along, already aware of this piece of information thanks to Carol, “ - once every fortnight for the entire semester, where she’ll conduct either a short interview or some tests with the both of you during each session. There may also be a session where all participants are required to attend, which we will both supervise. Payment is on a monthly basis. Is everything okay, so far?”

“Yes, Prof May.” Natasha says just as Steve nods in unison.

“Great!” Melinda smiles, clasping her hands together. “Now for starters, I’ll need to ask you two a few questions to see if you are suitable for this study. Starting with how and when did you guys meet?”

Natasha looks at Steve, encouraging him to say something. He sits up straighter in his seat, clearing his throat. “My family moved into the house beside Natasha’s around ten years ago.”

“I see. So you two were about ten years old when you first met?”

Steve nods. “My parents befriended Nat’s father immediately. Somehow we just ended up hanging out frequently at each other’s places.”

Melinda’s smile seems to grow wider at each passing second, though she refrains from adding any unnecessary comment to what Steve is telling her. “Am I correct to assume that both of you are best friends?”

This time, Natasha is the one who answers first. “Yes, without a doubt.” She says with a grin directed to Steve - he looks so much more relaxed now than when he first stepped into Melinda’s office. “We’ve been through a lot with each other.” 

Melinda hums, scribbling something into her notebook before asking another question. “When did you two start dating each other, then?”

Steve’s eyes widen ever so slightly, but Natasha puts a hand on his arm calmly, as if it’s the most natural thing to do. “About a year ago, give or take.”

“Any particular reason?” 

Natasha feels Steve squirming in his seat, and her grasp around his arm tightens ever so subtly. He stops moving. “We just...I guess we just realised our feelings for each other.” She lies smoothly. “_Steve_ confessed to me first.”

Steve arches an eyebrow immediately.

“Oh, so he was the one who took the leap of faith first.” Melinda is still jotting down notes, not looking up from her notebook. 

“Definitely. He told me that he’s had the longest crush on me.” Natasha chuckles lightly, as if she didn’t just make it up on the spot, as if what she’d just said was the truth and nothing but the truth. “You should have seen him, Prof. He was stammering, trying to get those words out.” Steve turns his head slightly to cast a _glare _at Natasha, who has a smug grin on her face.

“Excuse me, Professor, but that’s not _quite_ how it went.” Steve finally clears his throat, putting on a charming smile as he looks back at Melinda, who’d finally glanced up. He could sense Natasha darting a wary glance at him sideways, but he ignores it. “I mean yes, it’s true that I confessed to her first. But Natasha here -” He points a thumb into her direction in a teasing manner, feels Natasha narrowing her eyes. “- she’s not very subtle with her feelings.”

Natasha smooths the creases on her forehead, but when Steve catches her eyes on him, he knows that she is anything _but _calm. It is his turn to grin smugly. “I’ve noticed that there was something off with her since our last year in senior high. She’d wanted to go to senior prom with me, but never had the courage to ask me. But I picked up on her hints, alright.”

“You did, didn’t you?” Natasha says in a tone that may sound normal for Melinda, but Steve knows that there is a hint of warning in it, knows the ways to push her over the edge. He ignores her and continues. “Sure did, that was why I asked her to the dance anyway. But we went as best friends, because at that time, even though I knew that Natasha had feelings for me, she wasn’t ready to acknowledge it yet.”

She fights the urge to roll her eyes, knowing that Melinda is still looking at them. “How considerate of you, Steve.” She says, her voice thick with sarcasm that she knows only Steve can catch - it is things he’d picked up from being her best friend for a decade.

“What can I say?” Steve replies, meeting her gaze, the playful glint still apparent in his eyes. “I know you _way_ too well.”

Natasha eases into a smile; well, at least there is _one _thing that was true in this conversation. “I consider myself lucky, then.” She returns in an equally playful tone, holding his gaze, then very subtly, her expression changes again. Steve catches on immediately, knowing what is coming next. “I’m not the only one who wasn’t subtle, yknow. Do you remember that time when I was with Matt and you got so jealous that you started avoiding me?” 

_This woman, _Steve narrows his eyes slightly, _will be the death of me. _

“I can’t seem to recall, Nat.” _because it’s a lie, _he almost wants to add, knowing just how much fun she is getting from making up all these scenarios. Sure, he’d disliked Matt Murdock, and that was not a secret per se, but it was most definitely _not _because of Natasha. He’d disliked him because he was an arrogant, cocky bastard, and he secretly thought that Natasha deserved better - until today, he still couldn’t figure out what she saw in Matt, honestly, to be able to be in a relationship with him for almost 3 months. Naturally, he’d avoided her when she was with him, because looking at them together just made his blood boil for some reason he couldn’t comprehend. 

“Why don’t you enlighten my hazed memory?” He provokes, and immediately regrets it two seconds after when he sees the gleam in Natasha’s eyes as she leans back casually into her seat, eyes still on his.

“Steve, it was obvious.” She says smoothly, leaning her face slightly into the hand she’d propped up on the armchair. “You stopped coming over for dinner, you went all the way out to avoid me after football practices even though I came to see your games. I noticed. I just didn’t ask.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you. I thought you were there during football because of Matt.” Steve returns just as smoothly, hiding the frustration rising in his throat. “Why should I get in the way? I had no place there, since you only had eyes for him.”

That wasn’t a lie, Steve realises a beat too late, and he notices at once the faltering gaze on Natasha’s expression - the subtle look disappearing after he blinks. He knows that she knows. Natasha clears her throat, opening her mouth ever so slightly to say something, but at the very last second, clamps her mouth shut and diverts her attention back to the quiet professor in front of them.

Melinda is staring at them in silence this entire time, a little bit unsure of what to make out of the entire exchange that has just occurred in front of her, though her expression remains impassive and betrays none of her thoughts. She wordlessly scribbles a few comments on her notebook, then clears her throat - Steve tears his gaze away from Natasha and looks at her instead.

“Thanks for coming in today, Natasha, Steve. Daisy will contact you if you are chosen for this study.” Melinda says with a smile as she puts her pen down. “That’s all for today.”

Steve and Natasha bolt out from Professor May’s office in a speed of lightning. 

* * *

Both of them are quiet throughout the car ride back to their apartment, tension lingering in the air from what had happened in Professor May’s office. It is Natasha who breaks the silence carefully. “Come to think about it, you never told me how you felt about Matt.” 

Steve clenches his jaw in reflex at the mere mention of his old football nemesis. “I didn’t think I need to.” He replies a beat after, his eyes trained on the road. He’s thankful in a way, because Steve isn’t sure if he could find the courage to look at her. “You already know he’s not in my list of favourite people in school anyway.”

“It would have been nice if you told me, though.” Natasha says slowly, this time her voice much smaller than before. “I missed having you around during that period of time.”

There’s a long pause, silence engulfing them before Steve finally replies. “Yeah. I probably should have. It wasn’t a very nice thing to do, I’ll admit to that.”

She chuckles, shaking her head. “For what is worth though, you’re right. Matt was an asshole. What was I thinking?” 

Steve’s mouth curls upward naturally. “So you finally acknowledge that you have questionable taste for men.”

Natasha groans. “I do not -”

“Need I remind you about Alexei -”

“God, stop.” Natasha shudders immediately at the mere mention of her first serious boyfriend, the one she’d caught red-handedly cheating on her just one week before Valentine’s. Needless to say, she dumped his sorry ass right after that. 

“And hey what about that psych guy you dated during your second year -”

“Oh my _god_. That’s dangerous territory to tread and remind me of, Rogers.” Natasha presses a palm against her face. “I was dumb, okay? I told myself I wouldn’t date guys from my department but I still went and did that. It was _so _awkward bumping into him in classes.”

“Hence, proving my point.” Steve says with a triumphant smile.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “You’re one to talk, when you’ve only ever been in one relationship your entire life.”

“Uh, yeah,” His reply comes easily, “because I’m _careful_ when it comes to choosing the person to like.” 

“Fine.” She accepts his explanation with a playful shrug of her shoulders. “I’ll give you that, since Peggy is a really nice girl - way out of your league, if I may add.” She teases, to which Steve just laughs, not saying anything else.

Silence lingers in the air once again, until Natasha decides to speak again, this time, completely changing their topic of conversation. “Are we getting Chinese food for dinner tonight? Because if we are, I was thinking of trying out their new wanton noodles.”

Steve nods. “Yeah, Sam’s taking the orders. You might want to text him.”

“On it.” Natasha is already tapping away on her phone, a few seconds after, she drops her phone back onto her lap. “Done.”

“You didn’t forget my order, did you?” Steve asks, though he already knows what her answer is going to be.

“Nope.” She says nonchalantly, popping the ‘p’ in the word. “Don’t you trust me?”

He does. Steve just smiles - she knows him the best, after all.

* * *

Natasha wakes up on Thursday morning to a rather formal text message from an unknown number - when she opens the thread, she sees that it is from Daisy Johnson. Once her eyes finished gliding through the bulk of text, Natasha is already grinning as she tosses her legs over the edge of the bed in one hurried motion; Maria glances up from her desk with a raised eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything, because Natasha is already heading for the door.

As soon as she sees Steve eating his breakfast on the dining table, Natasha rushes over to him and plops down on the empty chair beside him. She doesn’t greet him, only shoving her phone under his nose as he puts down his spoon gingerly. 

“What is this?” He asks, momentarily confused from the sudden action from Natasha. The latter adjusts the phone at a better distance for him to read. Natasha leans forward to whisper, “We got it.” She grins. “We were chosen for the study!”

Steve finishes reading the text, and his face spreads into a slow grin. “Congrats, I guess? Glad to know we didn’t screw that interview up.”

Natasha puts her phone away before reaching for Steve’s spoon. She takes a few bites of his cereal, still grinning. “Told you everything would be okay.”

“Have you even brushed your teeth?” Steve takes his spoon back from Natasha with a slight grimace, though he doesn’t seem to mind as he continues to eat from the same spoon. “Stop stealing my cereal.”

Natasha ignores him, crunching the cereal in her mouth loudly. She’s already picking up her phone and scrolling through the notifications over the night. It is a few seconds after before Steve speaks again. “So what are we going to do about it?”

“What do you mean?” She asks, her eyes never leaving her screen. 

“Like...is there any preparations before the first session with Daisy?” Steve shrugs. “Do we need to practice lines or something?”

Natasha chuckles, then shakes her head. “Generally nah, but...I guess there’s no harm if you want to show up more often in my department. Since Daisy hangs out there pretty often too, it would be more believable to convince her that we’re an item.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.” Steve replies easily, considering how near both of their departments are to each other, and considering that he’d already been to her department more frequently than necessary. Steve lowers his voice. “What about our friends?”

“What about them?” Natasha asks, an eyebrow arched.

“Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, break the news to them or something?”

“Should we, though?”

Steve shrugs again. “Nat, if we can’t normalise acting like a couple in front of our best friends, what more Professor May and Daisy?” 

Natasha takes in his words carefully, then opens her mouth to say, “What if we just go with the flow for now? We confine our _arrangement _within my department first, and if words get out…” She trails off. 

“Well, okay.” Steve just nods. “Does that mean you’ll have to tell Carol about us?”

“Oh, shit. _Carol._” Natasha lets out a sigh, smacking a hand against her forehead - how could she forget about Carol? “Yeah, I suppose I should. Gosh, I _really _should.”

Steve smiles as he watches how Natasha’s eyebrows are knitted together, a hand on her chin, now deep in her thoughts - probably on how to break the news to Carol, especially since Carol has been her friend since their first year. 

Steve seized this opportunity to interrupt her train of thoughts. “Remind me again why am I doing this for you?”

Natasha shakes herself out of her reverie when she hears that, a smile making its way naturally to her lips. “Because you’re the bestest friend in the entire galaxy? Because you’re awesome?” Steve chuckles just as she continues. “Thanks again for doing this, Steve. I owe you one.”

“If I start counting how many times you’ve said that,” Steve starts to tease. “I think you’d owe me for eternity.”

Natasha returns his tease easily. “Guess you’re stuck with me for eternity, then.”

“Man,” Steve pretends to sigh and feigns a grimace on his face. “Yeah, I bet that would be absolutely _terrible_.”

Natasha elbows him swiftly before jumping up from her chair, taking Steve’s bowl of cereal with her and flitting away quickly before Steve could even react. He shouts after her. “Get your own breakfast, will you?”

She takes another spoonful of cereal from his bowl, turning around to face him as she walks backward. Natasha shakes her head playfully. “The food tastes so much better out of someone else’s bowl, don’t you think so?”

Steve simply smiles, shaking his head as he watches her disappear into her room.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's that one tiny part that I was inspired from The Proposal aka the best fake dating romcom ever. And also, ((I actually do like Matt Murdock)) but oh well hahaha.


	3. the betting pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Daisy Johnson and Clint Barton being cheeky as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your feedbacks, they truly motivate me to continue writing so thank you!

Daisy Johnson meets Steve for the first time during their first session. She gives him a handshake, then turns to grin at Natasha, recognition in her eyes. “I remember you.” She says. “Carol’s friend, right?”

Natasha nods and returns her grin with her own. Daisy gestures for them to sit down at the bench opposite her - they’re in one of the private booths in the student lounge where Daisy had already set up her own work station for the day, a few files on the desk and her laptop booted and ready.

“Okay so,” Daisy begins after they’ve all settled down. “Professor May’s study is focused on the behaviour of campus couples based on how long they’ve known each other."

Natasha and Steve nod in response just as Daisy slides a chart of some sort in front of them.

“So both of you, having known each other for a decade, fall under the first category that is -” Daisy taps onto the chart on the handout. “- lovers who have known each other for more than 8 years.”

“Uh huh.” Natasha agrees without hesitation. 

“So for today’s session, we’ll focus primarily on one of the hypotheses. I’ll just be asking you two some questions.” Daisy explains, then asks. “You two are living with each other, right?”

“Yes.” Steve answers, reaching for the mineral bottle in front of him. “Since the second year after we both got kicked out of our respective hostels.” He jokes, but only Natasha smiles - Daisy is busy typing into her laptop. “Mmhmm. So are you two living alone, or are there other people in the house?”

“Well there’s-” Steve begins, but stops the very second Natasha curls her hand around his arm lightly. 

“We used to live alone.” She interrupts with a cough, and sees how Daisy is just nodding away. “But then..._yknow,_ rent and utilities, so we had to find for more housemates.”

“Fair enough.” Daisy says, not looking up from her laptop. “Prior to college, were you two already staying together with each other?”

Natasha shakes her head. “No.”

“You mentioned earlier that you’ve been staying together since the second year, right? May I know the exact period of time?”

“Umm,” Steve mentally calculates. “One year and...ten months?

“Yeah.” Natasha agrees. “Sounds about right.”

There’s a long pause this time and then Daisy looks up from her laptop. This time, Natasha notices at once that there’s a glint of mischief and anticipation in her senior’s eyes. But nothing could have prepared her for the words that come out from Daisy’s mouth next.

“How’s your sex life?”

Steve nearly sputters out the water he’d just drank, erupting into a coughing fit as Natasha leans to his side to quickly pat his back repeatedly. “Does the question actually say that?” She darts a nervous smile at Daisy’s direction, the latter laughing slightly as she shakes her head - clearly she’d gotten the reaction she hoped to elicit from the both of them. 

“Yeah, generally. If you want the formal one it’s, _is your sexual freque-_”

“Yes!” Natasha blurts out partially because she doesn’t want Daisy to finish her sentence, her cheeks colouring slightly. Steve could feel his cheeks heating up as well, but he remains quiet, knowing that if he is to say anything, it would only make things more awkward than it already is. Natasha levels herself eventually when she realises that she hadn’t quite answered Daisy’s question. “I mean _yeah_, lots of...sex.” She blatantly lies, knowing that Steve has gone entirely rigid beside her. Just for the fun of teasing him further though, Natasha adds, “_All _the time.”

It is Steve’s turn to curl his other hand over Natasha’s hand on his arm. She reads it immediately as; _too much, Nat, too much, _but Natasha simply brings her free hand to pat his hand assuringly. 

And then regrets it two seconds after when Daisy asks a follow up question. “If that’s the case, on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most active, how would you rate your sexual frequency?” Daisy asks with a straight face. 

Steve couldn’t even turn his head so he could gauge Natasha’s reaction to this set of questions. He is about to combust from all the heat he feels in his face. Natasha’s surprisingly calm when she answers Daisy. “I’d say three.” That’s the safest answer, anyway.

Daisy simply nods, then apologises. “Sorry, had to ask that since it answers the hypothesis.”

“Very bold way to start the study, I must say.” Steve scratches the back of his neck nervously, finally finding his voice. 

“Oh, this actually isn’t the first research question.” Daisy smirks, glancing up from her laptop. “It’s just that you two are the couple in our pool of participants who have known each other for the longest, so Prof May and I thought, why not start with this set of questions instead? For obvious reasons, too.”

“Don’t worry about it, Daisy.” Natasha replies with another smile on her face. “Steve is just a little _shy_ about it, that’s all.” She then feels Steve curling his hand around hers tighter - another warning which she ignores breezily. 

Daisy simply smiles, then proceeds to a following question. “Do the both of you display public affections to each other?”

“Well we, uh,” Steve opens his mouth first this time, before Natasha could say anything, “try not to, since public display of affection makes people very uncomfortable sometimes.”

Natasha clamps her free hand onto her mouth, fighting a laugh that is about to come out from her throat. 

“I’ll assume that’s a no, then.” Daisy glances at Natasha for approval, to which the latter merely nods, the corners of her mouth lifting upwards instantaneously. “Would you therefore say that you’re more of a private couple than one to display affection for the entire world to see?”

“I suppose you could say that.” Natasha says without missing a beat, going with the flow of Steve’s little lie - well, truth, in some ways. “We’re definitely a more _private_ couple.”

The way Natasha stressed on the word ‘private’ makes Steve’s ears turn red - this woman _really_ is going to be the death of him, he thinks. But then Natasha laces their hands in a gentle, natural motion, her thumb rubbing his unconsciously. He glances at her the same time she does to him, bearing a slight, teasing smile. 

“We don’t mind holding hands, though.” Natasha says, her eyes still on his. Steve hears Daisy typing away, but he doesn’t turn to look at her. It is only until Natasha pulls her gaze from him that he turns back into Daisy’s direction. 

He doesn’t even realise that he’d been holding his breath throughout that few seconds, and that he’d subconsciously tighten his grip around her hand. 

* * *

It’s been an hour after their first session when Natasha had thought of calling Carol to tell her about her current _situation_. Before she could do that however, her phone vibrates several times nonstop, and she fumbles to take it out from her pocket. The second she reads the words on her screen, a loud gasp leaves her - they’re messages from _Carol_, and from the look of it, she’d already found out about Steve and her. Nervously, Natasha opens her friend’s thread and begins to read the messages, all sent at the same time, probably just seconds apart. 

“Oh, shit.” She says in reflex, and earns a quick glance from Steve in the driver’s seat. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, but Natasha doesn’t answer him, her eyes are too busy scanning the messages Carol had sent her. Natasha could almost _hear _Carol through her messages, and she gulps slightly.

** _From: Carrot_ **

> _NATASHA ROMANOFF_
> 
> _You’ve got some serious explaining to do_
> 
> _How, and I mean it, HOW _
> 
> _Can you not tell me you were DATING someone?? _
> 
> _And that the person is STEVE? STEVE??? Your BFF STEVE? ROGERS??_
> 
> _I’m_
> 
> _I’m speechless. And also a little hurt._
> 
> _Am I not your best friend here in college?_
> 
> _I can’t believe I heard it from Daisy of all person. DAISY._
> 
> _I knew something was off when you took the flyer the other day._
> 
> _But I didn’t expect it’s because you really ARE DATING SOMEONE._
> 
> _Ugh whatever. You have 24 hours to explain or our friendship is OVER, PERIODT._

“Oh my god, Daisy beat me into it.” is all Natasha says after a minute of complete silence. She is groaning now, cradling her head in one hand. “She told Carol about us.”

“_Oh_.” Steve curtly replies, and doesn’t say anything else.

“The thing is, Carol has been with me since the first day of psych school. Which means she knows I definitely wasn’t dating anyone last year, which means if Daisy told her we are participating in the research study, she would have thought we were together for more than six months, which means she -”

“Nat, calm down,” Steve says slowly. “you’re rambling.” 

“What should I do?” Natasha frowns, still staring at the thread of messages. “What do I tell Carol?”

Steve thinks for a few seconds, then replies her. “What if you just tell her that we’ve been seeing each other for six months but never confirmed anything was serious until recently? Technically that would still meet the requirement.” 

“Yeah, but how would that explain us telling Prof May we’ve been together for more than a year?”

“Sometimes,” Steve starts again, this time more carefully, “the best lie has _some_ form of truth in it.”

That suggestion catches Natasha off guard a little, its implication strong; Steve is suggesting for Natasha to just tell Carol that they had lied to Prof May and Daisy just to participate in this research study. She frowns, her mind weighing the possibilities of Carol’s reaction if she is to tell her that. Natasha comes to a conclusion that it might actually work; she just needs to ask a favour from Carol not to tell Daisy.

“Yknow what, Rogers.” Natasha is smiling now. “I knew you were my best friend for a reason.”

“You do know that I learned all my bad habits from you, right?” Steve replies simply, a smile on his face. “Such a bad influence.”

“Yet you still hang out with me.” She returns with a chuckle, her attention going back to her phone as she types a long apology-slash-reply to Carol, then presses send. A few minutes after, Carol replies.

**From: Carrot**

> _You’re unbelievable, you know that? But fine, I won’t tell Daisy._
> 
> _I’m happy for you though, Nat. You deserve a man as good as Steve. _
> 
> _I’m glad you two came to this realisation, it’s sooner than I would have expected, but still, I’m very, very happy for you two._

Natasha smile falters slightly, not quite understanding the last message Carol had sent her.

“What did Carol say?” Steve pipes up as he turns into their apartment complex. “I’m going to just drop you first because I need to go back to the faculty.”

“She said, uh, she won’t tell Daisy about us not officially dating since a year ago.” Natasha replies and leaves it at that. “And sure, thanks for dropping me back.”

“Always at your service, ma’am.” Steve jokes and stops the car right in front of the lobby. 

Natasha manages a small smile before she gets down from the car, the last messages from Carol ring continuously in her mind. 

* * *

The first thing Natasha sees after entering her apartment, her mind still a little tangled from her conversation with Carol, is Clint’s shit eating grin as he greets her from the couch. Natasha raises an eyebrow, slightly suspicious of the way Clint is looking at her, even though he doesn’t say anything else. Ignoring that weird look he is giving her, Natasha greets him back and heads for the bathroom immediately to shower.

An hour later, she is comfortable perched on the living room couch when Clint resurfaces from his room, bearing the same grin earlier. She raises an eyebrow at him again, as if taunting him to say what’s on his mind, and that’s when he speaks.

“Hey, Tasha? Do you wanna know something funny?” Clint starts nonchalantly as he throws himself on the empty couch adjacent to where she’s sitting.

“What is it?” She asks, mostly out of courtesy, because if she is to be honest with herself, she loves Clint with all her heart but she’d rather not hear anything he has to say to her now, especially since he’s still giving her that shit eating grin. He definitely has something up his sleeve, that’s for sure. 

“Soooo I was over at your department the other day to see Laura, and guess who I saw?”

“Who?” Natasha replies just as nonchalant as before, flipping through the magazine propped against her leg.

“You,” Clint pauses for dramatic effect. “and Steve.”

Clint notices immediately that Natasha’s hand stills for two seconds, but then continues flipping the magazine aimlessly, her face impassive. “So?”

“Oh, it’s not surprising that Steve was there, I mean, you two _always _hang out together anyway.” Clint smirks as he leans forward, lowering his voice. “It’s surprising because I saw Daisy Johnson there too and you two were..._holding hands_ in front of her.”

Natasha closes her magazine slowly, then removes her legs from the couch’s arms. “Clint,” She starts calmly as she sits up properly. “I can explain.”

“Laura told me about Daisy being a research assistant to one of your professors…” Clint ignores her, his smirk seems to grow wider. “Something about a study on campus couples?”

“Oh yeah, _yeah_, I heard of that.” Natasha coughs, trying to rake her mind for an explanation that could shut her best friend up - but for some reason, her mind is drawing a blank at the moment - it annoys her to no end to know that when she is in dire need of her wit, her brain decides to stop functioning.

“So Laura overheard from Daisy that you and _Steve_,” Clint lowers his voice, leaning forward to whisper, “are participating in that research study.”

“Isn’t that fascinating?” Natasha returns without hesitation, hiding her nervousness behind a smile. Deep down, she’s half cursing Daisy for being _such a tattletale, shouldn’t there be a confidentiality clause?_

But Clint, as she’d expected, didn’t fall for her words. “It sure is, considering that you two _aren’t_ actually dating.” He snickers. “I _know _what you are up to, Tasha.”

“Shut up, Clint.” She narrows her eyes, quickly scanning the house if anyone is around - thankfully they’re the only ones in.

“I’m not going to judge you.” Clint raises his hands up in an act of surrender. “I won’t dare. I’m actually really interested to see how things would flow along, so I’ll keep quiet for now.”

“For now?” Natasha says in a controlled tone, crossing her arms. 

Clint nods and mimics locking his lips and throwing the invisible key away. “My lips are sealed, _for now._”

Before Natasha could say anything, she hears keys unlocking the front door, and a few seconds after, Sam and Maria emerge from the entrance with bags of groceries in their hands. Without saying anything else, Clint pushes himself off the couch to help them, winking at Natasha before sauntering away towards Sam.

* * *

Steve had just exited his faculty building when his phone pings, alerting him of a new text. He glances at the home screen and nearly freezes when he reads the stream of messages coming in from Natasha.

** _From: Romanoff_ **

> _So uh, guess what?_
> 
> _Clint found out. _
> 
> _About us._
> 
> _Ha-ha-ha._

He unlocks his phone quickly to reply, hitting the send button first before constructing another message to follow suit. 

> _Nat..._
> 
> _Whatever happened to “I have a plan to settle Barton”?_

Her reply comes in almost immediately, and Steve watches how his phone vibrates in his palm without a pause (how the hell is she typing at such a speed) - her messages are pouring in one after another within that 30 seconds.

** _From: Romanoff_ **

> _Yeah, I did._
> 
> _Until he spotted us holding hands! _
> 
> _Remember?? Because Daisy was with us that time??_
> 
> _My dumbass forgot that Laura is also from the Psych department like how tf?_
> 
> _And Daisy that chatterbox told Laura everything. She needs to stop doing that! _
> 
> _First Carol, now Laura. Is she going to tell the entire department???_
> 
> _Shouldn’t there be confidentiality?????????_
> 
> _So anyway._
> 
> _Apparently Clint knew about that research study._
> 
> _Laura wanted to get him to participate with her initially. _
> 
> _But Clint didn’t in the end lol._
> 
> _He said he’ll keep it a secret for now, but God, I hate giving him this opportunity to blackmail me, I swear-_

Steve starts to type his reply once Natasha’s messages stop coming in.

> _Well, I guess all we can do now is to hope that Clint keeps to his words, which I think he would. Don’t worry too much?_

** _From: Romanoff_**

> _I want to believe so but I know Clint too well._
> 
> _He’s definitely up to something._
> 
> _I just don’t know what._

* * *

Natasha’s instinct is proven right, for during the next weekend where Tony had organised a BBQ party in his holiday villa, Clint suggested for all of them to play the classic game of truth or dare. Initially, Natasha had forgotten all about him knowing about her arrangement with Steve. It is until the bottle spins and stops right in front of her that she freezes - Clint is giving her that all too familiar grin, and she just _knows_ that he is up to no good.

“So, Tasha, I’m assuming you are going for a dare?” She is well aware that no matter which option she opts for, Clint already has a trap laid out for her. She knows. She _knows. _

So she answers, “sure.” and crosses her arms haughtily. Whatever it is that Clint is about to dare her to do, she has prepared herself for it. 

Clint is smirking now, his line of sight landing on the young man who’d just walked into the hall with two drinks in his hands. Steve looks completely clueless, but he lingers near the rest of them, waiting for Clint to say something. 

“I dare you to,” His smirk is growing wider with each passing second, and Natasha fights the urge to roll her eyes hard. “_make out _with your _boyfriend._”

Before Natasha could even react, Maria lets out a laugh first. “What? _Boyfriend? _Nat doesn’t have a boyfriend.” She quickly glances at her roommate’s direction. “Wait, _do you_?”

Natasha sucks in a deep breath, not knowing what to say to Maria, not especially since all eyes are on her, anticipating for her next move or for her to say something, maybe to even deny. She doesn’t (she can't, anyway). Instead, Natasha slowly stands from the floor, ignoring her pounding heart as she smooths her skirt down.

She is aware that by now, everyone is already holding their breaths. Natasha most definitely isn’t about to back down from a dare - definitely not for Clint’s satisfaction - even if it means exposing her _secret_ to everyone in the room. When Natasha meets Steve’s gaze, she notices how his eyes had gone wide slightly, a sign that he knows what she is about to do next. Before she could give herself an opportunity to even think twice about her decision, Natasha crosses the room confidently, reaches for Steve’s collar, and pulls him towards her. 

Loud gasps ripple across the entire hall immediately; Maria and Jane’s _oh my god_ and Sam’s _what the fuck _resonate around the four walls in a split second, followed by loud claps and hollers from (obviously) Tony, Clint and Thor. 

Natasha pulls apart a second after; it was an awkward, tightlipped kiss, and she could see that Steve had gone entirely pink from his ears to his face. She smooths his shirt back and gently pats his arms - an apology of some sort. When she turns around to face the rest of her friends, Natasha could feel her cheeks heating up, even though her expression remains blank.

“Okay now _everyone _except Hill owes me twenty bucks.” Tony shouts over everyone’s cheers and even laughter. “Pay up, pay up!” He stands with his arms outstretched before Maria jumps up and joins Tony, the widest grin on her face. “Y’all owe me twenty, too!”

Natasha meets Clint’s gaze. She watches him toss the bills to both Tony and Maria, a huge grin plastered on his face. Then he mouths to her, ‘_worth it’._

Natasha has a sudden urge to wipe that smug grin off Clint’s face - maybe a smack in the back of his head would do the trick. But Steve gingerly wraps his hand around her wrist, shakes his head slowly, a small, slightly embarrassed smile gracing his lips, his face still flushed from their kiss earlier. 

She calms down eventually, and returns his smile awkwardly.

_Well,_ she mentally says,_ that wasn’t so bad, was it? _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody say thank you Clint Barton!!!


	4. "you two are different"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of everyone (except Steve and Natasha) thinking that they are a match made in heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the TWS reference and dialogue! :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading this chapter, lemme know what you think! And if you want, you can talk fic with me on my twitter @yelenat_ or tumblr @mingying :D 
> 
> Based on my estimation, this fic will probably have about 12 chapters. We shall see. :)

Half an hour after Clint had disappeared from the hall, Natasha finds him outside, smoking leisurely on the veranda. She is surprisingly a lot calmer than she’d expected herself to be, so much so that she doesn’t flinch at Clint smirking when he spotted her. 

“Sorry, Tasha, I just couldn’t help it.” He apologises as Natasha crosses her arms together. 

“Sometimes, I _really _want to strangle you.” She scowls. “You just _love_ watching me suffer, don’t you?”

Clint laughs. “Yes and no. You weren’t suffering, clearly.”

“What a way to break the news to everyone.” Natasha heaves a sigh, taking two steps closer to him. “Yknow, I want to say that you promised, but deep down, I already saw this coming from a mile away.”

“I _never _promised anything, Tash.” Clint says point blank and takes another drag from his cigarette. “You want?” He offers, to which Natasha grimaces and shakes her head quickly. She keeps mum after that.

“So how was it like kissing Rogers?” Clint asks after a minute of silence.

Natasha groans. “_Don’t _even.”

Clint breaks into another laughter, clutching his stomach. “Fine, fine. I’m sorry, really, but I _honestly _have no regrets.”

She nods. “I know. Whatever.” Natasha waves a hand in the air before lowering her voice. “Look, all I’m saying is that, as long as the others don’t know we’re faking it, I’m good.”

“Are you asking me to-” Clint starts but Natasha stops him with a strict wag of a finger in the air.

“Oh no, I’m not asking you,” She says breezily. “I’m _telling_ you. It’s not a question nor a favour, it’s an order.”

“What’s in it for me?” Clint smirks again. “If I keep this _secret_ from everyone else for the rest of the semester?”

“Why can’t you just do a favour for your best friend?” She huffs in annoyance.

“The world doesn’t work this way and you know it, Tash.”

“Ugh fine,_ what _do you want?”

Clint thinks for a few seconds, before jutting a palm out. “Forty bucks. Since I paid Tony and Maria for nothing.”

Natasha raises one eyebrow. “What? That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Clint merely shrugs. “I’m not _that _insufferable, yknow.”

“You’re unbelievable.” She says, but with a chuckle this time as she reaches into her pocket. Natasha slaps two twenty dollar bills onto Clint’s open palm. “There. Now please-”

“Yeah, yeah. Your secret is safe with me.” He winks. “For real, this time.”

She simply smiles before walking back in.

* * *

Noticing that Steve is nowhere to be found, Natasha eventually finds him in Tony’s study, his sketchbook in his hands. He looks up when she knocks before entering, giving her a small smile as she settles herself on the couch beside him. 

“What are you drawing?” She asks, curiosity in her tone.

Steve angles his sketchbook for Natasha to see, and a natural smile splits across her face - it’s a rough sketch of all of their friends playing truth or dare earlier. She chuckles. “Have I ever told you how good of an artist you are?”

“All the time.” Steve replies, and continues sketching from memory. “I should be, since I’m majoring in fine arts.”

“You’re going to be famous one day, mark my words.” Natasha says in a sing song voice, and this time, Steve is the one laughing. 

They fall into a comfortable silence after that, Natasha quietly watching Steve as he draws. She likes watching him do his artworks, every careful brush and stroke of pen on paper; it’s somewhat therapeutic, seeing Steve in his element. Natasha is always in awe when she sees him draw, bringing his sketches and paintings to life - most of the time he does it so effortlessly, too. How -

“I can’t dance, yknow.” Steve says suddenly, breaking Natasha from her reverie.

“What do you mean?”

“The way you’re looking at me drawing, as if it’s something out of the world and impressive.” 

“Well, it is, to me.”

“Hence why,” Steve repeats with a smile. “I’m telling you that I cannot dance. Have you seen yourself dance on stage?”

It takes a few seconds for her to finally understand what he is saying. “Oh.” She blushes slightly. “_Oh_."

“I assume you spoke to Clint?” Steve asks a few seconds later. Natasha nods. “What did he say?”

“Long story short, I bribed him into keeping our secret for the rest of the semester.” Natasha states, and he glances up from his sketchbook to look at her. “Forty bucks. For the money he’d lost to Tony and Maria.”

“Oh.” Steve chuckles. “That makes sense.” 

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a question for you. Of which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?” Natasha starts again after a long pause. Steve puts away his sketchbook at once, turning to look at her fully; a prompt for her to continue, “was that your first kiss since Peggy?” 

Steve shakes his head with a small smile. “That bad, huh?”

Natasha is quick to reply. “I _didn't_ say that.” 

“I just froze, I’m sorry.”

“Oh come on, it’s fine.” Natasha laughs loudly. “There’s plenty of opportunities to do better next time.”

“Next time?”

“Well, yeah. Do you honestly think that’s going to be the only time we have to kiss?” Natasha says in a matter of fact tone, and Steve rubs the back of his neck nervously. 

“I suppose not.” He says sheepishly.

She shoves his chest playfully. “Take it as a practice session or something.” Natasha is grinning. “For your future girlfriends. Don’t want to get rusty now, do you?”

That made Steve laugh.

* * *

A few hours later, the girls - Natasha, Maria, Pepper and Jane - are all huddled in one of Tony’s spare rooms, perched on top of Natasha and Maria’s king sized bed. The four of them rarely get the opportunity for a sleepover like this, so they’d opted to have a gossip session among themselves.

Natasha should have known though, that she’d end up being the topic of attention that night, what with the ‘shocking’ revelation over truth and dare earlier in the evening.

“So, Nat,” Pepper is the first to drag her into the topic. “are you going to tell us when you two _realised _your feelings for each other, or do we have to force it out of you?”

“What?” Natasha asks calmly, but her mind is already working hundreds of thoughts at once. “Please, I don’t want to bore you guys out.”

“Are you kidding?” Jane responds at once. “The _last _thing that could bore us is the story of how you and Steve got together.”

“Jane’s right.” Maria agrees easily. “We’ve been _dying _for this day to come.”

Natasha frowns in the dark, recalling Carol’s text message instantly. A single thought of _why is everyone saying that _strikes her, so she decides to ask. “Why, though?”

“_Why_?” Pepper echoes, her tone in disbelief. “Nat, have you seen the two of you together? Talk about being a power couple.”

“Yeah.” Maria agrees. “Plus you two look hella good together.”

Natasha could feel herself blushing even in the dark. She doesn’t say anything.

“Not to mention, you two have been best friends for so long, this day was_ bound_ to happen eventually.” Jane giggles.

Natasha shakes her head. “Don’t you believe that a guy and a girl can be best friends without anything romantic developing between them?”

“I mean, yeah, definitely but...how should I put it - ” Maria pauses. “ - you two are different.”

“Yeah.” Pepper agrees at once. “Precisely.”

Natasha doesn’t understand, but she takes in their words quietly and with an air of curiosity. Then she asks softly. “You guys genuinely think we’re good together as a couple, huh?”

“No doubt there.” Maria chuckles.

“Definitely.” Pepper agrees again.

“For sure.” Jane adds.

“You two always have each other’s backs.” Maria proceeds to elaborate. “And I think that’s beautiful.”

“And you two complement each other. What you lack, Steve covers for it. And vice versa.” Even in the dark, Natasha could feel Jane grinning as she said that.

“From the stories I’ve heard of you two in high school, I can say for sure that Maria and Jane are right.” 

“Oh Pep, you should have seen them in high school, really. They were like two peas in a pod, inseparable.” Maria is reminiscing now. “I think the only time I ever saw them apart was when Nat dated this jock dude that Steve hates.”

“Hate is too strong a word.” Natasha corrects Maria, only because she knows that Steve doesn’t hate Matt, he just dislikes him, that’s all. “Steve just...couldn’t see eye to eye with him.”

“See, Pep? Nat is already at his defence.” Jane laughs and shifts in the bed.

“I wished I knew you guys since high school. Mine was pretty uneventful.” Pepper laments, and the rest of the girls groan at once. “Lies!” They chorus together, falling into fits of giggles afterward.

“You were school president, Pep, that was _far_ from uneventful.” Natasha says .

“Plus you have Tony Stark as a boyfriend.” Maria adds with a chortle. “School days with him were for sure _colourful_, I can bet.”

Pepper laughs and props herself up with an elbow. “I guess you can say that. He surprises me every day. And I don’t mean always in a good way.”

The girls laugh heartily. “Speaking about surprises, Jane,” Natasha directs her attention to the brunette who’d sat cross-legged on the bed. “is it true that Thor went to your faculty last week and gave you ninety-nine red roses?”

“Oh my god, he did what?” Pepper gasps, then says out loud, “JARVIS, can you switch on the orange lights? I need to see Jane’s expression.”

“Of course, Miss Potts.” JARVIS replies, and orange light floods into the room in an instant. Everyone’s attention is now on a blushing Jane who’d covered her face in slight embarrassment. She isn’t one for huge romantic gestures, after all, even though she’d secretly found it touching that Thor did that for her. 

“We got into a huge argument two days before that.” Jane explains, then groans. “And then he just showed up with those roses. I didn’t know how to react. _Everyone _in the faculty knew about it after that.”

“Sounds like something Thor would do, honestly.” Maria puts in her two cents, a grin on her face. “Sam would never do that. If we get into an argument, he’ll just cook a meal for me to say sorry, or text me strings of poetry about love and compromising.”

“Poems are great!” Jane swoons slightly. Natasha simply smiles.

Pepper laughs. “Look at us gossiping about our boyfriends.”

Natasha stays quiet after that, even when the girls resumed gossiping over what their boyfriends did or didn’t do for them. It is when Maria nudges her side gently that Natasha snaps her attention back at her, well aware now that the rest are looking at her too. “Aw, look at Nat being all quiet because she has _nothing_ bad to say about Steve.”

Pepper and Jane begin to make childish, exaggerated swooning sounds, and Natasha lets them have their fun for ten seconds before waving a hand in the air. “Oh, stop it, you three.”

“Well, Steve is _literally _the most perfect guy ever.” Jane giggles and Maria reaches forward to shove her playfully. “You really just said that when Thor is _right there_.”

“I’m just saying!” Jane tackles Maria in return and both erupt into fits of laughter. Natasha couldn’t help but smile at their antics, although she’s shaking her head. 

“Jokes aside,” Pepper voices out after Maria and Jane had calmed down, now in each other’s arms. “We’re really excited and happy for you, Nat.”

Natasha’s features softens at once, slight guilt forming in her heart. “Really?”

“Yeah. We know your terrible track record with guys.” Maria says stoically, even though it is meant to tease her. Natasha simply rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Thanks, I guess.”

Then the girls decided to switch topics seamlessly to assignments and their final semester, with Jane trying to explain her final year thesis, something about dark matter and subatomic particles. Pepper then goes on to talk about her plans after business school, and Natasha merely listens, her thoughts not quite focused on anything the girls are discussing. 

She thinks about Carol’s message, then this entire exchange that had just occurred. It strikes an odd chord in her, but she can’t seem to place a finger on _what _it means exactly. When Natasha finally stop trying to figure out what it could possibly mean, it is already almost 4 in the morning; Pepper and Jane decide to retreat back to their room then, both finally yawning as they said their goodnights.

“Goodnight, Nat.” Maria says after they’d left, and is fast asleep seconds soon. Natasha looks at her sleeping form, slightly envious, because there’s no way she’s going to get any sleep now that her brain is still thriving with all those thoughts, so she slides down the bed gently and decides to head downstairs.

* * *

When the girls were having their gossip session, the boys were too, in another room. It had started with Sam quietly bringing the topic up, with Clint remaining quiet (for obvious reasons) though he is clearly still listening intently to what Steve has to say to Sam. 

“Steve, I really have to ask this though.” Sam asks slowly. “Since when did you and Nat get together?”

“Umm…” Steve hesitates then sticks to the lie he’d told Natasha to tell Carol. “It just happened recently. But like...we’ve sort of been seeing each other for more than six months.”

“No fucking way.” Sam is clearly excited. “Six months? Why didn’t we realise anything? No wait actually, it makes perfect sense.”

“What makes perfect sense?”

“You and Natasha. The two of you in these past six months, that is. I knew something was up.”

_What? _Steve mentally asks himself in disbelief. 

“The looks you would give each other, yeah, mostly that.” Sam says. “And just how you two acted around each other. I should have seen it coming!”

“Wait, what do you mean how-” Before Steve could ask, Sam is already asking the next question. “Why did you finally decide to take the plunge, by the way? I mean, isn’t that a scary decision to make, considering she’s been your best friend for a decade?”

There’s a short pause. “I don’t know, I guess, over time, it just felt right. Like Nat just...we just make sense, I guess?” Steve isn’t even sure anymore if his lie is remotely believable, but Sam happily buys it. 

“Aww, are you already saying that Nat is the _one_?” Clint speaks for the first time, in a tone that is teasing him, and Steve tenses a little knowing that Clint knows about their arrangement. He avoids looking at the young man though, merely raising an eyebrow to his question.

“I never said that.” He frowns.

“You _totally_ did.” Sam counters while Clint just lets out a chuckle. Before Steve can say anything further, their door is swung open without a warning, and Tony strolls in briskly with Bruce and Thor tailing behind him. 

“Come on, I can’t believe you guys are having _that _conversation with Mr. America without us?” Tony groans as he throws himself on the vacant couch - Steve rolls his eyes slightly at the nickname Tony had given him, courtesy of the fact that he was born on the 4th of July. Bruce and Thor settled themselves quietly on the floor at the edge of Sam’s bed.

“We just started, so you didn’t miss much.” Sam offers with a shrug. “I was just asking Steve when he realised Natasha was _the one_.”

“Are we already talking about that?” Bruce speaks, eyes sparkling with genuine excitement that Steve almost feels bad for shaking his head and insisting, “I _didn’t _say that.” 

The rest of the boys ignored him, much to his dismay. “I told you guys my instinct has never been wrong. All it took was one look. _One_.” Tony’s chest swells with pride. “I knew they were going to be endgame.”

“Alas, if I may add, your prediction was almost four years too early, Anthony.” Thor pipes up from the side and Sam and Clint start to snicker. 

Tony rolls his eyes. “But it _did _come true in the end. That is all that matters, Odinson.”

“Indeed.” Thor agrees, smiling at Steve. “I do not deny that.”

“But still, you and Red.” Tony glances at Steve. “I know you two are best friends so it isn’t all that surprising, but you _and _Red.”

“What is the point you’re trying to make?” Steve asks with one eyebrow arched. 

Tony shakes his head. “Oh, don’t misunderstand me. I’m just saying, you two are _so_ different, yet you two being together just _makes_ sense.”

“I concur.” Thor nods his head. 

“Yup.” Bruce pops the ‘p’ loudly, already lying down on the floor. 

“I’ve been saying that since forever.” Sam adds from his bed.

Steve just shrugs, not quite sure what to make of this entire exchange. “So you don’t think it’s weird that we’re...together?”

“Gosh, definitely not.” Bruce says immediately, and the rest of the boys nod their head in agreement. “If any, it should have happened a long time ago.”

“Huh.” Steve slumps down onto his pillow, tucking his hands behind his head as he furrowed his eyebrows together. “Interesting.”

They fall into silence after that, with Clint smiling to himself, not saying a word. It is interesting for him hearing this entire conversation between his friends, especially since he knows this entire arrangement is supposed to be fake. It sort of made him come to a realisation of a few things that he is sure neither Steve nor Natasha even knows yet. For now though, he will keep it to himself, eager to see how things would gradually unfold.

* * *

Steve goes downstairs after all the boys had fallen asleep; Tony on the couch, with Thor and Bruce sprawled on the carpeted floor. He makes his way towards the living room and halts in his step when he sees a familiar redhead lying on the couch and scrolling through her phone lazily.

“Nat?” Steve says gently so as to not scare her. Natasha whips her head slightly towards the direction of his voice. “Why are you still awake?” 

“Why are _you _still awake?” She counters with a smile, then slowly sits up to make space for him. Steve plops himself down beside her, and on instinct, she snuggles into him. 

“Can’t sleep, because of what the girls said. You?”

“Can’t sleep, because of what the boys said.” Steve mirrors her answer playfully and earns a punch in the arm from her. 

“Wait, what did they say?” Natasha quirks an eyebrow up. “Because the girls were saying really weird things about us and it just...I don’t know, I don’t know what to make of it honestly.”

“Same.” Steve says. “Sam had been observing how we acted around each other and well, it all just made sense, they said.” 

Natasha nods. “The girls said they were happy for me. And that you’re a perfect boyfriend and they saw us happening from a mile away.”

“I’m flattered.” Steve just laughs, then shakes his head. “That’s honestly weird though, because the boys said the exact same thing.”

“Do you think…” Natasha pauses to gather her words. “we’re that close to each other that everyone around us have misunderstood our closeness to be one of romance and attraction?”

He shrugs. “Maybe.”

Natasha grumbles slightly. “It’s a little stupid, don’t you think? A guy and a girl can be best friends without all of that.”

“Mmhmm.” Steve doesn’t argue, just adjusts himself properly so that Natasha could stretch her legs across the couch comfortably. She does that two seconds after, and scoots closer into the curve of his arm. Silence lapsed over them, and Natasha lets out a soft yawn which she covers with one hand. She rests her head against his chest and closes her eyes. 

“Night, Nat.” Steve whispers, and Natasha responses with a low grunt. He drifts off eventually, his last thoughts lingering on what she’d told him right before she fell asleep.

And that is how the others find them in the morning; both fast asleep in each other’s embrace, sharing one couch together.

“My god, if you wanted a room together, you could have just asked.” Tony’s voice breaks the peaceful morning, and both Steve and Natasha start to stir to his voice slowly. The others are behind him, already snickering as they disperse towards the rest of the available couches. 

“What?” Steve asks groggily, still half asleep as he blinks back the sunlight streaming into the living room. 

“My eyes are blessed by two people in love, but it’s way too early to be all lovey dovey with each other.” Tony blanches, then drops a kiss on Pepper’s forehead. “Morning, Pep.” 

Pepper laughs, shaking her head.

“We’re not -” Nat starts to protest as she pushes herself up, but stops herself with an inward sigh - it’s not like anyone would buy what she’s saying, so why bother trying to explain. She slides back down into Steve’s embrace comfortably, eyes still closed.

“Ignore them.” She whispers just loud enough for him to hear her. Natasha could feel his chuckle vibrating throughout her body, somehow sending shivers down her spine. They stayed in that position for five more minutes before Natasha finally untangles herself from Steve and gingerly gets down from the couch. She doesn’t miss the looks her girl friends are giving her - Natasha ignores them and heads back up to shower.

_Still,_ Natasha thinks to herself, _it was indeed a good sleep._

* * *


	5. the group observation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of another playful bet, and Natasha falling sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for loving this AU so far, I am extremely thankful for all your comments!!!

On the Monday after they’d all returned from the short weekend getaway at Tony’s holiday villa, Steve exits one of his lectures to his phone vibrating in his palm. When he checks the notification, he is pleasantly surprised to find that it is a text from his other best friend - James, or Bucky, Barnes. Steve frowns when he reads his text though, especially since Bucky had texted him for one, and only _one _reason. 

** _From: Bucky_ **

> _Steve? Is there something you forgot to tell me? Why did I get a text from Sam telling me that you are dating Nat?_

Steve groans. _Not Bucky, too,_ is all he could think of before formulating a reply in his head. He’s a little hesitant to type it down, but he does, eventually.

> _It’s a little complicated, which is why I didn’t tell you. But yes, I guess you can say that...yeah, I am dating Nat at the moment._

** _From: Bucky_ **

> _Huh, okay. You sound a little uncertain, but I know you love her so it’s fine. Congratulations! Happy for you and Nat. I’ll let you know when I’m in New York, we should really catch up soon._

He frowns, rereading Bucky’s message a few times. Not knowing what else to say, he types his reply to Bucky.

> _Oh, yeah. I definitely love her, that’s for sure. Take care and see you soon, Buck._

At least that isn’t a lie per se, Steve thinks as he pockets his phone.

* * *

Steve notices at once that something is wrong with Natasha when she gets into his car after her lecture at 1 - he’d picked her up for lunch together before attending another one of Prof May’s sessions at 3. He sees how flushed her cheeks are, how she’s wrapping her arms around her body as she leans into the passenger seat and closes her eyes.

“You okay?” He asks worriedly. 

“Yeah.” She replies curtly, but one word from her is enough for Steve to sense the difference in her voice - the sign of her falling sick. He doesn’t push her to say anything else though, because Steve knows, from years of experiencing this firsthand, that if there’s one thing Natasha hates, it’s the feeling of being sick and helpless. Natasha rarely gets sick, but when she does, she would never admit it out loud until it has gotten really serious - she’s a lot more stubborn than she looks, Steve had mused to himself each time he had to watch Natasha flat out deny about falling sick.

So Steve drops it and changes the topic. “What’s Prof May going to do today?”

Natasha doesn’t open her eyes when she replies. “A group observation of some sort. Everyone is going to be there later.”

“Oh, okay.” Steve says, realising that the session later would be the first time he would see the rest of the participants for this research study. Just thinking about it makes him a little nervous - they are all real couples, after all, would they notice they’re a fake? He shakes the thought out of his mind quickly. 

When Steve glances to his side, he notices that Natasha had probably fallen asleep - which further confirms that she’s not in the best condition today. Steve makes a mental note to buy some medicine for her from the pharmacy, and drives a little slower to their usual lunch place just so she could sleep a little longer.

* * *

A little after two hours later, Natasha and Steve have settled themselves in one of the empty lecture halls of the Department of Psychology. Even though Steve refrains from looking around, he estimates that there are about nineteen other couples in the hall with them. He does steal a glance towards Natasha though, who had rested her head against his shoulder, occasionally rubbing her nose and sniffling loudly, a tissue paper in her hand. 

She’s so going to be sick, Steve mentally sighs, concern etched on his face. 

When Melinda walks in with Daisy, he nudges her slightly, and Natasha sits upright in an instant, wiping away the exhausted look on her face and putting on a smile in a split second. Melinda greets all of the participants warmly and starts by telling all of them that the session today is really simple. 

“All we need for you to do is to talk to each other. As if this hour is just another normal hour to you.” Melinda elaborates, and low murmurs begin to ripple across the hall. One of the participants raises his hand. “Professor, so we’re really just going to talk to each other for an hour? About anything?”

“Yes, Reed.” Melinda nods her head. “Daisy and I will merely be observing all of you quietly, so you can pretend like we’re not even here. If there are no more questions, you may actually begin.”

“That’s easy.” Natasha mutters under her breath, her hands still inside the pockets of her hoodie. She casts a glance at Steve, tilting her head to the side with a smile already on her lips. “What do you want to talk about? Oh, how’s your final year art project coming along?”

“It’s good, so far.” Steve goes along with the flow of the conversation. “What about your internship application? Have you started submitting applications?”

Natasha sighs at the mere mention of the word ‘internship’. As she is just a few months away from completing her undergraduate degree, Natasha has begun to look for internship opportunities. She’d found a few promising ones to apply for, particularly one which she really, really wants to try, but is slightly hesitant to.

Steve quirks an eyebrow the second he heard the sigh. “What’s wrong?” 

“I was thinking of applying for this one internship...but...I don’t know.” She admits with a shrug. “I don’t feel like I’m qualified enough to even try.”

“Why not?” 

“It’s an internship opportunity in SHIELD...with Dr. Stephen Strange.” Natasha says slowly, and sees recognition lighting up in Steve’s eyes. 

“Isn’t he that world renowned neuropsychologist? The one you kept talking about?”

She nods. “Yes.” 

“Okay, so what’s wrong?” Steve asks. “Why are you hesitating?”

There’s a short pause as Steve watches how Natasha is slowly stalling, picking up her hair tie from her bag and then tying her hair up into a loose and messy bun. “Nevermind.” She says eventually, eyes not meeting his.

“Nat,” Steve places a hand on one of her legs, prompting her to look at him. “we don’t keep secrets from each other, remember?”

Natasha bites her lower lip; his words resonate in her mind. “Honestly...I feel like I would be wasting Dr. Strange’s time.”

Steve doesn’t disregard her worry, even though it couldn’t be further from the truth - from all the years he’d known her, Steve had always thought of her to be an exemplary student, and someone with remarkable work ethics. He starts slowly. “Nat, your results are stellar, and you’ve done a few internships during the summer holidays with clinics and hospitals. Plus, didn’t you co-write a paper with Dr. Cho two semesters ago?” Steve pauses before adding. “If anything, I think you’re _over_qualified.”

He sees the way Natasha’s ears have turned a slight pink, even though her expression doesn’t tell him much. But eventually, she smiles. “Rogers, aren’t you just being biased at this point?”

Before Steve could respond to her though, Natasha turns her head sideways to sneeze into her elbow three times consecutively. “God, sorry.”

Concern flashes across Steve’s face again. “Nat, you’re going to be sick. You should rest after this.” And then he reaches forward promptly to press his hand against her forehead. She winces away slightly, wrapping her arms around herself tighter. “I’m fine, Steve.”

“Don’t even argue with me right now.” Steve warns lightly and glances at his wristwatch. It’s only been a little over ten minutes, which means there’s at least 50 more minutes left to this session. “You don’t have anything else after this, do you?”

Natasha just shakes her head, her bun coming undone. “Maybe time will go by faster if we keep conversing.” She half jokes, meeting eyes with him while removing her hair tie. “I’m seriously fine, Steve. Don’t worry, your girl is a lot tougher than she looks.”

“I don’t doubt that.” He replies with a small smile, watching how she’s running her hand through her hair. “Just promise me you’ll rest when I drop you back home later.”

Natasha nods and does the OK sign simultaneously. Then she cracks into a smile and props one elbow on the desk. She tilts her head into her hand to look at Steve, then whispers after a long pause. “Who needs a boyfriend when I have you?”

Steve doesn’t know why, but he feels a blush creeping onto his cheeks instantly. He sheepishly rubs the nape of his neck, trying to find for words to reply her. When he finally does, his eyes meet hers. Natasha is still giving him a small smile, her cheeks tinted pink - from what, Steve has no idea. He leans forward to return her whisper. “Careful, you promised not to fall in love with me.”

An odd, somewhat foreign expression flashes across Natasha’s face in a split second; one that appeared then disappeared before Steve could even make out what it could possibly mean. Her face splits into a grin, and suddenly, she is laughing against one hand pressed to her lips. 

“You know what, Rogers?” Natasha says, a playful glint evident in her eyes. “You only _wish _I was in love with you.”

Steve laughs. “Isn’t there a saying? Be careful what you wish for?”

Natasha punches his arm in response to that, and Steve clutches his arm as a reflex, though he is still laughing. 

“If anyone is falling in love, it’s you to me.” She sticks her tongue out.

“Wanna bet? Who falls for the other first?” Steve jokes, and earns a shove in the chest as Natasha breaks into a loud and merry laugh that has a few other couples turn to look at them. She doesn’t seem to pay them any heed, for Natasha’s eyes remained only on him. 

“I don’t see the harm in doing that.” She goes along with his joke, still grinning. “Especially since it’s _not _going to happen.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “You’re _awfully _confident, Romanoff.”

“Look, no offence but,” It is her turn to lean forward, lowering her voice from any potential eavesdropper. “you’re like...a cousin to me. The type where you get really excited to see for Christmas, and then can’t wait for them to leave after that.” 

“Ow,” Steve places a hand over his chest, feigning hurt. “So you actually secretly want me to leave?”

She chuckles. “Not quite yet, you’re _still_ bearable. But maybe in the future, who knows?”

Steve pretends to roll his eyes. For a split second, he wonders if Professor May and Daisy are looking at them, wonders what they would think of them if they could actually hear their conversation. He sneaks a quick look towards the front of the lecture hall, and freezes when he meets eyes with Daisy just for a brief moment. Daisy simply smiles at him, then turns towards Professor May to say something to her. 

“So?” Natasha is elbowing his ribs, eyes still glinting in mischief. “You still wanna bet?”

Steve rolls his eyes and rests his hand on Natasha’s head. She raises an eyebrow, a warning for him not to ruffle her hair - he liked doing that sometimes. But this time, Steve merely pushes Natasha’s head downwards with his palm. Her hair falls like a curtain around her face. “Why not?” He replies with a shrug.

Steve watches how Natasha sweeps her hair back with one hand, a smile gracing her face. “Don’t regret it, Rogers.”

Steve is unsure why; maybe it’s because of the way she said that sentence, maybe it’s because of the atmosphere in general, the topic of their conversation, or maybe it’s just the way she is twirling her red tresses around her finger while giving him this _look_ \- 

His heart skips a beat.

* * *

Nearly three hours later, Steve receives an unexpected call from Maria. He answers her call and puts it on loudspeaker, since he is driving. “Hey Maria.”

“Steve, are you still outside?” Maria’s voice comes in from the other line, and Steve realises there’s a hint of worry in her tone. “Yes I am. What’s up?”

“Uh, could you maybe...come home as soon as you can?”

“What’s wrong?” Steve could feel his protective instinct kicking in, sensing at once that something is not quite right. There’s a short pause before Maria replies carefully.

“I really don’t want you to panic but...it’s Nat. I just checked her temperature. She has a 40 degree fever.”

“40?!” Steve nearly yells into his phone, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. “But she was fine when I dropped her home two hours ago!”

“Her temperature skyrocketed suddenly. She’s asleep now but she made it expressly clear that she doesn’t want to go to the hospital or clinic so that’s...out of the question.” Maria heaves a loud sigh of frustration. “You know how stubborn she is.”

He does, of course. So instead, Steve says, “Actually, I’ve already bought some meds for her from the pharmacy. I should be home in twenty minutes.” 

“Alright, see you soon then.” Maria says, and Steve senses the relief in her tone. She hangs up a second after.

Fifteen minutes later, Steve is already at their front door; it is unlocked, and when he enters their apartment, Maria is already there to greet him. “Hey.” Steve says, then follows her into the room she shares with Natasha - he’s by her bed in a few strides. 

Just touching her forehead slightly made him jump in surprise, he realises the drastic change in temperature from when he last did that during Prof May’s session. Steve quickly rips out a packet of fever patch he’d bought earlier, and places it on her forehead - Natasha whimpers a little at the sudden tingling sensation, but stays fast asleep. He stays by her side for a few more minutes, before Steve stands.

“I think I’ll cook some chicken noodle soup for her.” He’s already halfway across the room. “Please watch her for me, will you?”

“You know how to cook chicken noodle soup?” Maria asks, a little surprise.

“Learned it from my mom. I was a sick kid growing up, remember?” Steve throws a smile at Maria’s direction before leaving their room.

He comes back an hour later just to check up on Natasha. Maria could already smell the soup wafting in the air, so she isn’t all that surprised to see him walking into their room cautiously. Steve kneels beside Natasha’s bed, checking her temperature with his hand. Maria speaks up softly from behind him.

“Nat is really lucky to have you, yknow.” She says. “You’re a good boyfriend. But then again, you’ve always been a good best friend, anyway.”

Steve just smiles. “She used to do this for me.”

“Nat?”

He nods, still looking at her sleeping figure. “I was sick so often before junior high. In the beginning, I thought, because I was so weak, she wouldn’t want to be my friend.” 

Maria settles herself on the floor beside Steve, not saying anything in response to that. So he continues. “But Nat was never repulsed by how sickly I was. And even though my mom and I told her not to visit me that often when I was sick in bed, she still dropped by anyway. Said she was tough and wouldn’t get infected so easily.”

Maria smiles. “Sounds like something she would do and say.”

He smiles as well, and silence stretches between them for a long time, until Steve speaks again. “I could never leave her. Even if she asked me to. Because she never left me, even when I told her to.”

“You two are lucky to have each other, then.” Maria concludes, still smiling. She then pushes herself up slowly, pats Steve on his shoulder, and leaves him alone in the room after that. 

Natasha is slightly delirious when she stirs fifteen minutes later. She’s dazed, eyes still closed, but she is mumbling something. Steve leans towards her to listen, and manages to make out the words she’s trying to say. 

“Love you, Steeb.” She says so softly that he almost misses it. 

For some reason, hearing that just warms his entire heart. Steve pushes a few strands of her hair away from her face, tucks them behind her ear. Her fever seems slightly better now. “Sleep tight, Nat.” He says and presses a long kiss on the crown of her head.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is otherwise known as: Nat and Steve are CLOWNS.
> 
> This is a relatively shorter chapter so the next chapter will be x3 longer! (I've already written that chapter so I just need to proofread and do some editing - you can expect an update in 2-3 days). I will give you guys a little teaser; Chap 6 will have Sarah, Fury, Dodger and Liho - it's all sorts of SOFT UWU and is my favourite chapter! 💕


	6. "we looked good together here."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Sarah Rogers, senior prom and Nick Fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely feedback! They motivate me greatly to write. :)  
If you want to talk fic with me or just about MCU/SteveNat in general, I'm on Twitter @yelenat_ & Tumblr @mingying!

A few weeks went by in a blink of an eye after that, and the next thing Natasha knew was that she was preparing to go home for their one week semester break. In that three months alone, Natasha realised that quite a lot has changed - in a good way, she hopes. For one, the kisses she had shared with Steve, mostly light pecks, once even_ french_ (thanks to Tony and his big mouth - both of them had turned a beetroot red after that in the dark) in front of prying eyes and during parties, had gotten a lot more natural than the first kiss she had planted on him without warning. Steve had also relaxed significantly whenever she had to initiate a kiss in public, even lacing his fingers around hers without her having to prompt him to. Natasha found it oddly comforting, and not at all strange or awkward.

Sometimes, Natasha didn’t even realise what she was doing until _after _she’d done it; one morning after Steve had pulled over in her department, she’d leaned into the driver’s seat by natural reflex to give him a kiss on his cheek. It took her a few seconds to realise that there was no need for her to do that, since nobody was around to witness it. Her cheeks had coloured ever so slightly before she hurried down from his car.

And now, on the way back to their neighbourhood, Natasha hasn’t stopped thinking about how _ridiculously _good Steve looks in a simple but fitting plain grey tee - which is absolutely stupid of her to even think that when she’d seen him in that type of t-shirt for a decade. She shakes her head furiously, willing for it to go away.

“What are you thinking about?” Steve’s voice interrupts her as she jumps slightly in her seat, as if she’d just been caught red handed stealing candy from little kids. 

“Nothing.” She replies hastily, turning her head to look at the scenery instead. 

Steve doesn’t press on. Instead, he asks another question. “Will Fury be home today?”

“He told me he’ll be back at night. Something about a big case in his precinct.”

“Well in that case, I’ll have you know that my mother has _requested_ for your kind presence to grace us during dinner.” Steve says in a teasing manner, using the exact words his mom had told him the night before. 

Natasha laughs at once, understanding Sarah Rogers’ joke. Since Fury was oftentimes busy with his work, she’d taken an almost permanent residence in the Rogers’ household since half a decade ago. Sarah had always cooked an extra share for her in case she would drop by unannounced - most of the time, that was exactly what happened anyway. In fact, she’d been there even more often than Bucky had ever, even though technically, Bucky had known Steve the longest. 

“Please tell Sarah I’ll be there before dinner, definitely.” She replies, stifling a yawn at the same time. 

Steve notices, though. “You can sleep if you want. I’ll wake you up when we’re almost there.”

Natasha smiles. “Always the life saviour, aren’t you?”

“You’re just being dramatic.”

“What’s life without a little drama?”

“Normal.”

“_Boring_,” Natasha corrects him briskly. “is what you _should _have said.”

Steve merely shakes his head, keeping mum.

“Okay, I’m really curious over something. It has been in my mind for weeks.” Natasha says out loud after a few seconds of silence.

“The last time you said that -” Steve starts, but Natasha cuts him midair with just one word. “Sex.”

Steve doesn’t consider himself to be prude, but it still catches him off guard to hear that from her. “_What_?” He asks, his tone incredulous.

“We need to be prepared in case it comes up again in the study. Come on, Steve, I know you’re not a virgin.” She says nonchalantly, as if it is the most normal thing to say to her best friend. If Steve isn’t driving at that moment, he would probably be staring at her with a completely perplexed expression. 

“So what’s your question?” He manages to ask after recomposing himself, even though he knows he is probably going to regret it.

“Your erogenous zones.” Natasha states bluntly, with a straight face, and Steve nearly slams the brakes in shock. 

“Jesus, _Nat_.” He groans, face red from all the blushing on his cheeks.

“Okay okay, you don’t have to tell me _everything_,” She rolls her eyes. “Just give me _something_, in case Daisy starts to ask about it, and you know she might just do it for the hypothesis.”

It takes Steve a good thirty seconds before he finally answers her question. “Ears.” He coughs, feeling the heat on his face - he can’t believe he is having _this _conversation with his best friend. “All the way down.”

“Wow,” Natasha says sarcastically, “that is _so _specific. Or have you forgotten? When even was your last casual hook up?”

Steve is well aware that his face is probably as red as a tomato by now - in all honesty, he is used to Natasha being this brazen, especially since she knows almost everything that is going on in his life. They’ve talked about private matters like this before anyway, just not in such great _details_, so Steve mentally shakes his head. “I am so _not _answering that.”

“Fine.” She throws her hands in the air, pauses for a few seconds, then opens her mouth to say something else. “As for me, I generally get really turned on when -” 

“_Natasha._” Steve half whines, half begs for her to stop talking. “I _don’t_ need to know that.” 

“What? I’m only repaying the information you so generously shared with one of my own.” Natasha says innocently, even though she is laughing on the inside. Making Steve flustered is by far one of her favourite hobbies to do - seeing the way he squirms uncomfortably while the tips of his ears turn pink. It is oddly endearing, that little hint of innocence in him.

“Can you just go to sleep, please?”

Natasha sees the tinge of red on his cheeks and figures she’d let him off the hook now. “Okay, lover boy.” She grins before leaning into her seat and tipping her cap lower to cover her face.

* * *

They reach home forty five minutes later. By then, Natasha had already awoken even before Steve said anything. She jumps out of the car in excitement to take her bags from the backseat, thanking Steve for driving before flitting into her house. Steve watches her retreating back with ease before mirroring her action of taking his bags from the trunk. He enters his house a minute after, shouting for his mom just as their dog, Dodger, bounds down the hallway with a loud bark and leaps into his outstretched arms. 

“I’m in the kitchen, honey.” Sarah Rogers shouts back, her tone light and happy. Steve ruffles Dodger’s head playfully, his face splitting into the widest grin before he stands to head for the kitchen. When Steve emerges from the living room, Sarah is already halfway across the kitchen, reaching tentatively for her son as she kisses his cheek and pulls him in for a hug. “How was your journey home?”

“Great.” Steve grins into the crook of his mother’s neck. “I miss you, mom.”

“So do I, honey, so do I.” Sarah pats her son’s back a few times, then pulls back to look at him properly. She smiles, her eyes gleaming with obvious happiness of having Steve back home. “How is your last semester so far? Anything excited I should know of?”

“Uh, it’s going well.” He replies, scratching his chin. “I’m working on my final year project. Other than that, all’s pretty good.”

“And Natasha?” Sarah asks naturally, her smile grows wider at the mere mention of the redhead.

“Other than her constantly bugging the heck out of me? Good, very good.” Steve jokes lightly, and earns a pointed look from his mother. “What? She’ll drop by right before dinner later, you can ask her all that she’s been up to lately.”

There’s a long pause as Sarah nods her head, still smiling. The glint in her eyes seems to become more obvious as she asks another question. “Anything_ else_ you want to tell me about?”

Steve is slightly confused at the tone his mother just used on him, and that certain expression she carries on her face screams anticipation and expectation, like there’s something he should be telling her that she oh-so-clearly already knows of. “Uh...no?” He replies with uncertainty in his tone, a crease between his eyebrows. 

“Steve?” Sarah hesitates.

“Yes?”

There’s still that one particular knowing glint in Sarah’s eyes that Steve doesn’t miss, but the latter is not quite sure what it means, so his eyebrows remained furrowed together. Eventually, Sarah shakes her head, even though she’s still smiling. “Nevermind. You’ll tell me when you’re ready, I suppose.”

“Mom, tell you what?”

But Sarah had decided to drop the topic, so she simply pats his arm and pushes him gently away from her kitchen. “Go rest, Steve, I’m sure you had a tiring journey driving home.”

“O-kay?” Steve wants to prod further, but it is evidently clear from the way his mother had turned her back against him that their conversation was over. So despite the many questions he has in his mind, Steve simply shrugs and makes his way upstairs to his room.

* * *

After playing for a bit with her black feline, Liho, and taking a shower, Natasha decides to drop by Steve’s house, since there is no one else in hers. 

“Guess whose favourite girl is back?” Natasha shouts the second she swings open the front door - a habit of hers she’d developed over the past decade - and hears instant laughter coming from the kitchen. 

“Hi baby,” Her voice automatically goes up two pitches higher the second she sees Dodger pattering lightly down the hallway towards her direction, tail wagging happily at the sight of an old friend. When Dodger sprawls onto the floor in front of her, Natasha lets out a laugh, knowing what he wants from her. She gets down on her knees to give him a few belly rubs, all the while talking to him and asking how his days were without his two favourite humans. Dodger responds with a few licks to her face, to which Natasha giggles and pushes him away gently. “Baby boy, I just showered.”

Sarah is stirring soup in her pot when she bounces into the kitchen with a huge grin, Dodger tailing her quietly. “Sarah!”

“Natasha, you’re here a little early.” Sarah says, fondness in her tone as she turns around to envelope her into a quick hug. “Steve said you’d drop by right before dinner.”

“Looks like he doesn’t know me that well after all.” She crinkles her nose playfully, to which Sarah laughs. “What are you cooking?”

“Just soup and some short ribs.” Sarah winks at her. “Your favourite.” 

“Oh no, don’t let Steve hear that,” Natasha laughs heartily, leaning against the island. “He’ll say you’re biased.”

“There’s also his favourite pie sitting in the oven.” Sarah points her ladle towards the oven. “Do you think I wouldn’t be prepared to welcome two of my favourites back home after three long months?”

“Course not.” Natasha smiles. “Gosh, I miss your cooking so much.”

“Good, because I’ve prepared generous portions for the both of you tonight.” Sarah replies and switches off the fire on the stove. She turns around to look at Natasha fully. “How’s school, darling?”

“School’s great. Same old things, I suppose.” Natasha replies, resting her chin on her hands. “How are you, Sarah?”

Sarah beams at her adoringly. “I’m good, as usual. A little lonely, but I’m happy.”

“I’m really glad to hear that, then.” Natasha beams back.

“I take it that Steve is treating you well?” A playful smile appears on Sarah’s lips, and Natasha resists the urge to quirk an eyebrow. There’s something about the way Sarah is looking at her that seems slightly misplaced, different, but Natasha couldn’t place her finger on the reason behind that gleam in her eyes.

“He has always treated me well.” Natasha replies without hesitation, shrugging that thought behind her as she continues. “Buys me lunch all the time because he knows if he doesn’t, I’ll just skip the meal completely.”

Sarah gives her a frown of disapproval that causes Natasha to blush a little. “Nat, while I appreciate my son doing that, you really _shouldn’t_ be skipping any meals otherwise.” 

“I try not to.” Natasha says sheepishly. “But sometimes I just have so many things to do that it completely slipped out of my mind.”

“Still.” Sarah’s expression remains stern, hands cocked on her hips. “_Don’t_ skip any meals, not even breakfast, _especially_ not breakfast.”

Natasha surrenders with a guilty smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, I promise.” She pauses then asks. “Do you need any help? Let me assist you with something.”

“Oh no darling, don’t. I’m fine, you know how much I love to cook. Plus you’re probably tired from school and all that. Why don’t you go up and check on Steve?”

“Is he sleeping?”

“I’m not sure, I would think so.”

“Hmm, guess I’ll go and find out.”

Sarah just smiles as she watches Natasha leave the kitchen, the words she’d wanted to utter had been itching against her throat since Steve came home. But she swallows them down, knowing that there’s plenty of time to do it later. Sarah goes back to her stove, and begins to whistle a tune.

* * *

Steve wakes up from his nap to find Natasha sitting in his chair, legs on his desk as she lazily flips something - he couldn’t see _what _exactly from that angle - in her lap. He is unfazed when he sees her, as if finding Natasha Romanoff in his room at broad daylight while he was fast asleep, the most natural thing in the world. 

“Since when were you here?” He lets out a loud yawn. Natasha doesn’t even turn around to acknowledge that he’d finally woken up. She replies a second after. “About an hour or so ago.”

“So you’ve been in my room for an hour? That’s kinda creepy, don’t you think?” Steve couldn’t help but tease, sensing that she’s probably busy rolling her eyes at his statement. 

“Like I haven’t been in your room, more than an hour I must say, before.” She counters with a breeze, still not turning around. “Your mom is cooking short ribs and soup for dinner.”

“My theory is right.” Steve replies, feigning a groan. “She loves you more than me.”

Natasha throws her head back to laugh. She finally casts a glance into Steve’s direction before smirking. “What can I say, I’m lovable like that.”

Steve chuckles, throwing his blanket aside to stretch, his shirt riding up as he does so. Natasha’s gaze lingers a little longer than necessary, a lump lodging itself onto her throat as she subconsciously licks her lower lip. It is only when Steve catches her looking at him that Natasha clears her throat and looks away, slightly flustered for some reason she doesn’t even know.

Steve doesn’t say anything, instead, he stands up and heads for the bathroom to wash his face. When he returns five minutes after, Natasha is already gesturing for him to come over.

“Hey, remember when we took this photo?” 

Steve stops behind Natasha, bending forward to peer over her shoulder and finally realising that she’d been looking at his photo album all this while. It’s an old photograph of the both of them in their seventh, or maybe eight grade, Steve doesn’t quite remember anymore. He smiles in fondness of a distant memory of when they were younger, with young Natasha resting a hand comfortably on his head, both darting cheeky grins at the camera. 

“My god, I can’t believe there was a time where I was actually taller than you. Oh, look at this-” Her finger glides to the next photograph from Natasha’s fifteenth birthday - Steve had one arm around her waist, and by then, he’d been slightly taller than her, though still the scrawny kid he remembered himself to be. 

“You were so cute back then. What happened?” Steve teases, turning to look at her right at the same time Natasha whips her head to the side - a little too quickly, for her lips brush against his in a split second. For a moment, neither of them moved, both frozen in their place, too stunned to react. And then, as if something had knocked some sense back into their heads, Steve straightens his back quickly while Natasha turns her head back towards the photo album.

“Please, I’m still as cute as I was.” She says a few seconds after, pretending nothing happened; an attempt to reduce the sudden incomprehensible tension in the air. Natasha continues to flip the album until her eyes land on one of their later photographs - them during their senior prom, not too long a time ago. She allows her eyes to linger a little longer on the photograph, a smile finding its way back to her lips as she recalls how Steve had asked her to go to prom with him, as best friends, since neither of them had any dates for that evening, not since Steve had broken up with Peggy mid senior year.

Well, Natasha_ had _initially, until she broke up with Matt Murdock just two days before prom. She hadn’t even thought about the dance until Steve brought it up again when she was hanging out in his bedroom, asking if she’d bought a dress. The memory flashes across her eyes in an instant, and suddenly, Natasha sees images of their past selves in her head.

_“I doubt it matters now.” She’d sighed. “I don’t even have anyone to go to prom with anymore.”_

_“That’s not true.” Steve replied after a short pause. “You have me.”_

_“What?”_

_“Why don’t you go with me, Nat?” _

_“You can’t be serious, Steve.”_

_“Why not? I don’t have a date either.” Steve shrugged nonchalantly. “We could go as best friends, of course. Wouldn’t that be fun?”_

_“But you weren’t even interested to go to prom before this.” Natasha had frowned, knowing how disinterested Steve was with the dance in general._

_“Yes, but I know _you _are._” _Steve had replied with another smile. “So, why not, really? It’s our last year in high school anyway.”_

_Natasha thought long and hard before her face split into a grin. She had been a little touched that he would do that for her, honestly, going to prom even when he wasn’t interested, just because she was. “As long as you don’t step on my feet, I guess.” _

_Steve laughed nervously. “You’re the dancer, not me, so…”_

_“I’ll guide you, then.” Natasha stood up, reaching for her phone and earphones. She scrolled through her playlist and selected a slow song, then plugged one earphone into his ear and the other one into hers. Natasha took his hands and placed them on her waist. “Here, like this.” Then she took a step closer into his proximity and wrapped her arms around his neck gently. “Relax your shoulders, this is a dance, not a competition.” She whispered, a soft smile on her lips. Steve took a deep breath, felt his body relax under her gentle and assuring touch. “Yes, that’s it. And then you just move your feet...” _

_They slow danced to the music blasting softly through her earphones, Steve’s steps falling in tune to hers almost instinctively. Natasha lifted her head slightly to look at him. When she did, she found his gaze already on her, eyes a clear blue - they reminded her of the blue sky after a heavy rain; warm and beautiful. She didn’t know how long she’d been looking at him, but somehow or rather, they’d stopped swaying eventually, and somehow or rather, Natasha had edged a little closer into him without even realising. _

_The moment lasted a few more seconds, she felt her heart fluttering beneath her chest, felt the irregular beating of her heart, felt Steve leaning closer…_

_And then she pulled away._

Natasha blinks, and the memory disappears. 

“Look.” is all she says. Natasha feels Steve’s gaze returning to the photo album, and even though she isn’t looking at him, she could almost see his expression softening. “We looked good together here.”

The words spilled out before Natasha could even comprehend what she’d said. A single thought flits into her mind, words from many nights ago in Tony’s holiday villa; maybe her friends were right about them. Maybe, just _maybe_. 

They _really _do look together. She mentally shakes that thought away quickly, almost chiding herself for even _thinking_ that.

“You were beautiful in that dress.” Steve comments softly, then adds one second after. “You are beautiful, Nat.” 

“Aren’t I always?” 

“Without a doubt.” 

Warmth fills her heart; Natasha feels butterflies fluttering into her stomach, slowly, but surely - an unexplainable feeling that is both foreign yet comfortably familiar. “Such a smooth-talker.” She teases with a laugh and closes the photo album, signifying the end of their trip down memory lane. 

“Just speaking the truth, _ma’am_.” Steve tips his head slightly just as Natasha removes her feet off his desk. She is grinning when she stands to loop an arm around his.

“Okay, _sir_. Let’s go back down to the kitchen, your mom should be done cooking by now.”

Steve merely smiles.

* * *

During dinner, Natasha notices that Sarah keeps darting that same, certain and unexplainable look towards them in between bites - the look mirrors that mysterious glint she had in her eyes earlier when Natasha had spoken to her before she wandered off to camp in Steve’s room. She wonders if Steve realises something is amiss with his mother, so Natasha darts a quick glance at her best friend, to which Steve responses with a raise of an eyebrow - he had noticed it, too. Though Steve shrugs, a clear answer that he doesn’t know what is up with his mom that evening.

“Mom, is there something you want to say to us?” He finally asks after they’d finished their food. Natasha places her cutlery down gently, darting glances between Sarah and Steve. “You’ve been giving us _that_ look the entire time we were eating dinner.”

Sarah is quiet for a moment, though her face softens into a gradual smile as she begins to explain. “Well, James dropped by some time ago.”

“Bucky?” Steve’s forehead creases in surprise. “He didn’t mention that to me.”

“He was in town for a short while just last week, and he came to pass me something from Winnifred.” Sarah is trying her best to hide a grin forming on her face, but is failing miserably. “And he told me something interesting, too.”

“Oh?” Steve exchanges another confused look with Natasha. Suddenly, Sarah clasps her hands together loudly, her eyes _shining_ with glee. Both of them snapped their heads towards Sarah in reflex, and are rendered speechless as they see the tears glistening in her eyes.

“_Both _of you. I can’t believe it.” Sarah yelps with unabashed happiness that is clearly radiating from her entire body. Steve could feel his cheeks heating up just as he sees colours draining from Natasha’s face. Suddenly, everything just made _perfect_ sense. The way her mother had asked him about Natasha earlier, the way she seemed to prod for information, for him to tell her if there’s anything _else _happening in his life that he wishes to share with her - the signs were glaringly obvious that now, Steve couldn’t believe he didn’t put the pieces together sooner. 

_“Finally. _Please tell me who took the leap of faith first?” Sarah continues, completely unaware that both Steve and Natasha are at a loss for words, eyes wide and mouths ajar. 

_Finally? _What? Steve tries to find his voice, tries to gather his thoughts so he could string a sentence out coherently. “Mom...what exactly did Bucky say to you?”

“That you two are dating! That you’re _together _together.” Sarah beams at them warmly, her hands now rested against her chest. He groans inwardly, an immediate headache settling at the base of his head.

“Mom,” He starts slowly, forming words in his head. “we can explain, we -”

But Natasha cuts him off quickly with a nudge of her foot on his leg, and he clamps his mouth shut instantly. “It started not that long ago.” She gives a nervous, almost embarrassed smile that Steve finds himself raising an eyebrow - it is as though Natasha’s expression is genuinely reflecting her current situation of being caught in a relationship, the tinge of embarrassed pink on her cheeks, the sheepish look of worry and nervousness in her eyes. “We didn’t know how to break the news to you so…” She glances at Steve carefully, and he could tell at once from the look she is subtly giving that he should probably cut in and say something.

“Um...yeah.” Steve clears his throat. “We were afraid you wouldn’t...uh, take the news well.”

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Sarah almost lets out a squeal, her grin doesn’t falter. “I cannot believe you would think that, Steve. I am _absolutely _thrilled for the both of you. My two favourites, together_ at last_.”

_At last?_ Steve doesn’t miss the stress in his mother’s tone and he’s sure that Natasha didn’t, either. His mother had also mentioned _finally _just moments ago, Steve thinks and recalls the rest of their friends saying the same thing, not her _too_? “Mom - ”

“Wait, does Nick know?” Natasha asks suddenly, panic laced in her tone. Steve could tell at once that this isn’t a tone of pretence, that Natasha is genuinely afraid that her father had caught wind of their relationship.

“Oh, darling, of course he does.” Sarah chuckles, oblivious to the horror streaking across Natasha’s face. “I told him the very second I could.”

“Shi-_shoot_.” Natasha covers her mouth, minding her language at the very last second. Her eyebrows are knitted together as she exchanges a worried glance with Steve. She doesn’t need to say anything else, for he understood the message she’s trying to convey from her expression alone - Natasha is already busy working out things in her mind to explain to Fury later when he gets home. 

“How did...how did Fury take it?” Steve doesn’t know how he still has it in him to ask, but he does anyway, and Sarah directs her attention back towards her son. 

“Oh, you know him. He doesn’t give away much of what he is thinking, so I couldn’t tell, really.” Sarah thinks for a moment. “But he did tell me to ask you to meet him when you’re back so…”

_Oh. _

Steve doesn’t need to meet Natasha’s gaze this time to know that they’re both sharing the exact same thoughts.

_I’m dead, _Steve thinks to himself, _I’m so dead._

* * *

Steve could feel the sweat in his palms as he walks Natasha back to her house, so many questions and thoughts lingering in the air as he closes the front door behind them. Both of them freeze in their steps once they are inside the living room, momentarily thinking of words to say to each other.

“What should you tell Nick?”

“Should we tell my mom the truth?”

Their words clashed in the air, both having uttered their respective sentences at the same exact time, and both falling into a frown that mirrors one another.

“I can’t tell him I’m fake dating you, obviously.”

“You can’t tell her the truth, Steve.”

Again, they answered at the same time, and suddenly, all tension in the air dissipates and they start to laugh. It takes them about thirty seconds to finally calm down, and Steve gestures for her to go first.

“Nick is going to be asking you questions for sure.” Natasha says. “What are you going to say to him?”

Steve pauses for a long time before he finally replies. “Don’t worry. I’ll come up with something.”

“Really?” Natasha is a little unsure, knowing how uncomfortable Steve is at lying - especially to someone as formidable and intimidating as her adoptive father, captain in charge of one of the largest precincts in New York City.

Steve nods. “I’ll just...for that time, tell myself that we’re...not in a pretend relationship. It’ll come naturally.”

Natasha smiles slightly, then nods her head in approval, in trust for her best friend. Then she moves on to what Steve had said earlier. “About Sarah, I really don’t think we should tell her the truth about our...arrangement.”

Steve’s shoulder slumps ever so slightly, his expression a mask of worry and guilt. “But she looked so happy, if we don’t clarify things now, can you imagine what it will do to her when she finds out we’re _not _a couple? It will _crush _her.”

She takes two steps towards him, reaching tentatively to hold his hands in hers. She squeezes them gently. “Steve, I understand your concern, really, but it is _because_ she’s so happy now that we can’t just...we can’t just break that bubble. When was the last time you saw your mother this happy, Steve? When?”

He knows the answer to her question immediately. What Natasha said has some merits in them, afterall, and Steve acknowledges it. It is true that ever since his father passed away three years ago, his mother hadn’t truly been the same as she was before, not quite smiling the way she usually would, her eyes often times empty, filled with sorrow and grief. Now that he thinks about it, _really _thinks about it, he realises that Natasha is right - this is the first time in a long time that he’d seen his mother smiled this widely, this happy. Sarah had radiated utter joy and gratitude of seeing her son being in a relationship - or so she thinks he is - with a close family friend. He can’t possibly break that bubble of happiness.

“At least there’s something for her to be happy about, even if it’s not exactly true.” Natasha continues, and Steve gives her a tiny nod of acceptance and agreement. She tiptoes and winds her arms around her neck, giving him a tight hug of assurance that everything will be okay. There is an unspoken promise in the air that drifts into Steve’s mind - that when the time comes for them to break the news to Sarah, they will do it carefully and slowly, and tell her that it will not change anything between them - that they are still the best of friends, and Natasha would definitely still drop by their house whenever she can.

Steve and Natasha are deeply engrossed in their own thoughts that they didn’t hear keys unlocking the front door, didn’t hear the door opening, the heavy trudge of Nick Fury entering his own house.

“The first thing I see when I come home is the both of you giving me diabetes.” 

Natasha and Steve spring apart from each other in that split second of hearing Fury’s voice, cheeks colouring as they come face to face with him.

“Nick,” Natasha clears her throat then spreads her arms widely. “I’m home!”

“Of course you are, you’re standing right in front of me. Unless I’m seeing a ghost?” Fury reaches forward to hug his daughter. “Welcome home, Natasha.”

“And you,” He points at Steve grudgingly, wastes no second before pointing to his study room. “We need to talk.”

Steve gulps immediately. Natasha could only bury her head into one hand as she mouths to him _good luck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluff while you still can is all I will say. ;)


	7. the sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of sunrise, the beach and Steve teasing Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say for this chapter is to please enjoy the fluff and the soft uwu because the chapters to come after this...oh boy.

_“Steve, wake up.”_

The first thing that crosses his mind as he stirs slowly is that he is imagining this - Natasha’s voice calling his name. Because anything other than his imagination would be impossible, not when it is the wee hours in the morning, it just wouldn’t make sense why Natasha would be in his room. He ignores the voice repeatedly calling his name, puts it off as just a voice in his head, perhaps a dream. Steve rolls over to the other side as he tries to fall back into slumber, completely dazed and still very much half asleep, even though he is starting to feel something - someone - prodding and poking his ribs repeatedly.

“_Steve!_” A loud hiss right into his ear jerks him awake, eyes flying open as they slowly adjusted to the darkness in his room. He takes in the surroundings of his room in a blur, still utterly confused as his mind begins to slowly register what had just happened. 

His room. Right, he’s at home. His_ room_? Why is -

“_Jesus Christ_.” Steve nearly lets out a shriek as Natasha comes into view. She is standing beside his bed with her hands on her hips, the light coming in from outside his windows illuminates her face slightly. She flashes her pearly whites towards him, face splitting into a grin. “What the hell? Nat, how did you even get in?” He asks, voice hoarse and still thick with sleep. Right after he asked that, Steve waves a hand at her direction immediately. “You know what? Don’t answer that.”

“Let’s go, sleepyhead.” Natasha commands, already pulling his arm to get him down the bed. “We need to leave now, or we’ll miss it.”

“Miss what?” Steve groans loudly as he reluctantly swung his leg over the edge of his bed. “Nat, what even is the time now?”

“Time for you to _get up _or we’ll miss the sunrise!” She whispers excitedly.

It takes Steve another ten seconds to truly process what Natasha is telling him. He glances at the clock beside his bed and heaves another groan. “Are you serious, it’s only four! That’s an _ungodly _hour to be awake, Nat!” 

“Oh my god, stop whining.” She punches his arm, even if it leaves little to no effect on him. “It’s been ages since we last watched the sunrise together. We can go up the hill at the outskirts and hike up the trail. For old times sake. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Steve covers one hand over his face, ready to go back to sleep when Natasha lands another punch - this time thrice harder - on his other arm. _“Ow!” _He’s definitely wide awake now. “Stop abusing me, woman!”

“Come on!” Natasha says brightly, unfazed by his obvious lack of enthusiasm. “When can we do this again, Steve, if not now?”

He takes in her words slowly, sees how determined she looks - and Steve knows at once that this is yet another battle he will not win against her. Not when she is _this _enthusiastic, this persistent in getting him off his bed.

“You’re insane.” is all Steve mumbles, though he manages a slight smile as he finally pushes himself off the bed. Natasha simply claps softly, and heads for his door. “I’ll wait for you downstairs. You better _not _go back to sleep, I’m warning you-”

“Okay, woman, okay,” Steve relents with two hands in the air. “now go, I need to change.”

* * *

It turns out that Natasha has everything planned and prepared; she had packed along breakfast for the both of them, and a large blanket to share. All Steve has to do is to be their designated driver to the bottom of the hill right at the outskirts of their small town - which is a good 40 minutes journey from his house. When he questions her for the umpteenth time if they _really have to do this_, Natasha simply replied_ the hill has the best view of the sunrise, and you know it, now suck it in Rogers, we’re going on an adventure. _

He does. She’s right. As she always is. So Steve has no choice but to go along with her plan - not that he minds that much, now that he is wide awake, if he is to be honest with himself.

“Take your feet off the dash.” He admonishes slightly, to which Natasha chuckles before putting her feet down. “You always say that.” 

“And you always still do it.” Steve returns lightly.

“You’re no fun.” 

“And you’re way_ too_ fun for me to keep up with.”

“_Fossil_.”

“_Child_.”

They fall into another laughter before Natasha speaks again. “God, I miss this. I miss doing random things with you.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “We do random things in college, too.” 

“Yeah, but nothing like this. Going on road trips, hiking up hills just to see the sunrise? Star gazing?” Natasha explains with a small smile. “We don’t have time to do things like that anymore.”

“Yeah,” He agrees. “I suppose you’re right.”

Natasha switches their topic after that. “So, what did Fury tell you last night?”

Steve’s thoughts drifted at once to the short conversation he’d shared with Fury the night before. He flashes her a smirk, then presses one finger to his lips. “I was sworn to secrecy.”

“You were _not._” Natasha rolls her eyes. “Tell me what he said!”

“Okay, let’s just say it was a conversation between two men, and as a boy scout, once a promise is made, it is to be kept at - unbelievable, are you _yawning _at what I just said?”

“I was _fake _yawning. You’re _seriously_ no fun, Rogers.” Natasha grumbles, crossing her arms. “Conversation between two men my foot. We’re not even in an actual relationship.”

Steve chuckles. “Fury seems to think we are so...I’m not going to be the one to break the news to him that’s for sure.”

“What did you even say to him?” She tries again, almost desperately. “Because he came to my room after that and said some really cryptic things about making sure I am happy, and something about trusting you to do that…”

Steve simply grins, removing one hand from the wheel to mime locking his lips and throwing the keys away.

“Un-_fucking_-believable.” Natasha mutters under her breath.

“_Language_.” Steve chides at once.

They ease into a comfortable silence after that, once Natasha gave up fishing information from him. They arrive shortly after, Steve parking his car at the bottom of the hill and both of them begin their journey up the trail quietly, using their phones as sources of light. They carefully trudge up, helping each other naturally, laughing in tandem when Steve almost knocks into a tree, when Natasha nearly trips over the brooding tree roots on the ground. It is almost 6 by the time they reach the top, and as Steve stops to catch his breath, Natasha wastes no second, heading to their usual spot and spreading the picnic cloth on the patch of flat grass. She invites him over to sit with a pat of her hand on the cloth as she takes the blanket out from her bag.

“Steve?” 

Natasha speaks up after a while, after they’d both settled down onto the cloth, both staring straight into the gradual hues of orange and yellow, a sign of dawn breaking among the horizon. 

“Yeah?”

Natasha doesn’t know why she is being sentimental all of a sudden, only that for some reason, her heart feels heavy over an unknown future looming over their heads. College is finishing soon, so where would they go after that? Where would they end up in search for their future careers? Will they still be together?

“Whatever it is after college...wherever we decide to go...we’ll still be friends, right?”

“Of course.” Steve replies a beat after. “Even if we don’t end up in the same place, we’ll find each other, as we always do.”

“Is that a promise?” She smirks slightly, holding a pinky up. “Do you pinky swear to it?”

He does, lacing his pinky around hers while stating, “See? Still a child.”

Natasha sticks a tongue out playfully. “You know I only do this with you, right?”

“Don’t I feel special knowing that?”

“You better be.” She half teases, and Steve merely laughs.

“Hey, Nat?” He starts again after a short pause.

“Mmhmm?”

“No matter where life takes us after college...I’ll always be up for your crazy adventures.”

Their friendship has always been like this; Natasha is always the one who would come up with sudden adventurous plans, and Steve would end up following her no matter how bizarre, how random, how _crazy _her idea was. If she didn’t prod him to follow her, the thought wouldn’t even occur to him. Just like this simple moment of watching the sunrise, with the sun slowly rising to the chorus of cotton pink and wisps of purple streaking across the sky - an exquisite view, Steve believes. He would always grumble at first over her random adventure ideas, but she would remain persistent, pulling him to join her until he agrees.

And truthfully, Steve thinks that he wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Natasha wraps the blanket around them tighter and snuggles closer into his side. “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out of bed just now?” She breaks the silence between them without looking at him. “Where else can you find a view like this?”

Steve takes his eyes off the sky to glance at her. He notices the tender smile on her lips, the radiant glow of her cheeks as the golden rays caress her face lightly. He sees her red locks dancing with the wind along her throat, sees how she tucks strands of her tresses behind her ears. Natasha doesn’t take her eyes away from the sky, admiring how the sun blooms slowly above the clouds, her eyes sparkling at its beauty.

All thoughts are lost in Steve’s mind at that moment. He’s rendered breathless for some reason, seeing Natasha like this; how serene, how pure, how _beautiful. _He suddenly recalls what Fury had asked of him yesterday, and what he’d told him in a heartbeat, without hesitation, because he knows his words are true. When Natasha finally glances at him and meets his eyes, she is still smiling, as if waiting for an answer from him. 

“Yeah.” Steve returns her smile, finding his words eventually. “Yeah, I’m glad.”

* * *

(“_Rogers, I don’t know when exactly did something develop between the two of you, but as a father, and a close friend of your mother, I need to know this.” _

_Steve had held his breath, not daring to even move a foot._

_“Can you promise me that you won’t hurt her? Can you promise me that no matter what happens, you will protect her?”_

_“Fury,” Steve had started, confidence in his tone, layers of sincerity in his eyes. “that is a promise I will keep for the rest of my life.”)_

* * *

An hour after the sun had risen and their breakfast consumed, Natasha proposes another crazy idea of going to a nearby beach. And Steve, as he would, succumbs easily to her request after she’d revealed to him that she was already wearing her swimming attire beneath her t-shirt and shorts, _so we have to go now, no matter what!_

Apparently, she’d also packed along their slippers and two towels - it has become rather clear to Steve that Natasha had already planned to do this from the beginning, and he shakes his head in utter amusement. After slapping some sunscreen on her limbs, Natasha is off and running towards the beach, shouting for Steve to _hurry up before it gets hot!_

When Steve reaches her, Natasha is already stripping out of the t-shirt she’s wearing, revealing her bikini top. Not quite knowing why, he becomes flustered, looking away politely to remove his own shirt too; this isn’t the first time he’d ever seen her in a bikini top - why was he even flustered? When Natasha ties her hair into a ponytail, her back illuminated by the sunlight, her red tresses shining brightly under the sun, Steve squints his eyes to look at her. She looks almost ethereal with the sun shining above her head - the thought crosses his mind and disappears within seconds. He forces the lump in his throat down and blushes a little when Natasha catches him looking at her. She grins, jutting an arm out. 

He takes her hand without hesitation, and they both start to sprint towards the sea, only letting go when they’re ankle deep into the water. Natasha yelps when Steve begins splashing water into her direction. 

“Oh, you’re on, Rogers!” She lets out half a giggle and starts her revenge, chasing Steve around in the water as fast as the currents allow her to. When she loses her balance and lands on her butt, Steve is there in a split second - both of them cracking into a uniformed laughter. He holds out a hand for her, and when she clasps around his hand tightly, Natasha pulls him down in one swift motion. He lands on top of her, right at the same time the waves crash over them and push them further back to the shore. Natasha doesn’t even realise she’d snaked her arms around Steve’s lower waist until the water had completely reclined from the both of them. They’re still stuck together even then, sand all over their bodies as their laughter slowly dies down. 

They exchange a gaze at the same time, their faces just inches apart from each other. Natasha doesn’t even know why she is holding her breath, but seeing Steve’s eyes, the calmness and beauty in those orbs mirroring the colour of the sea, makes her heart skip a beat. Maybe it’s because of how Sarah and Nick had positively reacted to their fake relationship, maybe it’s because of what her friends had told her when they found out, but Natasha finds her eyes flickering ever so slightly towards his lips. With all that has happened over the course of three months, she’s definitely more aware now, more aware that Steve Rogers is actually _ridiculously _attractive and could potentially be a_ really_ good boyfriend.

Natasha mentally gasps in horror the second she hears her inner voice say that. Half panicking for having such thoughts over her _best friend_, she’s the first to break eye contact from him, effectively snapping both of them from this trance, whatever it is. 

Steve removes himself quickly, standing and dusting wet sand off his shorts. He offers his hand once again to Natasha, to which she accepts, and he pulls her up swiftly. Both of them fall into another gentle laughter together. Still a little embarrassed over what had flickered in her thoughts earlier, Natasha starts to walk back to the beach, and Steve watches her go. 

For a few seconds, he’s only staring at her back, still firmly rooted in his spot. There’s a thought that is lingering in his mind that confuses him to no end, but he shakes it away and follows her quietly. Acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, Steve watches as Natasha dries herself with the towel she’d brought along with her. He reaches for his own, then asks.

“You done playing in the water?”

She looks at him briefly. Steve sees a look of uncertainty on her face, a look that he doesn’t quite know how to decipher. “Yeah.” is all Natasha replies.

“I can’t believe you made me drive all the way just to dip your legs in the water for ten minutes.” Steve jokes. Natasha merely shrugs, a small smile on her lips, and then she walks away. 

Steve doesn’t tell her that when he was gazing into her eyes just now, in the heat of that moment, he _almost_ wanted to lean forward and kiss her.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Steve heads down to the kitchen after showering, a smile naturally finding its way to his lips when he spots Natasha by the island, cutting potatoes and carrots. His mother looks up from the stove as he saunters in and throws himself on the bar chair opposite Natasha. 

“Mom, are you sure you trust Nat to be in your kitchen?” 

“Excuse me,” Natasha darts a sharp look into his direction upon hearing that comment from him. “I’m not _that _bad in cooking.” 

Steve starts to snicker. “The last time you cooked for us, you gave everyone stomach aches because you included an expired ingredient into the stew.” 

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” She replies with a roll of her eyes.

“Not to forget that time when you almost _burned _down the entire kitchen.” 

“Stop, that was _one _time.” 

“Once is _enough_.”

“It wasn’t even anything serious,” Natasha starts to argue. “I burned a pot, that’s all!”

“You know what they say, Romanoff, the first time it’s a pot, and the second time, it’s the entire kitchen.”

“Literally _no one _says that, Rogers!” Natasha hisses, the speed of her cutting increasing as her patience starts to thin, frustration coursing through her veins at Steve’s remarks on her cooking skills. “I swear to god, you’re such a - _fuck_!” She curses loudly suddenly, dropping the knife she is holding in a split second. “_Shit_!” 

Steve is by her side in an instant, concern immediately spreading across his face even before Sarah could react to what had just happened. 

“Let me see.” Steve says calmly, reaching out for Natasha’s hands, but is surprised when the latter elbows him out of the way, one hand still pressed against the other. 

“_No. _I’m fine. It’s just a cut.” She retorts in return.

Steve sighs before grabbing Natasha by the arm easily, swinging her gently towards the kitchen sink. She lets out a whine of protest, tries to wrangle her arm out from his grasp, but Steve doesn’t let go. “We need to clean the cut, Nat.”

“I told you I’m _fine_.” She snaps and this time, manages to wrenched her arm away from his hold. From the look on her face, Steve could tell at once that she’s annoyed with him, and in turn, that annoys _him_ too.

“Natasha, I’m just trying to help.” He snaps back, completely ignoring his mother’s lingering presence behind them. “Why must you be so goddamn stubborn?”

“It’s just a kitchen cut, Rogers.” Natasha snarls bitterly as she moves away from him. “I’m not going to _die _from it.” 

“There you go again. Why do you always have to be so fucking _dramatic_?” Steve raises his voice above hers. “Of course you’re not going to die from it, but that doesn’t mean -”

“_I’m_ the one being dramatic?” Natasha scoffs loudly. “Just one second ago you were talking about how I was going to burn down the _entire_ kitchen! I was cutting _potatoes_, Steve!”

“That...it was…” Steve sputters, his mind suddenly in disarray. “_How_ is that even relevant?” 

Natasha is ready to fire words back into his direction, but she bites back her tongue at the last second, finally remembering Sarah’s quiet presence in the kitchen. She starts to leave the kitchen, pushing past Steve as she mutters under her breath - just loud enough for him to hear her. “You know what? You’re an idiot.”

As she stomps out from the kitchen, Steve is left gobsmacked by the sink, completely confused at what had just transpired. He whips his head around to see his mother giving him a look of clear disapproval, before Sarah starts to trace Natasha’s steps. 

* * *

Sarah finds Steve on the porch half an hour later, rubbing Dodger’s belly as he stares forlornly into the air. She takes her place beside him, not saying anything until Steve breaks the silence. “How is she?” He asks softly.

“She’s fine, the cut wasn’t that deep, thankfully.” Sarah replies.

Steve nods silently, not knowing what else to say, even though he is frustrated as heck - not knowing what he’d done wrong, not knowing why Natasha was so mad at him when all he did was to show her that he cared about her. 

“You don’t know what you did wrong, do you?” Sarah asks after a short pause, and Steve frowns, raising an eyebrow. “Did I even _do_ anything wrong?”

“Honey,” Sarah sighs. “You have lots to learn about women.”

“What?” Steve stares incredulously at his mother, wondering if he’d just heard right. “But what did I do?”

“Nat didn’t like that you were teasing her cooking skills, Steve.” Sarah says gently, and watches the crease on Steve’s forehead disappearing slowly. “She’d hinted for you to stop but you went on and on about it.”

Steve’s mouth forms a small ‘o’ in realisation, remembering how flustered and annoyed Natasha had been when he commented about her cooking skills. Why didn’t he realise it earlier? He covers a hand over his forehead, rubbing his temples as he groans. 

Sarah just gives him a look of slight pity, putting her arm around his shoulder. “Also, you really shouldn’t have called her dramatic.”

“It was supposed to be a joke.” Steve sputters with a wave of his hand in the air. “I called her dramatic this morning.”

“Well, the circumstances are different.” Sarah simply shakes her head. “She didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of proving what you said about her cooking skills right.”

“I had no intention to...” Steve sighs, letting his sentence trail off. 

Sarah observes her son for a few seconds, patting his back as she gives him a light shove. “Are you going to just sit here and mope around?”

Steve quirks an eyebrow just as Sarah continues. “Shouldn’t you go find your girlfriend and apologise?”

It takes him a few seconds to remember that Sarah means Natasha. He shifts uncomfortably before asking. “What if she wants some space?”

“Not in this situation, no.” Sarah smiles slightly, then nods towards her house. “I’m speaking as a woman now, Steve, but if my boyfriend_ pissed_ me off -” Steve winces at that. “- I would want him to apologise instead of acting like nothing happened.”

He takes in his mother’s words, weighing them in his head and realising that Sarah was probably right. All the times he’d gotten into a verbal spat with Natasha, Steve had realised that when it was his fault, Natasha would give him the cold shoulder until he initiated an apology. This time shouldn’t be any different, especially since he knows what he'd done wrong, so Steve starts to stand. 

“Thanks, mom.” He says, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“Anytime.” Sarah returns, eyes crinkling in adoration as she watches her son jog towards Natasha’s house.

* * *

The front door is unlocked when Steve enters, and he makes his way slowly towards Natasha’s room upstairs. He hears a soft purr behind him as he trudges up the stairs slowly, and Steve knows it is Liho brushing against his leg. When Steve bends down to scratch between her ears though, Liho simply prances away without a care for the world and disappears down the stairs. 

Steve is a little nervous when he reaches her door, taking a few deep breaths to calm his pounding heart before raising a fist to knock. Steve holds his breath, an ear pressed against the door to listen for any movement coming from the other side. When he hears footsteps pattering towards the door, Steve straightens his back immediately.

“What?” Natasha asks irritably the second she comes face to face with Steve. But she retreats back into her room without slamming the door into his face, so Steve takes it as a sign to follow her. 

“How’s your...finger?” Steve starts carefully, gauging for a reaction from her. Natasha shrugs in response, putting her hands behind her so that he couldn’t see the bandage on her forefinger. 

“Fine.” Her reply is curt, and Steve knows it’s an indication for him to drop the topic.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asks after that, closing the door behind him gently. 

Natasha turns her back against him, staring at nothing in particular. “What do you think?”

“I think…” Steve coughs once. “that I was a jerk for making fun about your cooking skills.”

The second Natasha hears that, she feels the corner of her lips tug upwards ever so slightly, though she smooths it away quickly. She turns around to face him, arms crossed against her chest as she catches the look of guilt on his face. She purses her lips together, thinking for a few seconds. “You’re not wrong, though.” Natasha finally admits softly.

“Still, I shouldn’t have kept saying that.” Steve rubs the back of his neck. “I went overboard with my joke. I’m sorry, Nat.”

Her expression softens at the sincerity of his tone, the way Steve is looking at her apologetically. “Well…”

“Please forgive me? I wouldn’t know what to do if you don’t.” Steve is obviously exaggerating now from the way he is straining his voice and clasping his hands together. Natasha fights the chuckle bubbling out from her throat, instead, she shakes her head. “Look who’s the dramatic person now.”

“I was being an ass, I really don’t mean anything I said. You’re a wonderful cook, Nat, you make _really_ good instant noodles and fried eggs -”

“_Rogers_.” She warns lightly.

“Too soon?” He flinches a little, though a tiny smile starts to curl on his lips - he sees the expression on Natasha’s face, knows that she’d put the small conflict behind her. She shakes her head in disbelief, but before she could reply, their moment is interrupted by the shrill ring of her phone. She jumps in surprise before turning around to grab her phone. 

“Hello? Yes, speaking. Yeah?” 

Her back now against him, Steve raises an eyebrow as he watches how Natasha’s shoulders had tensed, her entire body frozen in place. He waits, wondering who had called for her to react like this. About a minute after, Steve hears Natasha breathe out a soft _thank you, you too, _before lowering her phone slowly. “Nat?” He calls out at once, taking a step towards her as he watches her remain rooted in her spot, seemingly dazed and staring at the floor.

“I got it.”

Steve doesn’t catch that, as Natasha had mumbled under her breath. He takes another step forward. “Sorry?”

Natasha turns around slowly, her eyes as wide as saucers. “Steve…” She starts again, completely dazed, until something snaps inside her and suddenly, Natasha is jumping and shrieking at the same time. “I got it!_ I got it_!” 

Steve almost asks _what _but then it strikes him at once what she’d meant - the internship opportunity with SHIELD, under the neuropsychologist Dr Stephen Strange. “Oh my god!” Steve feels a bubble of excitement burst within him, a huge grin on his face as they reach out toward each other at the same time. “_Oh my god! _I told you you could do it, didn’t I? I said-_”_

Everything that happens after that goes by in a frenzy, neither of them realising their actions before it is too late; out of sheer excitement and happiness, encouraged by the fact that she feels a rush of adrenaline flowing within her, Natasha finds herself leaping into Steve’s arms, cupping his face in between her palms and -

She is kissing him, full on the mouth. 

It is exactly three seconds after when Natasha realises what she’d done, and she quickly pulls back. Her face is heating up in shock, clearly flustered with what she’d just done. Natasha covers her mouth with her hands immediately as she takes two steps back. “_Shit_. I’m so sorry, Steve. I didn’t mean to…” 

Embarrassed and a little bit horrified, Natasha is well aware by now that her face is probably as red as a beetroot. She wishes the ground would just open up and swallow her whole, and when she steals a glance at Steve to see his reaction, she realises his face had also bloomed a bright red, eyes wide with surprise. 

What Natasha doesn’t realise at that moment though, not until much, much later when she looks back at this memory, of the first time she'd acted out of the ordinary, behind closed doors and away from prying eyes, that what was weird wasn’t just her kissing Steve on first instinct. 

It was that Steve had kissed her back.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we got to see them arguing for the first time! 
> 
> Anyway, I am going to Japan for 2 weeks in a few days, hence I will not be able to update until mid-September. Thank you so much for your constant support and comments, they mean the world to me. Do let me know what you think of the chapter, this is my personal favourite to write because it's the start of the actual 'fun' after this. :)


	8. "because it's you and Steve."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of confusion and denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings from Osaka, Japan! I should be sleeping but I decided to pull a surprise update just because I can, so enjoy this 6k chapter! This is where the rollercoaster ride begins so sit back and uhh...maybe try not to scream too much lol /getsbricked

Even after a long and slow week at home, Steve finds himself going back to that _one_ memory he can’t seem to push aside no matter what he does or thinks. The image of Natasha flinging her arms around him so naturally and then pressing her lips against him as though it was second nature for her - it flits into his mind at least once every day, even though they’d both pretended that nothing happened after that. The way he’d kissed her back without hesitation, that feeling of how _right _it felt - Steve is extremely confused. Throughout the remaining days at home, he’d barely seen Natasha - she had gone out to meet Maria and Jane a few times, even Clint once, and even when she wasn’t out shopping with the girls, Natasha had stayed at home instead of bouncing over to his house and spending time with him and Sarah. Steve, on the other hand, had gone to visit Bucky for a few days. By the time either of them had some mutual time to spare, it was already the end of the week, and they were preparing to go back to campus. 

Steve realised after they’d arrived back to college that they’d never brought up that incident again. The ride back to Midgard University was the quietest they’ve ever been - and if Steve had known then, he would have realised it was a foreshadow of what is to come for them in the remaining months left. It was as though that _kiss_ never happened. He wasn’t going to dig another grave for himself, so Steve went along with the flow, acting as though he’d forgotten all about that incident even though it has been more than a week and it is still _all _he could think about. 

He would often find himself wondering if Natasha had thought about what she’d done. It can’t just be him alone who was this bothered by it now, would it? 

Steve heaves a sigh, staring blankly at his clean canvas in the art studio. He is still deep in his thoughts, still thinking of how he had responded so naturally to Natasha’s kiss. Even though they’d kissed a couple of times before, the kiss they shared in her bedroom felt _different_, somehow. That feeling is what is driving Steve to near madness, because he doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t know what it _means_. But no matter how much he tries to shake the memory away, it is already ingrained in him, he simply _cannot, _for the life of him, stop thinking about it. Why did Natasha do that? Why did she kiss him like that? 

_It can’t be, _he thinks to himself, frowning, then shaking his head a few seconds after, _no, no, that’s impossible. Nat is not into you, get yourself together._

The second after he thinks that, Steve could feel his heart sinking into the pits of his stomach. He shakes the disappointment away, confused that he is even feeling this way.

“Huh, no muse today?” 

A voice interrupts his thoughts and Steve turns to look over his shoulder, meeting gaze with one of his coursemates and his current partner for an art project, Connie Ferrari. 

“I guess.” Steve shrugs, putting down his paintbrush. He gives Connie a polite smile. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Connie asks, leaning against his easel gently, arms crossed as she returns his smile. 

Steve answers two seconds after. “Just doing some thinking.”

“Humor me?”

“It’s just…” Steve sighs. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Girl problem?” Connie offers, and Steve relents eventually by nodding once. “Let me guess, you like someone but you think she doesn’t like you back?”

The look Steve gives Connie is enough for her to deduce an answer. Even though Steve chooses to remain silent, unsure exactly of what his feelings even are at this point - he doesn’t have the urge to flat out deny what Connie had said either, so it must account for _something_, right? 

He honestly doesn’t know. 

There are too many thoughts swirling in his mind for him to pinpoint exactly why he is feeling this way, so he gives Connie the benefit of continuing her sentence.

“How sure are you that she doesn’t like you back though?” She asks with a raised eyebrow.

There’s a long pause as Steve tries to formulate the words in his mind. He is a little hesitant in saying the words out loud - because if he does, wouldn’t that mean that he does like Natasha in _that _sense? There’s a gush of cold wind that he feels seeping through his skin and causing his throat to tighten. But Connie is still looking at him with an expectant look, waiting for his answer patiently. 

Steve has no choice but to answer her. He forces the words out of his mouth. “Well...she’d made it expressly clear a few times that she doesn’t and won’t ever like me in that sense.”

“That’s tricky.” Connie replies, scratching her chin. “But you really like her?”

It is another question to which Steve has no answer to. “I _honestly_ don’t know.” He says truthfully with a shrug. There’s something else that has been gnawing his mind though, something that is becoming increasingly obvious as he tries to understand what his heart is trying to tell him. This time, when Steve opens his mouth, the words that come out are that which he believes to be certain, with a certain degree of conviction that he knows he must hold onto.

“I don’t think I want to find out if I really do. I don’t want to risk my friendship with her.”

That clicks something in Connie’s mind as she snaps her fingers together. “I’m guessing she is someone really close to you.”

Steve doesn’t know why he is telling Connie all this, especially since he himself is so unsure over everything that is happening. Maybe it is because Connie is the only person around him these days that don’t know of his fake relationship with Natasha, maybe it’s because the chances are a lot lesser for them to meet since Natasha hardly ever comes over to his department. But he nods, two seconds after. “She’s actually my best friend.”

“That explains it.” Connie tilts her head to the side. “What are you going to do about it?”

Steve frowns a little hearing that question. He thinks long and hard for an answer, avoiding Connie’s wary gaze on him. His mind is oddly blank at the moment.

Finally, he answers. “Nothing. I’m not going to do anything.” 

Weeks later, when Steve looks back at this memory, he would come to realise a few things. When Natasha and him pretended that nothing happened between them, as though she didn’t just kiss him out of the blue, as though he didn’t respond to her kiss instantly, almost eagerly - that had been their first mistake. The failure to communicate after that, of him being idle, him deciding not to do anything about his feelings, to explore or identify exactly why he had felt that way after the semester break - that had been his second mistake. 

In time, Steve would also realise that no matter how much he tries to shrug the thought away, no matter all the denials, _nothing_ would change the fact that he loves her. It is clear as day that he loves Natasha, despite how bold and brazen she could be towards him, how much she enjoys teasing the living heck out of him. He would realise it only one day, when he looks at her dancing from across the room - it would hit him fast and hard, without any warning. The realisation would shock him for a few seconds, and then it would settle in, slowly but surely. 

He would come to terms with it - he would come to terms that he, Steve Rogers, is in fact, in love with Natasha Romanoff, that he has been in love with her for the longest of time. 

Yet, he will choose _not_ to tell her about it - and that, that will be his third mistake.

* * *

Natasha has not been able to focus in any of her lectures since she came back from the semester break. Distracted and awfully confused, it has been more than a week since the kiss in her bedroom happened, and that has been the only thing that has occupied her mind the second she has nothing to busy herself with. It truly frustrates her.

She would find herself touching her lips occasionally - even though it wasn’t the first kiss she has shared with Steve, Natasha knows that it is somehow _different_.

And that confuses her to no end. She simply couldn’t and doesn’t understand what to make of that spontaneous reaction of throwing herself at Steve and kissing him like that. Natasha just couldn’t comprehend what made her do that, what compelled her, when there was absolutely no reason for her to. It gives her a mild headache just thinking about it - every time she remembers how she’d leaned in to press her lips against Steve, Natasha wants to let out a scream.

_Why_ did she do it? It can’t be that she likes...what if she -

_Impossible, _Natasha groans and knocks her head a few times with her fist, alarming Carol sitting beside her. “Nat, are you okay?” Carol whispers, then realises that Natasha isn’t responding to her. Carol nudges her arm gently. “Nat?”

“Huh, what?” Natasha snaps back to reality, completely unaware that Carol had asked her a question. Her attention shifts to her professor in front of the lecture hall, and for the first time in a long time, Natasha has no idea what he is explaining to the rest of the class. 

“Are you okay?” Carol repeats. “You seem really distracted today.”

“I’m just…” Natasha rubs her temples, willing for the headache to go away. “...I don’t know how to explain this. Something is bothering me, that’s all.”

“I can see that.” Carol says softly with a pointed look. “What’s wrong?”

Natasha tries to form an answer without revealing too much to her friend, especially since she wouldn’t understand. “Have you ever done something on impulse? And then regret it after?”

“Definitely.” Carol replies easily. “But do you want to know my opinion on it?”

“What?” Natasha prompts her to continue with a raised eyebrow.

“Things that you do on impulse are things you’d secretly wanted to do for a long time regardless of the regret that comes afterward.” She opines, her voice a hushed whisper. 

“Secretly wanted to do for a long time.” Natasha echoes Carol’s words under her breath a few times, her emotions even more jumbled now than it already was before Carol had given her opinion. _But it makes no sense, _Natasha has half the mind to retort against her friend’s theory. _It makes no sense because there’s no way I would secretly want to kiss Steve, nooo way, no fucking way._

She groans, burying her head into one hand. Maybe she wants to scream, maybe she wants to cry, or laugh - Natasha has no idea what her feelings are at this point. Only that nothing makes sense anymore in her head.

When their lecture finally ends ten minutes later, Natasha quickly starts to shove her papers and book into her backpack. She is halfway up from her seat when Carol speaks again.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Natasha turns to look at her friend. “Why don’t we go on a double date? Maria will be coming over this weekend, and I was wondering if you and Steve would like to join us for lunch. We are planning to go to Coney Island after that so if you’re up for it...”

_A double date? _Natasha mentally frowns, _that sounds like trouble. Especially since that stupid kiss..._

“Oh, uh -” Natasha pretends to think for a few seconds, then scrunches her face in apology. “- I actually have something on this weekend, what a shame.”

Carol waves one hand in the air. “No worries, but let me know if your plan changes.”

“Of course.” Natasha smoothly lies.

* * *

Steve finds Natasha in the library a few hours later.

When he sees her from afar, he could feel the corners of his mouth tugging upward naturally - the sight of Natasha surrounded by mountains of textbooks around her is a norm to him. Natasha had always taken her assignments seriously, going depths with her research that Steve knows she would refer to at least five textbooks just to write one sentence in her paper.

He walks towards her slowly, knowing that Natasha probably wouldn’t even notice he’d arrived since she is so deeply engrossed in flipping through the textbooks sprawled opened in front of her, in search of something specific. Right as he reaches her, Natasha accidentally knocks over one small pile of books on her right- they tumble onto the floor with a loud thud. Natasha winces immediately at the sound that resonated in the library, and she looks over her shoulder to dart a sheepish apology at the librarian who had glared into her direction.

Even then, she still doesn’t notice Steve. Natasha goes down on her knees the same time he bends down to help her pick up the fallen books. When they look up from the floor, it is at the same second, their faces inches apart, and suddenly, Natasha feels her entire breath leaving her. 

She doesn’t know how to react, because all Natasha could see right now is Steve’s eyes staring straight into her soul. It reminds her of that incident in the beach where she’d pulled Steve down onto her, and then found herself becoming lost in the depths of his eyes. She is reminded by how her eyes had flickered ever so slightly at his lips, how she longed to just lean in to close the gap, to feel his lips on hers. Natasha doesn’t even realise that she is doing the exact same thing now, thinking of the same thing even - she doesn’t even realise that they are drawn to each other naturally, like magnets, getting closer and closer, their minds not quite thinking of the consequences as her eyes fluttered shut.

Something crashes onto the floor from a distance, and instantly, they snap out of their trance to whip their heads towards the sound. Just like that, the moment was lost and forgotten, and Natasha quickly gathers the remaining books into her hands and stands. She ignores the blush on her cheeks as Steve stands as well, ignores the fact that she is instantly reminded of the kiss in the bedroom.

“You’re so clumsy.” He says in an attempt to ease the sudden tension in the air. So he could sense it too, Natasha mentally says as she gives him a quick glance over. 

She clears her throat to cover up the sudden heat on her cheeks. “You’re one to talk, Mr I-Accidentally-Knocked-Over-Coffee-This-Morning.”

Steve just smiles slightly, putting the books in his hands on the table. “Researching for an assignment, I assume?”

Natasha nods, looking down at her books. “There’s so much left to read. I should have started during the semester break.”

“I take it that you won’t be free to go for a movie tonight, then.” Steve says, and Natasha looks up to meet his eyes. “Oh? You were going to ask me out for a movie?”

“Yeah, thought it would be fun since we haven’t been to the movies together in a long time.” He gives her a hopeful look, but Natasha heaves a sigh in return.

Her heart is telling her to go for the movie, but her mind is telling her that it wouldn’t be the best idea at the moment. Not just because of the assignment she has to complete, but because of the uncertainty over what had transpired a week ago. “Steve…”

“Hey, it’s fine, really.” Steve quickly interjects, seeing the troubled look on her face. “There’s always next time.”

She gives him an apologetic look. “Next time, for sure.”

Natasha settles herself back into her chair as she picks up her pen again. Steve slides into the empty chair opposite her as he quietly takes out a book of his own to read, too. They sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes, both minding their own business until Steve speaks up softly again.

“So what’s the session later about? Did Daisy tell you?”

Natasha nods, remembering the text Daisy had sent her this morning. “Yeah, apparently we have to answer some questions about each other.”

Steve cracks a playful grin. “That sounds easy, since I know everything about you.”

“Do you, though?” Natasha returns teasingly, mirroring the grin on his face.

“You know I do.”

“What a stalker.”

Steve merely laughs. For a moment, he forgets everything that has been troubling his mind for days. When he looks up from his book, he catches Natasha staring at him, a faint smile on her lips. He sees the look in her eyes, sees the mixed feelings in them. Then she blinks, and Steve couldn’t read her anymore, couldn’t understand what her expression is telling him now. He has a sudden impulsive urge to just ask her about the kiss in her bedroom, ask her why she’d done it, even if Natasha would probably deflect from giving him an answer. But at least he would have asked her, at least Natasha would know that he is in fact bothered by that kiss. 

Steve weighs the risk in his mind, and decides that the scales are tipped too far against his favour - so he looks away. 

They don’t say anything else to each other after that.

* * *

After their session with Daisy (with an almost perfect score of how well they knew each other), Natasha decides to follow Steve to his art studio, since she still has some time to spare before her next lecture hour. It’s been some time since she’d last visited, afterall, and Natasha has been curious of Steve’s progress for his final year art project. She marvels at all his artworks displayed on the wall, praising them as she goes from one to another. Steve merely stands by the side, observing how her eyes seem to sparkle in genuine awe at each painting he’d drawn. It sends a feeling of warmth straight into his stomach, unfurling right into his heart as he continues to watch her. 

Natasha is still looking at one of his paintings when someone knocks on the door a few times. When she turns around to see who had just walked in, Natasha finds herself raising an eyebrow slightly towards a girl; tall, pixie cut black hair, pretty - someone she is meeting for the first time. Steve obviously knows who she is, because he’d walked towards her. 

“Oh, I hope I’m not intruding something!” The girl says the second she sees Natasha in the studio, mildly surprised to see anyone other than Steve there. She darts a quick look between the both of them, and Natasha eases into a small but polite smile. 

“Connie, this is Natasha, she’s my...um,” Steve pauses for a second, “best friend.”

Natasha _almost _frowns when she hears that introduction, even though Steve is technically correct. She’s just a little taken aback, because she’d introduced him as her boyfriend to almost everyone from her department who had spotted them together. Natasha mentally shakes her head, reminding herself that they’re now in Steve’s department, not hers - there is absolutely no reason for him to still be keeping that persona in front of a coursemate. She_ isn’t_ his girlfriend, anyway.

Natasha is too deep in her thoughts to realise that Connie had exchanged a certain _knowing _look at Steve. She makes her way towards the redhead before jutting a hand out towards her.

“Hi Natasha, I’m Connie, Steve’s partner for this ongoing project we’ve been working on since the start of the semester.”

Another information that catches her off guard; she’s Steve’s art project partner since the start of the semester? Why didn’t he mention this to her before? “Hey.” Natasha greets in the friendliest tone she could master, shaking her hand lightly. 

“I thought of going through the sketch with you, but if this isn’t a good time, I can come back later.” Connie waves the roll of paper in her hands towards Steve, but the latter quickly shakes his head a few times. 

“Now’s a great time. Don’t mind Natasha, she’s just hanging around until her next lecture at 4.”

“Yeah,” Natasha simply agrees. “Don’t mind me, just carry on with whatever you intend to do.”

Connie nods, and then heads for the table in the middle of the room to spread her roll of paper. Steve is by her side in an instant, looking into Connie’s sketch as she starts explaining the details of her drawing to him. 

Natasha observes them from the side silently. She sees how close they are standing together, how synchronised they are in discussing ideas on some parts of the drawing laid out in front of them. Then Connie is whispering something to him, and they both started to laugh together. Natasha sees how the tips of Steve’s ears had turned a slight pink when Connie leans closer into his side to point out something on her drawing. 

When Natasha sees all of that, her first reaction is to grin - because Steve Rogers getting flustered over a girl could only mean one thing. Is that why he never told her about Connie? Never once brought her up even though she’d asked him many times about his art projects?

Then, without warning, her second reaction kicks in, and all of a sudden, Natasha’s smile turns slowly into a frown. There’s an unfamiliar feeling growing within her, an ugly green that is suddenly flashing across her eyes before she could even stop herself. It surprises her, because she doesn’t know what to make of this feeling, because this has never happened before, _never_.

Watching them work in tandem over a piece of drawing makes Natasha feel out of place, uncomfortable, like a sore thumb sticking out that doesn’t fit at all. It feels as though she’s intruding, like she’s a stranger looking in and seeing something she isn’t supposed to see. When that thought becomes clearer, Natasha starts to move stealthily towards the door. She pauses to look back, opening her mouth slightly - she should at least inform Steve and Connie that she’ll make a move first, shouldn’t she?

But she sees how engrossed they are in their art project, their backs now against her - and Natasha, Natasha just stops thinking.

She’s out of the art studio in a blink of an eye.

* * *

Once her lecture is over, Natasha reaches for her phone to turn it back on - she’d purposely switched it off the second she’d left the arts department, her mind tangled with incoherent thoughts that don’t make sense to her - she’s been getting way too many thoughts like that as of late, so before she provided an opportunity for a headache to strike her, Natasha decided to tune the entire world out.

As she waits for her phone to boot up, Natasha heaves a sigh. The discomfort in her heart, that uneasiness in her stomach - they’re impossible to ignore, even though she doesn’t know why she’s feeling this way. 

But when she looks at her screen and sees the first notification that pops up, Natasha has a rough idea _why. _She just doesn’t want to admit it, not even in her head.

** _From: Steeb_ **

> _Hey, when did you leave the studio?_
> 
> _ Everything okay?_

“Carol?” Natasha calls out before the blonde disappears into an opposite direction from where they’re heading towards. “Do you have dinner plans?”

Carol shakes her head. “Nope. Do you want to eat dinner together?”

“Yeah.” The redhead nods. “If you’re okay with it.”

“Duh, of course I am.” Carol grins. “My car’s parked behind the building. What do you feel like eating?”

“A million dollar question.” Natasha laughs just as Carol groans at her reply. “But anything is fine, honestly.”

“Hamburgers, pasta, that Thai place down the street, Chinese food, sushi…” Carol starts listing down a few suggestions. “Pick one.”

“Thai, then.” Natasha replies, then goes back to her phone to type a reply to Steve.

> _A little after Connie arrived, didn’t want to disturb you two._

** _From: Steeb_ **

> _Oh, okay. You weren’t disturbing though._
> 
> _ Any dinner plans?_

Natasha waits until she reaches Carol’s car before she types another reply.

> _I’m eating with Carol tonight._

** _From: Steeb_ **

> _ I see. Enjoy your dinner then. _

She heaves another sigh before tossing her phone into her backpack. Carol turns to look at her slightly as she starts her car. “What’s that sigh for?”

“Nothing.” Natasha eases into an easy lie. “I was thinking of Professor Sitwell’s assignment, that’s all.”

“Oh, right. When is that due again?”

“Next month.”

“Plenty of time left.” Carol grins, and Natasha lets out a low chuckle. “I don’t even need to ask you to know that you’ve probably already started on it.”

She blithely shrugs. “Guilty as charged.”

Carol starts to drive towards the Thai restaurant she’d mentioned, keeping small talks along the way there. Natasha replies to all of her questions, but doesn’t ask any of her own. She feels a little too troubled to want to talk that much, to be honest. If Carol realises something is amiss with her, she doesn’t point it out. Instead, she offers to buy her ice-cream for dessert after dinner.

Natasha simply smiles gratefully.

* * *

The rest of the weekdays went by quickly, Natasha moving from one class to another on auto-pilot. By the end of Friday, she’d slowly come to terms with that awful unclear feeling in the pit of her stomach, finally setting it aside and pretending like everything is okay between her and Steve. Such pretence only lasted her one day, for when she meets Hope van Dyne for lunch on Sunday, the walls she’d built around her heart crumble in an instant. It all started from a simple question from Hope; 

“Are you currently in a relationship, Nat?”

A question she’s familiar with by now, but it is still a question that Natasha is never comfortable answering, because most of the time, she doesn’t know _how _to answer it without feeling like she’d betrayed everyone’s feelings and trust. 

“Hope…” Natasha’s sentence trails off. She purposely stalls by taking a sip from her coffee, and Hope raises an eyebrow. 

“Really? There’s no one?” Hope asks, a little surprise to see Natasha react like that to a question she’d genuinely thought had a clear answer to. “I thought there was someone honestly, because you seem so much happier recently. At least, from your Instagram posts.”

The irony, Natasha thinks to herself immediately. She shakes her head slowly, and leaves Hope to come up with her own conclusion. Thankfully, Hope drops the subject, switching it to how she’d met an old friend by the name of Scott Lang who is also currently working in Pym Technologies. It distracts Natasha long enough to finally laugh as she teases Hope about the potential budding romance between the two of them. Hope’s cheeks begin to flush, even when she denies hotly that she sees Scott as anything more than a colleague. 

Once Natasha is done with her teasing, silence seems to stretch between them - Hope is quickly browsing through her work emails through her phone, and Natasha doesn’t know how or why she has this sudden urge to bring _that_ topic up again - maybe because it’s _Hope _sitting in front of her, someone she’d thought of as her own big sister - but the words leave her before she could even stop herself.

“Hope? Can I ask you something?” The brunette instantly looks away from her phone to meet Natasha’s gaze. “It’s about a friend of mine, actually.”

“Oh, okay.” Hope smiles, setting her phone aside. “Sure.”

“So this friend of mine,” Natasha starts, ignoring the way her heart is pounding irregularly against her ribcage. “she recently had this arrangement with her best friend to uh...be in a relationship of convenience.” 

“Relationship of...convenience?” Hope raises an eyebrow sceptically.

Natasha starts to shake her hand. “Wait, no, oh god, that came out wrong. I don’t mean friends with benefits or whatever it is you’re thinking. It’s just...well, for a research study.” 

Hope remains quiet, so Natasha continues. “And well, it’s hard to explain, really, but lately, she’s been really confused with herself.”

“How so?”

“The other day, she saw her best friend with another female coursemate. They are working together for a project.” Natasha swallows the lump in her throat, presses herself to continue, to say the words she’d tried to ignore out loud. “And it just, in some way or another, it kinda tugged her heartstrings in a wrong way.”

Hope frowns. “You mean like...jealousy?”

“What? _No_, I don’t mean jealousy! Definitely _not _jealousy.” Natasha says haughtily, feeling the blush creeping onto her face. She looks down at her coffee in a haste, avoiding Hope’s gaze. “She’s happy for him, obviously, if that even is something to be happy over. But she’s just a little...well...unsettled? That he didn’t tell her about this girl?”

There’s a long pause from Hope, and Natasha has to look up to see if she’d heard her. She had, for Hope is still staring at her with a sort of expression in her eyes that Natasha couldn’t decipher. 

Hope takes a sip from her drink before asking, “Is your friend very close to her best friend? Like the sort that would tell each other everything in their lives?”

“Yeah!” Natasha replies a little too quickly, then clears her throat to hide her embarrassment.

“Maybe Steve didn’t have the opportunity to tell you about his coursemate.” Hope says nonchalantly, without hesitation in her tone, and Natasha naturally nods along to her reply. “Yeah, it really could be that he’s just busy -” 

Natasha’s face breaks into mock horror, realising a second too late that she’d just slipped up. She snaps her head towards Hope, her jaw dropping slightly in surprise - Hope merely shrugs, smirking as she takes another sip of her coffee.

“Hope, I -”

“You don’t have to explain everything to me, Nat.” Hope says calmly, still smiling. She waits for Natasha to calm down before continuing. “Just tell me what’s going on with you now. How do you feel seeing Steve with this girl?”

“I don’t know.” Natasha finally replies. “I really, honestly, don’t know. I’m just so confused with everything, honestly.”

“What initiated this feeling?”

“I think...well, I think it’s because of the people around us. Apparently our friends were rooting for us to happen since forever. Not just them but Sarah, too.”

“Oh.”

“_Oh?_” Natasha could feel another sigh coming from her throat. “Not you, too.”

“I will not lie and tell you that I haven’t thought about it before.” Hope confesses with a sheepish smile. “Because it has struck my thoughts a few times.”

Natasha just nods in acceptance that apparently, the entire world has been rooting for them to be together for a long time. “Well, you’re not the only one that’s for sure.”

“Did their comments trigger something within you?”

“It’s like...their words have switched on a light bulb in me, and the switch is stuck. No matter how much I try to switch it off, I can’t.”

“What can’t you switch off?”

“The…” Natasha struggles to get the words out. “The prospects of me _actually _being in a relationship with Steve.”

“And that’s bothering you...why?”

“Because…” Natasha is frustrated now, running her hand through her hair and then sighing. “Because it’s Steve _and_ me. It’s...we’ve been best friends for _so_ long.”

“Nat,” Hope says in a tone that has the redhead looking at her. “I’m quite sure the others have already said this, but it’s_ precisely _because it’s you _and _Steve that it _shouldn’t _bother you.”

A few seconds lapse in silence, Natasha still has her gaze fixed on Hope. And then it wavers as she clasps her hands together to prevent herself from trembling. The next words that Natasha wants to tell Hope are words she’d kept hidden inside her ever since her encounter with Connie. Saying those words out loud would mark the beginning of acknowledging such a _problem _exists, when it shouldn’t. It _shouldn’t_ have existed. Above all, saying it out loud would mean that Natasha is finally admitting to herself that this entire ordeal bothers her because there’s a possibility of her liking -

She shakes her head and pushes that dangerous thought into the back of her mind. 

“It still bothers me though.” Natasha starts to say slowly, biting her lower lip as she stops herself. This is where it gets difficult, she thinks - once the words are out, she wouldn’t be able to retract them. She hesitates, opening and closing her mouth a few times as she watches how Hope had raised her eyebrow, still waiting for her to continue her sentence.

Hope does it for her in the end, seeing how much she is struggling to just say those words. “Does it bother you because you think that Steve doesn’t share the same...feelings...as you?” 

The second Natasha hears those words come out from Hope’s mouth, her heart clenches immediately - it nearly knocks the wind out of her. She leans into her seat, trying to be calm, even though she’s anything but. 

Never did Natasha expect there would be a day where she would hear those words in the same sentence together - _Steve not sharing the same feelings as her_; they’re words that could potentially wreck the friendship she had built over the years with him, and it just - it scares her. 

It truly, terribly, scares her.

“Nat?” Hope calls out her name gently, leaning forward in her seat. “It’s okay to be scared.”

For a moment, Natasha wonders if she’d said her thoughts out loud without realising - she hadn’t, of course. Hope is probably the only other person other than Steve who could read her like a worn out book. 

“Do you like Steve?” Hope asks slowly, softly, trying to gauge her friend’s reaction. 

“Does that matter?” Natasha replies, gaze faltering. “When he likes someone else?” 

It comes off as a whisper, so soft that Hope almost misses it if not because she’d leaned forward to catch the words in her ears. Her forehead creases slightly, even though the rest of her face remains impassive - somehow, Natasha appreciates it that Hope isn’t reacting too much over what she’d just told her, it makes her feel a little better, a little less vulnerable.

“How sure are you that he likes someone else?”

“I saw them together. I’m sure.” Natasha says firmly, as if she’s trying to convince not just Hope but herself. 

“So this newfound feeling that you’re having…” Hope hesitates a little, “you’re not going to tell him about it?”

There’s too much risk in telling him - Natasha thinks, especially since she isn’t even entirely sure of her feelings for him, yet. It takes Natasha a while to answer Hope, but she does eventually, with a shake of her head. “It’s for the best, anyway.”

“Really?” Hope asks, a little doubtful. 

Even though her heart is reacting in an entirely opposite manner, Natasha thinks that it shouldn’t be that difficult; to act like everything is fine, and that nothing had changed between them - Steve would always be her best friend, regardless of what she (thinks she) feels for him. She wholeheartedly believes that in telling Hope that it would be best to keep it a secret, to not tell Steve about her newfound feeling - it would protect both of their hearts, most importantly, hers - She can’t lose Steve, she just_ can’t._

Which is why Natasha is firm when she replies, “Positive.”

She doesn’t know that her decision, instead of protecting her heart, would end up aggravating the feelings she had kept locked in the deepest recesses of her heart. She wouldn’t be aware until much later, when Natasha finally realises that no matter how much she suppresses her feelings for him, when she finally acknowledges that she has _fallen in love _with Steve, her heart would still ache. Every time she pushes him away, every time she watches his retreating back. 

Her heart would still ache, because everything that falls, Natasha would discover a little too late, eventually _breaks_. 

* * *


	9. the argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of an argument that nearly tears them apart, and a painting Steve doesn't even remember he'd painted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just came back from Japan yesterday, slept like a pig for 12 hours and then finished writing this chapter once I was awake and had finished unpacking. I had a great time there so now it's back to churning words out for this fic ;) 
> 
> This chapter is the longest chapter so far - 9k words! It is one of my favourites, for sure, hands down. I hope you like it!

In between a few tests and two more assignments to complete, Natasha buries herself in the busiest time of the semester with little to no time for anything other than her school work. Inevitably, this begins to put a wedge in between the time she has to spend with Steve (and her other friends), but Natasha doesn’t dwell too much on that, believing that she has no choice but to prioritise her grades and school performance. She likes to believe that it isn’t that she is actively going all out to avoid Steve - she barely sees him these days anyway, telling herself that it is a matter of unavoidable circumstances; that the timing of all her tests and due dates for her assignments are coincidentally lumped into the same month, and there is nothing she could do about it. 

It eases the slight guilt in her heart that Steve is also experiencing his busiest month, dedicating most of his time to finishing his two art projects, and then preparing for his final art exhibition which he’d mentioned to Natasha in passing. The distance between them seems to grow each day, when regular sessions to catch up with each other, meals over lunch and dinner, slowly became just a hello and a goodbye in passing at home. 

Natasha wonders if this is a blessing in disguise; because this way, she doesn’t need to deal with the problems of her heart, she doesn’t need to think about all the _what ifs, _or the consequences - there is no need for her to acknowledge that, whether she likes it or not, things_ are_ changing between them.

The only time she gets to see him now is when the both of them are at home together at night. She had gone to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water when she hears the sound of keys unlocking the front door. When Natasha looks up from the water dispenser, she meets Steve’s tired gaze, and they both nod at each other as a form of greeting. 

“Long day?” She asks, taking a sip of water as Steve nods again in silence. He heads for his room, and Natasha leaves him be with no further question, dousing her water in one gulp before washing her mug.

“How was your day?” Steve re-emerges from his room after tossing his backpack onto the floor. Natasha turns off the tap and dries her hands before turning to look at him. She offers him a small smile. “Good. I had a test earlier, everything else was rather uneventful.”

“Oh.” Steve replies, and silence starts to fill the air again. She shuffles her feet uncomfortably, her mouth dry from the lack of words in her mind.

Has it always been this difficult making a conversation with him? Natasha finds herself thinking when she sees how Steve is just awkwardly standing in the living room, seemingly lost in his own thoughts and not knowing what else to say to her. Her mind is oddly blank as well and all she could do is to stare back quietly. Since when was there such a distance between them? Since when was there even _any _distance between them?

Natasha knows when. But instead of acknowledging it, she swallows the words into the deepest parts within her, and locks them tightly in her chest.

“How’s everything?” Natasha wants to cringe when the words leave her mouth eventually - it sounded awfully unnatural even to her; like she’d been forced to say it just to keep the conversation going.

If Steve had realised how awkward Natasha is acting around him now, he doesn’t give it away. Instead, he replies like how he usually would. “I’ve completed my art project. There’s just the one with Connie left.”

Natasha doesn’t even realise that she’d subconsciously gripped onto the edge of the counter the second she hears Connie’s name. “That’s great.” She forces herself to say, even though her mind is reacting to form various imaginations, scenarios that all end with both Steve and Connie constantly working together closely. Constantly being together, maybe even more than her and Steve nowadays. 

That odd, unthinkable feeling re-emerges within Natasha, flooding into the depths of her heart without warning - the conversation she had with Hope rings repeatedly in her mind, too clearly for her liking. _Jealousy_. The word pops into her mind and Natasha mentally shakes her head in horror, disagreeing with Hope yet once again, even though her mind and her heart are telling her two entirely different things.

“Speaking of which, my art exhibition is in three weeks. It’ll be up for the entire weekend.” Steve finally looks at Natasha, realising that she’d gone quiet again. “You’ll come, right?”

“Of course.” She nods, recalling how important this art exhibition is to Steve. He’d been talking about it since the beginning of the year. “I’ll definitely be there.” Natasha promises.

“It’ll be in Hall 2. I’m sharing sections with other students, Connie included, so don’t be surprised.”

“Okay.” Natasha simply says before clasping her hands together. Eyes avoiding Steve, she starts to move away, walking past him as she heads for her room. Natasha jumps when she feels Steve’s hand curling around her arm, effectively halting her movement.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, holding her at arm’s length, his eyebrows furrowed in slight worry. She feels her heart skipping a beat. Natasha is subtle when she shifts her stance, so that she breaks the hold Steve has on her. 

She finally nods. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Natasha is lying, and Steve can see that; years of being her best friend has taught him how to read her like an open book. He knows her from the back of his hand, knows what she is thinking just by looking at her reaction alone. Right now, Steve could tell that something is bothering her; the way she couldn’t meet his gaze, the way she’s fidgeting, restlessness strewn across her face. But Steve also knows that if he presses her to say something, she would shut herself from him and run. So he doesn’t question her, doesn’t try to pry it out of her.

“Do you want to watch a movie with me tomorrow evening? I have free tickets for two.” Steve starts again after a short pause between them. He remembers the last time he'd asked her out for a movie, but Natasha had declined because of an assignment she had to complete. She had promised that next time when he asks though, she would say yes. 

But Natasha lets out another soft sigh, and Steve just knows. He slumps his shoulders in graceful acceptance, already embracing another decline from her.

“Tomorrow’s Friday.” She's biting her lower lip. “I have tutorial with Janet, remember?”

He’d forgotten, actually - it’d slipped past his mind. Is tomorrow Friday, already? “Oh, right.” 

“Sorry.” Natasha finally looks at him, albeit apologetically. “Try asking Sam?”

“Oh no, he’s going out with Maria.” Steve waves one hand. “It’s okay, I’ll just ask...Connie or something.”

Natasha could feel the blood rushing into her head. In just a span of ten minutes, Steve had mentioned Connie’s name three times - it shouldn’t bother her this much, but it does, and Natasha doesn’t know how to react to the way her heart started to race. But she levels herself quickly, her expression betraying none of her actual thoughts. “Oh.” is all Natasha manages to say, before she looks down.

_He must really like her, huh_? She blinks at the thought that rushes through her head, feels herself blocking out all other rational thoughts. 

Natasha whispers after a few more seconds. “Hey, I’m really tired so...I’m gonna sleep now.”

“Goodnight.” Steve says, to which she nods, lifting her head up to meet his gaze briefly. “Night, Steve.”

The second Natasha closes her door behind her, Steve lets out the breath that he isn’t even aware he’d been holding. His heart thunders beneath his skin, tangled knots in his stomach. Once upon a time, speaking to Natasha, holding a conversation with her - they’d all come to him naturally, a routine he’d gotten used to. Even silence between them was one that had always been comfortable, not one that he’d ever wished to get out from.

Now, he can’t even talk to her without feeling as though something is about to burst out from his lungs. Steve could only wonder - what went wrong between them? What happened? Can they fix this, whatever it is that is going on between them?

The answer flits into his mind. He doesn’t know.

* * *

When her schedule finally begins to calms down two weeks after, Natasha starts to see Steve more frequently again, even though most of the time, they barely exchange any words with each other. Now that she has more time to spare, Natasha came to an inevitable acceptance of the growing distance between them. When Clint asked her out of the blue one day if everything was okay between Steve and her, Natasha had merely shrugged in a nonchalant manner before saying yes. When Maria questioned why she was spending her weekends crashing Tony and Pepper, Thor and Jane’s evenings together, instead of with her own boyfriend - Natasha had pretended to be offended, retorting towards her roommate that it shouldn’t be a crime if she wanted to catch up with her other close friends. 

Natasha doesn't tell anyone that she is a little jarred by the fact that her other friends had began to notice the change in her relationship with Steve. But she takes it as a sign for her to try and patch things up with him, even if them drifting apart had been because of college, and _nothing else. _ Which is why on one Friday morning where Janet had cancelled her evening tutorial because of a meeting she needed to attend, Natasha musters all the courage she has in her to ask if Steve wants to hang out with her, to make up for both times where she had declined Steve's invitation.

Steve squirms a little the second she asked if he would be free for a movie together later in the evening. It wasn't the reaction she had expected or hoped for, but Natasha remains impassive when he elaborates. “I…uh…have plans tonight, Nat. Sorry." 

It didn't go unnoticed to Natasha that he'd avoided looking at her when he said that. Although disappointed, Natasha nods in understanding. “Oh, I see. What plans?”

“Connie and I are visiting the art museum later. There’s a new exhibition we’ve both wanted to see for a long time now.” Steve explains with a small, apologetic smile. Natasha nods again, her expression still impassive, her heart surprisingly calm. At this point, she'd gotten used to it, of Steve hanging out with Connie.

And it isn’t a big deal, honestly. It shouldn’t be a big deal - Steve has every right to have plans that did not include her, because she’d done the same to him many times. They don’t _have _to always hang out together. It is that simple, _should be _that simple.

But the truth is that Natasha doesn’t know what to feel about this drastic change in their relationship. How they couldn't see eye to eye lately, couldn’t be in the same room for long without feeling as though the silence was about to eat them alive. She doesn't know what to make of the fact that Steve has a new female friend that he clearly likes spending time with, doesn't know how to react when she'd gone to visit him a few times in his art studio - a flail attempt in trying to bridge the sudden shift in their relationship - only to find that Steve was _always_ with Connie. Natasha represses any other feelings building within her that are contrary to what she believes she should feel for her best friend. Because of all the things she should feel about Steve always meeting up with Connie, she should feel _happy _for him, especially if her suspicions are true. Steve deserves a chance in happiness - shouldn’t that be what she, as his best friend, hopes for?

It ought to be so, if not because Steve has become somewhat distant these days - and it pains her heart to admit this. Steve had been awfully quiet whenever he’s with her, of all the few times they even had left together these days, not quite saying anything, not quite meeting her eyes when he spoke to her. It has been this way for a long time, how awkward and careful they suddenly are around each other - even Daisy had noticed, asking them if they were alright during the last session they had with her. 

Steve may physically be there by her side, but Natasha knows that he isn’t truly with her. He isn’t the only one to be blamed though, and Natasha knows. She knows that she has a fair share in this, too. Because everything that she sees in Steve, she also sees in herself - all the silence lingering in the air after she replies his questions curtly, the way she couldn’t bring herself to look at him for any longer than 3 seconds. Natasha is trying so hard to act like everything is normal between them, when the reality is that something has shifted surely between them - how did this happen, how did they come to this point with just one unplanned kiss?

“Say, do you like Connie?” Natasha decides to ask one quiet evening in the house, Steve seated on the opposite end of the dining table as they eat their dinner in silence. Natasha had asked the question as nonchalantly as she could, eyes not on Steve but instead, on the food in front of her.

“W-what?” Steve sputters out, nearly choking on his chicken. He lifts his head from his dinner to look at Natasha, trying to see if he’d heard her question right.

“She seems nice.” Natasha continues, glancing at him for a brief second before turning back to her plate. “I’ve noticed that you two are always together.”

There’s a long pause, an uncomfortable silence between them. Steve continues to look at her, but Natasha doesn’t look at him back. He swallows the lump on his throat, then answers slowly and carefully, trying to form proper words at the tip of his tongue.

“If you’re trying to imply that those were dates...they were not.” 

“Why not?” Natasha asks a few seconds after she’d finished her meal. She puts on a tiny smile, one side of her lips curling upward as she finally looks into his direction. “Too scared?”

“Too busy.” Steve puts in point-blank. “Plus _our _arrangement, if you’ve forgotten?”

For the briefest of seconds, Steve thinks that maybe Natasha _had_ forgotten about their pretend relationship. Why else would she imply that he’d gone on dates? There’s a subtle confusion in the air that Steve is unable to place - he sees that Natasha is merely staring at him now, _really _looking at him, even though the expression on her face remains unreadable. It truly puzzles him, not knowing what his best friend is thinking when he'd prided himself in knowing her best.

“Technically,” Natasha says after a long pause, her gaze faltering. “you’re not really my boyfriend, so you should be free to date anyone you like.”

“_What_?”

“I know you well, Steve. So if you want to date Connie,” Natasha continues, her eyes now trained on the wall. “I won’t stop you. In fact, I _encourage_ you to.”

“Seriously,” Steve replies in disbelief, almost certain that his ears had deceived him. “_What _are you talking about, Natasha?”

“If you like someone,” She starts to say, “you should tell them.” 

The moment the words leave her mouth, Natasha ignores the awful feeling of irony piercing through her heart. Instead, she pushes herself to continue, not daring to look at Steve’s reaction. “You should date Connie.”

Steve does a double take, a little stunned to hear that from Natasha - that was the_ last _thing he’d expected for her to say to him. He opens his mouth to reply, to counter what she’d just said, but nothing comes out. 

Nothing comes out, because Natasha _isn’t_ wrong. She’s not his girlfriend and he’s not her boyfriend. They’re not in a relationship with each other - so why can’t she assume he’s seeing someone else? Still, that doesn’t stop Steve from reeling in slight annoyance, frustration rising within him. He doesn’t exactly know why, but the feeling crashes over him without warning, and he stands abruptly, gripping the side of the table so tightly his knuckles are turning white.

“Whether or not we are in a pretend relationship, Natasha,” Steve says in between gritted teeth, trying to level himself. “If you think I’ll do that to you, then maybe you _don’t_ know me that well after all.”

“_Excuse me?_” Natasha starts to rise from her seat, narrowing her eyes. “Did you _really _just say that?”

“Wouldn’t you too, if your best friend straight up tells you to go date another girl while he’s in a _relationship,” _Steve air quotes the last word with his fingers. “with you?”

“I’m only trying to think of what’s best for you, for God’s sake!” Natasha raises her voice in equal annoyance, almost hissing the words out.

“I don’t need _you _to think of what’s best for me.” Steve snaps back in an equally matched tone. “Not when you can't even hold two conversations with me nowadays, ever since that _day_.”

The implication is heavy behind that sentence, and Natasha feels her heart clenching with hurt. Although Steve didn’t say which day, or what happened during that day, Natasha understands him. She starts to open her mouth to retort, to fight back, to tell Steve that she isn't the only one to be blamed when _he _himself could no longer look at her properly. But she stops herself at the very last second; she isn’t going to mention that _incident _that started it all, she _isn’t - _because one thing would lead to another, and she would be forced to talk about what happened - Natasha doesn't think she is ready for that confrontation, yet.

Instead, Natasha rakes a hand over her hair angrily. “Jesus, Steve, I’m just trying to goddamn _help _you!” She screeches, feeling the last strand of her temper snapping into two.

“Wow, so now you’re trying to _help _me.” Steve laughs bitterly. “This conversation is _awfully _familiar, do you realise that?”

Natasha is seething by now. “I can’t believe you’re bringing up an argument from the past.” She says in between gritted teeth.

“Why can't I? So _you_ can help me, but if _I _want to help you, that's off the table?” 

It is unreasonable of Steve, and he knows it - to bring up an old argument that was supposed to be long behind them and forgotten, one that has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation today, where the circumstances had been completely different. Steve doesn't even know why he would say those words, but he can't stop himself either, now that he'd already started - “_Hypocrite._” 

Slightly alarmed, but filled mostly with anger and frustration within her, Natasha raises her voice to her heart's content. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” 

“What is wrong with _me_?” Steve scoffs. “_Me_? When it’s _you_ missing the entire point here!”

“What even was the point you were trying to make? That you shouldn’t date someone else because you’re in a _relationship_ with me?” She scoffs back harshly. “Because guess what, Steve, that relationship is _fake _and you’re _not _my fucking boyfriend!”

In lieu to that came a period of unbreachable silence. Natasha is somewhat glad that no one else is at home, not since she’d just yelled those words out loud, the aftereffect still lingering hotly in the air. Steve stares back, eyes clearly wide and livid with anger. Natasha doesn’t back down - she is glaring daggers at him, her arms crossed over her chest tightly.

“You don’t _have _to keep reminding me, Natasha.” Steve snarls, lowering his voice. He is breathing loudly, as though trying to calm himself. Natasha could see it, could sense that he was livid - this is probably the first she’d ever seen him in this state towards her, this...certain animosity in the way he is glaring down at her. She feels pins prickling against her skin, her heart smashed against the walls of her chest repeatedly. “I got that _loud and clear_ the first time.”

And then he stalks into his room, slamming the door loudly behind him with such a force that almost knocks down the frame beside his room. Steve doesn’t look back. If he had, he would have seen the gradual trembling of Natasha’s back, her shoulders shaking as she presses a hand tightly against her mouth, trying to suppress the sobs that are threatening to come out from her throat.

* * *

Ever since the fight, they haven’t spoken to each other in days. 

Everyone in the house noticed the cold war between them, the tension so palpable that they naturally fall into silence whenever Natasha and Steve are in the same room together. Maria and Sam would exchange countless looks with each other, with Clint monitoring from the side quietly. They have no idea what happened between the two best friends, and no one has the courage to ask, not even Clint. When Steve steps into the living room, Natasha steps out almost at once. If Natasha is eating at the dining table, Steve would resort to eating in his room instead. They weren’t even being subtle about avoiding each other, leaving their housemates extremely shocked, given how they were _never _like that with each other.

“What’s up with you and Natasha?” Sam is the first to break the question one morning after their morning jog together. He senses the immediate tension in Steve’s body, how he is clenching his jaws tightly, how he is aggressively wiping the sweat on his forehead and neck with his towel. 

“Let’s just say we’re not exactly in the best situation with each other now.” Steve doesn’t lie, even though he wants to.

“If looks could kill, both of you would already be dead by now.” Sam shakes his head. “Whatever happened between you two? You went from lovers to enemies in one night.”

“We fought.” Steve replies between gritted teeth. “And this time, I’m _not _going to be the one to apologise first.”

“Why does it matter who apologises first?” Sam asks, an eyebrow arched. “It’s not a competition, Steve.”

Steve turns his head to the side so he could glare at his friend. Sam almost glares back in defiance, arms crossed. “It matters if you knew what she said to me.”

“Okay, fine, I don’t know what happened and I won’t pry.” Sam begins again. “It’s just so weird seeing the two of you like that, like you’re after each other’s throats. It’s so unlike you two.”

“You’ll have to get used to it, then.” Steve shrugs in annoyance. “Because until and unless Natasha apologises to me, I’m not backing down.”

To say that Sam is surprised is an understatement; hearing such a sentence from Steve, his tone laced with obvious bitterness and frustration - what did Natasha say to him? What did she do to piss him off this badly? It must have been extremely severe for Steve to act the way he is acting now, towards Natasha of all people, the one person he seems to have an infinite patience and love for. It boggles Sam to no ends, but he knows that it isn’t his place to ask, so Sam doesn’t.

Instead, he says softly. “She cried, yknow. Maria heard her.”

Sam sees the slight flicker in Steve’s eyes; how they’d shifted subtly from those of anger to sadness of learning that information. He remains quiet, prompting Sam to continue. “If you want my two cents on this matter, I would tell you that Natasha probably regrets what she said to you. But you know her. She’s hurting, and she’s probably angry, too. Her apologising to you would be another story entirely.”

Steve takes in Sam’s words, lets them sink in. His words do have merits in them, but he is blinded by hurt himself to truly consider doing what Sam had implied for him to. 

“She’s just so...sometimes she’s just so _troublesome. _She told me to -” Steve says, frustration piling up like bitter bile in him. If he could just tell Sam what she’d asked, no, _pleaded_, for him to do in favour of her earning extra cash, if only he could tell Sam she’d then tossed everything aside this easily by encouraging him to date someone else, but not before kissing him like she’d wanted to - what on earth does she want? What does _he _want?

He couldn’t tell that to Sam, so Steve bites his tongue and keeps mum.

“Come on, Steve. Shouldn’t she be worth the trouble? It’s Natasha we are talking about. _Your _best friend since you were ten.”

Sam’s reminder is something he’s well aware of, it is something that is constantly gnawing his brain, triggering every memory of their past together each time he tries to fall asleep. Steve doesn’t need a reminder of what Natasha is to him, not when the root of the entire problem between them now is due to the fact that she _is_ his best friend.

If Natasha wasn’t his best friend, would he have agreed to participate in a research study meant clearly for couples? To take that offer so easily if it meant making her happy? To trust her unconditionally and completely when she promised that nothing would change between them?

If Natasha wasn’t his best friend, would he have been this afraid, this terrified, that she’d broken that promise? Because it is obvious to Steve now that something _had _inevitably changed between them - he just couldn’t pinpoint _what _exactly. Would there be this much unresolved tension between them today, all because his mind and heart could not come to a mutual understanding and acceptance regarding how he feels for her, if not because Natasha is his best friend?

When Steve couldn’t answer, Sam continues with another question. “If Natasha doesn’t apologise, where’s that going to leave you two?”

“I don’t know, Sam,” This time, Steve answers, his tone honest, but tired. “but it sure as hell can’t be worse than where we are now.”

* * *

Natasha is numbed.

She is numbed to the pain etched permanently on her heart, numbed to the ache and sorrow carved into her bones. It has been seven days since she’d last spoken to Steve, and it has become blatantly and painfully obvious that neither of them is going to break this cold war between them any time soon.

This has never happened before. They’ve never argued and fought so badly to the point of ignoring the existence of one another for more than three days.

Natasha stares at her laptop screen blankly, her face impassive and her eyes blank. Her mind drifts to a recent memory not too long ago, it drifts to an underlying promise Steve had made to her, about how they would always be together no matter what the circumstances are surrounding them. He’d made it on the day they watched the sunrise together, he’d made it on the day where both of them were brimming with happiness, of the joy of having each other around. He’d made it so easily too, without hesitation, with a sincerity that Natasha had wholeheartedly trusted.

Now? Natasha doesn’t even want to think about them now. Not when it has been one week since they last spoke to each other.

“Bullshit.” She mutters under her breath calmly. “Liar.”

The second the word comes out of her mouth though, Natasha feels a sharp pain gutting her stomach. She instantly feels sick, borderline nauseous, guilt coursing through her veins at the thought of calling Steve _that_. 

He’s not a liar. He’s _never._

They can somehow fix this, right? Natasha asks herself for the umpteenth time - a question to which she is unsure of the answer, not when she had tried to open her mouth to greet Steve yesterday out of courtesy, but he’d brushed past her as though she wasn’t even there. 

Maybe she’s not entirely numbed to the pain after all, not when remembering that instance made her heart clenched. She doesn’t even realise that Carol had slide into the empty bench opposite her, snapping her fingers into her face to get her attention. 

When Natasha snaps out of her thoughts, Carol is already raising an eyebrow towards her direction. She keeps mum though, because Carol had learned the hard way to not ask her what’s up with her lately - not since Natasha had recently snapped at her (and then apologised a second after) when Carol asked if she was alright. 

So Carol chooses the safe route and distracts her with another topic, a gossip of some sort. “Hey, did you hear? A female student was harassed two nights ago when she was walking home.”

Deep down, Natasha is grateful for that. Grateful that Carol is respecting her space, because she is definitely not ready to talk about Steve yet. She sits up straighter, putting on a mask of interest as she looks at Carol. “What happened?”

“I don’t know much about the details, but a passerby saved her before it got worse. The perpetrator was never caught.” The blonde sighs, resting her face against her hand propped against the table. “Remember to bring a spray with you at all times.”

Natasha half rolls her eyes. But she nods, anyway. “Right. You too.”

In an attempt to keep the conversation going, just so she doesn’t have to go back to the thoughts lying dormant at the back of her mind, Natasha decides to ask. “You never told me how your date with Maria went.”

“Oh,” Carol smiles automatically at the mere mention of her girlfriend. “You know us, same old things, just best friends hanging out and doing some stuff couples would do, per the usual.”

Natasha smiles just a little, knowing the history of Carol and Maria’s relationship before they became a couple. She is instantly envious, wondering how they had gone past that line, transitioning so well into a relationship of obvious bliss today. The words spill out of her before she could even stopped herself. 

“How did you and Maria cross over that line from being best friends to lovers?”

There’s a long pause as Carol tries to find an answer, and Natasha simultaneously slaps herself mentally for asking such a question. “You know, honestly, I don’t really know. It just happened naturally.” Carol says in the end with a shrug. “It just felt right, for some reason.”

Natasha furrows her eyebrows together. “Felt right?”

“Yeah.” Carol nods. “Like everything in the world makes sense when we’re together, when we’re kissing, like she’s my entire world. Didn’t you feel that when you and Steve got together?”

_Shit. _Natasha could feel herself paling. Her question had totally backfired on her, and all she could do as she tries so hard to gather herself calmly is to say, “Oh, right. I guess so.”

Bad answer, because the second she said that, Carol’s eyebrows shot upward in a split second.  “You _guess_?” She asks, incredulously, then catches the grimace on her friend’s face - Natasha is looking everywhere except at her direction, and Carol reaches out to grasp her hand, tugging it until the redhead has no choice but to look at her. “Nat, what are you not telling me?”

“Nothing.” Natasha answers, a little too quickly, a little too unnaturally. 

“Oh no,” Carol narrows her eyes dangerously. “there’s definitely _something_.” 

“Carol, I can’t…” 

“Natasha, please. You know that no matter what happens, I got your back, right? Whatever it is, I promise I won’t judge.” And then Carol decides to take in a deep breath, gathering the words that have been in her head for days, before spilling them out quickly before she could change her mind. “I’ve _seen _how you are lately and I can tell that you’re upset. Something happened between you and Steve, am I right?”

_That damn intuition_, Natasha doesn’t know if she wants to laugh, or cry. Maybe both, at the same time. 

Natasha thinks of what to say in response, knows that if she wants to lie, she could very much do it without Carol suspecting anything. It’ll be so easy too, to just sweep everything under the carpet and pretend there is no problem between her and Steve. But when she looks at Carol and sees the genuine sincerity in her eyes, something compels Natasha to just be truthful, to just come clean - perhaps this way, she could at least catch a breath around her close friend, since she cannot do so at home. 

“Before I even tell you the answer to your question, there is something you should know.” Natasha begins calmly, keeping her eyes on Carol and willing for her gaze not to waver. Carol raises an eyebrow, a sign which prompts her to continue. 

“Steve and I were in a pretend relationship for Prof May’s research.” She confesses calmly.

When Carol hears those words, she keeps her face straight, not allowing any expression on her face to even hint what is going through her mind. Because she had promised Natasha that she wouldn’t judge her, so even though hearing that surprises her to the core, even though she feels a little hurt that Natasha would keep such a huge secret from her, Carol doesn’t say anything.

Natasha pauses for a few seconds before continuing. “I thought it would be easy, yknow.” Her gaze starts to falter as she scoffs. “I really thought nothing would change between us, that six months would just pass by and everything would just...fall back into a routine, and that arrangement we made would end up as a story we could laugh about in the future.”

“Turns out I was wrong.” She wants to laugh, hearing those words of admittance out loud. “I was wrong, Carol. Because I actually think I like him.”

Natasha doesn’t look to see how Carol is reacting to what she’d just said. She stares absentmindedly on the textbook beside her laptop, the words a blur. She adds slowly, each words articulated carefully. “More than just friends.”

She sucks in another sharp breath, and then expels loudly. “But he likes someone _else_.” 

Carol remains quiet. 

“The last time we spoke, I told him to date that girl.” Natasha elaborates further. “He was upset, obviously, because even if we are in a pretend relationship, it is against his morals to do that to me. And I...I shouted at him. I reminded him that he isn’t my boyfriend.”

Natasha sighs, shutting her eyes. “That’s why we haven’t been speaking to each other lately. I must have hurt him with my words. He’s keeping the end of his bargain but I just...I just...” She lets her sentence trail off, swallowing the lump in her throat. “So yeah, Carol. Now you know. I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”

Carol speaks for the first time since the redhead had started talking, “Natasha, you’re not stupid. Trust me.”

Then comes a long silence, Natasha finally has no words left to spew out, and Carol is forming words in her mind as carefully as possible. “Are you still in the research study?” She finally asks.

Natasha gives an affirmative nod, but says nothing. 

“When is your next session?” 

“Not until two weeks later.”

“And how long have you not spoken to Steve?”

“Almost a week.” 

“An advice that you don’t have to take, but I hope you take it, Nat.” Carol shrugs after another pause. She takes in a deep breath, knowing what Natasha’s reaction would be the second she hears this suggestion from her. “_Talk _to Steve. _Tell _him that you like him.”

Natasha seems absolutely aghast at that suggestion - has Carol gone completely out of her mind? Carol has predicted this reaction from her, so she simply rolls her eyes. “Look, Nat, how long are you two going to keep up with this silence treatment between you two? This cold war?”

“So you’re suggesting I douse that cold war with a straight up confession that I like him.” Natasha says sarcastically, rolling her eyes as well. “Because that would of course, _magically_ solve all the tension between us now.” 

Carol waves a hand in the air. “Fine, if not that then...an apology, perhaps?”

Natasha winces at once. “That sounds worse.”

“You were in the wrong, need I remind you that?”

“_He _was the one who lashed out on me first.”

“Because you _provoked_ him, Natasha.”

She has nothing to counter Carol, because Natasha knows that her friend was right - had she not been the one to bring up Connie, to act like a martyr and _encouraged_ \- god, she really used that word, didn’t she - Steve to act on his feelings, would they be in this situation today? Had she not opened her damn mouth, had she not repressed her own feelings by acting as though none of what has happened had affected her - _would they be in this situation today?_

Natasha refuses to ask that question out loud, because deep down, she already knows what the answer is - she is just too afraid to admit it.

* * *

She gives in to her conscience in the end, realising that Carol was indeed, right. There’s a sunken feeling in Natasha that knows that this time, Steve isn’t going to be the one with the bigger heart (as he always is) and apologise first - not like it would make her any better of a person even if she is the one apologising this time. Not since this had all started from her, that it was her fault.

Natasha gathers all the courage that remains within her, accumulating them with each step she takes walking from her department to Steve’s. It isn’t that far a walk, and each step she takes became heavier and heavier. By the time she’d reached Steve’s department, Natasha has half the mind to just turn back and run. 

_Enough running, _she chides herself, _enough hiding_. 

And so she continues down the walkway, towards the elevators - she knows which floor his art studio is, anyway. Natasha sucks in a deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart as she presses the button in the elevator. Each passing second felt like a torture to her, because it is taking her _everything _to do this. A string of _what ifs_ entered her mind, and she is left reeling with the aftermath of all the scenarios she’d formed in her head - what if Steve isn’t around, what if Steve doesn’t want to talk to her, what if Steve doesn’t believe her, what if Steve doesn’t forgive her? 

What if what has happened had damaged their friendship beyond repair, even before_ anything _had truly happened? Natasha thinks of that minute Steve had snapped at her, seen the look of horror and mild disgust on his face, the repulsion evident in his expression.

What if Steve doesn’t want this friendship anymore? What if she’d lost Steve just like that?

_Stop. _Natasha mentally screams at herself. _Fucking stop_.

She steps out of the elevator with trembling hands and shaky steps - Steve’s art studio is towards the end of the hallway, which means more dreadful steps, more seconds for her to overthink. By the time Natasha reaches his art studio, her heart is about to combust from all the nerves and anxiety. She doesn’t knock at once, instead, she hesitates, peering into the window beside the door to see if Steve is inside - he is, his back angled sideways towards her.

Her heart stops.

Steve isn’t alone. 

She sees at once, Connie’s jet black hair, sees how close they are standing opposite each other, looking at each other. Natasha sees the way they’re holding hands, and she starts to hold her breath, her eyes wide, her heart caught in her throat - Connie had tiptoed, her head angling upward, Steve’s head bending down slightly.

Natasha whirls around immediately, her face flushed red from a myriad of emotions overwhelming all her senses - in shock, in embarrassment, in disbelief, in...in _pain_? 

It was a mistake coming here. 

Natasha doesn’t think. She just reacts. She runs.

* * *

The second Natasha had whirled around is the second Connie takes three steps back, a grin on her face as she claps her hands together excitedly. “I get it now! What went wrong with my drawing.”

The female goes straight to the drawing spread on her work desk, looking at the rough sketch, studying it closely before taking her pencil from the side. She works silently and quickly, to fix the details she’d believed were mistakes, all the while with Steve merely staring at her from his spot. 

“I swear to God, the moment the theme for our final year project was revealed to be Love, I wanted to scream.” Connie waves her free hand about in the air, frustration in her tone. She looks up briefly to meet Steve’s eyes. “Thanks for being my model. Do you know that I have absolutely_ no _experience in love?”

Steve’s forehead creases in utter surprise and disbelief. “What?”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before. I suspect I might be asexual.” Connie admits sheepishly, her gaze back on her drawing as she continues sketching. “So of _course_ I can’t draw lovers that well. How can I when I don’t even know what it feels like to be in love?”

“Seriously? Not even once?” Steve asks, a small smile gracing his lips. “Do you need experience to draw couples, though?”

“Well,_ you_ don’t seem to have any trouble with your drawings.” Connie counters sharply. “You obviously know _how_ to make them more alive and in love. I think it’s the way you painted their eyes, the sparkles in them.”

“Huh.” Steve shrugs, a little surprised to hear that. “But I just paint what comes to my mind...”

“Seriously, Steve.” Connie shakes her head disapprovingly before putting down her pencil. “You’re projecting your experiences onto your drawings, yet you aren’t even aware.”

He quirks an eyebrow up. “I am?”

Connie heaves a sigh, then walks towards the stacks of canvases propped against the cupboard. She begins to search through the pile, silence in the air as Steve watches her pull one canvas after another. Finally, her hand stills, and she beckons Steve towards her. 

When Steve sees the painting in her hand, he raises an eyebrow on reflex - it’s a close up painting of a couple slow dancing, their foreheads nearly pressed together, the female’s arms around the male’s neck, both gazing at each other. At first glance, Steve doesn’t even know why Connie had paid attention to this painting, he has no idea why it had stood out among the rest of his other artworks. But Connie seems to have a pretty clear idea of what’s on her mind though, so she continues. 

“Is this not you _and_ Natasha?”

Steve’s eyes widen immediately, his jaw dropping slightly. He squints his eyes closer at his own painting, one that he doesn’t even remember _when _he’d painted, only that the idea came to him one morning and he’d painted it without much thought. He’d honestly forgotten this painting even existed, if Steve is to be honest with himself. It was meant to be a practice piece after all, which was why Steve hadn’t been meticulous when he was painting it, which was why he’d carelessly placed it into his other stack of paintings instead of hanging it up on the wall. 

“What?” He asks incredulously, but then realises a second after why Connie had said that. Now that he has really and carefully looked at the painting, Steve’s breath hitches in both surprise and shock, the two people in the painting really _do _remind him of Natasha and himself, and it _does _remind him of the one among two times they’ve slow danced together - one was during senior prom, and the other, which this painting had clearly been based on, was when he’d asked her to go to prom with him in his bedroom. 

Connie sees the look of surprise that crosses his face, the crease of his forehead as he tries to understand what he’d subconsciously done, clearly, without realising. Steve doesn’t have to say anything for her to know what is going on in his head. It is somewhat endearing, Connie thinks. It is also _that_ obvious, how Steve feels for the redhead she’d met that one brief time weeks ago. Maybe it isn’t obvious to him, definitely not to him, but it is to her; Steve Rogers is in love. He just doesn’t know it yet.

“Remember the day I met her the first time? When she was here?” Connie asks then continues without waiting for Steve's reply. “Remember how I nudged your elbow and asked if she was the best friend you told me about?”

Steve’s frown deepens. “Yeah?”

“Did you even realise how much you'd blushed when I asked you that?” Connie smiles slightly, remembering how the tips of Steve's ears had gone pink, even though she had slipped in that question nonchalantly while still focusing on the drawing on the desk - she had to do it subtly, since Natasha was still in the room. The moment she saw the redhead, Connie already had a feeling she was the one Steve had told her about, but still, she wanted confirmation. Seeing how Steve had gone red after her question was enough indication for her. And then a few days after that, while Connie had been cleaning up their shared art studio, she’d came across that lovely painting - it didn’t take a genius to realise that the female in his painting was Natasha. 

“Are you going to tell her about it?” Connie asks after a long moment of silence. Steve snaps his head back into her direction, the crease on his forehead deepening at each passing second. “Tell who what?”

“Tell Natasha that you _really _like her.”

“I do not -” Steve starts, but stops quickly, as though he couldn’t bring himself to say those words out loud. To lie, Connie would like to think. He quickly shakes his head, as though trying to push the thoughts out of his mind. “But I don’t…”

“For Christ’s sake, Steve.” Connie shakes her head while walking forward, thrusting the canvas into his hands before returning to her work desk. “How can you be so oblivious to your own feelings?”

“I’m not obliv-”

Connie cuts him mid-sentence. “Or are you afraid, Steve?”

“Afraid of what?”

There’s a long silence, as she turns away and continues sketching. She answers eventually without looking at him. “Of losing her.” She says plainly, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

Hearing those words out loud hit Steve squarely and directly into his chest, piercing through all the walls he had subconsciously built to shield his heart - she’s right, his inner voice tells him even before he could think carefully over what Connie had told him. She’s right, because Steve couldn’t bear the thought of losing Natasha. He couldn’t, feeling his heart beginning to pound, fathom even the _thought _of having to spend the rest of his life without her by his side.

It’s crazy, Steve thinks, it's crazy how much the redhead means to him. Because he has never known the extent of how important, how deeply ingrained she is in his life until he is thrown into this sudden whirlwind of emotions, of a mess he hadn’t predicted when he accepted Natasha's request in the beginning of the semester. He wouldn’t have known that the remarks and comments made by his friends, his mother, even Fury, could set off this fuse within him, igniting feelings he'd never known he could feel towards his best friend_._

His _best friend_, for Christ’s sake. 

Steve swallows the lump in his throat, hands clasped together tightly.

Connie is right, he decides in the end. There can be many things in the world he is willing to forgo, to lose - things that would hurt at first if he has to let go, like his favourite t-shirt with memories and sentiments from his childhood, or the crush he’d had on a girl back in middle school for the entire term, things that although lost, to Steve, he would come to an eventual acceptance that he’d lose it. Things that Steve could just disregard in the end as something that wasn't meant to be in his life.

There can be many things in the world he is willing to forgo, to lose. But Steve knows for sure, as it echoes in his heart through the way it is beating irregularly against his ribcage, that Natasha is _not _one of those things.

* * *

Natasha hasn’t stopped running, hasn’t stopped to even catch her breath. She isn’t thinking, letting her legs carry her straight back to the psych department, straight towards the hallway leading to the staffs’ offices. When she finally stops in front of the destination in her mind, Natasha finally pauses to breathe properly, to place a hand over her palpitating heart. She levels herself by breathing in and out slowly, trying to calm her heart and the turmoil of emotions in her stomach. She truly, for goodness sake, feels sick.

Natasha’s not thinking at all when she knocks against the door loudly, almost impatiently, waiting for the person at the other side to respond to her - she hears it, a faint _come in_ from beyond the door.

There is no turning back. There is no time to second guess her decision. Natasha takes a deep breath, and allows herself into Professor May’s office.

Melinda looks up in surprise, her pen stills in her hand when she sees the redhead. “Natasha?” She greets at once, confusion in her tone, and a little bit of worry as well as she sees how pale and stricken her student is looking at this moment. “Please sit down. Are you okay?”

Natasha merely nods as she sinks into the seat opposite Melinda. For a few seconds, she doesn’t - couldn’t - say anything. Melinda watches how she would open her mouth, and then close it one second after, sees the confusion masked on her face, the uncertainty of _why _she was even here to see her.

“Is this about the research study?” Melinda asks out of intuition. The mere mention of those words snapped something in Natasha, and suddenly, she isn’t confused anymore. Suddenly, she doesn’t look like a deer caught in headlights, out of place, uncertainty reflecting on her face. Instead, Natasha looks on with a sort of resolution in her expression, a certain type of acceptance gradually replacing the anxiety in her eyes. 

She nods slowly, then swallows the lump latching against her throat. “I have to tell you something, Professor. With your permission, of course.”

Melinda raises a worried eyebrow, then encourages her to continue. “What is it?”

Another long stretch of silence, even though Natasha’s gaze doesn’t falter, her eyes looked every bit determined to get the words out from her system. Melinda waits patiently, clasping her hands together. And then Natasha says it firmly, without a single drop of doubt in her tone.

“I wish to be _removed_ from the study.”

Melinda doesn’t react excessively to that - she merely frowns, pursing her lips together. She keeps quiet though, a gut feeling that Natasha has something else to say in pursuant to that; “I am willing to return all the money paid to me throughout the course of my participation.” 

“Natasha, I realise that you are only referring to yourself.” Melinda says after a short pause, still trying to study the redhead in front of her. “What about Steve?”

Even though Melinda had asked that question, deep down, she already knows what the answer would be - she’d already sensed it the second Natasha had announced for herself to be removed from the study. Something must have happened between the both of them.

“It’s for his own good.” is all Natasha has to say to her question, and Melinda thinks that is sufficient confirmation.

“Why now? There’s only a little over a month left.” 

Melinda had expected silence when those words left her mouth. She’d expected the waver in her gaze as Natasha looks away, but not before Melinda saw the underlying sadness in her eyes.

“Things aren’t exactly...going well with us at the moment.” Natasha admits in the end, and stops at that. “I just don’t think it’s right for us to continue doing this, Prof May. We’ll just mess up your findings and research.” She shakes her head a few times. “It’s _not _right.”

The last sentence, to Melinda, could be a comment from the redhead out of concern for her research study, but to Natasha, it is for another different reason entirely.

“Are you sure about this?” Melinda asks in confirmation, completely aware of what it would mean to her study if one couple is to pull out so suddenly towards the end. Nonetheless, she still asked, finding no heart to decline Natasha’s request, not when the redhead in front of her looks so visibly shaken and _devastated_. Over what, Melinda doesn’t know, but her hunch tells her she knows as much as she should.

“Yes.” Natasha affirms with a nod. “Yes, I am.”

“Alright, then.” When Melinda says those two words, Natasha exhales a sigh of relief. “You and Steve do not have to come for the upcoming sessions anymore.”

“Thank you, Professor.” She nearly but breathes out in gratitude.

“And neither of you need to return the money. It is yours to keep. No buts.” Melinda finishes her sentence, turning back towards the papers strewn in front of her. This decision of hers to let Steve and Natasha go could very well cause a headache in the upcoming weeks, but Melinda puts it behind her mind and thinks of it as a worry for another day.

Natasha starts to stand just as Melinda speaks again. “And Natasha?” Her tone soft as she glances up to offer her a small smile. “I really hope things will get better between you two.”

The redhead returns her smile gently, her words sincere when she says, “I hope so too.”

Once Natasha steps out of the hallway, she takes in a deep breath. She closes her eyes, wondering if this had been a right decision to make. When she opens her eyes again, Natasha had come to a conclusion that it is. It is the only way for Steve to be happy, it is the only way she could think of that could salvage their friendship with each other, to fix the problem she'd caused. 

A few seconds after, Natasha reaches for the phone in her pocket. Once she’d finished typing the short text, her thumb hovers over the send button for the longest of time. Natasha sucks in another deep breath, and presses send.

> _We need to talk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah okay bye I'm running away now before I get yell at, till the next update <3 (which will probably be some time end of next week - the next chapter may be a little slower than usual since I have an important interview to prepare for on Tuesday).


	10. “can we stay like this forever?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of apologies and Natasha finally realising that her feelings for Steve is not as simple as she thought it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //TW - Assault

The tension in the air continues to linger at every passing second, the silence between them almost deafening as Steve and Natasha sat across each other at a corner table in Starbucks. It’s been a little over two hours since Steve had received Natasha’s text, and when he’d replied with just one word; _where?, _Natasha had given him the first location she could think of. 

This is how they find themselves stuck in one of the most crowded places near Midgard University - but the loudness of the people around them, the chattering and laughter, are not enough to ease the discomfort and awkwardness between them - they’ve been silent for a good 15 minutes, with Natasha staring at her cup of coffee, while Steve continues to scroll through his phone, choosing to observe her antics from his peripheral vision - he could see the expression she is carrying, one that he has a hard time reading for sure, but knows enough that Natasha is awfully troubled. He has this urge to just break the silence between them, to comment about the weather maybe, or just ask how her day had been, but Steve chooses against the wishes of his heart, and remains mum. 

He continues to wait, ignoring both Sam and Connie's words ringing in his head. 

Natasha, on the other hand, finds her mind oddly blank despite being the one who had called him out to meet her. She knows full well that this is a conversation she cannot avoid forever, not after what Carol had said to her, not after what she'd witnessed, and then done in Professor May's office. She thinks he deserves to know that she'd pulled them both out of the study, but Natasha doesn't know how to formulate the words in her mouth. 

A flitting thought - Carol's words - flashes across her eyes, a sentence she’d believed she owes Steve, one she’d almost said earlier if not because she’d caught him with Connie in his art studio. Natasha struggles to even swallow the huge lump in her throat, and she sighs, rubbing her fingers against her temples.

Why is it so difficult to say sorry? She chides herself, not daring to even steal a look at her best friend. The moment Steve had stepped into Starbucks, Natasha had kept her eyes trained downward, and Steve hadn’t even say anything apart from an awkward and soft _hi. _

Which is why Natasha is startled when Steve ends up being the one who speaks first. "Sam thinks we should get our shit together.”

He said it so casually too, his tone flat and calm, nothing to hint resentment for what she’d said to him the other evening. Natasha finally glances up from her coffee, and finds his gaze already on her. She manages a small smile, then says. “Maria and Clint, too.”

Steve returns the smile, but says nothing else. Natasha knows this is a cue for her to pick up the conversation, continue it from where they’d left off - Steve had given her an opening, had helped her knowing how difficult it is for her to just spew those two words out. She sucks in a deep breath, all the while still holding his gaze.

Then she finally says it. “I’m sorry.”

The second those words came out of her, Natasha could feel herself mentally sighing in huge relief - a burden finally lifted from her shoulders. The two words, though simple and straightforward, weighed so much in her, in their friendship, and Natasha could only hope that her apology had reached him. “For what I said that night.”

Steve doesn’t react much to that, but Natasha sees the way his gaze wavers ever so slightly. He's probably thinking now, she reckons, thinking if he should forgive her. “I’m sorry, too.” is what Steve says in the end, and Natasha expels a breath of relief, one hand clutched against her chest subconsciously.

“I said some things I shouldn't have said.” Steve is the first to continue his sentence. "I've hurt you, and for that, I’m truly sorry, Nat.”

Natasha doesn't regard herself as someone who would cry easily, but this time, hearing Steve’s apology is enough to squeeze her tear ducts, and she finds herself tearing up a little. She looks down quickly, letting her hair fall around her face like a curtain, so that she has the chance to wipe away the tears before he could see them - it is a flail attempt, Natasha knows, because Steve had probably already seen them, he just chose not to point the obvious out. 

“I hope you find it in you to forgive me.” He subsequently adds. For a few seconds, Natasha is stunned. She had asked Steve out on the purpose of her apologising to him, her asking for his forgiveness - not the other way around. She shakes her head a few times. “No, Steve. If anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it is me to you.”

“Honestly, there’s no difference.” Steve echoes Sam's words, finally giving her a genuine smile. “We were both in the wrong.”

Natasha finds no words in her for a few seconds, but when she does, they come with a smile that mirrors his. “Always the one with the bigger heart.”

“Actually, Sam may have knocked some senses in me.” Steve chuckles, and Natasha laughs too. Silence stretches between them after that, but this time, after a long time, it is one that is comfortable, with both of them still smiling at each other, finally putting their conflict behind them. 

Natasha sighs, leaning forward a little as she clasps her hands together.

"I've missed you, Steve.” She admits softly. “These past 7 days had been…something I don’t ever want to experience again.”

Steve’s features soften, his eyes locked on hers. He sees the way Natasha is looking at him, knows that if she looks closer, she would see the same expression on his face as well. “Me too, Nat.” He returns in an equally soft manner, hopes that she could hear the sincerity in his tone. Natasha gives him a smile, then continues. “Let's not do that anymore, please?”

“And,” She leans forward, and surprises him a little when she juts her hand out. “let's start over again - hi, I’m Natasha Romanoff.” She half grins, half giggles - just like the first time she'd ever spoken to him ten years ago in his garden. “Do you want to be my friend?”

Steve couldn't help but to grin as well, all the ache in his heart disappearing by one single sentence he would remember for the rest of his life - the sentence that gave birth to this precious friendship he shares with Natasha; could he consider himself lucky to be able to hear it again? He accepts her handshake firmly, shaking it once. “Hi, Natasha Romanoff.” Steve clears his throat. “My name is Steve Rogers, you can call me Steve.”

Natasha covers her free hand over her mouth, an attempt to stifle the laugh that is coming out from her throat - this entire act is borderline silly, an innocent re-enactment of a past memory, but she could feel her heart pounding, nerves jittering as she squeezes his hand back. 

“I would love to be your friend.” Steve finishes his sentence, the same words he’d told her back when they were still kids. 

Words that gave him the assurance he needed of moving into a completely new housing area, away from Bucky and everything else he was familiar with. Words that reminded him that everything was going to be okay from that point onward, that he had found someone willing to be his friend.

But as he sits in front of Natasha today, his feelings unnerved, Steve finds his smile fading a little; how could the same sentence that had once brought him so much hope be so different today? 

So he asks; “Nat? Something tells me this isn't the only thing you wanted to tell me tonight.”

And Steve is right, for Natasha’s expression falters, the crease on her forehead returning as she removes her hand from his. She is silent for a good thirty seconds, as if trying to formulate the words in her mind carefully before saying them to him. Steve waits, as he always would, for her to find her words.

“Look, Steve, I realised I haven’t been quite fair to you.” Natasha finally says, and Steve’s immediate response is to raise his eyebrow in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

There's another long pause, and Natasha is no longer looking at him but on the ground instead. “When I asked you to join the research study with me, I honestly didn’t even think of the possibility that you might end up liking someone else.” 

Steve frowns, not quite understanding what she had just said. “What?”

And then Natasha delivers the sentence that completely throws Steve off guard; “Which is why I’ve decided to pull us out from the study.” 

“You did _what_?”

“It just doesn’t feel right, Steve. I can’t do this to you.” _to us, to our friendship, _“I want…I want you to be happy.”

Steve is staring at her in complete and utter disbelief, words lost in his mouth. Natasha takes a quick sip of her coffee, stalling time, then raises an eyebrow timidly. “Aren’t you going to say something?”

There are so many questions he wanted to ask her, so many things flooding his mind all at once. But all he manages in the end, is a question that has nothing to do with why his heart is barrelling against the walls of his chest. “What did Professor May say?”

_Why did you do it? _is what Steve had_ really _wanted to ask.

“Nothing, honestly.” Natasha merely shrugs, averting his gaze once again. “She supports our decision.”

_Our_ decision? Steve bites his tongue. _Or yours?_

Steve doesn’t say anything for the longest of time. He used to be able to tell what Natasha is thinking with just one look, but lately, he thinks he’d lost the ability to do so. Steve is trying to study her, but for the first time, he really couldn’t get a read on what Natasha is thinking. Not since the evening she asked him about Connie. He thinks of what Connie had said to him, about how he should make his feelings known to her. He thinks about all the worries in his head, the fear of losing her, in case she doesn’t like him back in that same way. Steve thinks he should just try to get a r_eaction _out of her, to see what she would say if she knows that he might want to date someone else for real, even if such an intention is nonexistent in him, not when he’s looking at her sitting across the table and all Steve wants to do is to reach out and -

Steve shakes his head, getting rid of that thought before saying,“So it’s _really_ okay if I start going out with other people?”

It’s another round of waiting, for Natasha is suddenly rendered mute. She remembers months ago, Steve had told her that the best lies are those with some form of truth in them - and she agrees. Natasha agrees, because she _does _want him to be happy. There will _always_ be a part of her that knows he deserves the entire world. So even though there’s more to why she decided to pull them out from the study, Natasha thinks that this reason alone is sufficient to justify what she’d done. And if Steve wants to start a relationship with someone else, there is no reason for her to stop him.

More than anything, she just wants her best friend back. The days that had gone by without them speaking to each other, both too stubborn to relent, had really taken a toll on her mentally. She’d missed him, even cried at the thought of losing him. 

So even though her heart is clenching when she hears him ask that question, even though she wants very much to tell him the opposite, Natasha still replies with a nod of her head. Because that is the safest route she could opt for, and nothing is more important to her now than getting her best friend back, even if it is at the expense of her own heart.

“Yes. I want you to be happy, Steve.” 

She ignores her pounding heart, unable to meet his eyes. “You are a free man.” Natasha half jokes, but Steve doesn’t laugh, doesn’t smile.

Steve doesn’t tell her that his heart had sunk, that it actually hurts a little. He wants very much to retort, telling her that by making this decision for him, it wouldn’t make him happy. It is obvious now that Natasha _doesn’t _share his feelings for her, and suddenly, everything that Connie had told him before this became nothing but moot points. He levels himself and slumps back into his seat. Finally, he nods slightly. “Okay. Cool.” Then Steve looks at her again. “We’re...we’re good, right?”

There’s a short pause, before Natasha answers. “Yeah, of course. Why won’t we be?” 

Steve nods, forcing a small smile on his lips. “Don’t be a stranger again, Nat.”

Natasha smiles too, but it somehow doesn’t reach her eyes - and Steve, he is too distracted with the thoughts in his head to realise that.

* * *

Even though they’ve made up with each other, it doesn’t go unnoticed to Natasha that there is still a considerable distance between the both of them; regardless of the conversation they've shared in Starbucks. Despite the fact that she'd promised not to become a stranger to Steve, despite how she'd proposed for them to start all over by reintroducing herself to him, Natasha still keeps a fair distance from Steve. 

Natasha's stubborn, and she knows it, yet she doesn’t think it is her place to decide, to go back to the normalcy of their friendship. Because nothing is normal between them now. Nothing is, ever since Natasha had realised that she likes Steve, ever since she’d bottled that feeling and threw it into the abyss within her.

And she isn't surprised, because when something as fragile as her heart breaks, it doesn't just heal overnight. Even when she tries so hard to convince herself that as long as Steve’s happy, she is happy, too. She would give anything to go back to when her heart was still whole, when she’d been perfectly contented with the friendship she shared with Steve - even admitting this very fact, that her heart is broken because of her own stupidity of asking Steve to participate in the research study, is a constant torment to Natasha. She could only pray that Steve is in a better condition than her - he should be, right? Since he’s with Connie now.

Natasha jumps in her seat when the library announcement starts to play - an indication that it is now 10.45pm, and that the library would be closing in fifteen minutes. Is it already almost 11? Natasha frowns as she starts to pack, shoving books into her bag and tossing her stationeries into her pencil case. 

When she walks out of the library five minutes later, Natasha had already called for an uber to pick her up. She doesn't think too much about the fact that it is late at night, doesn’t think of how the streets are almost empty at this hour - Natasha wills her mind to become blank, so that she doesn't have to think about _anything. _

Fifteen minutes after, the uber drops her at a nearby convenience store just three blocks away from her apartment, as requested. All the thinking and studying she'd done in the library had taken a toll on her, and her stomach had rumbled with hunger. She buys a few snacks, and decides to walk the rest of the journey back home - it isn’t that far, after all, and is a much needed silence for her to clear her thoughts. 

Natasha walks for ten minutes when she feels it for the first time - an uneasy, ominous feeling that pricks her skin and sends goosebumps down her arms. It is unexplainable, but enough for her to halt in her movements abruptly. Whipping her head behind her quickly, Natasha notices someone - a man - following her. He’d gone down on one knee to tie his shoelace the second she'd turned around, and that action alone sends shivers down her spine.

Immediately, she feels her heart pounding, and it is then that she realises just how _late_ it actually is - it is almost midnight, and there is literally no one around in this walkway. Her apartment is at least another 10 minutes walk, and in a blink of an eye, she remembers Carol telling her about how a student had been attacked a few days ago and that the perpetrator was never caught. She feels cold air rushing into her body - Natasha is suddenly scared.

When she takes a few hesitant steps forward, she could hear the man mirroring her movement. When she stops, he stops, too. Without thinking, Natasha quickly takes out her phone, hands trembling as she dials the first number that pops into her head. The dialling tone goes on for the longest three seconds ever, until she hears a click.

“Nat?”

“Steve.” She whispers at once, relieved that he'd picked up, and Steve senses the trepidation in her tone immediately. “Steve, there’s someone following me.”

Natasha hears the abrupt shift of position from the other end, hears the rustling of movements, hurried and precise. “Where are you?” Steve asks calmly, but with a sense of urgency in it. 

“I’m 10 minutes away from home.” Natasha replies, walking a little bit faster, but not so much that it would trigger the man to break into a run. “The pathway.”

“I want you to stay on the other line, okay?” Steve states firmly, and Natasha hears how his breathing had become irregular, as though he is rushing, jogging, _running_. “Don’t hang up.”

“Steve,” Natasha feels her chest constricting, the fear apparent as she feels the lingering presence of the man behind her. “_I’m scared_.”

“Hey, hey, don’t be,” Steve assures quickly, almost breathless as he talks and runs at the same time. “I’m coming to get you. Why don’t you tell me...about your day?”

Natasha could still hear him breathing heavily over the other line, the pattering of his footsteps, and she swallows the lump in her throat before she starts to talk. “Janet gave us our test marks today. I...I got an 18 out of 20.” 

“That’s great.” Steve responses at once without missing a beat. “I knew,” He takes in a gulp of air. “you would do well.”

Natasha smiles in reflex hearing that, even though she is scared to her utmost wits. “You and your unwavering faith in me.”

“I would,” Steve says, “always, have faith, in you.”

Her heart is still doubling in speed, but Natasha has an inkling it’s for an entirely different reason now. She doesn’t know how to respond to that, so she keeps mum, relishing in just hearing his breathing over the line. Natasha begins to walk faster, tries to tune out the sound of footsteps mirroring her speed behind her. She’s shaking when she speaks again, all attempts to remain calm forgotten. “Steve, where are you?”

“Nat,” Steve responses at once. “tell me your surroundings.”

“I can see that Chanel billboard on my left,” Natasha turns her head to the right. “The printing and record shops are on my right.”

And then, Natasha makes the mistake of looking over her shoulder - because when she looks behind, it is the exact same time where the man looks up from the floor. Their eyes meet for just the briefest second, but it is more than enough to make him snap, and suddenly, he is breaking into a run towards her. 

Natasha starts to sprint, running as fast as her legs could carry her, her heart hammering wildly against her ribcage. Even though she is generally a fast runner, Natasha finds her steps slowed down by the weight of her backpack, and before she could even think of throwing it aside, she feels someone yanking her bag strongly, the force pulling her back as she sprawls sharply onto the ground, her phone tumbling out of her grasp. “Steve!” She screams in panic when she feels hands latching around her wrists. “_No!_ Let me go! Help!” 

“_Stop_ screaming!” The man snarls, twisting her hands as Natasha lets out a yelp of pain. “Not unless you want a scar on your pretty face.”

And that’s when Natasha sees it - the glint of metal pointing towards her. She feels tears welling in her eyes, feels all air knocked out of her in an instant. She’s paralysed with fear, too afraid to move even an inch, remembering none of the defence moves that Nick had taught her a long time ago. Natasha lets out a whimper of disgust as the man releases his grip on her to caress her cheek. “It would be such a shame if you got hurt, won’t it?” 

“_Fuck off_.” She says in between gritted teeth, anger suddenly surging within her. Natasha sees the way the man’s face twists in annoyance, as though she’d just slapped him, but it is too late to regret, so she keeps her eyes opened in a glare to tell him that she isn’t meek, that she isn't an easy target. 

He laughs, instead, and Natasha feels her blood run cold. “Quite a feisty one, aren’t you?” The man edges the knife closer into her neck, and fear overwhelms her again. “Maybe I should teach you a less-“

“GET AWAY FROM HER!” 

In a split second, before she could process what is happening, Natasha feels the man’s weight leave her; someone had thrown himself onto him and tackled him onto the ground - _Steve_. Natasha scrambles away, taking in hurried breaths before shrieking. “He has a knife!”

A struggle ensues, and Natasha watches helplessly from the side with her heart lurching into her throat. She wants to help him, wants to do something, but Natasha finds herself frozen in her spot. All she could do is to cover one hand over her mouth, a gasp leaving her as she watches the perpetrator lands a fist on Steve’s face. “Steve!” She cries in worry, but then heaves a sigh of relief when Steve succeeds in wrenching the knife away from the man, tossing it to the side before squeezing an arm around the perpetrator's neck in a sleeper hold until he becomes unconscious. Once he'd made sure the man was knocked out, Steve removes himself quickly, whirling around urgently to find Natasha. “Nat!”

She’s by his side in an instant, hands running up and down his arms as Natasha scanned his entire body frantically, finally letting out a loud gasp when she looks up to his face. “Your cheek is-” 

“Did he hurt you? Are you okay?” Steve cuts her mid-sentence, panting for breath as he pulls her further from him so he could inspect her, just to make sure she isn’t hurt. He sees the tears in her eyes, the worry on her face, but after ensuring that she hadn’t been injured, Steve pulls her into his embrace while expelling a huge sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. Thank god.”

Natasha returns his hug tightly, her heart still pounding madly, her entire body still shaking from shock. “_Steve_.”

“You _idiot_,” She hears him say, hears him scolding her. “_Why _are you walking home alone near midnight? Are you absolutely_ out_ of your damn mind? Have you _gone _crazy?”

Natasha doesn’t reply, merely takes in his scolding meekly. Her mind is suddenly empty, rendering her completely speechless as she notes how she’d narrowly escaped a dangerous situation. Natasha’s clutching onto his shirt with all her might without even realising, burying her head into his chest and muffling sobs against his t-shirt.

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” Steve says repeatedly, one hand on the back of her head protectively, the other around her waist. He doesn't even realise he is holding onto her so tightly until Natasha fidgets against his chest a little. “Steve…can't breathe.”

He lets her go at once, and Natasha starts to chuckle, wiping the tears in her eyelids away. In doing so, she glances down towards the ground and blinks a few time until her vision clears. And that's when she sees it - Natasha gasps loudly before she could stop herself, her expression a mixture of complete disbelief and horror. “Steve, where are your _shoes_?”

Steve looks down at his bare feet at once, a sheepish look crosses his face immediately. He rubs the nape of his neck. “I wasn’t really thinking after you told me someone was following you. I just...I just ran out of the apartment.”

“Are you...are you telling me…” Natasha is staring at him in total shock. “...that you ran all the way here _barefooted?_” 

The second she said that is the very second Steve starts to feel the ache in the soles of his feet. He tries to push the pain aside though, even though he is grimacing when he tries to shift his position a little. “It’s not that bad, Nat, don’t worry.”

“_Idiot._” It’s Natasha’s turn to chide, worry strewn across her pale face. “You’re an absolute idiot.”

“You were in _danger_.” Steve explains exasperatedly. “I wasn't going to waste three seconds wearing my shoes knowing something might happen to you if I was even one second late!”

Truth be told, Natasha is extremely touched by his gesture - but there is another part of her that still worries over Steve. It definitely can't be painless running on tar road two blocks down, no matter if it is Steve Rogers or not. There is nothing she could do or say though, seeing how Steve's concern for her transcends his own comfort; it causes her heart to do a flip which she blatantly ignores. Not knowing what else to retort, Natasha resorts to returning into his embrace, her head against his chest as she wraps her arms around his torso tightly. 

"Thank you, Steve.” She says shakily, listening to his heartbeat and how quick it is beating now. Natasha closes her eyes, biting her lower lip - a sudden thought striking her head; what did she ever do to deserve a best friend like Steve? Someone who would drop everything just to run to her, make sure she is safe? “Thank you. I -“

“Shh.” Steve hugs her back, one hand on the small of her back. “I’m fine, really. As long as you are, too.”

Natasha doesn't say anything. She merely nods, and tightens her grasp around him. 

* * *

Natasha follows Steve into his room as soon as they returned home after giving their statements to the officers - Steve had called for the police, and thankfully there had been a police car patrolling around the area, so they didn’t have to wait long for them to arrive and apprehend the perpetrator.

“In another universe, I would have kicked his ass.” She jokes, tending to the cut on his face gently. The second they’d arrived home, Natasha had retrieved their first aid kit and forced Steve to sit down on his bed so she could patch him up. Steve winces a little at the antiseptic, but holds still for her. “He wouldn’t have stand a chance against me.”

“Mmhmm.” Steve simply agrees, a small smile on his lips. “I’d bet on it, for sure.”

Natasha’s expression becomes soft, comfortable silence washes over them as she finishes washing the cut. She rips open a bandaid and covers the cut carefully. Natasha then studies the rest of his face, making sure that there are no other wounds. She places her right palm on his other cheek, before letting out a sigh. “This will bruise tomorrow.” Her thumb gently rubs the spot on his cheekbones where the man had landed a fist earlier, its mark still apparent - how hard was he hit? How much had it hurt? 

Natasha looks down in guilt, feels the tears pricking again. 

“Hey, look at me,” Steve quickly says, noticing the sudden shift of emotions in her. He places a finger on her chin, gently raising her head so that her gaze is now on his. “It’s _not _your fault. I’m really glad you called me, if...if something were to happen to you, I would never forgive myself.”

Natasha manages a small smile at that, knows that Steve meant every word he said. And then, she jokes. “Even if you did, Nick wouldn’t and you know it.”

That remark makes him laugh, and Steve gives a little shudder at the thought of facing Fury's wrath. “And then _my _mom would give me an earful after that, probably scolding me for not taking care of you. I mean, how was I to know your _dumbass _would be out so late at night alone?"

Natasha shakes her head sheepishly, not at all offended at what Steve’d just said to her. Instead, she presses both of her palms lightly together, a peace offering as she slightly bows her head. “Sorry, sir, it won't happen again, sir.”

But Steve doesn't catch what she'd just said, his eyes having spotted something Natasha had tried to hide from him all this time. Wordlessly, he gently grabs her left wrist - the one she’d let rested on her lap the entire time she had been tending to his wound - and turn it so that her palm is facing upward. Natasha winces a little when he did that, and Steve sees the ugly gash of wound, where the blood had dried. It must have been when she fell and skidded her palm against the tar road. Steve frowns a little, his heart aching at how Natasha had practically ignored her own injury to instead, prioritise and tend to his wound first. 

Steve doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at her to see what her reaction is - he gingerly reaches for the bottle of water on the floor, pouring some onto the clean cloth from the first aid kit. And then he begins to wipe her palm lightly, gently, all the while holding her wrist still so that she doesn’t snatch her hand away. 

“Are you really feeling okay?” Steve asks after a moment of silence, reaching for the antiseptic bottle. “It must have been terrifying.” He says, swallowing the anger that he feels rising from his throat, of the possibility of something happening to Natasha if he didn’t arrive earlier, if he didn’t reach her in time.

“It was,” Natasha admits with a whisper, sees how Steve's jaw had clenched the second he heard her say that. She continues. ”but I was not afraid because I knew you were coming for me.”

If Steve hadn't been focusing on trying to dress her wound carefully, he would probably have pulled her into a tight bear hug. He doesn’t, only offering a smile to her. “I see that I will always be that reliable friend to you, huh?”

Natasha nudges her free hand into his ribs, causing Steve to squirm a bit as he laughs. “Don’t move! I’m trying to -“

“I really mean it just now,” She stops him mid sentence. “when I said thank you.”

He glances up and meets her gaze. “I know.” 

There’s silence again, until Steve finishes tending to the cut on her palm. He doesn’t know what compels him to say it, but the words leave his mouth even before Steve could stop himself. “Hey, if you…if you can’t sleep alone tonight, since Maria is out of town…my bed is big enough for two.” 

Natasha quirks an eyebrow.

“I mean, just…if you need company. No funny business, I promise.” He quickly adds with a small grin, and watches how Natasha just laughs. What Steve doesn’t see is how Natasha's heart had began to pound again as she pushes unwanted thoughts out of her mind. Instead, she leans forward to plant a soft kiss on his cheek, her lips barely brushing against his skin. “I will be alright, Steve.” She assures him, pulling back to meet the blue of his eyes, the slight tinge of pink on his cheek where she’d just kissed him.

Just like that, Natasha feels it again, after days of not feeling it - the warmth unfurling within her fluttering heart, the butterflies scurrying into her stomach hurriedly. This feeling she had grown accustomed to, once foreign, but by now had eased into that of comfort. It only happens when she is around Steve, a representation of her feelings for him, strong and unwavering. Natasha gulps in mild panic, breaking eye contact from him as she stands abruptly from his bed. 

“I'll see you in the morning, okay?”

Steve nods, then watches her leave his room in silence.

* * *

What Natasha didn't expect is to wake up in the middle of the night _twice_, her breathing erratic. She is drenched with sweat as she remembers her dream vividly; the image of the man assaulting her, the sickening feeling of his hand on her face and neck. Her heart is racing, her mind in disarray. Every time she closes her eyes, she shudders in fear of how narrow it had been for her to escape that situation - if Steve hadn’t picked up her call, if he didn’t rush over to where she was, Natasha couldn’t imagine what would have happened to her.

_Steve_. 

She remembers his offer hours ago, and without thinking, without reasoning, a decision made purely out of fright and a mild panic, Natasha pushes herself from her bed and makes her way gingerly towards his room. She hesitates only for a second, but not long enough for her mind to stop her, to remind her of how she shouldn’t be doing this anymore - Natasha steps inside his room, closing his door behind her quietly. When she glances over his sleeping figure, Natasha finds herself calming down. She takes a few deep breaths, then tiptoes her way to his bed - realising almost at once that Steve had slept in the furthest side of his bed so that his back is pressed against the wall, leaving ample of space for her - it is as though Steve knew she would take his offer in the middle of the night. 

Natasha doesn't think as she begins to climb into his bed. She lies down carefully and slowly, leaving a decent and respectable space between them. Natasha faces him, and her thoughts begin to settle, leaving nothing but ease and the feeling of security flooding into her - just his presence alone is capable of doing that to her. A few seconds went by, then minutes, before Natasha finally pushes all the doubts behind her mind and snuggles closer into him. She takes in his scent, feels the steady beating of her heart, and then nearly jerks out of her skin when Steve’s arms start to curl around her waist, pulling her closer to him slightly. 

For a moment, Natasha almost wanted to scramble out of his bed, her mind in a sudden overdrive, a drastic change from just a second ago. She shouldn’t, Natasha thinks to herself, shouldn’t be here, not after all that has happened between them, not when she'd_ just _gotten her best friend back. 

But Natasha feels the way Steve had wrapped his arm around her - in a protective manner, in a way that tells her everything will be alright. She wonders if Steve is even aware he is doing this, wonders if it is okay for her to just be selfish this one second again, and bask in this oblivious feeling of bliss.

This could be them for real, if not because there are too many risks at stake. 

Natasha decides to be selfish one last time - and she curls deeper into his embrace. She will deal with the consequence of her decision the next morning; for now, she should sleep, first. And she does, ten minutes after.

The first thing Steve sees when he stirs two hours later, albeit a little surprise, is Natasha’s sleeping face. It takes a few seconds for him to register that she’d taken his offer in the end, and while there is a part of him that is glad that she is here beside him, another part of him is upset that Natasha had been so shaken to the point that she had to seek solace in the comfort of another person. Steve glances at the clock on his side table, noticing that it is almost 5, and he finds himself wondering how long Natasha’d crept into his bed with him, how long has he had his arm around her comfortably - he removes his arm instantly, settling it against his chest, only realising how fast his heart is pounding at how close she is to him. 

Steve reaches out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, before resting his palm gently on her cheek. “Can we stay like this forever?” He whispers absentmindedly. 

Steve removes his hand after that, ignoring the way his heart is doing somersaults inside of him. He contemplates moving away, contemplates leaving Natasha alone in his bed - a morning jog at this hour would do him good, a breath of fresh air would definitely clear his mind.

But for some unfathomable reason, Steve decides to stay put in his current position. He doesn't allow his mind to think of anything else, other than the fact that Natasha is safe, sound asleep, completely at peace. He hopes she is dreaming of something nice, Steve thinks, before closing his eyes and going back to sleep.

When Steve wakes again three hours later, Natasha is gone, the side of his bed empty, void of any trace of someone having slept there with him. For a moment there, Steve wonders if he’d imagined seeing her in his bed hours ago - was she really there, or was she just a figment of his imagination? He reckons that it might just be his mind playing tricks on him, until he catches the faint but still lingering scent of Natasha's shampoo on his pillow.

Fifteen minutes later, when Steve goes out of his room to eat breakfast, he spots Natasha perched on one of the chairs by their dining table. She looks up from her toast the second he’d stepped out of his room, and Steve almost expects her to say something, to tell him that she was in his room last night. 

Natasha holds his gaze for a few more seconds, the crease on her forehead slight but apparent enough for him to notice. And then she looks away. 

Steve pretends for the rest of the day, that he isn't aware that she'd slept in his bed. He figures that if Natasha wanted him to know, she would have, way earlier, by not leaving before he woke up. 

* * *

After Steve and Maria had left for their classes that morning, Natasha decides to clean out her desk, purely as a method of stress relief. Her next class doesn’t start until five hours later, so she thinks some spring cleaning would do her mind some good, what with all the thoughts she'd been getting lately. Occasionally, Natasha would find herself pausing in her task of throwing out old documents or rough papers in her drawers, due mostly to the fact that her mind is occupied with the thought of waking up first thing to Steve’s sleeping face. He looked so at peace, impossibly handsome even when he was fast asleep, that Natasha found herself becoming annoyed at all the feelings floating within her heart - she had scrambled out of his bed as quickly but quietly as possible, regretting her decision for even going to his room in the first place. 

She couldn't tell him that she'd spent the night there, so Natasha pretends that nothing had happened. It is an all too familiar game that had manifested within her - this game of pretence, this push and pull that is nearly driving her crazy, but is the only thing she can do, if she still values her friendship with Steve. 

Natasha shakes her head firmly, and blinks back to reality. Her vision focuses back onto her bottom drawer, and her hand stills on an old journal she had forgotten she possessed. When she takes it out of the drawer to dust it, Natasha flips to the front page, and laughs at how naive she had been in her first year - the rules she'd written on the front cover are glaring back at her, and she couldn't stop chuckling at how ridiculous they are, given that she'd broken all those rules she'd vowed not to so easily.

And then her eyes linger at the last rule - the one about her not falling in love. 

_Falling in love. _

Somehow, the words are repeating in her mind over and over again. This rule is something she’d held onto firmly, knowing that it isn't one she would easily break. She hadn’t had the time to even consider something as naive as love - love is for children, she thinks - let alone the thoughts of actually falling head over heels in love with another person. It just isn't possible in her opinion, not when she has so many other things on her plate, not when it takes her a long time to truly warm up to someone, to trust, to believe, to wholeheartedly depend on, knowing that with him, as long as she is there with him, everything would be okay. It takes a great deal of courage for her to open up her heart to someone like that, someone like -

Her breath hitches suddenly, another thought striking her without warning.

_Steve._

He’d been the one constant in her life since his family moved into the house beside hers ten years ago. He’d been the one to hold her hair behind her face when she hurled out all the pain and anguish from her ugly breakups. He’d been the one to hold her hands and mumble soothing assurances and words that she deserves someone better, and in the future, when that person comes, he’d be the luckiest and happiest guy on earth. 

Steve’d been the first person she chose to call when she was afraid. He was the first person she thought of in the midst of danger, the one person who dropped everything and ran to her, to protect her - he was the _only _person who would run two blocks to where she was, barefooted, just to make sure she was alright. He’d been the person she wanted to share all her good and bad news with, the person she knew would understand her in her heartbeat, listen to all her rants without any complaints.

He’d been the person currently in her mind, the person who had been in her mind for _weeks_. No matter what she does, she couldn’t get him out of her head. No matter how much she tries to ignore her feelings, bury them even, Natasha is painfully aware of how much she loves - 

She closes her journal with a loud thud, suddenly overwhelmed by her own thoughts. She sucks in a deep breath, swallows the lump in her throat, and discards the journal back into the bottom of her desk drawer. She stares into thin air after that, her mind knotted with hundreds of thoughts, her heart hammering beneath her skin.

Why didn’t she realise this sooner? Was it because she was too busy smiling or crying at boys that proved to be worthless? Too busy chasing after things that don't quite matter at the end of the day? Or was it because it is human nature to forget, to not realise, that sometimes the thing she’ve been searching for her entire life has always been right _next _to her; the person who had silently stood by her in all adversaries, through all the sunshine and wind, the person who had accompanied her under the pouring rain, shielded her from the storm and pulled her to safety.

Her eyes widen, a gasp leaving her slightly parted lips. Suddenly, everything becomes clearer in her head, the uncertainty and confusion over her feelings fading away like fog being lifted after a heavy rain. Natasha runs a hand through her hair in slight frustration - she had assumed that her feelings for Steve is just exclusive to liking him more than friends. She hadn’t considered the other possibility; far complicated, far scarier, far _worse_ than just liking a person who happens to be her best friend. One that could truly ruin _everything _she’d built with him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, Natasha thinks to herself with a shake of her head. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to_ be in love _with Steve -

_“Fuck.” _She mutters under her breath, realisation finally sinking in, slowly but surely.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part is basically the start of this fic - so yes, people, we have finally reached that point where Natasha realises she is in love with Steve! Hoorah! 
> 
> The entire paragraph from “why didn’t she realise this sooner” is a nod to one of my favourite cpop songs [Little Happiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNqNnbBDAMc), in fact this song is the **very reason** that inspired me to write this entire fic!!! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> p/s: I passed the interview today and got the job I wanted on the spot ahhhh!!!!!


	11. the realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of Steve finally realising what his feelings for Natasha means, while everyone else knocks some senses into Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is tagged Slowburn for a reason, but at least we're finally moving towards the right direction :)

Steve is eating lunch with Connie when the latter decides to ask a question out of the blue.

“What is Natasha to you?”

He finds it instantly difficult to swallow the meat in his mouth, an eyebrow quirked as he glances into Connie’s direction. Ever since the last time Connie showed him the painting he'd drawn of the both of them, she’d never brought Natasha up again. Steve had been silently thankful for that, knowing that if no one stirs the feelings lying quietly in his heart, then he could continue to pretend that they don’t exist. Which is why Steve squirms in his seat after hearing that particular question from Connie.

“What do you mean?” He finally replies. “She’s my best friend. You know that.”

“I don’t mean _labels_, Steve.” Connie half rolls her eyes as she bites into her salad. “How do you feel about her?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t quite get you.”

“Do you know what I’ve observed over all our bro time together?” She tries again, patiently. Despite it being none of her business, Connie is determined to make things clearer in Steve's head today, and to do that, she has to go through this conversation one step at a time.

“What?” Steve asks.

“That you may be here physically with me, but your soul lies elsewhere.” She points a fork at his direction. “And I can bet you, call this a woman’s intuition or something, that you’re thinking about Natasha.”

His eyes widen, but Steve remains mum. Connie seizes this opportunity to continue.

“You say that she’s your best friend, but I think she’s more than that to you. Have you seen the way you look when you talk about her? I have, Steve, numerous times.” Connie recalls all of those moments, feel herself smiling warmly. "The way your face naturally lights up, the gleam in your eyes. I saw all of that.”

“Connie, what are you-”

“_How_ do you feel about her? What is she to you?” Connie repeats her question firmly. “Don’t think too much about this, Steve. It’s not a nobel prize question. Just tell me what comes into your mind first.”

Steve frowns, unsure of why his friend is suddenly being so insistent today, of getting him to talk about his feelings for a certain redhead. He doesn’t know if he should just humour her, because it would definitely open the gates to his heart - actually talking about it and merely thinking about it are two very different things, after all.

Connie is still staring at him intently, evidently telling him that unless he answers her question, she isn't going to change the topic. Steve sighs, and begins to formulate an answer in his mind.

“She’s...she’s someone I can’t seem to remove from my life.” Steve answers truthfully. "Someone I wish would always, _always_ be right by my side. Someone I want to share all my news with, be it happy or sad.”

Connie smiles, keeping mum. She nods to encourage him to continue. “Someone who I would rush to even if it’s 3 in the morning. Someone I’d go to the ends of the earth for.”

“There you have it, Steve.” Connie states with a snap of her fingers, a grin on her face, clearly satisfied over Steve’s answer. “That’s your answer.”

Steve is a little bit confused, but he doesn’t argue, or say anything else. Connie’s words are sinking into him slowly.

“And do you know what else I can tell you?” She is continuing now. “You _love_ her. I’m not saying _how _because Steve, let’s be real, I think you _know_ how. It is evident in all of the paintings you’ve painted of her. Like the one I showed you before, where you two were slow dancing. It is evident from the way you talk about her, in the sentences you just told me.”

She leaves it at that, once Connie sees how Steve's forehead had creased, his eyebrows furrowed together. He's thinking now, swallowing her words. Connie hopes that finally, Steve would come to realise that Natasha isn’t just a best friend for him. 

She is someone he is in love with.

* * *

Natasha starts to dance again. It is the easiest form of distraction that is both enjoyable and just enough for her to not review her recent discovery of her feelings for a certain best friend of hers. She'd been a little rusty due to lack of practice, stiff shoulders and hardened muscles, but the more she practices, the more her steps fall into tune eventually. She is deeply engrossed in dancing to one of her favourite numbers that she'd mastered since she was a child, that Natasha doesn’t realise that she isn't alone on this stage she’d fatefully discovered in one of the halls of her apartment.

Steve is watching her from across the room in awed silence, in the shadow. He’d been rooted at the same spot since half an hour ago, when he’d come down to search for Natasha. His gaze had been fixated on her since then, that Steve almost forgets how to breathe. 

The way she moves her limbs, the elegance and grace, of confidence that comes off easily from Natasha; how she dances to the rhythm and soft beats of the music playing from her phone, the way she twirls and pirouettes. Steve has seen her dance many times before this, but somehow, seeing her dance again after such a long time sends tingling chills down his spine. She’s breathtaking to watch, absolutely mesmerising - Steve watches with his heart on his throat, he doesn’t even dare to blink in case he’d missed one movement from her. 

She’s _beautiful. _

It hits him without warning - fast, all at once, like tidal waves crashing onto the shore. One second he’d looked at Natasha and saw her as the tiny, but fearless redhead in pigtails, introducing herself to him with a toothy grin. He’d seen his best friend, the person he’d grown alongside with, who had always been by his side through all his ups and downs. The next second, when he looks at her again - there’s a flash of clarity fleeting across his eyes, the feeling sending his heart thundering beneath his chest.

He loves her. 

Of course, now that the words are at the tip of his tongue, everything makes sense. What Connie had told him two days ago. How he couldn’t stop thinking about Natasha, thinking about what they’d done. He thinks about her on the hilltop watching the sunrise with him, thinks about the beach, where he had gotten so absorbed into looking into her eyes that all he wanted to do was to lean forward and close the gap between them. He thinks about all their past moments together even in school, how he would be upset seeing her sad, that need to always make her happy, those times he’d rushed to her side when she called, even if was in the middle of the night.

No, Steve struggles to even swallow, it has become more apparent after weeks of lamenting over what was happening between them, that he doesn’t just love her, but that he’s_ in love_ with her. He doesn't know how to pinpoint the exact moment when he fell for her, but the truth is finally out there in the open, finally out there for him to acknowledge.

Steve Rogers is irrevocably in love with Natasha Romanoff.

When he was a lot younger, he had imagined various kinds of scenarios in his head, situations of how or when he would fall for someone, when he would realise he was in love with someone - perhaps it would be him sharing an umbrella with another person under the rain, and there would be magical sparks that send a tingle down his spine; perhaps it would be him in a library reaching out for the same book on the shelf at the same time with the other person; or perhaps it would be love at first sight, bumping into the girl on the streets, or in the train. That moment would be special, dramatic; he’d imagined the possibility of time slowing down as everything else fades into a noiseless background. 

None of those imaginations amounted to what had really happened, how he had fallen in love with his best friend, whichever moment it was, how he’d _realised _he was in love with her. Natasha wasn’t even doing anything he hasn’t seen before - but that didn’t stop his heart from beating crazily beneath him, sweat forming on his palms. 

The music stops, right at the same time Natasha drops to her feet. She stands still for a few more seconds, catching her breath, and then she turns around. Natasha stops when her line of vision lands on Steve beside the door. She jumps a little, surprised that she hadn’t noticed him there earlier, just as Steve steps out from the shadow. 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you.” Steve quickly apologises, to which Natasha waves one hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it.”

His heart is still pounding from the revelation of his feelings for her. His mind is in tangled knots, suddenly not knowing what to say or how to react to his newfound realisation. But Steve pushes all that incoherent thoughts aside to give her a smile. “I’ve missed seeing you dance.”

Natasha manages a small smile. “I’ve missed dancing, too.”

“Why the sudden interest again?” Steve asks out of curiosity, making a mental calculation in his head that it has been almost a solid year since he'd last seen his best friend dance. Ballet, as he knows, used to be a huge part of Natasha’s life. In junior high, all that she wanted to do was pick up dance as a major, her dream being a professional ballerina. But due to unforeseen circumstances - one that involved pain beyond belief for Natasha, that dream of hers never materialised, and it ended up being just a hobby instead of a career. Steve thinks he is privileged though, in the sense that while the world never gets to witness how good a dancer Natasha is, he had, countless of times. 

“Just…felt like it.” Natasha lies, and takes another gulp of water so she doesn’t have to look at Steve. 

Steve doesn’t buy her reason, already having something else in mind. He’d observed her when she was dancing, noticed that while she still looked beautiful, her steps still graceful and poignant, something was amiss. “Is something bothering you, Nat?” He asks slowly, then pauses in hesitation. ”Is it that incident…”

“No.” She shakes her head quickly. Natasha is a little surprised that Steve had just asked her that - how did he know that her mind was filled with all these frustrated, unwanted thoughts? “Why do you think something is bothering me?”

“The way you danced.” Steve says simply, as if that is the most straight forward thing in the world. “Like you’re trying to shake something off your mind, like you’re trying to immerse yourself in the music to forget whatever it is you’re thinking about. But of course...you’re distracted, so I noticed some missteps, which should usually be unlikely, coming from an accomplished dancer like you. Not unless something is bothering you.”

Natasha is a little overwhelmed that he’d pointed all of that out to her. She is used to Steve knowing what she is thinking even when she doesn’t tell him anything, but this time, she feels vulnerable, exposed - like he would discover her secret, like he would see right through her and realise that she is in love with him. 

So she chooses not to respond to that, instead, Natasha switches the topic. “How did you even find me?”

“Maria told me you were here.” Steve replies. He doesn’t press on with what he'd just said, knowing that he’d hit home even if she chose not to say anything to his observation. “I thought to come down and ask if you want to eat dinner with me later.”

“Oh.”

He feels it. He feels the distance between the both of them, even though Natasha is standing only a few steps away from him. It is an inconvenient truth that has been lying dormant within the both of them lately, the truth that something has changed between them, and neither knew what to do to fix the gush of wound in their relationship. He would have thought that things would go back to how it used to be ever since the conversation they shared in Starbucks, and what happened subsequently - but now, Steve thinks it is naive of him to believe that everything would return to how it was months ago. 

Steve takes another good look into her direction, thinking to himself what could possibly affect Natasha so much that he could see the mask of trouble she’s fighting so hard to not make apparent on her face. This expression is not one he would often see on her, so the answer hits him soon after, when he recalls that Natasha is bearing the same expression she bore in high school, a month before she started dating Matt Murdock.

_Oh. _

Steve doesn't stop himself from asking, to seek a confirmation of his deduction. “You like someone, don’t you? Who is it?”

Natasha nearly drops the bottle she is holding. “W-what? Why did you say that?”

“Come on, Nat, you know why.” Steve smiles slightly. Part of him is proud that he could _still _read _some _of her, deduce what she is thinking. Another part of him though, wears a completely different feeling all together - if Natasha looks closely, Steve thinks, she would be able to see the flash of hurt in his eyes, of knowing that the person he is in love with, is probably in love with someone else. The tragedy of unrequited love, Steve believes, is something he has to swallow hardly even if it is so painful; it is something he has to face with a brave smile, because he doesn't want to push her even further away. It is something he has to simply deal with, so Steve keeps the smile on his face.

“I know you that much to know when your thoughts are occupied with a _boy_.” Steve explains.

Natasha levels herself so that she remains calm even though her heart is palpating beneath her. She does what she does best in situations like this - tease him, say a joke. “So, I can’t hide any secrets from you anymore then, is that what you’re saying? I’m concerned, Rogers, you really are a stalker.”

“Aha! So you admit that it _is _about a boy.” Steve forces a laugh out from his throat. “Who is it? Do I know him?”

_Better than you think, _Natasha wants to say, but stops herself at the very last second. “No, no, you don’t.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Please don’t tell me it’s someone from your department again.”

“No.” She sighs, shaking one hand in a hurry. “It’s not.” _I rather it is, though._

Pause, then Steve asks. “So who is it?”

“Just...some guy I met during gym.” Natasha lies smoothly, effortlessly, even though she hasn’t even gone to gym in ages. She doesn’t dare to even look at Steve now, worried that he would catch her in this lie and confront her.

“Nice.” Steve’s grin falters ever slightly, but he maintains his composure. “What is it that you like about him? His looks? Personality? His built?” 

When she hears him ask that question, it takes Natasha everything to pull her gaze from the floor so that she could glance at Steve instead. For a few seconds, they just look at each other - him holding her gaze as she struggles not to break eye contact. For the briefest of seconds, Natasha wonders if Steve could see the ache in her eyes, hear the irregular beating of her heart - he is supposed to know her the best, isn't it? So can he see it? 

Her mouth is suddenly dry - she has no idea what to say, only that the way Steve is staring at her does little to nothing to offset the anxiety she feels rising in her chest. So Natasha replies without thinking, without even weighing the consequence of saying that one word out loud. “_Everything_.”

“Whoa.” Steve forces another laughter out from his throat, even though it hurts, even though it feels as though someone had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart tightly. “Sounds like a perfect guy to me.”

“He actually is.” She whispers, then forces herself to give him a smile. “But it won’t work out for us.”

“Why not?” Steve frowns, an immediate sense of protectiveness overwhelms him instantly. That’s when he notices Natasha’s expression, that’s when he sees how _broken _she is, how her eyes are missing the vibrance and joy he is so used to seeing. 

“It’s complicated. He likes someone else.” Natasha replies easily; this isn’t a lie, after all.

“Well...that’s his loss then.” Steve says, and he says it in a tone that is of conviction, of sincerity - it nearly sends Natasha sinking into the nearest chair she could find. She clears her throat and drains the remaining water from her bottle. “I’m going to head up, now.” Natasha says and starts to shift away.

“Wait, Nat,” Steve is fighting an inner battle with himself, to ask her, no, tell her, what has been in his mind for days, weeks. What he knows is going on inside of him, in his heart. Natasha halts in her step, turning her head sideways, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “There’s something I want to tell you.” 

“Yeah?”

In an ideal scenario, this would be how Steve would imagine the scene to play out; he would tell Natasha that she shouldn’t be this upset that the guy she likes doesn’t like her back, because seeing her sad makes him sad, too. He would tell her that she deserves someone who loves her more than she loves him. Steve would then tell her that he likes her - not in a platonic sense, not between a pair of best friends of a decade, but in the sense of, maybe, just maybe, something _more _than just friends - and he would tell her not to take his words to heart, if she doesn't share his feelings - Steve doesn’t want anything else to change between them, he doesn’t want their relationship to go beyond the point of saving. He won’t tell her though, that there is a possibility that he is in love with her, that he has been, since a long, long time ago, because it would be too much information for her to swallow, in such a short span of time. He would then hope that she’d understand that despite his feelings for her, he would always, always be her best friend first. 

But reality is often far from ideal, so Steve shakes his head and puts on another smile for his best friend. Maybe one day, when he is much braver than he is today, he would tell her. Maybe one day, when happiness is just a reach away, he would tell her. 

Today is not that day, so Steve swallows the words and locks them deeply in his chest.

“Just...thought of reminding you about my art exhibition.” Is what he says in the end, eyes not quite meeting hers.

“Oh.” Natasha nods her head at once. “That’s this weekend?” 

“Yeah.” Steve shrugs nonchalantly. “I mean, if you can’t make it, it’s okay.”

“No, I want to go.” She puts on a small smile. “I’ll be there, definitely.”

He nods in return. “Thanks.”

“It’s the least I can do for you.” Natasha whispers, looking away. “I should go, is there anything else?”

“No,” Steve replies, his tone mirrors hers; soft, mellow. “Nothing else.”

* * *

“God, if only you could see how miserable you look right now.”

Natasha had decided to skip one of her early morning lectures the next day, feigning a splitting headache. In truth, she just didn’t feel like leaving her apartment, didn’t feel like dealing with the outside world. Thinking that she would at least have the solitude she’s hoping for, since everyone else at home had classes, Natasha lets out a mental groan the second she hears Clint breezing through the living room, tossing his backpack onto the couch and then sinking into it.

A few quiet minutes later, Clint had uttered that sentence to her. This time, she lets out the groan for real loudly, so he could hear her and know that she isn’t in the mood to deal with his teasings that morning.

“Go away, Barton.” She pulls the blanket over the head, signifying the end of a conversation even though it had barely even started. The television is still playing in the background, but she hears the volume decreasing - Clint is probably reducing it, and Natasha has a feeling she knows why. 

Can’t he take a hint, for goodness sake?

“Tasha, I have no idea what is going on with you and Steve,” Clint tugs at her blanket firmly, but she holds onto the edges tightly. “but you really need to get your shit together.”

She throws the blanket down at that sentence to dart a death glare at Clint. “Excuse me?”

Clint pauses, studying his best friend. Sure, he probably couldn't read her as well as Steve could, but that doesn't mean Clint doesn’t know that Natasha is going through some form of hell at the moment. And it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots and know that it has something to do with Steve, from the way she is still _sort of_ keeping a distance from. “You really need to give me more credit, yknow. I don’t talk much at home, but that's because I’m usually _observing._”

“Can you just go straight to the point?” Natasha sighs. “I can’t deal with more than one bullshit today, Barton.”

He listens. “Do you remember that truth and dare session? The one I made you kiss Steve?”

“Of course I remember,” She rolls her eyes. “I wanted to hit you with a brick after that.”

Clint laughs lowly, then his expression eases to that of a more serious one. “But do you know why I did it? Other than it being to tease the hell out of you?”

“What?”

“Because it’s Steve. And you.” He answers truthfully, his expression genuine. Natasha meets his eyes, then. “Even if you two aren’t fake dating at that time, I would still have dared you to kiss someone, and fifty bucks say that you would still have kissed him.”

Clint’s words remind her of Hope’s from a long time ago, so Natasha furrows her eyebrows. “Wh-”

“Shut up and listen to me,” Clint interrupts her with a wave of his hand. “Both of you just...somehow, I can’t explain it honestly, but you two have always felt right together. Be it platonic or not. I’ve always had a good feeling about the both of you.”

Natasha remains quiet. 

Clint knows that both of his friends are no longer participating in that research study - Natasha had told him in passing, as casually as possible, as though it meant nothing to her. Ever since then, Clint had realised that the facade she is trying to put on is clearly failing, because whatever it is that had transpired during the course of the research study, whatever it is that made her pull them out of the study after that, had meant _something_ to her. If Clint's hunch is right, he would even say that what means something to Natasha comes in the form of a person, and for her to even remove herself from the study may very well be a neon signboard displaying above her head, saying that she is in fact, in love with Steve.

“If there’s any two people who should be together, it’s you and Steve. You two make perfect sense, yknow.” Clint just shrugs.

“But he’s seeing someone.” Natasha is almost begging for Clint to just drop the subject - she really doesn’t want to talk about this. 

Clint retorts back. “So? She isn’t his girlfriend yet, is she? You have equal chances.”

She sighs, burying her face into one hand. “I can’t do that to Steve, Clint. You know that.”

“What?”

“I told him nothing would change between us if we did that research study together. I _promised _him.” Natasha says with a sharp stress on the word promised. _“_I even made a stupid _bet_ with him saying I was _never _going to fall for him.” 

“Tasha, so what?” Clint is the one who is sighing now. “Things change, he would understand.”

“I don’t want to ruin what we have between us, Clint!” Natasha says exasperatedly. “You don’t understand. Steve...he’s...he’s very important to me.” She looks at him straight in the eyes. “He’s my _world_. I can’t afford to lose him. I’d rather suffer_ alone _than lose him.”

Clint’s expression softens - he sees the obvious look of pain in her eyes, thinks that perhaps he had gone overboard with this questioning, that he should stop. He just needs to ask one more question, though, just to make sure he understands this situation correctly. “So you’re fine with him not knowing how you truly feel about him?”

Her heart clenches, but Natasha nods firmly. “Yes. And you better _not _tell him anything or I’ll have your head.” She threatens, before reaching for her blanket.

Clint doesn’t - couldn’t - say anything back. He just shakes his head, unable to look at his friend.

“Please.” Natasha’s voice comes off as a whisper that Clint almost misses it. “Please promise me you won’t tell him anything.”

There’s a long pause of contemplation. Two differing answers flit into Clint's mind simultaneously. When he looks back at Natasha, he sees the pleading look on her face, the desperation for him to keep her secret. Clint doesn’t agree with how she is approaching this entire situation - it isn't fair for both her and Steve. But he doesn't think it is up to him to decide what is fair and what is not. He respects her wish, even if it is one he thinks should not be as such. 

He eventually nods, purely out of respect for Natasha. “Okay. I promise.”

* * *

There is no break for Natasha after Clint’s little conversation, because she is suddenly confronted the following night, by a shocked and confused Maria. All her roommate had to do, is to slam the piece of flyer she’d long forgotten about on her desk, and Natasha’s attempt of concentrating on doing her tutorial flies out of the room in an instant.

“Talk.” is all Maria says, her hands crossed tightly against her chest. She'd stumbled upon the flyer by chance when she borrowed one of Natasha's books - it was wedged in between the pages. Maria almost couldn't believe it when she read the flyer, there was a part of her that wanted to believe that it wasn’t true, but she’d connected the dots anyway, knew at once that her two friends had been fake dating for the purpose of fulfilling that research study's requirement. Maria had then thought that she would confront Natasha about it, to see what she has to say to her, because lying to a bunch of strangers is one thing, lying to her best friend, is another. 

It takes only one look from Natasha to deduce that Maria had figured out her arrangement, had realised that she’d been lied to. “Have you two been _faking_ a relationship this entire time?”

Natasha doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even glance at the flyer. “We _were_.” She replies calmly, stressing on the past tense. Maria pulls her chair from under her desk and places it beside Natasha, sitting down and curling her hand around one of Natasha’s wrists. 

Natasha stops typing. She turns sideways to meet Maria’s concern gaze. “What?”

“_Were_?” Maria asks, and Natasha nods with confirmation, still unfazed. “Were.”

“What happened?” Her roommate breathes out, shock still evident on her face.

Natasha shrugs nonchalantly. “Just thought it wasn’t fair for him.”

Maria almost couldn’t believe what she is hearing. _“What?” _She asks, throwing an incredulous look at the redhead.

“He likes someone _else_, okay?” She heaves a desperate sigh, wishing for everyone to just leave her be. “Does that answer your question, Maria? I need to finish this tutorial for tomorrow.”

Maria lets her wrist go, and Natasha continues to type, but pauses three seconds after in frustration. It is apparent that she could no longer concentrate on doing her tutorial, but Natasha blatantly ignores the way Maria is looking at her - she knows her roommate means well, and probably wants to make sure she is alright, but Natasha doesn't need this at the moment. She doesn't need this constant reminder over a decision she’d naively made in the start of the semester that has her regretting today. 

“Nat...I don’t want to say anything because I know I might be overstepping my boundaries.” Maria continues nonetheless, after a long moment of silence. 

Natasha knows that ignoring her would only lead to more questioning, might even cause a strain in their friendship, so she relents in the end with a sigh, turning her head towards her best friend. “What is it?”

“Why did you think this entire arrangement was a good idea?” Maria speaks the harsh truth, and it hits Natasha harder than she’d expected. Hope, Carol and Clint had never asked her this, never questioned her decision even when she told them about this arrangement. Hearing it from Maria causes her heart to sink instantly, and Natasha doesn't even know how she has it in her to laugh dryly. 

“That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“We were all so…” Maria couldn’t find it in her to finish her sentence, frustration laced in her tone. She runs a hand through her hand, then leans back into her chair without another word. It is Natasha who speaks again a few seconds after. “I’m sorry. Truly. I didn’t mean to give you false hope, or...or play with your feelings.”

“I just don’t understand, Nat.” Maria says after that. “What made you change your mind, then? Why did you pull out from the study?”

“Like I’ve said. Steve likes someone else, and I felt bad for him.” Natasha whispers, feels her heart aching. “I can’t...I can’t do that to him.”

Maria studies her best friend’s expression. She looks at the way her shoulders are slumped, sees the pain and sadness swirling in her eyes. Natasha looks dejected, hurt etched all over her face - this isn’t the look of someone who’d given up on something for the sake of her best friend. This is the look of someone who is -

“You’re in love with him.” Maria says calmly, certainty and conviction in her tone. Natasha doesn’t say anything, doesn’t deny. Instead she looks away, her eyes on the floor. 

“That is why you pulled out from the research study.” Maria’s voice drops low, it almost comes off as a whisper. “You’re afraid...you’re afraid of what would happen if you continued with the study. Am I right?”

When Natasha doesn’t react to that sentence, Maria receives the answer she’s been looking for.

Maria mentally sighs. Of all the years of her knowing both Natasha and Steve, ever since their teenage years in school, Maria has hardly ever seen Natasha like this. This look she has on her face, the turmoil of many mixed emotions that she radiates in the air. It pains her to see her best friend like this, and it pains her even more knowing the reason why.

“Nat, do you even know why Tony and I have that betting poll since the first year of college?” Maria starts after a long pause, after gathering her thoughts. The redhead doesn’t answer, so Maria takes it upon herself to continue. “We saw something between the two of you. A connection of some sort. Remember what I said during our sleepover at Tony’s villa?”

Natasha just nods. 

“It has never been just best friends between the two of you. With the two of you, it wasn’t a matter of how, but a matter of _when.”_

This time, Natasha meets Maria's gaze. “You know, I’m getting a little tired hearing that from almost _everyone _around me.”

“If you are hearing that from almost everyone around you,” Maria says. “Shouldn't that be telling enough?”

“Of what?” She feigns ignorance. Maria shakes her head. “Of the fact that you two belong together.”

Natasha lapses into another silence, but Maria perseveres. “Tell him, Nat.” 

She'd expected that Natasha would shake her head at that. “Natasha, I don’t want you to regret not telling him.”

“He doesn’t share the same feelings as I do, Maria.” Natasha tries to explain again - if everything is as easy as how her friends are making it to be, she wouldn’t even be in this position today.

“How sure are you, Nat? Did he say that himself? Or is that an assumption you simply deduced yourself?” Maria shoots back, having an inkling of what is pulling her friend back. "Because there’s a difference, Nat.”

“I saw him kissing another girl, alright?”

It surprises Maria to hear that, and she is stunned to silence for a few seconds. Slowly, she recomposes herself. “_But_ he didn’t tell you straight up that he likes someone else?”

Natasha heaves a sigh, her patience thinning. “How are _you _so sure that he shares the same feelings as I do? It’s not just a matter of like or love, Maria. I’m in love with him, that makes all the difference in the world.”

“I know, Nat and I understand your concerns, really.” Maria starts to elaborate. “But when you’re both together it’s like...it’s like the world stops turning. You should have seen him when you were sick, Nat. The worry in his eyes, the adoration and love.” Maria shakes her head. “I’d be blind if I didn’t see the way he looks at you like there is no one else in the room.”

“I don’t want things to change between us.” Natasha mutters, a resolute sigh escaping her, and Maria squeezes their hands together as a form of assurance, to let her know that no matter what happens, she would always be there for her.

“I know you’re scared, Nat, and it’s perfectly okay to feel that way. If love is so simple and so straight-forward, there wouldn’t be so many people hurting because of it. Your feelings are completely valid.” Maria continues, and Natasha takes in her words carefully, considering their merits in her head slowly.

“But I don't want you to miss this chance, Nat. I don’t want you to miss taking this risk when you know for sure that he is the one for you.” 

Pause. And then. “Ask yourself this, Nat. Is Steve worth the risk? Because I think you already have an answer to this question.”

It takes her a few seconds to really think about Maria's words - but eventually, Natasha comes to an inevitable conclusion that Maria is right. She does have an answer to her question. 

She just doesn't believe in it.

* * *

Of all people that bumps into Natasha, it just has to be Daisy Johnson.

By then, Natasha had come to an annoyed acceptance that the big man up there probably just wants her to suffer and remember the consequences of her actions. Despite showing an obvious air of awkwardness and unwillingness to strike a conversation with the older girl, Natasha is left with no choice but to be civil when Daisy starts to talk to her.

“How are you, Natasha?” She starts their conversation with a standard question. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I'm good.” She replies, putting on an automated smile. “Surviving the last few weeks of college, that is. What about you?”

"Just the same, I suppose. Busy trying to come up with conclusions for the research study.”

Ah, there it is, Natasha thinks and groans inwardly. The mention of the study - the very reason why she hadn't wanted to stop to talk to Daisy. She plasters another smile on her face, trying to act as though the mention of the research study hadn’t just slapped her in the face harshly. “How is it coming along?” She asks purely out of courtesy.

“The results are okay, I guess.” Daisy cracks a grin and playfully shoves an elbow into Natasha's shoulder - an action that catches her by surprise. “It could have been better if our star couple stayed with us till the end, though.”

“Our…what?” Natasha believes her ears had heard wrongly, there is no way that Daisy just said _that_. 

Daisy simply laughs. “Oh come on, don’t act like you don't know that you and Steve had been one of the better couples in our study. You scored almost perfectly for every quiz about each other, and during that group observation, your interactions were among the best and most genuine based on Prof May's observation.”

Natasha blinks once. Then twice. She has no idea how to react to what was just said to her, her mind not quite processing the implication behind Daisy’s words. 

“I personally think you two had the best relationship with each other. You two were my favourite couple! Literally, the most perfect!” Daisy clasps her hands together dreamily, enviously, and Natasha feels a lump latching itself onto her throat.

Daisy, a stranger who barely even knew Natasha or Steve, actually believes that? They weren't even a real couple, for Christ’s sake. How can they be someone’s favourite couple when they weren't even in a relationship with each other?

“We’re _far_ from perfect, Daisy.” Natasha says flatly, ignoring the way Daisy’s face had fallen slightly, her smile replaced by a frown.

"Look, Natasha. I don’t know what is going on between the both of you but I hope you work it out.” Daisy says eventually, in a tone Natasha knows is of sincerity. "because there’s nothing more _perfect _than being in a relationship with your best friend. I hope you are aware of that.”

Three days ago, if Natasha had heard this sentence from Daisy, she would have responded easily with a _you wouldn’t understand. _She would have told Daisy that being in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate her feelings, coupled with the fact that that someone is her best friend, is a recipe asking for trouble, an equation that is so complex that the chances of getting the right answer is almost slim to none.

But now, after listening to what Clint and Maria had told her, and remembering her previous conversations with Hope and Carol, Natasha isn’t so sure anymore.

“I know.” She replies Daisy eventually, her tone longing. “It would be perfect, wouldn't it?”

* * *

On Sunday, Natasha keeps her promise and goes to Steve’s art exhibition. Alone.

Steve is probably at home - as he'd already been stationed in his exhibition for two days; he doesn’t need to be there on the last day. Natasha had told him in advance that she wouldn't be able to go to his exhibition on the first two days, as she had to meet up with her supervisor regarding her final year project, and then do some final editing before preparing to submit her paper the coming Monday. Steve pretended that it didn’t disappoint him a little, since he’d wanted to personally show her around his booths and panels.

Natasha didn’t even tell him that she was going to his exhibition today - she'd left the apartment immediately after lunch, when Steve had gone out to buy some groceries with Clint. When she arrives in Hall 2, it doesn’t take her long to find the stretch of panels that belonged to Steve. She takes a brochure from the entrance, reading the information printed on it, about how the concept of ‘love’ is the theme of this project and exhibition.

She starts to move down the hallway, her eyes never leaving Steve's panels and boards. She studies each painting carefully, the strokes of his paintbrush, the colours on each canvas - Natasha finds her heart beating in awe, as it always does, when she sees Steve's paintings. Every canvas tells a different story, even though all of them revolved around the theme of love; Steve had painted many different things, from Sarah to Dodger, from sceneries of places that he held dear to his heart, to his favourite hobbies and memories growing up. He’d dedicated an entire panel to just his friends too - Bucky, a group painting of the Midgard University gang. Natasha smiles when she sees the painting of her and Steve, her heart beating steadily within her - it was based on the time where they'd slow danced in his bedroom; it is absolutely beautiful. 

She looks to the side, and sees another painting of the both of them, based on a faraway memory of them when they were a lot younger. Natasha appreciates the painting a little longer, thinks of how far they've come since the first day they became friends. Her eyes then travel to the last painting at the end of the panel, and Natasha’s breath hitches. 

It takes her a few seconds to realise that she is staring at a side profile painting of _herself_. Natasha takes a step closer, an eyebrow slightly raised to study it - she then realises that, based on the colours of the painting, and the shirt she is wearing, that this painting was based specifically on the day she’d dragged Steve out from his bed to watch the sunrise together. She remembers that day vividly, as though it was just yesterday. It was the day they went to the beach after that because Natasha had asked him to bring her there - it was the same day they had that petty argument in Sarah’s kitchen, the day when she had spontaneously kissed Steve. 

_ And Steve had kissed her back. _

When that thought strikes her mind, her heart almost lurches to her throat. Natasha finds herself gasping, because she hadn’t stopped to consider that Steve had returned her kiss - she had been too caught up of being embarrassed, too distracted by her own action, too busy trying to ignore the fact that it even happened, that Natasha had pushed everything else into the back of her mind. But there is no mistake in this memory, in that faint feeling she still remembers as Steve responding to her kiss. 

But…but it doesn't make sense, maybe it was just the heat of the moment that made Steve respond that way. It couldn’t possibly mean anything right, that kiss couldn't have meant that he liked -

Her head is spinning, thousand of thoughts swirling in her mind. In an instant, there are flashes of memories that start to flit into her mind. She hadn’t realised anything was amiss because Natasha had been in constant denial and confusion for a long time, but staring at the painting in front of her, and remembering the theme of this art exhibition, Natasha almost stops breathing. 

Because what is running through her mind is an echo of what all her friends had told her. All of a sudden, she hears their voices in her head, words they’d uttered to her before.

_“It’s precisely because it’s you and Steve that it shouldn’t bother you.”_

_“If there’s any two people who should be together, it’s you and Steve. You two make perfect sense, yknow.”_

_“I’d be blind if I didn’t see the way he looks at you like there is no one else in the room.”_

_“You two were my favourite couple! Literally, the most perfect.”_

When Natasha hears those voices in her head, she thinks of Steve's reaction and the way he’d started acting after the kiss in her bedroom. The careful distance he’d set between them (which she’d gladly accepted and done the same), the way he’d gotten angry at her for suggesting he dated Connie. Natasha remembers how Steve had asked her, time and time again, if it was really okay for him to start seeing someone else, and she starts to frown, realisation slowly dawning upon her - could it be that Steve had wanted confirmation, not for him to be given the green light to date another, but a confirmation that Natasha felt nothing for him? That the kiss they’d shared had done nothing to her? 

Her eyes are widening - if that possibility is true, then she’d let him believe that. She’d let him believe that the kiss meant nothing to her when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’d been avoiding him because Natasha is in love with him - but had she ever stopped to think of why Steve had done the same? Had she paused to think for one second that maybe, just maybe, that Steve was also avoiding her for the same reason she'd been keeping that careful distance between them?

What if Steve had avoided her because he too, loves her? What if…what if he is _also _in love with her?

Natasha recalls more and more of the comments her friend and even Sarah had made in light of their ‘relationship’, how no one had been surprised, no one had even doubted their arrangement for one second.

_"I’m glad you two came to this realisation, it’s sooner than I would have expected, but still, I’m very, very happy for you two.”_

_“Not to mention, you two have been best friends for so long, this day was bound to happen eventually.”_

_“My two favourites, together at last.”_

_“It has never been just best friends between the two of you. With the two of you, it wasn’t a matter of how, but a matter of when.”_

How could she be this blind to not realise this possibility? Natasha suddenly finds herself running out from the exhibition hall, her heart pounding fast against her ribcage. She doesn’t know a hundred percent if what she plans to do next is the right thing to do, doesn't know at all, if what she’d just deduced is even the truth. What she knows, is that for one fleeting moment, Natasha finally _believes_ in the answer she'd thought of when Maria asked if Steve is worth the risk.

He is. 

She needs to find Steve. She needs to find him_ now_. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!  
On a side note, thank you everyone for your constant love and support, means the world to me and every comment/kudos serve as a motivation for me to continue writing, so thank you! :)  
We're not that far away from the end of this fic now, I'm getting emotional since I ended up really loving this AU I created. But ah, part of the journey is the end, I guess ;-;


	12. "it's you, natasha, it's always you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of confessions and kisses - lots of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is ** Rated M ** for the smut that is to come, so if you're not comfortable reading it just skip that part aye. ;)

The second Natasha slams the door behind her, Clint flinches sharply from the couch, ready to yell at her - but the redhead glances over him as though he isn’t even there. She is already heading straight to Steve’s bedroom, knocking rapidly before letting herself in without invitation. That’s the exact moment when Clint knows that he has about five seconds to get the hell out of their apartment, because something is about to happen between his two idiotic friends, and he is most definitely not going to stick around to find out _what_.

“Nat, what’s wrong?” Steve jumps up from his seat when Natasha enters his room bearing a look of determination. “Is everything okay?”

“Steve, I need to tell you something.” She ignores his question and barrels forward before she loses the courage to do so. “I just...I just need to get it out of my system before I go crazy thinking about all the what ifs.”

“Are you okay? What is it?”

She takes a deep breath, and wills herself to look straight into his eyes. Enough of running away, Natasha thinks, enough of trying to pretend like nothing has changed between them. 

“It’s you, you idiot.” 

The words roll out her tongue with surprise ease, and Natasha pauses to calm her pounding heart. She sees the look of confusion streaking across Steve's face as he remains quiet, waiting for her to elaborate. 

“The guy I like, no matter how much I wish I didn’t, it’s _you_.” Natasha feels the lump in her throat, but she ignores it, she ignores the feeling of wanting to back away, to look down. “Maybe I was busy chasing after stars, not knowing what I need is right in front of me all along. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit that you have found a permanent way to stick yourself into my heart. But,” She sucks in a breath, tears suddenly glistening in her eyes. “I like you, Steven Grant Rogers. A lot.”

Steve stares at her, shellshocked, his jaw slacked. His mind is completely and utterly blank, not knowing what to say, what to do, when such actions have always come naturally when it is Natasha in the equation. He thinks his ears must be playing tricks on him, because how can that be possible? How can the person Natasha likes, be _him_?

“And it hurts, Steve. It hurts because I know I don’t have any rights to feel this way for you.” Natasha’s lower lip quivers, her voice breaking with every word in this confession. But even then, she forces herself to maintain eye contact with him. “I’m not supposed to feel upset when you hang out with Connie, or go out for movies with her. When you laughed at what she told you, or blushed when she teased you. I’m not supposed to feel this way, Steve. I _don’t _have the rights to.”

“Nat -” 

“I pushed you away to her, because I thought by doing that, it would be the right thing to do. So I hope that you are happy, Steve.” More words stumble out of her mouth; they’re that which are sincere, the truth, even if it hurts. “Because nothing matters most to me than you finding the right person who can make you happy.”

Steve’s forehead creases in pure confusion.

“I don’t know exactly what you have with Connie, but I know that she is the luckiest to have you by her side. And I hope, I hope she knows that.”

Finally, Natasha looks away, blinking back the tears in her eyelids. She doesn’t reach out to wipe them away though, heaving a huge sigh for having said all that she wanted to say. It felt like something had been lifted from her shoulders, and Natasha feels lighter, at ease, even though she is dreading Steve's response to her entire monologue.

“Wait, Nat, wait-” Steve starts, his mind overwhelmed with thousands of questions, suddenly he is unable to even form a coherent sentence. “I don’t -”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Natasha interrupts him, already taking a few steps back. It is killing her to see the bewilderment on Steve's face, of utter surprise and shock. She doesn't dare to even pause to think for a second that she might have really done it this time - she might have really ruined what is left in their friendship, that she was wrong to even think that Steve is in love with her too. “Really, you don’t owe me anything. I just had to...I just had to tell you this. I don't want to regret not letting you know how I really feel about you. The real reason why I've been avoiding you for so long.”

“Nat - “

When Natasha turns to walk toward his door, there’s a small part of her that hopes and wishes he would stop her from leaving. That he would follow her, pull her around and hug her. Tell her it is alright that she feels this way. Tell her it wouldn’t change anything between them now that he knows.

She’d barely taken two steps forward, barely even allow the implications of all her words sink into her when Natasha’s heart nearly stops - a pair of strong arms hugged her from behind, stilling her movement at once. And then she hears Steve whispering right into her ear - his voice sending tremors down her spine. “_Natasha_,” 

She remains mum, closing her eyes.

“You’re so goddamn dramatic, do you know that?” Steve continues, tightening his grasp around her, even though she isn’t fighting back, isn’t trying to wrestle herself out of his embrace. “Would it be so bad if you just stopped talking for one second and listen to me? Can you stop being so stubborn for once?”

Natasha breaks the hold Steve has around her, whirling around to meet his eyes. “If being stubborn could save a broken heart from breaking further...”

He shakes his head. “Do you have _any _idea,” Steve says with a controlled tone, his eyes burning into hers. “What I had to go through these past few weeks?”

“It can’t be as bad as what I had to go through.” Natasha chokes down the sobs rising in her chest. “I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. They said that you’re supposed to be happy when you fall in love. But nobody...nobody said anything about the pain, how much it hurts watching your retreating back, when you’re so near yet so far away from my reach.” 

Steve could feel his heart clenching as he hears those words from her mouth. He could see the pain in her expression, the hurt in her eyes - he's been seeing them for days, weeks, yet he'd done nothing about it. He'd done nothing to make her feel better. Steve didn’t even realise that _he _was the cause of all that underlying pain beneath every step she took, every word she uttered.

“So why don’t you enlighten me, Steve?” Natasha’s expression changes in a split second to that of exhaustion and mild anger. “Why don’t you enlighten me on how _terrible _these days have been for you, when you’ve been busy shoving your tongue down Connie’s throat?”

Steve looks visibly mortified hearing that, which makes Natasha slightly guilty for saying that. She draws back, shaking her head. “Forget I said that. Just -”

But Steve lets out a disbelief laugh, one hand against his forehead, as though he couldn’t comprehend what she’d just said. It throws her a little off guard, so Natasha furrows her eyebrows together, waits for him to say something. He does, two seconds after, calmly. “I was _never _with Connie. Absolutely _nothing _happened between us.”

Natasha frowns.

“How can I be with someone else when the only person I could think of all the time wasn’t even there beside me?”

Her eyes are widening now, the words registering in her mind. She thinks about the paintings he'd done of her, think about what she’d thought of during his art exhibition. “Steve, I - “

“How can you even think that I’m in love with Connie, when I’m in love with_ you_?”

Hearing that sentence from Steve is something she'd hoped to hear, but now that she has really heard it, Natasha is suddenly plunged into a state of disbelief. Because it couldn't be this simple, right? This happily ever after that she’d longed for - does she even deserve this? Is it really this simple? 

Silence stretches between them for a long time. Natasha blinks, trying to gather her thoughts. And then she starts to shake her head. “No. No, Steve.” She runs her hand through her hair. “You’re confusing yourself with...I know for sure that you love me, Steve, but loving me and being in love with me are two completely different things.”

“I love you.” He ignores her. “Ever since you fought off those bullies in sixth grade. I’ve _always _loved you -”

“And I don’t doubt that, Steve. I know you do. But -”

“Will you_ let_ me finish, Natasha?” He raises his voice, and she jumps in surprise. “Were you even listening to me? I just told you that I am in love with you! My love for you has _always_ been there. I didn’t realise, it has taken me such a long time, but I’ve never realised exactly when I started looking at you differently, maybe it was after I broke up with Peggy and you were always there for me every step of the way. Maybe it was one of our 3AM calls when you were crying and my heart was hurting just listening to you hurting. Maybe it was after we got into the research study together and I had a glimpse of how it would be like if we were in a relationship, all the kisses we shared with each other. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but the point I am trying to make is that it has _always_ been _you_!” 

Natasha freezes, eyes as wide as saucers. Steve’s eyes are trained on hers, his breathing ragged, as though he’d just ran a marathon and is trying to calm himself.

“It’s you, Natasha.” Steve repeats with conviction. “It’s always _you_.”

Natasha has imagined this happening. She had imagined Steve reciprocating her feelings, and dreamed that there is a chance of a happily ever after with him. She thought she would be happy hearing those words from Steve, thought that finally, after all the pushing and pulling they’d done to each other, that there is a happy ending to this entire journey she had to partake in. But now that she has, Natasha only feels her heart sinking deeper into the pits of her stomach. She shakes her head twice, then wills herself to look at him. 

Natasha takes a deep breath.“You don’t want this, Steve.”

“Why are you putting words in my mouth?” He asks in obvious frustration.

“You don’t want this.” She repeats, feels her heart breaking little by little. “Trust me. You don’t want to be in a relationship with me.”

“What if I _do_?” Steve asks exasperatedly. “I’m telling you now that I _want _this.”

But Natasha still shakes her head. “I don’t want to lose you, Steve.”

“Who says anything about losing me?”

“This changes things between us.”

“Hasn’t it already?”

Steve starts to move closer and closer, but Natasha moves backward in the same motion - as if hesitant. As if she's scared. Scared of Steve? No. She realises she's more afraid of what she wants to do with him - her back is against the closed door now. Steve presses against her, placing one of his arms against the small of her back. She freezes at his touch but slowly melts into him. _Into him_. Natasha realises she really is _into_ him.

Is this a dream? She closes her eyes and takes it all in, imagining Steve - but she doesn’t need to imagine any longer - because this time, this time when she opens her eyes, he doesn’t go away. He is still here, with her.

She feels him getting closer now, the heat of his breath against her cheeks. Slowly he leans into her, grazing his lips just slightly against hers - lingering. As if waiting for a signal - to move forward or not? As if waiting for her to push him away - but she doesn’t. They’ve done this before, why is he so hesitant now? 

“Steve -” Natasha exhales.

It is probably the sound of his name coming out of her lips that prompts him to finally kiss her, carefully and delicately, long enough to feel just a hint of warmth from her skin, a second to inhale her breath. And then he pulls away immediately, not quite giving Natasha enough time to react to it.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” Steve apologises, his cheeks a hint of pink as he slowly steps away from her.

She doesn’t know why  —  doesn’t know what compelled her to do it, but Natasha suddenly pulls him back in, cupping his face in her hands gently as she meets his lips halfway. Their kiss this time is slow, as if they have all the time in the world. It isn’t like the hurried kisses she’d given him in public, isn’t like the one she’d planted on him without a warning during their semester break. This kiss isn’t a fruit of tangled thoughts constantly reminding them that people are watching, that this is a pretend relationship, that this isn’t real. 

Natasha feels his tongue teasing the seams of her lips, and she parts them for him willingly. Steve could feel the crinkling of her smile as she does that, the heat rising in both their cheeks. He rests his hand on her waist, pulling her closer into him while his other hand travels to the nape of her neck. Natasha is the first to deepen the kiss, inhaling all of his scent and tasting him, and suddenly, she is overwhelmed by a feeling of how _real _everything is.

This kiss, this kiss is _real_ \- the butterflies fluttering into her stomach, slowly but surely. It is feeling like she’d finally and truly belonged in his embrace, feeling like she is holding her entire world in her palms. 

Even when they pull apart, Natasha rests her forehead against his, letting out a soft sigh. She’s gazing into his eyes, seeing sincerity and genuine adoration in them - and her heart clenches slightly. 

“Steve-” She starts, her eyes faltering. “- we really shouldn’t.”

Even though she’d just said that, Natasha thinks it couldn’t be further from the truth. She wants this. She wants _him_. She really does, but there is still a small part of her that doesn’t think she should - the risk of losing him as her best friend scares her, and she’d almost nearly lose him, no, she was convinced she’d _already _lost him because of her stupid decision to be part of that research study. But when she meets his eyes again, sees the way he is looking at her, gazing so deep into her eyes and sending tremors right into her soul, Natasha stops thinking. She realises that she doesn’t care, not anymore.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, holding her gaze. Steve caresses her cheek with his thumb, his action slow and affectionate. Natasha feels her heart fluttering even further within her chest by that gesture alone - how much he respects her, how much he loves her. “You should know by now that I would do anything for you. You...you are my everything, Nat.” 

She feels his grip tightening around her waist, holding her safely in place, somehow knowing that her knees are about to buckle beneath her. “So if you want me to stop, just say the word.” 

There’s a hint of sadness that crosses in his eyes as he said that - she’d noticed. It flashed by so quickly, she would have missed it if she blinked.

“But I know that somewhere inside you...you feel the same way as I do, so please, Nat, please allow me to love you.” Steve brushes a strand of stray hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear gently. “Please give me the chance to treat you right.”

“You _always_ treat me right, Steve.” Natasha whispers, her gaze never leaving his - she is well aware by now that she is drowning in his eyes, always that shade of beautiful blue that is ingrained in her memory. Then she shakes her head once, then twice, with better conviction, realising that she still hasn’t quite answered his question. This time, the answer falls out from her lips easily. “Don’t stop.” The words escape in a whisper. “Don’t_ ever_ stop.”

As he hears the words, Steve doesn’t wait a second longer - crashing his lips against hers. He kisses her desperately, passionately, as if releasing all of the pent up emotions that he had for her. He kisses her like he craves it, just as Natasha returns the kiss in equal intensity. She winds her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer - like he isn’t close enough - their bodies now pressed flush against each other. She fists her hands against his shirt, as if clinging, desperately, into some form of reality.

This is not a dream. 

There’s a jolt of electricity then, her entire body trembling as they break apart for air. But Steve takes this opportunity to kiss down her throat, pressing his lips into the crook of her neck and eliciting a moan from her. 

“You like that,” Steve reacts to the sound she’d just make with a low growl, breathing against the curve where her neck meets her shoulder, nipping against her skin. “you like that, huh?”

She’d imagined this before, every detail, every touch. Her hands all over him - exploring, sending heat directly to his core, their skin rubbing against each other through the fabrics of their clothes. She pushes away for a moment, causing Steve to quirk an eyebrow in his slight surprise. Her eyes have darkened, he realises. Desire brimming in them, mirroring his own. Then, Natasha begins to unbutton her blouse, starting from the top, slowly. Her eyes locked onto his - one button at a time. She’s teasing. He knows this. His eyes are on her, his heart pounding - and then his eyes start to falter, but only slightly.

“Eyes on me, soldier.” Natasha says with a smirk, her tone low and sultry - it sends another jolt throughout his body, straight into his jeans. Steve couldn’t find any words to reply her, so he complies, looking back into her eyes. By then, Natasha had fully unbuttoned her blouse, each side parting loosely to reveal what’s underneath. Steve swallows the lump in his throat, aching to reach forward, to feel her skin on his fingertips. But he doesn’t, keeping his hands to his sides. 

Natasha reaches behind her back, locking the door in one swift motion. All the while with her eyes still trained on him. Then she moves closer to him again, taking his hands into hers and guiding them slowly towards her bare stomach. 

“Nat…” It takes Steve everything not to unfurl his fingers on her skin, to begin exploring the map of her body, the smoothness of her skin. He wants to ask her, wants to make sure that she is entirely okay with this - but when Steve searches her eyes, he sees her answer, crystal clear.

With an encouraging smile, Natasha shrugs her blouse off, discarding it onto the floor. “It’s okay.” She answers, touching his face lightly. “I want this. I want _you_.”

Those words are what he’d wanted to hear, and they break the hesitancy in him. Steve pulls her from the door, walking her backward until her legs hit the edge of the bed, and Natasha falls onto the mattress naturally. His gaze are locked into hers - her eyes inviting. He strips off his t-shirt slowly, returning her tease, as if putting on a show. As he climbs unto the bed, Natasha could feel his body brushing along hers ever so slightly, and the effect is instant as heat starts to pool between her legs. Steve settles on top of her, knees on either sides of her legs, leaning forward to tuck her loose tresses behind her ears. 

“You’re beautiful, Nat.” He whispers. “So beautiful.”

Natasha stares back into his eyes, the sincerity, admiration and love in his voice sent a tingling sensation throughout her body. She places one palm over his chest, feels the steady beating of his heart. “Steve,” She licks her lower lip without realising - that action alone sends shivers down Steve’s spine. “kiss me.”

He listens, and captures her mouth in his in an instant, softly at first but with a gradual increase of intensity that causes Natasha to let out another moan from the back of her throat. Hearing that sound again from her sends wild tremors into his nerves, the strain in his jeans becoming uncomfortable. Steve kisses her harder, more passionately, tasting the softness of her lips. His hand slowly starts to move downward, brushing past the soft material of her bra. Natasha’s breath hitches in response, before it becomes heavier when he starts to rub his thumb in circles over the cotton. 

“_God,_” The word tumble out from her mouth before she could stop herself, and Steve smiles against her lips. He pulls apart to look at her, and he almost melts at how flushed her cheeks already are. “You shouldn’t use God’s name in vain.” He chides teasingly.

Natasha nearly decks him there and then, but instead, it gives her just enough time to catch him off guard - in a split second, she’d flipped their position so that this time, she’s on top of Steve and straddling his hips. She makes sure he is really looking at her, before running a hand through her hair, all the while smirking at him as she presses closer into his body, grinding her hips into his groin. Steve groans loudly, and instantly, she could feel his bulge against her. Satisfied that she’d gotten this reaction from him, Natasha leans forward, kissing him once before pressing her lips into the spot just below his ear. 

“Remember the conversation we had in your car?” She whispers hotly into his ear, and pauses long enough to let him know what she is about to do.

“_Natas-” _His voice trails off the second Natasha trails her tongue over the back of his ear, kissing that spot, before sucking on his earlobe. The sound that comes out of Steve’s mouth arouses her even more, and Natasha begins to kiss down his jaw and throat, all the way to his chest, licking over his nipples while circling her fingers against his navel; its position dangerously near his private area. “I _remember_ you like that, right?” She asks, even though she already has her answer judging from how hard he already is.

“Fuck,” Steve lets out a strained curse as Natasha continues to kiss lower and lower down his body - just as how he’d told her he would like it. “so you _do_ listen.”

“_Language_, Rogers.” She teases. “Never knew it might turn out to be useful one day.” 

Natasha starts to roll her hips in slow circles, making Steve gasp loudly, clearly struggling to control his reaction to this entire foreplay. “Jesus, _Nat_.”

But she isn’t done teasing him, so Natasha leans into him to whisper into his ear again. “The last time you said that,” She pauses, slipping her fingers into his waistband - Steve’s breath hitches immediately. “you were about to combust from all the blushing. Do you remember?”

Steve doesn’t know how he is still able to look at her fully, not when he could feel the tips of her fingers pressing dangerously close to his groin - Natasha shifts a little then, and the movement sends electricity down his spine. “You’re seriously trying to_ kill _me.” He nearly whimpers, knows how much Natasha is enjoying this from the way she is still grinning. 

“I’ll take it that you remember. Unfortunately, ” She kisses him hard, then pulls apart a second after before he could even react to that; Natasha is clearly not finished with her sentence yet, and she is adamant on making sure Steve knows what is running through her mind. “_Someone_ flat out _refused _to hear me,” She pauses for effect, “when I wanted to tell him my -” 

Natasha never got to finish her sentence, for she is interrupted with a growl of impatience from Steve as he suddenly sits upright, bracketing her back in his hands so she doesn’t lose her balance. She yelps in surprise, just as Steve leans closer to whisper; “Guess I’ll just have to find out now then.” 

He gives her little to no warning - before the words even register in her mind, he’d slipped a hand underneath her bra, and Natasha lets out a gasp. She stops what she was doing with her hand in an instant when Steve rolls and pinches her nipple, biting her lower lip to stifle the moan from the back of her throat. She darts half a glare in his direction, knowing that he is in control now, but from the way Steve is looking at her, Natasha doesn’t think she minds it that much - it excites her, if the way her body is reacting naturally to his touch is any indication. Wordlessly, Natasha reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra before tossing it aside aimlessly. Once the material leaves her skin, Steve couldn’t help but stare with a hint of wildness. The way he looks at her, as if hungry, as if living to please - wanting to please her. The thought alone almost causes Natasha to blush.

“Ste-” Before she could even say anything, Steve buries his head into her breast, taking it in his mouth as his hand palms her other mound. The sound Natasha involuntarily makes is enough to encourage Steve, and he flips her easily underneath him again. Seeing her below him, lips parted slightly and cheeks flushed, makes his heart drum beneath his chest - _how could someone be this beautiful,_ he thinks to himself, _how did I get so lucky?_

Steve presses his mouth against her, kissing her with a fiery intensity that leaves her breathless when he pulls away. “That’s two.” He announces with a smirk and catches the look of lust and desire in her eyes before Natasha quirks an eyebrow up. 

“Two? But - _oh_,” She couldn’t help but draw her eyes shut, when Steve leans down into the crook of her neck, pressing kisses on the same spot that had her moaning before. She tilts her neck to the side to give him better access - from the way Steve is relentlessly sucking against her skin, Natasha has suspicions that he’s doing it with every intention of leaving a mark on her neck the next day, and that thought alone makes her body throb with desire. 

He barely gives her the chance to catch her breath when Steve starts to pepper kisses down her throat and all the way to her collarbone. Natasha hums appreciatively as Steve traces circles in her inner thigh. She could feel the throbbing twitch in her clit when Steve slips his hand into her shorts, his fingers brushing against her damp underwear. He lifts his head to look at her, the expression he is bearing makes Natasha’s heart flutter. 

Steve almost couldn’t believe how wet she already is, not until Natasha reaches down to unbutton her shorts, and he moves down the bed on his knees to yank the remaining articles on her free. She doesn’t need to say anything as she holds his gaze, her eyes speak volumes of what she wants from him now - and in utter compliance, Steve brushes two fingers against her  — exploring. Before Natasha could even react properly to the pleasure he’s already giving her by that action alone, Steve presses his fingers into her. 

“Steve,_ please_.” Natasha’s entire body is pulsating now, ragged breathing filling the air slowly. She arches her back, then grinds her hips, just so she could feel more friction of his fingers thrusting in her. When Steve curls his fingers upward, Natasha almost lets out a Russian curse. Her breathing becomes uneven as she feels herself already reaching the edge, that when Steve finally sucks at her clit, it doesn’t take her long before she comes with a cry of his name on her lips. 

Steve climbs back on top of Natasha then, relishing in the sight of her heaving chest, of the glow in her cheeks as she slowly comes down from her high. He waits for her to open her eyes to meet his gaze, waiting patiently - pleading silently. Steve’s heart starts beating faster as soon as she opens them. Natasha is smiling at him, and of all the years he’d spent with her, Steve knows that it is one of her rare and reserved smile that tells him that at this moment - she is _shy. _

Satisfied, but suddenly demure that Steve had witnessed her in this state. 

Before she could say anything, Steve kisses her - slowly and sensually. Natasha could taste herself on his lips, and she responses to his kiss in equal passion. He leans his forehead against hers as they break apart, trying to catch a breath - panting. 

“_Natasha_.” 

Steve utters her name as he feels her hands grazing through his jeans - his voice coarse yet languid at the same time. This time, Steve is the one who moans, much to Natasha’s glee - she likes that she’s back to being in control, and Natasha has every intention to show Steve what she is capable of doing.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair that you still have clothing on you?” Natasha’s voice comes out raspier than intended, one hand still rubbing his erection. Her question is enough for Steve to reach for his belt, unbuckling. Natasha meets his gaze with another smirk, and stills her hand just so she could help him push his jeans and boxers down. Natasha rises from the bed, one hand travelling back to the nape of his neck as she presses their lips together. She manoeuvres their bodies then, switching positions so that Steve is now lying on his back, and Natasha moves to the edge of the bed wordlessly.

Their eyes meet for the briefest of seconds, and Steve wants to say something, but all the words are lost in his mouth when Natasha bends her head in between his legs. Steve lets out an uncharacteristic curse when Natasha takes him in her mouth, sucking and licking without mercy. Another throaty moan escapes him as her hand curls around him, stroking, her hands slow and steady, but Natasha quickens her pace when she notices his pleading expression. He’s bucking his hips into her without realising when he comes, his entire body trembling at his release.

“That was…” He struggles to find the words, still breathless, not even aware that Natasha had already made her way back on top of him. When he opens his eyes, she simply smiles, the tinge of red on her cheeks apparent. “Good?” Natasha offers innocently just as he leans upward to meet her halfway. Steve laughs in agreement against her lips, running his hands all over her body before settling them on both sides of her waist. 

“Steve,” She whispers into his ear again, her voice husk as she runs one finger down his chest. “you know that we’re_ not _done yet, right?”

Hearing that sentence alone sends blood rushing through him, sending warmness across his entire body and straight to his nether area. “Hmm,” He hums, before turning his head to the side to reach into his bedside table. Steve rummages through the drawer for a few seconds before taking out a condom. 

“You sure that hasn’t expired yet?” Natasha couldn’t help but tease, the implication heavy as she sees the tips of his ears turning pink. Steve narrows his eyes at her before tossing the packet playfully into her direction. She laughs, and starts to grind down on him again until he grunts loudly, and Natasha takes that as a cue to roll the condom over his length. 

Steve could barely recover from the way her hand had brushed against him when she angles herself over him and sinks into him slowly - he fills her perfectly, how everything just feels right, and they both sigh at the same time. Steve lets out a sharp hiss, and catches how Natasha’s expression eases into pleasure when she starts to move, slowly at first, so that she’s adjusting to him in her. Natasha picks up a comfortable rhythm - her eyes closed, and the sounds she creates are sending Steve over the edge, panting with desire - he massages one of her breasts, tweaking her nipple as he hears his name escape her lips. _“Steve, fuck_,” Natasha moans, rocking her hips back and forth, “_don’t stop -_”

Steve has no intention of stopping, his other hand grabbing onto her hip as he rises to meet each thrust, both of them in sync as they start to increase their pace. _“Natasha, please -”_

She feels it first - the gradual increase of warmth as it intensifies from her core into every part of her body, rippling like waves. Her breathing quickens, and Natasha feels her muscle tightening, the tension and heat reverberating within her. The pleasure is overwhelming her and Natasha knows she is nearing her peak; when Steve so much as presses a thumb into her clit, she comes undone with a sharp inhale. Steve is still gripping onto her hips, thrusting harder and faster, filling the room with her name soon after. Natasha lets herself fall forward into him, before she releases a slow and satisfied breath. 

Steve holds her close, both of them catching their breaths as they slowly settled down from their climax. Natasha pulls away eventually, rolling onto her back beside Steve, her face still flushed. She starts to chuckle slightly - her arm covering her eyes; the chuckle turns into full blown hysterics that has Steve glancing at her curiously. 

“What’s so funny?” He asks, and sees how Natasha is curling into a ball away from him, laughter filling the air. “Nat?”

And then she turns around to face him, and Steve sees the obvious glint of satisfaction, a degree of unabashed happiness in her eyes. “We’re never going back to being just friends, Steve.” She finally says, leaning closer. “I, uh, I think that was the best sex I’ve gotten in years.”

The admittance leaves Steve beaming, a sense of pride washes over him, though he chooses not to say anything - Natasha understands, anyway. He caresses a thumb over her swollen lip, before snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her closer into his embrace. Natasha rests her head over his chest, one hand on his torso. They don’t say anything else, their breaths mingling, eyes drooping as exhaustion takes over. 

When Natasha listens closely, she could almost hear their hearts beat in unison.

* * *

They barely sleep, waking up simultaneously thirty minutes later. Steve wakes first, watching Natasha and thinking how lucky he is to have her beside him - it reminds him of a few days ago, where she’d crawled into his bed in the middle of the night. She didn’t stay then, but this time, Steve thinks, this time will be different. 

Sure enough, she starts to stir; as though Natasha had sensed that Steve is looking at her. When her eyes flutter open, a smile makes its way naturally to her face. She brings the hand on his chest to his face, caressing his cheek lightly. “Hi.” Natasha says softly, her expression serene.

“Hi.” Steve replies without missing a beat, covering her hand with his. “Good nap?”

“The best.” Natasha replies, nuzzling herself closer into him. He twirls a finger around her tresses, and for a long moment after that, they fall into a comfortable silence. When Natasha finally pulls herself away from him, it is so that she could look at him properly - they’re just lying there, facing each other like parallel lines. The silence lingers in the air, with both of them merely observing each other with quiet eyes, soft and bashful smiles on their lips.

Steve is the first to break the silence, not wanting to keep words privy to only himself anymore. The last time he did, he’d nearly damn well lose the best thing that has happened in his life. This time, Steve thinks, he will not repeat his mistakes. So even though he has a feeling that she would end up teasing him, he still tells her. “There are stars in your eyes.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow in reflex, but she finds herself chuckling a second after, nudging an elbow into his ribs. “You’re such a hopeless romantic, Rogers. Is that what you normally say to girls after sex?”

Steve fights the urge to roll his eyes at her teasing. “_No_, and you know it.”

She smiles easily. “I guess I do. Steve?” 

“Hmm?”

“I appreciate it.” Natasha simply says, holding his hand in hers tightly. “Can I tell you something?” 

Steve nods. “Of course, you can tell me anything.”

She pauses, letting silence stretch between them for a few seconds. “I never knew I could feel this way.” Natasha begins slowly. “Everything just feels perfect, yknow? Like...everything has fallen into the right place and I’m finally where I want to be,” Steve could see the blush on her cheeks. “which is with you.”

“Natasha…” He sighs, rubbing his thumb over hers. “I can say the same for you. I don’t think I’ve ever truly known love until you happened. I-” Steve hesitates just a little, even though he’d already said those words to her earlier. “I lo -”

“I love you, too.” Natasha interrupts him gently, startling him slightly. Steve knows she isn’t one to say those words easily, but here she is, telling him exactly that which he’d wanted to tell her first. “I _love_ you.” She repeats warmly, a smile gracing her face. 

“How lucky am I to hear that from Natasha Romanoff?” Steve returns her smile, feeling all sorts of emotions building within him. 

Natasha is shaking her head. “If anyone is lucky, it’s me.” She whispers, her gaze wavering just a little. “Steve…this changes things between us, you know that right?”

“Yes,” He replies. “but if it means that I am able to be with you, then I wouldn’t have it any other way. Nat, I know what you are worried over.” Steve pauses, reaching out to tuck her loose strands behind her ears. “And I promise you, it won’t happen. I will _never_ allow it to happen.”

It takes her a while to truly let his words sink in, but when they do, Natasha finds herself smiling, slight tears glistening in her eyes. She shifts closer into him again. “Good.” Natasha says, leaning forward, closer into his lips. “Because I wouldn’t know what to do without you, Steve.”

And then she kisses him softly, languidly, like they have all the time in the world. 

This time, they do.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I wrote 8 pages of smut - I will be honest and confess that in my many years of writing fanfics, this is my _first_ ever attempt in writing smut. So please be kind to me sksksksksksk I never actually thought I would write smut, it's one genre that I always tell myself to avoid because I'm just ((bad)) at writing sexy scenes, kissing scenes are already a stretch to me lmao but I digress, I hope it was still enjoyable. I thought a smut scene was fitting to the plot and after about 58k of slowburn, it is what all of us deserved.
> 
> The confession scene, particularly Natasha saying she has no rights to feel that way for Steve, was actually the FIRST scene I wrote for this entire fic. And then everything else was planned using that as a starting point.
> 
> Because I've been going on a writing sprint these days to update 3 chapters quickly, the next chapter will thereby be much slower - my brain needs to rest, no joke. ^^; I've outlined Chapter 13 and the Epilogue, just that they are no where near complete so it may take me a longer time to update.
> 
> Thank you always for reading and commenting, let me know what you think of this chapter (which wasn't easy for me to write lmao.) Shoutout to Aly for helping me beta-read the smut here HAHA.


	13. the happily ever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of fluff, fluff and more fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is officially coming to an end, all that is left is an Epilogue after this. To all readers, thank you from the bottom of my heart - you made writing this fic an absolute joy and saying goodbye to this AU has definitely made me a little bit emotional.  
Since this fic was borne out of a cliche prompt, of course there will be cliche moments in this chapter too - so happy reading!
> 
> Let me know what you think of this AU/chapter. I love reading and responding to comments from you guys!

Maria and Sam came home to a sleepy looking Clint scrolling through his phone by the door. They exchange a wary glance at each other before Maria clears her throat, wondering what is the matter - why is Clint sitting on the floor outside of their apartment instead of...well, _inside _their unit? Clint whips his head from his phone and, the second he sees them, breathes a huge sigh of relief. “_Finally_.” He exclaims with a shake of his head.

“What are you doing out here?” Sam asks with an arched eyebrow while Maria proceeds to take her keys out of her purse. Clint is already scrambling from the ground before he holds a hand out frantically. “Wait!” He hisses, and Maria stills her hand immediately. “What?” She asks, wide-eyed. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to go in now. Something happened in there.” Clint says, one hand still outstretched as he gestures towards their apartment. “Five hours ago, Natasha came home and went straight to Steve’s room. I rushed out immediately, because she looked like she was going to unload an entire bomb on him and I _wasn’t _going to sit around and find out.”

“_What_?” Maria furrows her eyebrows together just as Sam asks, “So you’ve been lingering out here for _five _solid hours?”

“Of course not.” Clint rolls his eyes. “I went to Starbucks and just chilled with Laura. I just came back, but...I thought I should wait for you two so we could, yknow, go in together. I’m a little afraid of what I’d find, to be honest.” 

Sam sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Do you think they were arguing again?” 

“I don’t know.” Clint replies honestly. “Could be, from the way Natasha stormed into his room, yeah.”

“Do we need to go through another cold war?” Sam groans. “Because that shit was scary, dude. That lingering tension in the air, how upset they were at each other. I thought it was never going to end, and when it did, it still didn’t feel all that right.”

“Exactly, which was why I waited for the both of you to come home first, so we could assess the situation before we - _Maria, wait!_”

There’s a click that goes off behind Sam as Maria unlocks the door with a roll of her eyes. “You boys are such chickens.” She grumbles before reaching for the doorknob. “You’re not going to find any answers talking outside here.”

And then she walks straight into their apartment, clearly fearing nothing as Sam and Clint trail behind her quietly. The first thing they hear as they entered their house is the sound of the television playing from the living room. Cautiously, Maria begins to make her way there. “Nat? You in here?”

Sure enough, Maria sees Natasha the second she’d stepped into the living room - the redhead barely looks up to acknowledge her return, but Maria halts instantly to take in the sight in front of her; Steve and Natasha are cuddling, her legs draped over his lap as her head rests against the crook of his neck. They don’t bother to break apart even when all three of their housemates had gathered in the living room to witness this new sight in front of them. 

Sam’s jaw drops, Clint’s eyes grow wider, while Maria’s face breaks into a megawatt smile.

_They talked, _Maria thinks to herself, _they finally talked._

“Hey guys,” Natasha looks up just for a second before dropping her head down again, not at all embarrassed by how publicly affectionate she is acting with Steve at the moment. “Welcome back.”

“Aww, looks like mom and dad have made up!” Clint finally breaks himself from his reverie, gushing loudly into their direction as Sam starts to grin, too. Maria lets out a giggle, clearly happy of what she is seeing, how completely at bliss both her friends are - her heart is blooming with joy for Natasha particularly. _So they’re both in love with each other_, Maria mentally swoons.

Natasha doesn’t even bother lifting her head to regard Clint’s statement. She just waves one hand in the air. “Shut up, Clint.”

And then Maria exchanges a knowing look with Sam, and starts to head to her own room. Sam clamps a hand on Clint’s shoulder and steers him toward the room they shared together. “Let’s leave the two lovebirds together, shall we?” Sam asks, to which Clint simply shrugs in agreement. “I want to hear _all _the details after this, Tasha!” He exclaims loudly just before disappearing into his room.

After they’d left, Natasha laughs against Steve’s neck, her breath tickling against his skin. “Can’t believe we just acted like this is all normal in front of them.”

“They’ll need to get used to this,” Steve replies, drawing her closer. “and more.”

“Hmm,” Natasha shifts her attention from the soap drama playing in front of them to press her lips against Steve’s throat, finding his pulse point easily. “I thought you said public display of affections make people very uncomfortable.” She half teases, alluding to one of their interview sessions for the research study.

Steve chuckles, aimlessly tracing patterns on one of her thighs. “And I thought _you _said we were more of a _private _couple.”

Natasha shakes her head, laughing lowly. “We really screwed up the study, didn’t we?”

“Well…” Steve doesn’t know how to answer that, so he lets his sentence trail off. 

“Do you think we should come clean?” She asks a few seconds after, glancing at Steve. “To Prof May and Daisy, I mean.”

Steve shifts in his position a little, so that he could meet her eyes. “Do you want to?” He asks carefully. 

“I feel like…” Natasha starts, leaning back to sit up straighter. “They of all people should know the truth.”

“You’re right.” Steve nods in obvious agreement. “And without the research study, we probably wouldn’t have realised our feelings for each other. So in a way...we sort of owe it to the research study, don’t you think so?”

“It definitely shed some light and opened our eyes.” Natasha agrees, smiling. “In the words of our wise friends, I’m glad we finally got our shit together.”

“I should probably tell Sam about our prior arrangement, too.” Steve heaves a slight sigh. “Since Clint and Maria already know about it, he’s the only person in the house who’s still oblivious about what went down for us.”

Natasha nods, winding her arm around his torso. “But we’re _not_ telling Stark.”

“Definitely.” Steve agrees easily with a smile - it’s best not to say anything to Tony, not when he has the tendency to dramatise everything _and _he probably wouldn’t let them live this down for the rest of their lives. “Aren’t you going to tell Pepper or Jane, though?”

“Maybe one day.” She says after a short pause, snickering. “I’ll just drop it onto them out of the blue, see them freak the heck out and then tell them we’re together for real.”

Steve laughs. “Of course you would do that.”

“Steve?” Then she shifts in her seat, a frown making its way onto her face. “What about your mom, and Nick?”

He thinks for a few seconds, finds the answer building gradually within him. “I suppose we should tell them.”

Natasha gives him a smile, nodding her head. “Yeah, we should. Doesn’t sit well with me not to tell them, to be honest.”

“Then that’s settled.” Steve states. “Next time, when we’re back home.”

Natasha leans back into Steve’s embrace, the soap drama forgotten. They fall into silence after that, neither of them saying anything else. She snuggles closer into Steve, unable to hide the smile growing on her face - just this morning, things between them had been rocky, a cloud of uncertainty looming over their heads, their game of push and pull continuing even after they’d apologised to each other. Natasha wouldn’t have imagined that now, Steve has her in his arms, protectively, lovingly - and everything finally feels like they’d fallen into the right place; her heart, for one, is definitely in the right place.

“Steve?” She calls out after a while, and Steve hums as a sign that he is listening. “Your paintings are beautiful.”

Natasha is referring to his art exhibition, and he smiles shyly before pressing a kiss into her hair. “Did you see the ones I did of you?”

She nods, rising to his eye level, a teasing smile on her lips. “But you know, I can’t seem to remember ever consenting to being your art subjects.”

Even in the dark, Natasha notices the look of surprise crossing Steve’s face. He starts to shake his head, flustered, as her words sink into his head. “I’m so sorry, Nat, I didn’t mean to-”

Natasha shifts her position swiftly, so that her legs are now resting on either side of his hips. “_Relax_, Steve.” Cupping his head between her palms, she starts to chuckle. “It was a joke, dummy. You can draw me anytime you want.” She leans forward so that their foreheads are touching slightly, her eyes lost in his. “I love them.”

“And I love you.” Steve says without missing a beat, without even a hint of hesitation present in his voice. His sudden declaration leaves Natasha with a blush on her cheeks, a race of her heart - she looks away bashfully. “_Steve_,_”_

He laughs at how she couldn’t seem to meet his eyes now. “Natasha Romanoff, are you _shy_?”

Natasha mumbles something under her breath that Steve couldn’t catch - so he winds both of his arms around her lower back, pulling her closer into him as she lets out a soft whine of protest. “Hmm? What’s that?” He coaxes her gently. “Tell me, Nat.”

She huffs, the heat on her cheeks becoming unbearable. “I’m not used to this level of affection, alright? Even the way you look at me...like...like...”

“Like you’re the love of my life?” Steve teases further, and watches how Natasha squirms in his grasp. It’s not that his words weren’t true - they _are _the truth, but Steve had said it purely to tease her, knowing that she is probably blushing like mad right now. It’s oddly endearing, he thinks. “Weren’t you perfectly fine earlier? After we -”

His sentence trails midway when Natasha presses her lips firmly against his - whether it be to silence him, or just to kiss him, or both, Steve has no idea, but he responds by reflex eagerly, chasing after her lips when she pulls away. “I’ve never…” Natasha frowns slightly, trying to find her words. “I’ve never had anyone who would look at me the way you do, Steve. It’s just new to me, that’s all. I don’t even think I deserve to be loved this much -”

“Natasha,” Steve interrupts her politely, his tone calm but firm - a hint for her to look at him. She does, a second after. “I’m not saying this just because we’re in a relationship now, but trust me when I say that you deserve the_ entire _world.” He cups her chin lightly. “And so much more.”

Her expression softens at once, a small smile lighting her face. Natasha doesn’t say anything, so Steve continues. “I promise I’ll do my best to give you that.”

“Aren’t I the luckiest?” Natasha finally finds her voice, running her fingers through his hair, and then taking a minute to admire his face this up close. She traces her fingertips across his cheekbones, down his jaw, studying his features with timid admiration - it still hasn’t quite sunk into Natasha that she gets to do this now, be in such intimate proximity with Steve, their breaths intertwining. She doesn’t pull back when Steve tilts his head, leaning forward slowly to close the gap between them. One of his hands travel to rest on the nape of her neck as he kisses her slowly, tenderly, as if to tell her that he is leaving his heart with her, pouring all his feelings into her. 

They break apart with their cheeks flushed, their breathing slightly laboured. He brushes the pad of his thumb over her swollen lips, just as Natasha whispers, “Steve…”

She doesn’t continue her sentence. She doesn’t have to. Steve simply smiles, understanding her just by reading her expression - _thank you_, Natasha wants to tell him, _for everything_.

“You’re welcome.” He says softly, and watches how her expression eases to that of awe, of how much he could read her, know what she is thinking. “I’ll do it all again, you know.”

“Do what?” Natasha tilts her head to the side, her eyebrow slightly raised. 

“Become your friend,” Steve starts. “then your best friend, your confidant. Fall head over heels in love with you, over and over again.”

Natasha’s eyes glisten with tears immediately - trust Steve Rogers to come up with such romantic statements at every single second he could get. He’d spoil her at this rate, bring the standards of a perfect boyfriend over the moon. He expects nothing in return, of course, but Natasha’s mind is already working on hundreds of things she could do for Steve to show him that her feelings for him are mutual. Her heart is already swelling at how much she loves him, how much he means to her. She may not be as good with words as he is, but Natasha knows that it’s the littlest gestures that count most at the end of the day.

She thinks she could live with that - doing things for Steve, _with_ Steve. No, Natasha thinks to herself, she’d _love _to do that for him, he deserves it _so much_. If she could give him the entire universe, she would. Natasha couldn’t imagine there had been days where she didn’t love him this much - all those days of her doubting her feelings for him were long gone - they’re replaced with absolute clarity and assurance that this love she has for him, this love they have for each other - she’d carry it in her heart forever.

* * *

The following day after their lecture, Carol is a little wary when she sees Steve from afar, walking toward the pillar she and Natasha are leaning against. She greets him with a small wave and a watchful gaze, sees how the redhead brightens up the second she turns around and meets his eyes, her reaction so genuine that the blonde almost does a double take. Carol raises an eyebrow in pure surprise when Steve leans down and gives Natasha a quick peck on her lips. 

“Uh,” Carol begins, scratching her chin. “You don’t have to pretend, yknow, did Natasha not tell you that I already know of your arrangement?”

Natasha fights the urge to laugh; instead, she turns toward Steve slightly. “Do you want to do the honours of telling her, or can I do it?”

“Tell me what?” Carol asks even before Steve could reply. It takes her about two more seconds before the blonde does an _actual_ double take this time, her eyes suddenly wide with realisation - she lets out a loud gasp. “_Wait_. No _freaking _way. Get out! Are you two...are you telling me you’re now..._what_? Since _when_?”

“Yesterday.” Natasha replies, her face breaking into a wide grin. “I took your advice in the end, and confessed to this idiot.”

“Oh my _god_!” Carol squeals as she starts clapping her hands together and bouncing in her spot. She ignores the random looks darted in her direction, instead, Carol reaches forward to pull both Natasha and Steve into a hug. “You _two! Just look at_ _you two_!”

Steve blushes just as Carol pulls away, her face bubbling with obvious happiness. “Congratulations!” She beams. “For real, this time.”

“Thanks, Carol.” Natasha simply smiles, lacing her hand with Steve’s naturally. “We’re actually going to see Prof May in a bit.”

“_Whoa_.” Carol blinks, taking a step back. “For the research study? Whatever for? I thought you two pulled out?”

“We thought to apologise.” Steve answers, keeping his voice low. “For...you know.”

“_Oh_.” Carol looks surprised, but levels herself to smile at both individuals in front of her. “Well, uh, all the best I guess? Tell me what she says!”

Natasha nods, and Carol goes off after waving goodbye to Steve. For a few seconds, Natasha and Steve remain rooted in their spots, both having the same thought as they exchanged a nervous glance. “Ready?” She asks eventually, to which Steve simply nods.

They trudge slowly towards Professor May’s office then, taking deep breaths when they stopped in front of her door. Natasha knocks twice, and exhales when she hears silence from inside. She glances at Steve again, who’d turned a shade paler, his eyes blown in panic. “She isn’t in!” He whispered hurriedly. “She isn’t in!”

“Do we wait? Do we go?” Natasha asked anxiously, biting her fingernails. She has no idea what to do; part of her wants to leave, but another part of her is asking her to stay put - because the second both of them step away might just be the very second they’d lose the courage to do this.

“Uh…” Steve’s mind is drawing a blank, and he merely stares at Natasha. Luckily for both of them, neither has to make any decision, for Melinda emerges from the corner just then, spotting the two students lingering outside of her office.

“Natasha, Steve,” Melinda regards them with an arched eyebrow as soon as she is within earshot - the both of them turn around to face her in an instant. “Is there anything I can help you two with?”

“Good afternoon, Professor. Yes. Actually,” Natasha starts just as Melinda unlocks her office and opens the door wide enough for the two of them to enter along. They do, standing awkwardly by the door as Melinda goes around her desk, not paying much attention to them. Natasha forces the words from the tip of her tongue. “we wanted to apologise.”

Melinda glances at Natasha with a slight frown. The latter hurriedly continues, “There’s something you should know, an explanation that we think we owe you.”

The professor regards them with a careful gaze, studying both of their body language, the way they are standing without a distance from each other. The confusion etched on her face disappears just as Melinda smiles ever so slightly. She speaks what has been in her mind for the longest of time, at the same second Natasha opens her mouth to elaborate.

“Are you two_ officially_ in a relationship with each other, now?”

“We were actually never in a relationship--” Natasha blinks twice as she hears the words from Melinda. “--_what_?” She finishes her sentence, her forehead creasing in shock. Steve just stares on, wide-eyed. “I mean, I’m sorry, Professor? Did you just -” Natasha manages to add a second too late.

Melinda lets out a soft laugh, shaking her head in amusement. “My dear, did you really think that I wouldn’t realise you two were not actually a couple this entire time?”

Natasha’s jaw drops open as a soft gasp leaves Steve’s mouth. 

“It was fairly obvious to me since the first time you two came to my office that you only participated because of...well, external rewards.”

“Professor...we...” Natasha stammers, darting a glance at Steve worriedly. The latter is trying his utmost best to level himself, so Natasha places her hand on his arm to calm his jittering nerves. “We are extremely sorry.”

To their surprise, Melinda merely dismisses her apology with a wave of her hand in the air. “No harm done, honestly.”

“But Professor, if that’s the case...why were we still chosen to participate in the study?” Steve finds his voice at last, clearly confused over what had just transpired - did Professor May really knew of their pretence from the beginning? Did she really act as though she was oblivious to all the lies they had told Daisy and her? But why would she do that?

“Let’s just say you two were my Independent Variables.” Melinda shrugs cooly. “I saw something in the both of you that I couldn’t just pass up this opportunity. A research within a research, you could say that. Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. Daisy was in on this, too.”

“She was in this the _whole _time?” Steve asks incredulously, and Melinda simply nods.

“Daisy, during the first session, she asked us about our -” Natasha feels her cheeks colouring at the memory of their first session flits into her mind without warning. She clamps her mouth shut, unable to continue, but Melinda catches on to her reaction in a split second.

“_Oh,_ the part on sexual frequency.” The professor grins in slight mischief. “Yeah. Daisy really wanted to see how you two would react to that part of the hypothesis, so I gave her the onus to shift it to your first session.” Melinda pauses before adding. “I must say that the results were rather interesting, though.”

Steve fights to urge to smack a palm against his forehead. “God, Professor, Natasha was messing around with me during that first session.”

“I could see that.” Melinda lets out a low chuckle. “But that was the very reason why I allowed Daisy to keep setting appointments with the both of you. I was curious, myself, if you two would add to my research without even realising.”

There was hesitation when Natasha asks, “Did we?”

Melinda’s smile seems to grow as she darts a look between the both of them. “You definitely did, now.” She says eventually, gesturing at the way they are both clinging onto each other, hand in hand. “Which leads me to this next question. Would the both of you mind meeting Daisy for one last session? The conclusion for your part has been left blank ever since you left, but since you two have worked things out together…”

“We would love to help, Professor.” Steve is quick to respond, while Natasha nods in simple agreement - it still boggles them that Professor May and Daisy had known about their pretend relationship since the very beginning, and that they were the subjects of a research within a research. Natasha feels flattered for some reason, that her professor had seen the potential in them long before they even realised anything was going to happen between them.

“Professor?” She pipes up during the silence after Steve’s answer. Melinda glances at her direction, still smiling. “May I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” Melinda waves one hand gently, and Natasha sucks in her breath. “What gave away? The potential you said you saw in us.”

Would Professor May give the same answer as her friends, Natasha wonders, would it be something along the lines of how close they had acted with each other, the length of their friendship? Natasha watches how Melinda chuckles, the smile on her face turning to that of a grin. 

“You two reminded me very much of my husband and I before we got together.” Melinda answers truthfully. “We were just like the both of you. Best friends of many years. Two _idiots_ who took way too long to figure out our feelings for each other. And to a certain extent, between me and you, Natasha, I was - ” She covers one side of her mouth so that only Natasha could read her lips. “- _stubborn as heck_.”

Natasha stifles a laugh immediately, the situation all too familiar with her - she ignores the curiosity in Steve as he settles his gaze on her. He raises an eyebrow in mild amusement, directing his attention back at Melinda after a few seconds - he is curious, after all.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Professor,” He asks, “how long have you and your husband been married for?”

“Almost twenty years now.” Melinda replies. “It was obvious that after we realised our feelings, we weren’t going to let _anything_ tear us apart again.” And then, Melinda throws a wink at both of them, a playful smile on her lips. “I’m sure you wouldn’t, too.”

The underlying meaning to that sentence isn’t lost - Natasha starts to blush, while Steve pretends he didn’t just feel his heart lurching into his throat. It’s still many years down the road, uncertainties over their careers and arrangements post college - marriage is probably the _last _thing going through their minds. They’ve literally just gotten together barely 24 hours ago, why are they even thinking about _that _already?

Steve clears his throat. “Well...we shouldn’t bother you anymore, then, Professor.”

Melinda nods, still smiling. “Take care, both of you.”

“Thank you again for...for everything, Prof May.” Natasha says as Steve holds the door open for her. Melinda merely waves her hand, and watches the both of them slip out of her office. Then, with the widest grin on her face, she reaches for her phone to text Daisy.

* * *

The universe really has its way of doing things, for Natasha bumps into Connie on the way to the main library a few days later. She’s the first to call the other girl, taking bigger strides to reach her just as Connie turns her head around to meet her eyes. “Oh, hey Natasha!”

“Connie,” Natasha greets in return, putting on a smile as she falls into step beside her. “I went to your art exhibition the other day. Your drawings are lovely.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that very much.” She chuckles, then asks without a pause, “I take it that you’ve seen Steve’s as well?”

“Yes.” Natasha nods. “I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something. An apology of some sort, actually.”

Connie raises an eyebrow. “Oh? What is it?”

“I assumed things I shouldn’t have about you, and for that, I am sorry, Connie.” Natasha apologises, feels her cheeks heating up at the misunderstandings she’d let herself believe when Connie had done nothing to warrant that sort of impression.

“Oh no, wait, what did you assume about me?” Connie halts in her movement, prompting Natasha to stop as well. She faces her sheepishly, playing with her hands. “I...thought you and Steve were together.”

Connie nearly burst into laughter hearing that. “What?!”

“I thought I saw the both of you kissing!” Natasha explains hurriedly.

“What?!” She repeats again in disbelief. “Since _when _did I kiss him?”

Natasha stutters. “I...I came to visit one day and you two were standing really close to each other and you looked like you were about to kiss him so I...I assumed...and I ran.”

“Oh, Natasha!” Connie shakes her head quickly, eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. “It was a misunderstanding. I borrowed Steve as a model to try and figure out what went wrong with my drawing, that’s all!”

Natasha looks embarrassingly relieved, so Connie takes the opportunity to continue talking. “In fact, I was actually busy trying to get him to realise his feelings for you. That boy has been in love with you for quite some time, you know?”

“Really?” The redhead asks softly.

“You should see the way his face just lights up when he talks about you.” Connie chuckles. “It’s the sweetest thing ever, honestly.”

Natasha is blushing even harder now - the thought of Steve ever speaking about her like that in front of his friend, and one that actually noticed it way before both of them did - this pattern of other people realising it first is becoming fairly obvious to Natasha that not only were they completely oblivious to their feelings for each other, they were _really _just two_ idiots _in love. She couldn’t help but to cover her face in embarrassment. “Oh my god, Connie. You must be thinking what idiots we both are.”

“I want to say I understood why, but honestly…” Connie grins. “_Yes_, I did think you two were real idiots.”

Natasha laughs, shaking her head. 

“I mean, I had to point out the obvious to Steve.” She continues. “Like that painting he drew of the both of you. Did you know he drew it without even realising he was drawing you?”

That is news to Natasha, obviously. She shakes his head in amusement. “I’m glad you knocked some sense into him, then.”

“Some? I’d like to believe that I knocked _a lot _of sense into him.” She jokes, and the both of them fall into a chorus of laughter together. “I know we just met not long ago, Natasha, but I’m _really _happy for the both of you.”

When they stop laughing, Connie juts a hand out in front of Natasha. “Friends?” She asks with a grin just as Natasha accepts her hand easily.

“Any friend of Steve is a friend of mine.” Natasha says.

“So you two _are _together now, right?” Connie asks in final confirmation, to which the redhead laughs again and nods her head firmly. 

“_Finally_!” Connie groans in a joking manner, eyes crinkling into a smile.

“Finally.” Natasha agrees with a grin.

* * *

Inspired by Carol and Maria, Natasha proposes an idea to go to a mini fun fair for their first official - and by official, she means _boyfriend-girlfriend _official_ -_ date. Steve quirks an eyebrow at that suggestion, but only for a second. He isn’t going to say no to creating more memories with Natasha, so he complies with her request easily, without a question asked - it has been ages since they’d both gone to an amusement park anyway. 

The crowd is alright, Natasha thinks, definitely not congested like in Disneyland, since this is just a local mini fun fair down a few blocks from Midgard. It makes walking and conversing a lot easier - but still, Natasha loops an arm around Steve’s, sharing a pink cotton candy. They walk past a few game booths then, and Natasha stops to observe the few people trying to win the plush toys on display - some manage to, but not all of them. The group of friends walk away after that, their laughter reverberating in the air. Steve leans into her, whispering. “I read that those are usually rigged.”

Natasha looks at him. “Really? Here I thought I could convince you to try and win one of those teddy bears for me.”

“You want one of the bears?” Steve raises an eyebrow. “But you don’t even like plush toys.”

“I mean,” She gestures her hands in the air, an easy smile lighting her face. “We’re in a fun fair. Isn’t that what couples normally do?”

He thinks just for a little bit before grinning, putting an arm around her shoulder as he steers her to the nearest booth. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll have to do it.” 

Natasha doesn’t say anything - she simply watches Steve as he paid for a few plays, then picks up the darts in the basket in front of him. He begins to throw - or _attempts_ to throw - the darts into the balloons on the board, but he either misses them, or the darts go bouncing off the board aimlessly. Natasha laughs loudly just as Steve huffs in annoyance. 

“Why are you so bad at this?”

“I’m telling you these games are rigged, Nat.”

“You’re just saying that because you can’t win anything for me.” Natasha rolls her eyes playfully and pushes him away gently. She decides to take matters into her own hands, lifting a few darts at once. “Let me try.”

Barely five minutes and three tries later, Natasha steps away in triumph with a smile on her face and a huge teddy bear in her hands. Steve stares in awe until Natasha pulls him away from the booth. She doesn’t tease him - well, she doesn’t have to, not when his cheeks had gone a beetroot red with embarrassment.

“It’s okay.” She pets his arm gently, still giggling. “You don’t have to be good at _everything_.”

“I just want to win something for my girlfriend.” Steve grumbles, clearly annoyed at his own lack of skills. “It isn’t supposed to be this difficult.”

Natasha could feel the heat returning to her cheeks - the mere mention of her being Steve’s girlfriend still has that effect on her. It’s a subtle surge of shyness and happiness spreading across her heart, that feeling of slight disbelief that this is her status now to Steve. No longer just a childhood friend, a best friend, but also a soulmate, a lover - she blushes at the mere thought.

“Honestly, Steve,” Natasha says slowly, tugging his sleeve so he would look at her. “I already have you. I don’t need anything else.”

That sentence did the trick - the tips of Steve’s ears had gone pink. Before he could say anything though, Natasha winds her free arm around his, and starts to pull him toward the next thing that had caught her attention - a photobooth. Her intention is clear the second she enters the booth - Natasha wants to take photos to commemorate their first official date as a couple. A few shots, a cheek kiss and a burst of laughter later, they leave the photobooth with four stripes of photos in their hands.

“See? Nothing has changed between us,” Steve says over the sundae they are both sharing, alluding to Natasha’s worry few nights before. “you still have me and I still have you.”

“Yes, but I get to kiss you now,” Natasha smiles against her spoon. “That is what has changed.”

“The best part.” Steve chuckles, and to prove his point, he puts down his spoon to cup her face and kisses her quickly, wiping vanilla ice cream off her lips. “I can do it all day.”

Natasha grins, pulling back to retort. “_Clingy_.”

“You love it.” He says in return, lifting his spoon to Natasha’s lips. “Just admit it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t love it.” She eats the ice cream off his spoon, then sticks her tongue out playfully. “In fact, I love it. Very much.”

There’s a short pause as Steve smirks, leaning in to whisper. “You love this and _more_, don’t you? Especially in the _bedroom_.”

It’s probably the way he’d said it, that sultry edge in his voice sending tingles down her spine - the implication _extremely _clear, that she starts to blush furiously, completely taken aback that he has it in him to say things like that. “Steve!” Natasha admonishes, whipping her head around and wondering if anyone heard him - this is an amusement park with many children running around, for goodness sake! 

Steve merely chuckles. 

“You’re unbelievable.” Natasha says, though not unkindly - if any, she is more amused that he would even allude to something as private as that in public, when he’d once upon a time blushed so furiously at the mere mention of sex in his own car. 

“I told you, didn’t I?” Steve teases. “I got all my bad habits from you.”

She rolls her eyes, fighting the urge to laugh. They finish their sundae a minute after, and Steve holds out his hand for her as he grabs her teddy bear in his other hand. “Where to next? The rollercoaster?”

“And vomit all our ice cream out?” Natasha winces. “Maybe later. For now...why don’t you surprise me?”

Steve grins, accepting her challenge easily and pulling her into the direction of a ride he’d known for sure is a must in any amusement park dates - the ferris wheel. Natasha seems to be satisfied, the second her eyes laid on the bright and colourful neon lights decorating the ride, gleaming brightly in the night sky. She gives a quiet nod of approval, and the both of them made their way towards the entrance. 

The carriage starts to move just as Steve breaks the comfortable silence between them - they’re seated opposite each other, knees bumping slightly. “I seem to recall someone betting that she won’t ever fall in love with me.”

At the mention of that, Natasha tears her gaze from the view outside. She shakes her head while smiling. “Wasn’t the bet on who _first _fell for the other?”

“Now, how do we ascertain that?” Steve tilts his head to the sight, as if thinking. “When did you fall for me, Natasha Romanoff? Because I’ve been doing some thinking and I think...I think I finally remember when I fell for you.”

She’s intrigued, fighting the urge to smile widely. “When?”

Steve pauses for a few seconds to gather his words properly. “There were two occasions, actually.” He starts slowly, holding onto her gaze. “One was the day we watched the sunrise. You were just smiling at me, waiting for me to answer your question. I remember forgetting how to breathe.” Steve smiles at that memory. “The other, was when you were dancing. That was the day that I knew for sure that I was in love with you.”

“Really? All it took was me dancing?” Natasha laughs. 

Steve maintains the smile on his lips, echoing the words he uttered before in his room. “Honestly though...I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Maybe that day watching the sunrise wasn't even the turning point, I guess I was just made more aware that I felt something for you.”

“I think I can relate to that.” Natasha thinks. “I think I’ve been in love with you for so long that I didn’t even realise that I was. Does that make sense?”

“It does.” Steve nods easily, then grins, lacing their hands together. “I guess it’s safe to say that no one won the bet.”

The carriage stops just then, near the top, the view below them a sight that makes Natasha’s eyes twinkle with excitement, a breath of awe escaping her. “Steve, look! The view is really beautiful from the top, don’t you think so?”

“Mhmm.” Steve agrees, then squeezes their hands. “But I honestly prefer the view in front of me.”

Natasha quirks an eyebrow for a second, meeting eyes with him - and then the answer becomes apparent. She blushes again, her heart skipping two beats at once. In all her years of knowing Steve, this is a side of him that she isn’t aware of - since when was he such a smooth talker? He’d shown her a few times that he could be, with all the romantic gestures and statements he would make for her before this evening, but _still_. Natasha couldn’t remember a time where he was like this to anyone else, not even Peggy - or maybe she just wasn’t in the place to experience this firsthand, maybe she just didn’t know this side of him exists. 

Natasha is glad that she’s able to be a part of this now, within that sphere of hearing him say sweet things like that, see him romancing her at every chance he could get. She smiles, still a little bashful, still a little bit surprised, even though this isn’t the first she’d heard him say something like this. Like before, she has no idea what to say, what to retort back - Steve has literally rendered her speechless.

And Steve too, had come to a realisation - this side of Natasha that he didn’t get to witness before this. It isn’t that she’d changed, because Steve knows that she’s still the Natasha he’d grown up with, still able to throw punches at him if she wants to. It’s just that this Natasha is more reserved, more demure - and it surprises him in the best way possible, because Steve had assumed he’d seen all there is to see about his best friend. But every time he throws a sweet remark into her direction, sings her praises of her wit and beauty, declares his love for her, the reactions Natasha would give differ greatly from when they had been nothing more than just a pair of best friends.

It pleases him, to say the least - that there are still parts of Natasha he gets to learn about, to see firsthand. Steve edges forward in his seat, brushing his hand against her cheek.

“So we’re good, right?” He whispers.

Natasha smiles, leaning forward. She tilts her head up slightly - an invitation for him to lower his head, so she could press her lips against his. She thinks to herself that she would never get tired of this; of being this close to him, feeling his fingertips on her face, the warmth spreading across her cheeks; of kissing Steve, her heart beating with love and _more _love as everything else falls into background noises. 

Natasha answers, her smile reaching her eyes, the crinkle of contentment obvious even under the moonlight. 

“Never better.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) During the next interview session with Daisy, the senior all but represses the excitement in her as she exchanges a hug with Natasha. “I can’t believe you knew about it all along.” The redhead says, a little embarrassed, but Daisy merely shrugs cooly.
> 
> 2) Daisy goes on to ask a few questions; how long were they in a relationship now? (a week plus), how long did it take for them to realise their feelings for each other? (more than 3 months), did the research study act as a catalyst in that discovery process? (yes), were they happy to have realised their feelings for each other in the end? (absolutely), were they in love with each other? (no doubt).
> 
> 3) And then Daisy’s eyes start to glint with mischief, and Natasha starts to warn her, knowing instantly what she is about to ask them. “Daisy. If you’re going to ask us about our sex life-”
> 
> 4) Daisy chortles, noticing the sudden redness rising in Steve’s face. “I just need to know if you want to maintain your answer from last time or nah?”
> 
> 5) There’s a long pause before Natasha lets out a sigh, then a smile. It’s Steve who answers it this time. “We’ll maintain it." He winks. "_Maybe_ even increase the scale to a 4.”


	14. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of life after college

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Playlist for "It's You, It's Always You"**  
1) Lucky - Jason Mraz ft Colbie Caillat  
2) At the Beginning - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx  
3) The Words - Christina Perri  
4) Paper Rings - Taylor Swift  
5) Perfect - Ed Sheeran  
6) Everything - Michael Buble  
7) How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding  
8) Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur  
9) Could I Love You Any More - Renee Dominique ft Jason Mraz  
10) Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley
> 
> \+ Bonus: A Little Happiness (小幸運) - Hebe Tien

_Lucky I’m in love with my best friend,_

_Lucky to have been where I have been,_

_Lucky to be coming home again._

_Lucky we’re in love in every way,_

_Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed,_

_Lucky to be coming home someday._

_(Jason Mraz - Lucky)_

> _“Subjects N.R and S.R are best friends of a decade. The relationship they shared with one another had been regarded as an independent variable in this study - they were not in a relationship with each other when the authors chose them as participants. A hypothesis was specially drawn for N.R and S.R - if they were put in a situation that encouraged the awakening of the feelings they shared for each other, then something would blossom between them._
> 
> _Over the course of five months, N.R and S.R participated in each of the sessions conducted by the authors. Observations were drawn throughout this entire period during those sessions. First; both subjects knew each other extremely well, scoring almost perfect scores during quizzes about the other party. This could be attributed largely to the nature of their relationship as best friends of a decade - S.R in particular, knew many minute details about N.R, ones that she did not even fathom he would know of. N.R, on the other hand, could tell what her best friend was thinking with just one look of his face, one falter of a word or expression from him. _
> 
> _Secondly; the interactions N.R and S.R displayed with each other had always been those borne out of genuine affection and mutual respect for each other. Despite not being a couple during this study, they did not pale in comparison with the other participants. In fact, based on a group observation conducted by the authors, N.R and S.R scored among the highest in their level of intimacy. Whether it be platonic or not, at that time, it was clear that both subjects adore and care for each other sincerely. They acted as support pillars; listening and encouraging one another, pushing the other to do their best. At times, they were playful with each other; many banters and teasings were recorded throughout the study - they solidify the theory that the natural ease and comfort between the subjects were highly attributed to their decade long friendship with each other._
> 
> _Thirdly, the nature of their relationship was further reflected through natural physical contact with each other. Despite the fact that they weren’t officially in a relationship during the course of their participation, N.R and S.R were unafraid to display the affection they have for each other through simple gestures like hand holding or resting a head on the other person's shoulder, or brushing their shoulders together - based on the author’s own observations, there was a possibility that both subjects were not even aware that they had done this._
> 
> _Nearing the end of the semester, the authors realised a shift in the relationship between N.R and S.R. It was subtle, yet glaring, for two individuals who could never seem to get enough of each other, the authors began to notice the distance they’d drawn between them. Soon after, N.R approached the author and requested to be removed from the study. Until the end of the semester, the authors believed that the hypothesis formed for their independent variables had failed. However, that was proven to not be that case, as N.R and S.R came back announcing that they had resolved their problems, and were currently in a newfound and happy relationship with each other._
> 
> _In conclusion, the core of N.R and S.R’s relationship lies on the solid foundation of their decade long friendship with each other. Based on the study and observation, it was evidently clear that they were the best of friends, partners, and confidants. When placed in a situation which shed some light on the future prospects of their relationship, N.R and S.R began to develop or even awaken actual feelings for each other. In the midst of the study, despite the many ups and downs they’d faced along the way, they had fallen in love. Therefore, the hypothesis formed in the early stages of this study, regarding subjects N.R and S.R, was proven to be correct. _
> 
> _Drawing a conclusion solely based on the results from this study, the authors are of the opinion that a relationship built from a solid foundation of friendship which was born and bred out of years of knowing each other, plays a predominant factor in a lasting relationship. All of the participating couples from the first and second categories, having known each other for more than 8 and 6 years respectively, are still in a relationship with each other to this date (of publication of this article). From the remaining ten pairs in the third and fourth categories, eight pairs have gone their separate ways since the last time the authors contacted them.”_
> 
> _[Excerpt taken from — _ ** _“The Beauty of a Friendship, the Core of all Relationships: A Campus Couple Study.”_ ** _ by **Melinda May** and **Daisy Johnson**]_

* * *

_Life is a road and I wanna keep going,_

_Love is a river I wanna keep flowing,_

_Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey,_

_I'll be there when the world stops turning,_

_I'll be there when the storm is through,_

_In the end I want to be standing_

_At the beginning with you._

_(Donna Lewis & Richard Marx - At The Beginning)_

Some time later, Natasha graduated _summa cum laude_, finally closing a door to open a new one. Life was essentially that anyway, new beginnings after every closed chapter of a book.

Keeping true to their words and during one of their family dinners together, Steve and Natasha broke the news to Sarah and Fury - that they were _finally_ and _really _dating each other now. Both adults had looked at them with confusion in their expression - they couldn’t comprehend what they’d just said, until Natasha quietly confessed that they had pretended to be in a relationship with each other for a research study, and that the last time they were home, they had been blatantly lying. Sarah had gasped, Fury had raised an eyebrow - a prompt for them to elaborate further. The two then scrambled to explain everything, apologising profusely when Fury made it clear that he was disappointed they had lied to them. Sarah didn’t say much, but it was evident that she was a little bit hurt by their white lie. She did, however, thank them for being honest. Both of their initial reactions faded away after dinner, after the quiet observation they'd made for their two children - they were happy that everything worked out in the end, that Steve and Natasha had found love in each other, every minute and every day. 

They broke the news to Hope the next time they met her for dinner. Natasha and Steve had entered the restaurant hand in hand, their expression masked with genuine joy that it was difficult for Hope to not realise things have shifted in the right direction for them. She’d given them a huge smile, not at all surprised to hear that they were in a relationship with each other. Hope had her own announcement to make too - remember the co-worker she’d mentioned before, an old friend of hers named Scott Lang? _Yeah_, Hope had shook her head in mild embarrassment, remembering how persistent she was back then at denying that anything was going to happen between them - _because at this current moment, we’re together._ Natasha squealed.

After resting at home for two weeks, Natasha returned to New York to start her 3 months internship with Dr. Stephen Strange. It was intimidating at first, but she soon got the hang of it - Natasha was eventually offered an extension for her internship, which meant a chance for a permanent contract with SHIELD if she kept up the good work. 

Life after college was becoming a routine and a little mundane, if Natasha was being honest with herself - all her friends had gone their separate ways, scattered all across the States, some even overseas. The only people left in New York were Tony, Pepper and Carol, but even then it was difficult for Natasha to meet them with all the work piled up for her to complete, and everyone’s busy schedules. 

It was during lonely nights in her small apartment that Natasha would greatly and particularly miss Steve. She thought of the moment before she'd left for New York three months ago; Steve had brought her to the beach they'd gone to months back, on the day they had watched the sunrise together. They’d taken a stroll along the beach, quiet at first, until Natasha broke the silence with an admittance to Steve that she was going to miss him dearly - he wasn't going to New York with her, after all. Instead, he was going to Paris for a postgraduate short term fine arts programme his faculty’s dean had nominated him for. It was an extremely good opportunity that Natasha didn’t hesitate in telling him to go for it, even though she knew the implication that she wouldn’t get to see him every day as how she used to, for at least a few months.

As a response, Steve had taken her hand in his, asking if she remembered the promise he’d made to her on top of the hill. Natasha nodded with a smile. 

“We’ll find each other,” He echoed what he'd said before, squeezing her hand with assurance. “no matter where we are. We'll make it work.”

At that, Natasha nodded again, squeezing his hand back - she trusted him, believed his words with all her heart.

In those months that ensued, Natasha and Steve experienced long distance relationship for the first time - one thing they realised though, was that absence did make their hearts fonder. They’d texted each other all the time despite the time difference, arranging video calls during the weekend.This was the longest time they'd ever been apart from each other - it wasn’t easy, but they persevered, counting down the days when they could see each other again. Even so, despite the regular communication, Natasha couldn’t shake off the feeling of how much her heart longed to see him, longed to just settle into his arms and feeling like she was home.

Which was why, when Steve showed up in her doorstep one Saturday evening unannounced, unexpectedly, Natasha was rendered stunned, eyes blown opened widely as she wondered if she was hallucinating. It wasn't until Steve pushed her against the wall, kissing her hotly and desperately, that Natasha realised this wasn’t a dream, that he was _really _here with her. Every touch of his fingertips on her burned her skin, sending heat and electricity spiralling down her entire body as he tugged her blouse over her head. He’d missed her. She’d missed him. They'd missed every part of each other, and Natasha and Steve were adamant on expressing those feelings to each other that evening.

Steve'd told her much later, after an intense love making session, when she was curled in his embrace, that he was going to be with her for good - his Paris programme had ended with him being offered a job in a New York art gallery, assisting a well known art curator by the name of Diana Prince. 

Natasha was beyond elated, eyes glistening with happy tears, heart swelling with insurmountable happiness. “_Thank you_,” She breathed out, hands cupping his face gently. _“Thank you for coming home to me.”_

_And all of the steps that led me to you,_

_And all of the hell I had you walk through,_

_But I wouldn’t trade a day for the chance to say,_

_My love, I’m in love with you._

_(Christina Perri - The Words)_

Steve moved into Natasha's apartment after that, renting it for more than a year together - they were happy and content with how their lives were at that current moment. The feeling of coming home to someone who was waiting for her, Natasha knew that all the stars were finally aligned for her. No doubt, they did have arguments and fights with each other, though never one that they couldn’t get through together - even the worst argument they’d had, initiated by stress regarding their future careers which resulted to Natasha kicking Steve out of their bedroom, was quietly resolved a few days after. It was impossible for them to stay angry at each other for long, after all.

Soon, Steve began to accept art commissions as a side income - Tony was his first customer and the person who started his chain of commissions. He’d been more than willing to pay Steve a hefty amount to draw a beautiful portrait painting of him and Pepper - apparently, Tony was well on the way of planning a proposal, and he wanted a meaningful engagement gift for her. His friends could not be happier for him and Pepper, even though Tony had sworn them to secrecy not to reveal or hint anything to Pepper. They’d laughed and gave the Stark heir their word.

Months after, Natasha received a call from Pepper, who was clearly grinning widely from one ear to another over the phone - Tony had proposed, and she’d accepted. Of course, by then, Pepper had caught on that Natasha and Steve had been in the loop for ages. She invited them to their engagement party, and Pepper had not been subtle in asking them when it would be their turn - Natasha had simply laughed, shaking her head. Steve kept quiet, smiling - they’d spoken about this before, had arrived at a mutual conclusion that they would wait until their careers were more stable first. Though, it was obvious from the way Steve had made his thoughts known, that there was no one else he would marry but her. And Natasha had agreed, stating that her heart had long ago been reserved for him, and only him, forever.

Two years later, Steve finally got his art breakthrough, his paintings were discovered by a contemporary artist who vouched to assist him in his career. Natasha had been absolutely thrilled for him, echoing words of assurance that he would one day be famous - didn’t she say that to him before? 

With a much steady income following Steve's breakthrough, and Natasha's permanent employment with SHIELD, they moved to a bigger apartment in Manhattan after that, pooling their money and buying the unit as their first official home together.

_I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings,_

_Uh huh, that's right,_

_Darling, you’re the one I want, and_

_I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this._

_(Taylor Swift - Paper Rings)_

Now that everything was finally at the right place, Steve knew with absolute conviction that it was finally time to propose to Natasha. They were much older then, having been together “officially” for almost 6 years. He readily believed that they were ready to move forward and start another chapter of their lives together. Even though Natasha had always joked that they’d been married unofficially for the longest time that there was no need for a ring on her finger to make it official. 

Regardless, Steve still wanted to do a proper proposal, he believed Natasha deserved that at the very least. He decided to consult Sarah and Fury for advices, with the former being absolutely excited to hear that - it seemed like ever since the day she found out her two favourites were in a relationship (even if it was fake then), her happiness meter had been filled to the brim, never decreasing, not even during the evening they revealed to her that had been a fake relationship. Sarah told her son that he shouldn’t over-plan things, and to just let nature take its course - her belief was that sometimes, plans might not happen no matter how careful the planning had been. When the time was right, Sarah assured her son, he would know when to propose. 

When Steve turned to Fury for his blessings, the Captain simply gave him his permission, bringing back the conversation they’d shared in his study before. Fury thanked him for keeping his promise, and reminded him that it should extend until the rest of their lives together, which he wholeheartedly believed Steve would.

Heeding his mother's advice, Steve proposed eventually, during autumn - it was a spontaneous action, one that he hadn’t planned even though he’d been carrying the ring in his coat pocket for a few months now. Autumn leaves had fallen onto Natasha’s head, and he’d reached out to pluck them out from her hair, and for some reason, she couldn’t stop laughing. Just seeing her at this state of utter bliss was enough to send many feelings straight into his heart, and the words stumble out of his mouth before he could even stop himself. 

“Hey, Nat?” 

“Yeah?”

“Marry me.”

And Natasha had been genuinely surprised for a few seconds, clearly taken aback as he got down on one knee and promptly producing the ring from his pocket. She had suspected nothing, not knowing that Steve had already prepared a ring for her, let alone popping the question - it wasn't that Natasha hadn’t expected this would happen eventually, she just didn’t know it would be this soon. Still, seeing Steve on his knee, his eyes bright and hopeful with the diamond glinting under the sun - Natasha’s heart was swelling, thumping loudly against her ribcage.

She started to smile after that, trying her best not to sound _too _happy. “Aren’t you supposed to get down on one knee _first_ and _then_ ask me to marry you?”

“Well,” Steve had chuckled, brushing his lips against her knuckles. “We’ve never been a conventional couple, after all.”

“Two best friends falling in love and then spending the rest of their lives together? That’s the most conventional love story ever.” Natasha grinned, her cheeks rosy, her eyes vibrant with obvious happiness.

“Natasha -” He smiled, catching her words in his mouth. “- so you _do_ want to spend the rest of your life together with me.”

“What are you saying,” Natasha rolled her eyes playfully, her tone thick with sarcasm. “Don’t you know that I’m on the verge of dumping your ass?”

Steve had laughed loudly. “That’s a shame then, because I can’t picture growing old with anyone else.”

“You better _not_.” She warned with a playful wag of her finger, before her expression eased softly. She ran one hand over his hair before settling it against his cheek. “I told you before, didn’t I? My heart belongs to only you.”

He smiled to that, covering his free hand over her hand. “Nat?” Steve said after a pause, a lopsided smile spreading across his face. “You still haven’t given me your answer, and my legs are getting _kinda_ numb.”

She swatted his hand away, a string of laughter ringing in the air. “You’re _such an idiot.”_

_“Your _idiot.”

“Oh my god.” Natasha couldn’t stop laughing. “Six years later and you’re still so cheesy. _Rogers_, I have half a mind to change my answer.” 

“_Romanoff_, but _what _is your answer?” Steve persisted, wanting to hear that monosyllable from her.

Natasha sighed dreamily, as though she couldn't believe this was happening to her, as though there was going to be any other answer than the one she was about to give him. “_Yes_, _Steeb_, of course I would marry you.” 

Steve’s heart burst with joy the second he heard her say that - even though he'd already expected it. He slid the ring into her finger, then lifted Natasha to twirl her around, her laughter echoing in the quiet autumn air. When they kissed, Natasha could still feel the butterflies scurrying into her stomach surely, of realisation that they were embarking on another journey together. Needless to say, their entire evening was well spent, and Natasha woke up in Steve's arms the next morning, feeling deliciously sore and infinitely happy.

_Cause we were just kids when we fell in love,_

_Not knowing what it was,_

_I will not give you up this time,_

_But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own,_

_And in your eyes you're holding mine._

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms,_

_Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song,_

_When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful,_

_I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight._

_(Ed Sheeran - Perfect)_

They married each other in Spring, on a bright and cloudy day, birds chirping in the sky endlessly, beautifully. Their wedding was a small occasion limited to only family and friends, simple but elegant by a lake garden in their hometown - a complete contrast to Tony and Pepper’s extravagant wedding they’d last attended two years ago. The entire Midgard gang was invited, and among the guests that attended were Melinda, who came with her husband Phil (“I’ve heard so many stories about the both of you,” He’d told them during their reception), and Daisy, whose eyes were glassy throughout their entire ceremony - she'd burst into tears when they exchanged their vows, turning to Carol and telling her that she wanted a love like theirs.

When Natasha appeared at the end of the aisle, her arm looped around Fury’s, Steve’s breath was caught in his throat. His heart started to race, eyes not leaving hers when they meet. Natasha was breathtakingly beautiful in white, with small blooms tucked into her hair which was styled in a slightly undone bun, some loose tresses framing her face. Steve was afraid to even blink, not wanting to miss even a second of her walking down the aisle - he was going to commit this moment into his memory forever, for the rest of their lives together. 

Once Fury placed his daughter’s hand into Steve’s, Natasha was pleasantly surprised to realise that her heart was calm. She’d been fretting for months, mildly panicking as the date got closer and closer. She’d had countless of sleepless nights trying to think of her vow; memorising, rewriting, memorising those words again, then thinking to herself how it just didn’t feel perfect enough, that Natasha hadn’t expected to be this at ease on the altar. Perhaps it was because of the way Steve was looking at her, a sense of warmth and security and love reflecting in his eyes; perhaps it was because she was about to marry her soulmate, about to seal their future together - but Natasha suddenly found herself knowing exactly what to say at this moment.

“Steve, my dearest Steve.” She'd started and tilted her head to the side slightly. "You know how terrible I am with words, right?”

Natasha’s opening made everyone laugh. Steve simply chuckled. She smiled shyly, before continuing.

“My best friend, my partner, the man I am still very much in love with even after so many years. I would go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked me to, I really would.” Natasha paused to catch the look of adoration Steve was giving her, this same expression that was etched in her memory forever.

“How did I get so lucky? How was I this blessed to become your friend and subsequently your lover? You’re my other half, my soulmate. You complete me, Steve.” Her voice broke a little; Natasha felt the tears even before they started welling in her eyes. 

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for always showing me the real you. For being you. Thank you for reminding me that true love exists; it exists every time I wake up with you beside me, every time you kiss me goodnight, every time you hold my hands. When you whisper how much you love me, when you look at me like…” She smiled, remembering the words he'd once told her back in college, “like I’m the love of your life. It has existed for the longest time I could remember.”

Natasha breathed out a sigh. “The journey we took getting here wasn’t smooth sailing, but I’m glad it happened. I’m glad _we _happened. As I have told you before, words I know to be the absolute truth; my heart belongs to only you, Steve. I am yours, as you are mine. Always and forever. ”

Steve had no idea he could possibly love her even more than he already had - but here he was, gazing into her beautiful emerald eyes - eyes that brought so much hope and meaning into his life - and all Steve could think of was just how _much _he loved her - there were simply no words capable enough to describe how he felt for her, to measure the love he had for her - love that transcended beyond the sky, bouncing into the unknown; it was immeasurable. 

He took a deep breath, reading out loud the words etched in his heart and carved into his bones. “Natasha, you are indeed the love of my life, the person I would jump in front of a bullet for. I would always be thankful for this privilege of knowing you, of becoming your best friend.” Steve reached out to hold her hands.

”You improve me. You make me a better person each day. When I hold you in my arms, I think of complete bliss and happiness - because that is what you do to me, Natasha. You make me happy. More than you could ever imagine.” Steve paused, taking in how beautiful she looked even when there were tears running down her cheeks.

“I honestly didn’t know I could love someone this much, until you. Every day I wake up to you lying right next to me, I fall in love with you all over again. I fall a little bit more in love every time you laugh, every time you smile. Every time we hug, every time we kiss.” He held her gaze, saw the way her cheeks had bloomed a hint of red.

“I had you in the past, I have you in the present, and now, I will continue to have you in my future. Thank you for being the best thing that has ever happened in my life. Thank you for an ‘us’. Now that I’ve gotten the chance to experience what forever could possibly mean with you, I don’t ever want to go back. With you, I only want to move forward, for the rest of our life. Together.”

Neither of them read from their cards; the words they’d uttered came straight from their hearts. Steve and Natasha exchanged their rings, knowing full well that from that moment onward, death was the only thing that could keep them apart from each other. 

That evening, they slow danced together with the moon shining brightly above their heads, live music from the wedding band resonating in the air. Steve began to whisper, recalling a faint memory from their high school days, about how much things have changed since senior prom. They had been young and questionably oblivious then, completely unaware of the budding feelings growing within them slowly but surely, not knowing that they would end up in each other's arms years later.

“Yes,” Natasha agreed, a playful smile gracing her face. “for one, you aren’t stepping on my feet anymore.” 

Steve laughed, leaning down to whisper again. “So tell me, how are you feeling tonight, Mrs. Rogers?”

“Like I’m on cloud nine.” She replied truthfully, pressing herself closer into him. “Like I can't believe I am your wife now. Please tell me I am not dreaming.”

Steve roamed his hand up her backless dress - saw the way Natasha shivered at his touch on her bare skin - before settling it on the nape of her neck. He kissed her forehead, each side of her cheeks, before capturing her lips in his. 

“Trust me, Nat,” He murmured, smiling. "this is as real as it can be.”

“Good.” She replied, then leaned into him again. “_Good_."

_And I can’t believe that I’m your man,_

_And I get to kiss you just because I can,_

_Whatever comes our way, we’ll see it through,_

_And you know that's what our love can do._

_(Michael Buble - Everything)_

A few months after their wedding, upon waves of nausea and a missed period, Natasha found herself staring at the positive symbol of the stick she'd bought quickly from the drugstore - it confirmed her suspicion that she was _pregnant_. 

She had stared at the stick for the longest of time, her mind filled with many thoughts that weren’t all positive; the responsibility weighing on her shoulders - it scared her terribly, being a mother, since she’d never really had one growing up except for Sarah. She and Steve hadn't really discussed about it either, only agreeing once in a passing conversation that they would eventually want children _after _everything had settled down and they were both _ready_. Steve had then joked about wanting a football team, and Natasha allowed him to indulge in his little fantasy for a few seconds, before telling him to dream on. 

After that wave of thought lapsed, Natasha calmed down. It brought her some comfort of knowing that with Steve by her side, they could go through this together, just like all of the other challenges they’d faced. And just like that, her heart felt light, her face finally breaking into a small smile of happiness as she smoothed her hand over her stomach - there was no apparent sign of a life growing in her just yet, but Natasha was already feeling a little giddy with excitement. After a few more minutes of assuring herself that everything was going to be fine, she made her way downstairs. 

Seeing Steve sitting comfortably on the couch, with Dodger and Liho perched near him as he flipped through a few channels, Natasha bit the inside of her cheeks to avoid herself from saying anything. She didn’t want to share her newly discovered secret just yet - Steve’s birthday was only a few days away, so she figured she was going to surprise him then, giving him the best birthday present he could possibly ask for this year.

“What?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow at how Natasha was staring at him from where she stood. Immediately, she shook her head, turning on her heel to move towards the kitchen. “Nothing!" She said quickly, then lied. “Just wondering what we should eat later."

If Steve had been suspicious of how Natasha was acting, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he offered a few dinner suggestions from the couch, not knowing that Natasha was trying to wipe the grin off her face in the kitchen. They settled for sushi in the end.

_How long will I love you?_

_As long as stars are above you,_

_And longer if I can._

_How long will I need you?_

_As long as the seasons need to,_

_Follow their plan._

_(Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You)_

On Steve’s birthday, after they’d eaten their candlelight dinner and retreated to the living room to watch a movie, that was when Natasha produced the carefully wrapped present from under the couch. Steve was careful with the wrapper, tearing it slowly and ever so delicately, unaware that every passing second made Natasha dizzy with anticipation. She’d clasped her hands together so as to not end up reaching forward and ripping the wrapper apart by herself. Natasha then covered a hand over her mouth when Steve _finally _removed the wrapper.

A mask of surprise crossed Steve’s face as he held up the small, white onesie, the words _Daddy’s Angel _written on the front in cursive font. Natasha held onto her breath, counting down the seconds for realisation to hit him - 3…2…

“Oh my god!” Steve had gasped when realisation hits him at once. He whipped his head towards Natasha. “Are you _pregnant_?”

She couldn’t help it, it was probably the hormones speaking for her, but Natasha started tearing up. Her throat constricting, she only managed a nod, watching the look of surprise on Steve’s face transforming to that of utter joy and love. Steve was absolutely elated - he pulled her into a tight embrace, peppering kisses all over her face as she erupted into a laughter. 

"You just gave me the best birthday present _ever_.” He said, sincerity in his tone as Natasha smiled.

“I love you,” Steve stated, then placing his hand lightly on her stomach. “and I know that I already love _you _too, little one.”

Natasha has no doubts on that - she covered her hand over his, rubbing her thumb against his skin. When their eyes meet, they spoke a thousand things at once - anticipation, happiness, love, gratitude, nervousness, worry, _fear._

“Everything will be okay.” He told her then, giving her a firm smile of assurance, of promise. “We’ll be _okay_.”

Natasha nodded, still smiling. “I know." 

Over the next few weeks, Steve hovered around Natasha constantly, keeping an extra, watchful gaze on her all the time, holding her hair back during her morning sickness, massaging and rubbing her shoulders and back, taking in all her mood swings patiently - if Natasha hadn't known that Steve was capable of being even sweeter than he normally was, she did, now.

They first broke the news to their parents and Bucky over a family dinner. Needless to say, Sarah and Fury were both excited grandparents to be, and Bucky had already made a self proclamation that he was going to become their baby's favourite uncle. After Natasha passed her first trimester, they decided that they were ready to share the news with the rest of their friends. Steve decided to organise a reunion dinner with the Midgard gang in their home, under the guise of catching up with everyone.

During this reunion, even though they were all generally still in touch with each other, new things were discovered; Tony had taken over Starks Industries from his father officially just two months ago, with Pepper as his right hand (wo)man CEO. They brought their two year old daughter, Morgan, with them - and everyone, especially Steve and Natasha, fell in love with that adorable little girl that evening. 

Sam and Maria came together, their relationship moving along steadily. There were no rings yet, but they were both content with how things were at the moment. Sam had just switched jobs to become a high school teacher, while Maria was recently promoted into being a detective in Fury’s precinct. Thor and Jane came separately, having broken up a while ago, but both remained good friends. Jane was now an astrophysicist, while Thor was in the midst of taking over his father’s company - Asgard Ltd. Meanwhile, Bruce brought his fiancé, Betty Ross, a scientist, to the reunion. He was deeply engrossed in a conversation with Tony and Jane, discussing about his current doctorate thesis with them, while Betty conversed with the rest of the ladies.

Clint was the last to arrive with Laura and two kids in the tow - Cooper and Lila. They had been the first to get married after college, much to Natasha’s surprise then. Both were still very much in love with each other - this, Natasha was not surprised.

Steve and Natasha took in the scene of all their friends in the same room again, savouring the moment. It wasn’t easy to get everyone back in the same room again, the last they'd been together was during their wedding, but things were slightly different then. Once they were nearly done with their food, Natasha had cleared her throat, stating that she had an announcement to make, to which everyone began to quiet down. 

Before she could say anything else though, Sam jokingly asked, “Are you going to announce that you're pregnant or something?”

When everyone saw the way their eyes had widened slightly, soft gasps began to ripple across the room. “Wait, _wait-_" Sam had started again, his eyes widening as well at the hesitancy in replying to his question.

The second Steve and Natasha exchanged a look, everyone started speaking all at once - it was clear by then that Sam’s joke was _not _a joke after all; Maria was quick to ask if it was a honeymoon baby. Pepper and Laura had gushed, offering their experience and advice, and how they would always be available if Natasha needed their help. Jane was the first to rush to Natasha, giving her the warmest hug she could muster. The men stayed put in their positions, but they were all smiling. Thor started clapping Steve's back, while saying _well done, Steven, _while the latter merely laughed.

And then Clint hollered, “I’m actually surprised it took you _seven_ years to knock her up, I would have thought it would be sooner considering you guys go at it like rabbits.” 

Natasha’s eyes narrowed at that remark, turning to glare into Clint's direction in a split second. "Clint, don't make me kick you _out_ of the house. You know damn well I am capable of doing that.”

Clint didn’t seem to pay her threat much heed - he was snickering. And then, Tony decided to pipe up from the side - “Oh, so I _was_ right when I bet they had sex a lot back when you guys were sharing an apartment in college.” Natasha groaned loudly. “Probably to make up for all those lost years, I assume.”

“Tony, my warning extends to _you _as well, you know that right?” She warned, her face already heating up.

“You guys had a _bet_ on _that_?” Steve asked at the same time.

Tony grinned, placing his hands up as a form of surrender, but Clint continued to ignore Natasha. “I’ve waited 7 years to say this so I will say this now, but did you know how freaking _thin _the walls were in our old apartment?”

At that,Steve finally began to blush as well - Maria had chortled, hiding her face into Sam's chest. Thor, Jane, Pepper, Laura, Bruce and Betty merely watched in pure amusement, not having anything to say to that.

“I am regretting having this reunion.” Natasha muttered in the end, burying her face into her hand just as the girls started to laugh. Thankfully, Clint dropped it after that, initiating a proper congratulatory wish, his grin sincere. Everyone chorused the same at once after that.

“If it’s a boy, you’re naming him Anthony, right?” Tony asked. “Hey, if it’s a girl, Anthonia sounds good, too.”

“_Anthonia? _Which time period do you think we’re living in?” Clint retorted into his direction immediately - everyone started laughing again. “Besides, you’re crazy if you think Nat won’t name her firstborn son after me.”

“Stop fighting.” Natasha stated politely, even though she had laughed along, too. “We haven’t decided on names, yet.”

“We’re not going to find out the gender of the baby, either.” Steve added, and the reaction from everyone was immediate; their opinions divided between supporting not knowing the gender until the baby came out, versus finding out the gender as soon as it was possible for ease of buying baby items - Natasha had rolled her eyes at that comment and remarked that they could always opt for neutral coloured clothes or toys. 

The next thing that happened was Tony announcing the start of another betting pool on their baby’s gender - much to Steve’s chagrin. 

“Why do you guys always bet on what’s happening in our lives?” Natasha asked, an eyebrow raised in pure amusement. 

“Just take it as a compliment, Red.” Tony replied nonchalantly, waving one hand in the air and directing his attention to the rest of the gang. “Now who thinks the little bun in the oven is a boy? If you could raise your hands, that’d be great.”

When Natasha raised her hand in the air slightly, Steve darted a surprise glance at her. “What?” She shrugged cooly. “Nobody said anything about the mother not being able to participate in the betting pool.”

Steve smiled, lowering his voice. “You want a son, don’t you?”

She huffed a little, then turned her head away with a smile. “And you, a daughter.”

He grinned. “Are you sure you don’t want to find out the gender of our child?”

“And ruin Stark’s betting pool?” Natasha whispered, eyes on Tony explaining to the rest of the gang on why he believes their child would turn out to be a boy. “I’m a nice friend, Steve. Let him have his fun.”

“Fine,” Steve relented in the end, though his eyes were sparkling with excitement. “but I’m betting it’s a girl in there. A girl as smart and beautiful as her mother.”

Natasha blushed, though she pretended not to react to his statement - years have gone by since she’d been with Steve, but he was still very much capable of making her heart flutter each time he decided to drop compliments like that on her without any warning. She turned to look at him again, placing a hand on his knee. “I’d rather have a boy - so that he can be as kind, as gentle, and as handsome as his father.” She said, mirroring the way he’d complimented her.

Steve kept mum. Instead, he leaned forward to press a quick kiss on her forehead. 

“Either way,” Natasha started again, not quite listening to what was transpiring in front of her with her friends, her attention fully on her husband. “the baby is extremely lucky to have you as their father.”

“And you,” Steve added quickly. “as their mother.”

She simply smiled.

_I’m so in love with you,_

_And I hope you know,_

_Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold,_

_We’ve come so far my dear,_

_Look how we’ve grown,_

_And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old._

_(James Arthur - Say You Won’t Let Go)_

As months went by in a blink of an eye, Natasha became a little more cautious at how her body was rapidly changing, and how she had no control over it. Many times, she had refused to change in front of Steve, making him perplexed. When he finally caught on to what she was thinking, Steve had encircled his arms around her back, pulling her closer and looking straight into her eyes. 

"You're beautiful.” He said, his voice earnest, firm with conviction and sincerity. 

Natasha shook her head, unable to meet his eyes. “Lies, I can’t possibly be even remotely attractive to you right now.” She mumbled.

Steve tilted her chin so she was looking at him. “Nat, you’re carrying our child. That makes you a thousand times more attractive in my eyes.” He leaned down to kiss her, pulling back to add. “You look perfect, as you _always_ are.”

Natasha sighed, not entirely convinced even though she knew Steve meant every word he said. She started to open her mouth to say something when her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden movement from her stomach - Natasha’s eyes widened slightly, one hand flying to her stomach in an instant, while the other hastily reached for Steve’s hand. Before he could fathom what was happening, Steve felt it first - the hard kick of their baby against the palm of his hand. Eyes gleaming with pride, his gaze meet with Natasha’s - she was beaming, awestruck at what had just transpired. 

“Did the baby just-” Natasha’s breath hitched in her throat when she felt another kick. She watched how Steve had leaned in closer to her belly, face splitting into the widest possible grin. “Hey, little one,” He whispered, “you alright in there? You’re an active one, aren’t you?”

Natasha winced slightly when she felt another kick, this time, harder than the ones before. She couldn’t help but chuckle after that, “He probably recognised his father’s voice.”

“Might be a she,” Steve winked.

Natasha laughed. “Might be.”

It turns out, three more months later, that Steve had been wrong - James Nicholas Rogers came wailing into the world at the crack of dawn during spring. Needless to say, Steve had fallen in love with him the second the bundle of joy was placed into his arms, his face bright with happiness. He’d brought little James over to Natasha as soon as he could - the second she laid her eyes on James, _their _son, their little baby boy, Natasha knew without a doubt, that he’d stolen her heart.

_Full moon, bedroom, stars in your eyes,_

_Last night, the first time that I realised,_

_The glow between us felt so right,_

_We sat on the edge of the bed and you said,_

_“I never knew that I could feel this way”_

_Love today can be so difficult,_

_But what we have I know is different,_

_Cause when I’m with you the world stops turning._

_(Renee Dominique - Could I Love You Any More)_

Many evenings later, Steve would come home from work to the sight of James sleeping in Natasha’s arms as she sang a lullaby to him softly. She’d glanced up to meet his gaze, her eyes tired but happy as Steve made his way towards his two favourite people in the world, leaning down to give Natasha a peck on the lips. “Good day?” He whispered a second after, not wanting to wake his son, to which Natasha responded with a simple beam that gave him the answer he hoped to hear. Steve settled himself beside Natasha, watching James’ sleeping face - his face split into a grin as Steve resisted the urge to pinch his rosy cheeks. 

“He’s the cutest baby in the world.” Steve cooed. Natasha hummed in agreement, her eyes fixated on their baby. They fall into a comfortable silence after that, once Steve had taken James into his arms, and Natasha resorted to leaning against his shoulder.

“Remember when Fury called me into his study?” Steve spoke again minutes after. 

“The one where you didn’t want to tell me what he told you then?” Natasha chuckled lowly. "Of course I remember.”

There was a pause as another smile graced his face. “He asked me to promise him something.” Steve looked to his side, into Natasha's clear, beautiful eyes. "What was it?” She asked him in curiosity, her eyebrow arched slightly.

“If I would protect you.” Steve replied, and saw how her expression eased to that of warmth and comfort. “And what did you say?” Natasha asked, even though she already knew what his reply would be. 

“For a lifetime,” He simply said, watching the blush blossoming on her cheeks. “and in a heartbeat, without a doubt, I would.”

Natasha didn’t know what to say, so she resorted to showing him - by closing the small gap between them with a tender, soft kiss. “How can I ever repay you?” She murmured against his lips.

“You already have.” Steve responded easily. “By loving me back, and giving me James.”

Her eyes crinkled into a smile, her cheeks glowing. One would think that after all these years of being with Steve, she would have gotten used to the sweetness of his words. Yet, he was still capable of surprising her in the best ways possible. Natasha curled deeper into his embrace after that, a content sigh escaping from her.

That night in their bed, Steve found Natasha’s hand against their son’s back. He laced their hands together, both of their eyes meeting. The moonbeam shone brightly from the window behind her, illuminating through the curtains and kissing the side of her face - beautiful, ethereal, a breathtaking sight. He would never be tired of seeing her in this state, how privileged he was, especially with their son fast asleep between them peacefully, enveloped by his parents’ love. 

They didn’t say anything, afraid to wake James up - but Steve caught her smiling anyway, the look in her eyes evident. He could still read her, even after all these years - _Steve?_ He squeezed her hand lightly as a response - _yeah?_

She’d caressed her thumb against his hand, darting glances between Steve and James, edging closer into their baby boy. Still smiling, Natasha never tore her gaze from Steve’s - _there’s no where else I'd rather be than here, with you, with James._

He returned her smile, giving her a gentle but firm nod of agreement - _Me too._

_“I love you.”_ Natasha mouthed, hiding part of her face into the back of James’ head. 

Steve broke their hold so he could brush the stray strands of her hair behind her ear, his gesture affectionate, gentle. He leaned over James carefully, pressing his lips against her forehead deeply. “I love you too.” Steve whispered, kissing her lips after that. “Always have, always will.”

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea,_

_Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be._

_So take my hand, take my whole life too,_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you._

_(Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love)_

* * *

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed, the format for this Epilogue is different from the rest of the chapters - it is an overview of life after college for our duo, in a story telling sort of style, and in past tense. Somehow, I just felt like it would fit hence why I wrote it that way!
> 
> I can't believe this fic has come to an official end - I will miss this AU greatly, even though I am always open for prompts and suggestions to write independent one-shots for this universe either based on their childhood or an expansion from events described here in the Epilogue (I've already received some prompts anyway but feel free to comment if you have more!). When I have the time and muse to, I definitely would, and for convenience sake, I'll just update them here. :)
> 
> Thank you for being part of this AU with me, I truly appreciate all the support and love. Till the next AU (which I believe wouldn't be that far away since I'm actually already writing a new stevenat/buckynat fic with a friend)!


	15. bonus: the very beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of steve meeting natasha for the very first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Hahaha. I was inspired to write a oneshot of our favourite best friends meeting when they were still kids, courtesy of a prompt by Chrissy - so this bonus chapter is for you bb! Hope you guys enjoy this little bonus, and I may also be writing more of these independent oneshots so prompt away if you have any! 
> 
> P/S: the way I started this oneshot is nearly the same with how I started this series - just for the fun of it, hehe.

When Steve Rogers moved to a different neighbourhood, far from his best friend Bucky, he’d made a list of things that could possibly happen: 

  1. His new house would turn out old and ugly.
  2. The new neighbourhood would be boring.
  3. Bucky would find a new best friend to hang out with now that they were living so far apart.
  4. His neighbour wouldn’t be as nice and friendly as the Storm family.
  5. All of the above.

He’d fretted for days and nights, worrying unnecessarily and excessively. For someone who was usually pretty calm and collected, wise beyond his age, Steve swore he was about to die from all the butterflies in his tummy. 

Talk about being _ dramatic._

He would eventually realise, days after he’d moved into his new house, that none of the things in his list had come true. In fact, everything had been the complete opposite. 

The moment he stepped down from the car, Steve was a little mesmerised by how pleasant his new house looked, its exterior calming to the eyes, a vast garden with well trimmed bushes and flowers blooming, its interior spacious and cosy - it was nothing like what he imagined in his head for weeks. After he’d set up his room, Steve had bounced down the stairs of his porch, and sat on the last step. Because his parents were still busy unboxing things inside, Steve resorted to observing his neighbourhood from where he sat. 

It was quiet, but not awfully so. There was a certain degree of calmness, the air was somewhat different. His old neighbourhood had been closer to the city, hence louder and more happening, but Steve thought this new change of scenery wasn’t all too bad. Perhaps he would come to appreciate this serenity one day, was what Steve had told himself. He watched the people that passed by his house, some walking their dogs, some with their strollers, many with their friends. They looked at peace, happy, and Steve felt a slight pang in his heart as he thought of Bucky. 

It wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to see him in school, Steve reasoned, sure, they wouldn’t be able to hang out all the time after school now that he was staying further from him - but he would always be Bucky’s best friend, wouldn’t he?

He grumbled a little at that thought as Steve pushed himself up. He made his way towards the garden, wanting to shift his thoughts to something happier - maybe looking at the flowers would do the trick. 

No later than ten minutes since he’d stepped into the garden, Steve heard someone behind him. He whirled around at once, a little surprise when he came face to face with a girl, her red tresses shining brightly under the sun. She looked no older than he was, and she was staring at him. His eyes widened just a little, not knowing what to say. 

And then the girl grinned, jutting a hand out in his direction. “Hi, I’m Natasha Romanoff,” She’d giggled, a little shyly, a hint of red spreading across her cheeks. "Do you want to be my friend?”

He was momentarily stunned. _ Who _ even was this girl and _ where _had she come from? Steve didn’t realise he was being unresponsive and therefore completely rude until her smile faded just a little - and he immediately snapped out of his reverie. Clearing his throat, Steve shook her hand once. “Hi, Natasha Romanoff.” It was his turn to feel shy, a little embarrassed that he’d made a lady wait - what would his mother say? “My name is Steve Rogers, you can call me Steve.”

The girl - Natasha - squeezed his hand in return before removing her hand to put it behind her back. She tilted her head to the side, flashing him another grin. When Natasha didn’t say anything else, it struck Steve that he hadn’t answered her question yet. He could have sworn that he felt the tips of his ears turning pink.

“I would love to be your friend.” He said eventually - well, that was really the only thing he could have said now, wasn’t it? His mother had taught him to always be respectful of people, especially to girls, and Steve may just be ten years old, but he knew better not to hurt a girl’s feelings. 

Natasha’s smile seemed to blossom, and Steve rubbed the nape of his neck sheepishly. “Do you live here?” He asked, an attempt to stifle the embarrassment rising within him. 

She bobbed her head up and down excitedly, turning to her left to gesture at the house beside his. “That’s my house.”

Steve’s mouth formed an ‘o’ as realisation hits him. She was his _ neighbour _. 

“I saw the moving truck earlier and got curious. But it was really because I saw you in the garden that I decided to drop by and welcome you to the neighbourhood.” Natasha spoke so quickly that he almost missed what she was saying. He stared at her unblinkingly, but his lips slowly curved into a smile. 

“May I know your age?” Steve asked her another question. She wasn’t looking at him anymore, having flitted to the nearby flower pots in his garden - probably ones left by the previous owners.

“I’m ten.” Natasha answered as she ran her hand over the blooms gently. “What about you?”

“We’re of the same age!” He replied a little too enthusiastically, unable to hide the excitement rising within him - there was someone his age in this neighbourhood, and she happens to be his neighbour! Natasha whipped her head back at his direction, her lips forming an amused smile. 

“Which school do you go to?” She asked. 

“Xavier’s.” He took a few steps to stand beside her. “You?”

Steve saw the look of surprise on her face when she heard his answer, her grin widening. “No way, I’m from the Red Academy, but I’m transferring to Xavier’s next week.”

It was his turn to be surprised. “What are the odds of that happening?” He didn’t even realise he’d asked that question out loud - it was supposed to just be an inner thought, _ damn it, Steve _ \- but Natasha started to laugh, and Steve could feel himself turning red immediately.

“Okay so we’re neighbours, we’re the same age,” Natasha counted with her fingers, “and we’re attending the same school…” She lets out an exaggerated gasp, her eyes twinkling in excitement. “Do you know what this means, Steve Rogers?”

He shook his head at the same time Natasha clasped her hands together. “We’re _ fated _to meet!”

“Huh?” Steve stammered. 

“The universe is telling us that we should be friends!” Natasha exclaimed, then quickly adding, “I mean, technically we already _ are _ but -” She shook her head quickly before changing topics easily. “- anyway, can I see your room one day?”

He blinked. “W-what?”

“I’ve never seen a boy’s room before. I’ve always wondered how one would look like. Do you have posters on your wall? Are they posters of football players? Cars? Movies? Star Trek? Oohh, do you like Star Wars?”

“I…” Steve was at a loss for words, genuinely awed of how _ energetic _Natasha was. If she realised she’d rendered him speechless, she pretended not to. 

“Don’t all boys like Star Trek and Star Wars?” She asked in pure curiosity. “And football?”

“I do but,” He scratched the side of his face in a sheepish manner. “I don’t have any posters on my wall.”

She looked aghast to hear that - _ what do you mean you don’t have posters on your wall? _Her expression seem to scream at him. Steve looked mildly flustered after that. “W-what about you?” He asked, just so he could distract her. “What posters do you have on your wall?”

Natasha paused for a few seconds before answering. “The Bolshoi.”

“The _ what _?” 

She rolled her eyes goodnaturedly - Steve had an inkling that she was doing this on purpose to tease him. “It’s a prestigious Russian ballet company.”

“Oh.” If he wasn’t already embarrassed, he definitely was now. “You dance ballet?”

Natasha nodded, her face forming another huge grin. She lifted her arms above her head and pirouetted - even for Steve’s lack of dance knowledge, he could already tell that she’d demonstrated one ballet move for him, and that she’d done it effortlessly without having to wear proper ballet shoes, or dance on a flat surface. “Hey, you’re good.” He praised her, sincerity in his tone.

She blushed. “You really think so?”

Steve nodded, grinning. “I know so. How long have you been learning ballet for?”

“About 5 years?” Natasha smiled. “I love dancing.”

“It’s good to have something you’re passionate about.” Steve nodded, and Natasha was quick to ask him about _ his _interests and hobbies. 

“Well I...I like drawing.” His voice became small. “But I don’t think I’m any good at it.”

Natasha ignored the latter part of his sentence - she’d clapped her hands excitedly. “I want to see your drawings! Please show them to me one day.”

Steve felt the heat on his face again, his heart pounding. “Really? But they’re not very good...”

“I still want to see it.” There was no hesitation in her just as she continued. “I can’t draw, so I _ love _seeing other people’s artworks. I’m sure yours is good.”

He didn’t know what to respond, or how, so he kept mum. It was the sound of his name ringing in the air that had Steve turning around - it was his mother calling for him, probably wondering where he’d disappeared to. 

“Coming!” He yelled back, then turned to look at Natasha again. “Uh…”

She was already waving goodbye, taking a few steps back. She grinned. “I’ll drop by again some time soon. I’ll use the front door, next time.”

“Okay.” Steve returned her wave with another smile. “See you.”

When Steve entered the house, his mother had raised an eyebrow in reflex, noticing his grin and obvious chirpy mood. “Someone’s in a good mood.” She smiled, relieved to see that her son was happy - Sarah had been worried he wouldn’t be, considering how much he’d loved their old neighbourhood. Despite that, Steve had never thrown a tantrum, understanding their decision to move due to his father’s new job.

Steve didn’t answer his mother, only giving her a quick hug. She returned his hug tightly. “What happened while you were outside?”

“I met our neighbour.” He explained. “She’s nice.”

“That’s great, honey.” Sarah beamed. “I’m happy to hear that. I’ll have to drop by soon to say hello.”

Steve never told his mother that when he meant _ neighbour _ , he had meant their neighbour’s _ daughter _. He kept it as his little secret for now, knowing that in a matter of days, his mother would eventually find out, anyway.

And Sarah did, the _ next _day. Someone had rang their doorbell and she opened it expecting to see an adult. Imagine her surprise when she had to look down to meet the little girl’s gleaming eyes as she smiled up to her. “Hi, Mrs Rogers!” 

“Hello, sweetheart.” Sarah smiled automatically, her maternal instincts kicking in. A little surprised that this girl knew who she was, Sarah didn’t know how to continue her sentence. She didn’t have to, because Natasha was quick to ask. “Is Steve home?”

And that was how Sarah found out that Steve had made a new friend, and that his new friend was their neighbour’s daughter. In fact, Nick Fury dropped by a few moments after, searching for his daughter. Both Sarah and Joseph were a little surprised to see him, but understood immediately that the little girl Sarah had just met (who was playing in Steve’s room) was adopted. They started talking to Nick, and the three of them became instant friends.

Meanwhile, while the adults were having a conversation, Natasha was sprawled on the carpet, with Steve lying beside her. They were both staring at the _ glow-in-the-dark _stars that Steve’s father had pasted on his ceiling the night before.

“How do you like it here so far?”

“It’s okay.”

She hummed a tune he didn’t know, completely at ease considering the fact that they’d barely just met the day before. 

“Does your parents know you’re here?”

“Nick does.” Natasha replied. “He’s my dad. But he isn’t my real dad.”

“What happened to your real dad?”

She paused in contemplation, wondering if she should tell him. Natasha had no idea what compelled her to be truthful, but she did anyway. “My parents died in a car crash two years ago. Nick was my father’s best friend.”

The second she’d said that, Steve’s heart sank. He felt awful, sitting up at once. “Natasha, I’m so sorry to-”

She shook her head, sitting up too. “I’m okay.”

For someone who was only ten, Steve was awed by the fact that Natasha was smiling at him - how strong was she, that she was able to share something this personal to someone she’d barely just met? That was probably the moment that struck Steve the most, that moving here, away from the comforts of his old neighbourhood, of his best friend Bucky, may not be such a bad thing, after all.

“You know, I hope you like it here.” Natasha whispered after that. “And I hope you stay for a long time here.”

He gave her a hopeful look, wondering if this would mark a friendship that would last a lifetime - Steve had a feeling it would, it was difficult to place a finger on why he felt that way. He didn’t know why he would even think of something like that, didn’t know how they were already so acquainted to each other. 

“I think I will.” Steve replied, his tone firm.

But one thing he knew for sure, was that with Natasha Romanoff living beside him, life in this neighbourhood was never going to be boring.

_(end)_

* * *

**A/N:** With my .5 photoshop skills, I edited the image below as I would imagine Baby!Natasha to look like this, especially when she looked at Sarah:-


	16. bonus: she's one of a kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of steve being sick, and natasha taking it upon herself to accompany him every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few more special one-shots to post for this fic so you can expect random updates here and there :)  
Up next will definitely be two Christmas oneshot specials! Enjoy and do let me know if you have any other prompts/ideas for this universe.

When he was in middle school, Steve was prone to falling sick from time to time. He attributed that to the fact that growing up, he had generally been frail. The first time he fell ill after moving into the new neighbourhood, Steve was afraid to tell Natasha, paranoid that by telling her, she would no longer want to be his friend. It was a stupid, innocent thought, really, because Steve would have realised eventually that once the redhead had held onto the title of his newfound bestfriend, she was never going to let go.

During one winter season, Steve was unsurprised to find that he’d been knocked down by the cold so badly that he was bedridden for an entire week. And frankly speaking, Steve was upset that he had to miss school, knowing that once he returned after the winter break, he would have missed _ so much. _He wasn’t looking forward to meeting some of his classmates who would probably tease him for being ill that long, too. 

The only consolation he had in that period was the fact that Natasha wouldn’t leave him alone. Even though Steve asked her not to, Natasha still made it a point to visit him everyday, bouncing into his room without a care just to keep him company. She assured him that Nick was aware of her whereabouts, and that she’d rather be in his home since there was no one in hers. Each day after school, Natasha would share her homework with him, would tell him what had happened in school that particular day - _ Bobbi pulled Lisa’s hair today and they got into a fight; Ms Geller gave way more maths homework than necessary; the dessert lady was sick so there was no pudding today_. Sometimes, Natasha would end up doing her homework on his desk while he slept through the day.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Steve told her on the third day she came to visit him. While he enjoyed her company, Steve was incessantly worried for her health. He would hate it if he passed what he had onto her. “What if you get sick too?”

Natasha looked at him as though his question was invalid and made no sense. “You’re underestimating me if you think I’d easily fall sick.” She told him haughtily, in a tone that told Steve not to say anything else, because it wasn’t going to be a battle he could win - Natasha was still going to be here whether he liked it or not. Not even his mother could stop that stubborn 12 year old. 

_ She’s one of a kind_, Sarah had told him with amusement glinting in her eyes when she tucked him to bed the night before, _ that Natasha_.

Even though Natasha had assured Steve that she would be alright, he wasn’t entirely convinced. Still, she stayed, and returned each day, proving him wrong by the end of the week. 

“I told you so.” Natasha stuck her tongue out, clearly pleased with herself. Steve merely groaned, sneezing into the tissue in his hands. “If I had half of your immune system…” He said wistfully, to which Natasha responded with a laugh.

“But you get to skip school for the entire week!” She countered, trying to make him feel better. “I used to put a warm towel on my forehead before asking Nick if I could skip school. He never bought any of my attempts.”

That made him smile. “But why do you want to skip school?”

“Because I hated my previous school.” Natasha grimaced. “The headmistress was mean as heck, and the kids in my class didn’t like me either.”

Steve frowned - he wouldn’t have imagined anyone not liking Natasha - as far as he knew, she was pretty popular amongst his schoolmates, especially after the kids found out she was Russian. 

“What about now?” He asked. “Do you like it here at Xavier’s?”

Natasha gave him an easy smile, one that reached her eyes as she nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. I _ love _it here. The teachers are way nicer, and everyone is nicer, too.”

He was relieved to hear that. 

“Plus,” Natasha didn’t look up from the desk when she continued. “there’s you!”

Steve wasn’t sure if it was his temperature speaking for him, but he felt heat radiating across his cheeks at that innocent declaration. Looking at her from his bed, how Natasha’s feet were dangling from his chair, barely touching the floor as she did some work on his desk, Steve was at a loss for words. When it comes to girls, Steve was the absolute worst. He thought of Bucky all of a sudden, wished he had his best friend’s natural charms in responding to things like this. 

Because Steve pondered too long on a response to give, Natasha switched the topic easily. “Did your mom say when you’ll be healthy enough to go back to school?”

He shook his head. “No, I want to go back before the winter break though.” His voice softened. “I’ve already been missing out on so many things.”

Natasha hummed, eyes still on her homework. “You should recover soon, so we can celebrate Christmas together properly.”

At the mention of the festival, Steve let out an uncharacteristic whine. Natasha quirked an eyebrow in surprise. “What if I don’t recover by Christmas?” He asked, desperation in his voice. “I want to go to the ice rink. Bucky said he’d teach me how to skate.”

“You will.” Natasha said in assurance, and it brought some sort of comfort in him that she sounded confident, even though she probably had no idea if he would recover in time for the celebration. “Nick says if you’re a good boy, Santa would grant you a wish. Maybe you can start praying.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “You don’t even believe in Santa Claus.”

“I don’t.” Natasha giggled. “But in times of desperation, anything works.”

He thought it was rather sweet of Natasha to want him to recover in time for Christmas as much as he himself did. Even though like her, he’d stopped believing in Santa Claus a long time ago. 

A few quiet minutes later, Steve heaved a sigh. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I kinda miss school. Plus I miss Bucky. Why did I have to move so far away from him?” 

When Natasha didn’t respond to that, he glanced to his side and saw the frown etched on her face. It was only then that he realised that his words had come out wrongly, that he may have implied that he wasn’t happy she was here with him instead of Bucky. Steve panicked, propping himself up on his bed in a hurried motion that nearly sent his head spinning. “W-wait, no, I didn’t mean...I wasn’t saying…”

Natasha looked at him when she realised his sudden shift of movement. Seeing the panicked look on his face was enough to tell her that Steve had assumed she’d taken offense to his words. She waved a hand nonchalantly in his direction. “Calm down, Rogers. James’ your best friend, I understand.”

“Yeah, but so are you.” Steve said, even though he couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “You know that, right?”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Steve, if you think I’d be jealous of the friendship you share with James, you’re wrong. I can hardly compare to him, he’s been your best friend since you two were, what, babies?”

“Five.” Steve corrected with a cough.

"_Babies_." Natasha shrugged, returning to the science sheet in front of her.

“The point is,” Steve stated as firmly as he could. “both of you are important to me.”

She threw him a grin. “And I don’t doubt that.”

Steve sighed in relief, nodding his head. “Good, I just wanted to be clear about that.”

“Got it.” Natasha waved her pencil into his direction. “Also, shouldn’t you be asleep at this hour? Don’t you want to recover before Christmas?”

He actually was supposed to, and just as he thought of that, Steve felt a yawn threatening to come out from him. He stifled it as much as he can, even though Natasha probably had already noticed it. “But I want to talk to you. All I do is sleep, anyway.”

Natasha replied plainly. “Because you’re sick and you _ should _be getting plenty of rest.”

“Yeah, but -”

“No buts, Steve.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, though he gave her a smile. “Are you sure you’re only 12? Because you sounded just like my mom.”

Natasha whipped her head from her homework to him again, narrowing her eyes slightly. “Are you implying I’m old?”

Steve laughed lightly, putting his hands up as a sign of surrender. “Not old, just..._ caring_.”

She made a face at that, shaking her head repeatedly. “If I were sick, I’m sure you would do the same for me.”

That went without saying, of course. “Yeah, but you _ don’t _ get sick.”

“Exactly.” Natasha smirked. 

Comfortable silence lapsed between them after that as Steve laid his head down on his pillow. He drifted asleep faster than he would have expected, only realising a second before he went into dreamland that he was actually really tired. Natasha glanced his way again when she heard him mutter something - it came off softly, but nevertheless, she caught on to the two words Steve had whispered just before he fell asleep.

She smiled before returning to her homework. 

* * *

The next day, Steve was pleasantly surprised to find that Natasha had brought someone along with her after school - _ Bucky_. His excitement nearly went over the roof the second he saw his best friend, who had rushed to his bedside to give him a fistbump, before launching into a series of stories from school he had missed. As Bucky narrated his story to him animatedly and clearly enthusiastically, Steve shifted his gaze a little to the door of his room, meeting eyes with Natasha.

She simply smiled, giving him a nod. _ You’re welcome, _her eyes seemed to say. Then, Natasha left quietly, closing the door behind her.

_ Yeah, _ Steve thought to himself, agreeing with his mom, his face breaking into a huge grin as he diverted his attention back to his best friend who he hasn’t seen in a week - _ she truly was one of a kind_.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, in Chapter 5 of the main story - Natasha does get sick so she isn't all that immune to being sick as how she claims herself to be haha


	17. bonus: to more adventures together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of advance Christmas presents and the first of many adventures together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing all these short bonus chapters for IYIAY. This universe is really something I don't think I can completely let go so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy this chapter, there will be more to come :) In this chapter, Steve and Nat are 16 y/o.

Steve had been studying when Natasha barged into his room on a Saturday morning - of course, by now, after years of knowing the redhead, he was no longer surprise of her constant unannounced entrance. By pure luck, thus far, she has never walked in on him being semi-naked yet (and Steve hoped it would remain as such because boy, wouldn’t that be awkward) even though there had been _ one _ time where he’d nearly pulled his t-shirt out of his neck and Natasha had sauntered in, realised what he was doing, and quickly retreated back with a muffled _ whoops, sorry, I didn’t see anything don’t worry! _

“You really need to learn how to _ knock_.” Steve said nonchalantly from his desk, peeling his eyes away from the book in front of him to meet the gleam of her eyes. 

Natasha ignored him easily. There was a huge grin on her face that told Steve that there was something up her sleeves again. He frowned, just as she spoke. “Change your shirt and let’s go!”

“Go where?”

Natasha tsked immediately, admonishing him with a wag of her finger. “If you ask too many questions, you’ll spoil our adventure.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I literally only asked _ one _ question.”

“Shh!” She clearly wasn’t letting him have it this morning. “You should be honored that you get to sit in my car.”

“Am I your first passenger?” He stood, and Natasha had to tilt her head up to look at him - it seemed only yesterday where she had been taller than him, now, Steve was towering over her effortlessly. She huffed, unfazed by their height difference, hands cocked on her hips. 

“Yes, after Nick. You should be _honored_.” She repeated briskly.

“Oh my god.” Steve groaned, covering his face in his hands. "I'm worried."

“You’re being dramatic.” Natasha retorted, sticking out her tongue. “I’m a good driver, I passed all my tests the first round, FYI.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to die young.”

“It’s okay, if anything, at least we’ll be dead together.”

“_Natasha! _”

She chortled loudly “Relax! Anyway,_ you _ don’t have a say in my driving skills because you don’t even have a licence yet.”

Steve grumbled; he had only just gotten his learner’s permit, which meant it wouldn’t be anytime soon before he could get a restricted licence, like what Natasha already has at the moment. He crossed his arms together. “Fine, so are you going to leave so I can change, or do you want to stay in the room and watch me change?” 

It was him teasing her, of course, because he saw the immediate wisps of red tainting across her cheeks, his implication not lost. She never lost her cool though, and something told Steve that she’d somehow read his words to be that of a challenge, and immediately, Steve knew she wasn’t going to back down from this moment - she was Natasha Romanoff for a reason. And he was right, because Natasha crossed her arms together, mimicking his action as her eyes remain locked on his. Then, she gave him a smirk of ease. 

“You know, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. I’d like to see what is it about your body that has half of the girls in our grade_ fawning _over you.”

At that, Steve could feel his cheeks heating up. It was insane the more he allowed her words to sink in - just two years ago, he had still been that scrawny, sickly kid that no girls showed even a remote interest in, and after a sudden spurt of puberty and hours of intense gym working sessions with Bucky that lasted the entire summer (he was training to be in their high school football team, after all), Steve’s popularity had skyrocketed over the roof come the new school year. When Natasha came back from summer camp, she had given him this one _ look _ of mild horror as she screeched, almost comically - _ who are you and what have you done to Steve Rogers?! _

Yes. That definitely was insane, now that Steve thought about it again. He was all height and chiseled muscles and abs now, a drastic 180 degree change.

Still, Steve wasn’t going to back down so easily. No, definitely not. He threw Natasha a sort of smouldering look that almost had her flinching out of unfamiliarity, and in one swift and rapid motion, Steve had peeled his t-shirt from his body. All the while maintaining eye contact with his best friend, who, much to his satisfaction, had _ blushed_. Steve wasn’t going to admit it, but the second he saw Natasha’s eyes flickering ever so subtly onto his chest and abs, he knew that he had won this battle. She was never going to admit it though, but it was alright.

Steve broke eye contact only because he had to make his way towards his closet. “What am I supposed to change into?” He asked, realising that Natasha was wearing something that looked way too prim and proper for a casual visit to the mall or the cinema - a cute yellow sundress that stopped short on her knees.

“Uh, something...formal looking.” She replied, slapping herself out from her reverie - even though her cheeks were still rather heated from what she’d just seen. Yeah, maybe those girls _ were _ right after all - did that make her a complete oblivious fool because she had never paid attention to all of _ those _ muscles his best friend were sporting now? It was almost crazy how much he'd changed - not that it was going to affect their friendship, because Natasha did _not_ see him in_ that_ sense. Perhaps she really was just oblivious - even _ Maria _had suggested once that Steve had gone from zero to hero over one summer, and Hope had laughed in obvious agreement.

“Formal?” Steve whipped his head back, quirking an eyebrow. “Seriously, where are you taking me?”

“If I tell you now, it would ruin the surprise.” Natasha replied exasperatedly. “Hurry up, will ya?”

“Okay, okay.” Steve picked a simple cotton blue collared shirt in that second, then his jeans. “Uhm,” He gestured at his jeans, and Natasha immediately flushed again, turning her back against him as she started for his door. “Right, right. Sorry.”

He merely chuckled at her antics - this was only the beginning; Steve was going to have so much fun teasing her in the future.

* * *

The drive, hitting almost an hour fifteen minutes, to wherever it was Natasha planned on bringing Steve had surprisingly been smoother than expected, even though Steve had to remind Natasha to slow down whenever she pressed onto the accelerator. When they’d reached their destination, Steve’s first reaction was to joke loudly that he’d survived his first car ride with her, to which Natasha responded with a sucker punch in his arm. He’d laughed, rubbing the spot before the redhead slapped his thigh and gestured out of the window. 

“I’m still waiting for a proper reaction from you, genius.” Natasha stated and watched how Steve had frowned as he glanced out of the window. It was seconds after that when it finally dawned upon him, this realisation that was sinking into him, the excitement unfurling within his stomach. “Surprise!” She exclaimed loudly. “Merry Advance Christmas to you!”

Natasha had brought him to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and Steve was _ starstruck. _So much so that it was literally rendering him completely speechless. He stared unblinkingly at the view from inside of the car as Natasha switched off the engines. Seeing his obvious look of amazement and awe was enough to make her grin in happiness, somewhat giddy over the prospects of a successful surprise and a Christmas gift that she knew he would greatly appreciate.

Steve had been talking about the museum for ages, wanting to visit it one day when he figured out the logistics of getting there, since they didn’t live in the city. The timing could not be any better, with how she’d just gotten her driving licence, and how Christmas was approaching that Natasha decided not to pass on this opportunity to fulfil that little wish of her best friend, who had an affinity and penchant for the arts.

He finally turned to look at her, eyes glistening with unabashed joy. “Nat, I-”

“You’re such a nerd, Rogers.” She teased. “And you’re welcome.”

Steve reached over his seat to pull her into a hug - an amused laugh escaped her as he did so. “Thank you, thank you, thank you-”

“Sheesh, we haven’t even gone in yet.” Natasha said, then pulled away. “We’ve got the entire day today, anyway. So knock yourself out!”

“God, you’re really…” Steve unbuckled his seatbelt, still finding it hard that they were right in _ front _ of the Metropolitan Museum. 

“Amazing? One of a kind? Out of this world perfect? Yeah, I _ know _.” Natasha smirked just as Steve chuckled. “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out of the house just now?”

He nodded enthusiastically, getting ready to leave the car. “I’ll _ always _let you drag me out of the house, Natasha.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Oh boy, I hope you don’t regret saying that.”

Steve grinned, meeting her eyes again. “I won’t.”

Natasha smiled. “To more adventures together, then.”

“To more adventures together.” He agreed.

* * *

A week before Christmas, Steve presented his advance gift for Natasha - a simple red envelope wrapped in dark green ribbon. She’d given him a look of curiosity, feeling the envelope in her hands as she frowned, unsure of what it could possibly be.

“It’s not another Do-It-Yourself best friend vouchers that you made for me when we were 11, is it?”

Steve couldn’t hide the grin that was growing on his face. He shook his head. “Nope.” He said, popping the ‘p’ loudly as he watched how Natasha had untied the ribbon slowly. It was almost killing him to see Natasha’s reaction - Steve knew the second he’d wrapped her Christmas gift that it was going to be something she would be extremely thrilled to receive. The second she opened the envelope and took out what was in it, Natasha had let out the loudest gasp, jaw dropping in shock as her eyes widened at the words she was reading on the ticket stubs in her hands.

They were two tickets to the Bolshoi Ballet Christmas Production of The Nutcracker which was going to be held in New York a week later as part of their worldwide Tour.

Natasha was silent for a solid thirty seconds, the words on the ticket not quite registering in her mind. Steve wondered if this was how he looked like when she brought him to visit the museum three weeks ago. “Nat?” He nudged her arm gently. “You like it?”

That seemed to snap her out of her state of disbelief as her face split into the widest grin possible. Out of excitement, she quite literally jumped into his arms, curling her arms around his neck. “_Oh my god! _ Steve! I don’t just like this, I absolutely _love_ this!”

He grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist to support her weight. She was ecstatic, as how Steve had expected her to be. As much as she understood his passion and interest for the arts, he did too, for her love for ballet. 

When Natasha dropped her feet back onto the ground, she was still awestruck. “How did you even get this? Do you know how difficult it is to buy this, I’ve tried and I couldn’t...but you did..._ how_?”

Steve rubbed the side of his neck sheepishly. “Well...I asked around on the internet.”

Her jaw dropped open. “Steve, you did _ not _ .” She was almost afraid to ask him her next question, shuddering as the words left her lips. “It must have been _ ungodly _ expensive, wasn’t it?”

He shrugged easily. “Meh, it was no big deal. I can earn back the money anyway.”

Natasha’s features softened, tears glistening in her eyes. Words could not begin to even explain how she was _ so, so _ happy. Clutching onto the tickets as though they were her lifeline, Natasha whispered. “You’ll come with me, right?”

Steve nodded. “If you want me to. I thought you would rather ask Maria, or Hope-”

She shook her head firmly. “No, I want to go with you. Please?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” He said. “I’d love to go with you. Maybe then I can finally see why you’re so obsessed with them.”

Natasha laughed - it sounded like silver bells in his ears, a sound that he’d grown accustomed to over the years, a sound he’d learned to be that of comfort and familiarity, feelings he associated naturally with the redhead. 

“You’ll love it, I’m sure you would.” She told him confidently, before tucking the tickets back into the envelope safely, as if they were gold. Well, they probably were for Natasha, Steve thought to himself. 

He wanted to tell her that she was right - Steve would probably enjoy watching the ballet production even though his limited knowledge stemmed only from the times he’d watched Natasha danced on stage for her academy’s productions. He knew this to be true because as long as it was something Natasha held so dearly to her heart, he would naturally, without a doubt, appreciate and love it just as much as she did. He didn’t tell her that, though. Instead, Steve settled for a simple smile in the end.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, comments are appreciated and if you have any other prompts to expand this universe, just let me know. After I'm done writing their days in high school, I'll venture into writing bonus chapters of them post-graduation (expansions of events from the Epilogue and more hehe)
> 
> The adventure part is a nod to Chapter 7 of the main story :) if you realised, Natasha had said _ “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out of the house now?” _ which is a parallel nod to Chapter 7's _ “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out of bed just now?” _


	18. bonus: I fit best wherever you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of a shattered dream, but a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Christmas gift for yall - I can't believe this fic has reached 10,000 views with 400+ kudos. Truly, thank you, this is such a feat honestly and I'm happy you guys love this fic so much!

Natasha’s dream had always been to become a professional ballet dancer. It has been that way ever since she saw the _ bolshoi _ perform when she was just a child, and the feeling had never once ebbed even after she had migrated to the United States. It was one _ sure _ thing in her life, and Natasha had worked her hardest towards achieving that dream - she’d gone to every class, every training, been in almost all of the Academy’s ballet productions. And she received validation from it, validation from the director who had patted her back and assured her that she was going to be noticed one day, from the director who told her to enrol in Julliard, because she was her best student. Natasha remembered bursting into joy when she heard that - that she was _ Julliard _ material. 

Except, she was no longer Julliard material. Nor would she ever qualify for any dance schools after graduation. Not after hours of non-stop grueling practice that resulted to her slipping and knocking over the barres by the wall. At 17, Natasha broke her leg, tearing her ligaments at the same time. At 17, the doctor was kind enough to tell her that with due recovery and time, she would still be able to dance. But, the harsh truth was there regardless; the doctor told her gently, in a tone of sympathy, that because of that accident, she would never be able to pursue a career in ballet in the future. At 17, Natasha quitted the Academy; her dreams effectively coming to a shattering end.

It hasn’t quite sunk in yet. She had braved through the entire procedure, being in the hospital, undergoing physiotherapy - Natasha had not shed a single tear. She was devastated, that went without saying, but even then, she did not cry. Not when all of her friends had visited her in the hospital, bringing her gifts and get well soon cards. She couldn’t look at them in the eyes, but Natasha was nonetheless grateful that they took the time to visit her.

Everyone was worried for her, knowing that she was bottling up feelings that should be let out because it was not good for her health to keep everything locked in her heart. Natasha insisted she was okay when Nick tried to talk to her, but when he persisted, she snapped, asking him not to baby her. After getting discharged from the hospital, when Sarah came by her house with her favourite flowers, Natasha had accepted them gratuitously, telling her they were beautiful. She was polite and cordial about it, but the second Sarah left, the flowers laid forlornly and forgotten on her desk. 

Months after, Natasha still acted like she was okay. In time, everyone else simply let her be, thinking of it as a sort of coping mechanism for her. Everyone, except Steve. He knew his best friend was not okay - she was _ far _from being okay. He knew how important ballet was for her. It was her entire life, a passion that had never died since the first time she brought it up in his garden seven years ago. But he also knew that if he were to prod and beg for her to just let everything out, she would shrink into her shell even more. So he respected her decision, and gave her all the space she needed. Steve didn’t nose around, but he always made it a point to let her know that he would always be there for her.

Which was why, almost six months after that incident, Steve received a call that woke him up at 3AM. His first reaction was to ignore it, of course, but something was tugging his heartstrings, and just like that, there was an instinct that was gnawing into his consciousness, telling him to just answer the call. 

“Hello?” He mumbled, his voice still hoarse from sleep. Steve frowned, realising that he was met with nothing but silence. He retracted the phone from his ear to check the caller ID, and the second he read the name displayed, he had sat up on his bed at once. Steve was instantly awake. “Nat?”

And then he heard it. It was faint at first, but there was no doubt in what he was hearing - the sound of muffled sobbing, the sound of absolute _ pain _as Steve felt his heart breaking. “Nat,” He called out gently. “Talk to me.”

She couldn’t, so Steve didn’t say anything else. He waited for her patiently, waited for her to stop crying - she didn’t, not even after five solid minutes. “Are you at home?” He asked, already getting down from his bed. “Nat, let me go to you.”

There was an inkling that told him that she wasn’t in her room. And he was right, for Natasha managed to whisper just one word in between her sobbings; _ playground _.

It was their neighbourhood playground, the one they frequented during the evenings when they were much younger. Steve grabbed his jacket and started to leave his room. “I’m coming, okay?”

Natasha didn’t reply, but Steve could sense her nodding from the other line.

* * *

He found her slumped against a bench by the swings, eyes swollen and red as tears continued to stream down her face. She was one of the strongest people he knew; the sight of Natasha like this, broken and hurt beyond belief, nearly tore Steve to pieces. He went to her silently, sitting down beside her as he waited for her to acknowledge his presence.

Natasha did, in the end, by curling into the crook of his arm and leaning against his shoulder. She was still sobbing, her tears staining his shirt as Steve held her closer to him, arms around her protectively. It pained him to see her in this state of utter misery and agony, but Steve refrained from saying anything; he figured when she was finally ready to talk to him, she would.

She eventually calmed down, her sobs fading away after a long, quiet moment. The silence in the air was finally broken when Natasha whispered, “I’m nothing without dancing.”

Steve frowned, thoughts of instant disagreement flooded his mind. Still, he kept mum, knowing that at this junction, Steve only needed to listen. 

“I don’t have any other talents.” Natasha continued two seconds after. For a moment, Steve had wondered what spurred this sudden train of thoughts, and then she explained slowly, “Since Julliard is no longer an option for me, I’ve been doing some thinking lately and...”

She heaved a loud sigh, one that Steve gauged as filled with broken hope. “...I realised I have no idea where to go for college.”

Natasha shifted, sitting upright so that she could look at her best friend. Sad eyes met blue eyes, and Steve could only offer his hand for her to hold in an attempt to console her. “I don’t know what to do, Steve. I’m a fucking mess.”

That was where he drew the line - Steve shook his head. “Natasha, you’re _ not _ a mess.” He put in firmly. When she didn’t reply, he took her silence as an indication to continue his sentence. “Have you spoken to our college counselor?”

Natasha nodded weakly. “She gave me a few options, but I don’t know, honestly. I’ve lived my entire life knowing only to dance.” She repeated, gnawing on her lower lip. “I’m _ nothing _without dancing.”

He took a deep breath before placing a finger below her chin, tilting her head a little so that Natasha was looking at him again. “Listen to me, Natasha Romanoff, and I want you to listen to me closely. What you just said is absolutely _ not _ true.” Steve started with a firm tone of confidence, of belief in what his best friend was capable of doing. “You’re one of the brightest students in our year, you excel in languages and you’re a natural in sports. Heck, if you applied to one of the Ivy League schools, you’ll probably get in. You’re one of the most driven people that I know of; if you put your heart into it you can do almost anything.” He pauses, lips quirking a little before continuing, “even if you _ do _ lack a _ little _in math.” He half joked, and saw how she’d smiled just a little at that. 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” She muttered under her breath, though in a tone that was light - Steve was glad that she looked a little happier than when he first found her on the bench earlier. 

“A flattery that isn’t sincere is not my sort of thing to do, Romanoff.” He stated pointedly with an arched eyebrow, and his words managed to draw a chuckle from Natasha’s lips. “Okay, then you’re just being biased.”

Steve’s features softened as he maintained eye contact with his best friend. “Nat, I meant every word I said. They’re the truth, after all.”

It was probably the way he said it, the tone he had used - Natasha knew that Steve was sincere with his words, as he always was. Warmth unfurled in her stomach as she gave him a small smile. She leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Steve.” She whispered, then tucked her head closer into his chest. “I love you.”

Steve smiled - it was the first time Natasha had ever said those three words to him. Even if she meant it in a platonic way, Steve knew the weight of those words and what they meant for her just to utter them - they were words from her heart, reserved only for a few people in her life. Steve was washed with gratitude in knowing that he was one of those people. He tightened his grasp around her and whispered in return; “Me too, Nat. Me too.”

A short moment later, Natasha started again. “I don’t want to go to Ivy League schools.” She mumbled, then stifled a yawn. Steve could only frown as a response. “What? Why?”

“Don’t think I would fit in.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re planning to apply to Midgard University, aren’t you?”

Steve nodded. “Their art department is one of the best.”

Natasha hummed in approval, then whispered. “Alright, that’s settled then.”

“What’s settled?” He asked out of curiosity. 

“I’ll apply to Midgard.” She looked up to meet his gaze. “I fit best wherever you are, anyway.”

Steve could feel his heart pounding when Natasha said that, and quite frankly, he didn’t know what to say in return. There was a subtle feeling of glee spreading across his stomach, of the knowledge that Natasha wanted to go where he goes, a sense of comfort knowing that even in college, there was a chance that his best friend would still be there with him.

He flashed her a grin, his eyes glinting with slight mischief. “Are you sure about that? What if you get tired of me? That’s at least another 4 years of your life having to see me everyday.”

She returned his grin easily. “Well, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing to be honest. You’re a sight for the eyes anyway.”

Steve flushed, the tips of his ears becoming pink. “W-what?”

Natasha scoffed, then went back to leaning her head against his chest as she naturally draped her legs over his lap. “Sometimes, I don’t know if you’re just plain clueless or if you’re just feigning it."

“Doing what?”

“Forget I said anything.” She chuckled. “How’s things with Peggy?”

Steve shrugged - Peggy was his girlfriend who he started dating a few months ago. “Um, just the same, I guess.”

“Aw, look at you growing up.” Natasha gushed in an exaggerated manner that had Steve rolling his eyes. “Your first serious girlfriend! I feel like a proud best friend!”

“Oh, shut up.” He groaned and pretended to push her away, just as Natasha’s laughter filled the air - hearing her laugh was enough to make him smile broadly; he was happy as long as she was happy. She clung into his embrace tighter, just to spite him further (even though Natasha knew her action would _ never _spite him, no matter what she does. He truly was the perfect best friend one could ever ask for) 

“Just remember to use protection if you have sex with her.” 

“_Natasha!” _

* * *


	19. bonus: i'm a man, you know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of their admission letters to Midgard University, and an innocent incident that has them laughing years down the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this bonus chapter to Iya, because she recently watched "Fight For My Way" and retweeted a scene that I replicated in this bonus :P
> 
> God, the way I miss this SteveNat portrayal!!!

Steve stared at the envelope addressed to him, the emblem of Midgard University plastered on the top left corner. He could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage, the weight of his entire future in his hands, in that piece of paper he was about to open and read. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Steve shoved the letter in his back pocket just as he heard someone calling his name - it was Natasha, practically scurrying over from her home waving the same envelope he’d just held in his hands frantically in the air.

“Steve! _ Steve! _” She nearly shrieked, coming to a full halt beside his mailbox. “It’s here, it’s here! The admission letter from Midgard University!”

“I know,” He gulped nervously, his backpocket burning from that reminder. “I received it too.”

“Have you opened it?” Natasha asked, almost excitedly, even though Steve could hear the slight tremble of her voice when she said that. Of course she was nervous too, even though Steve thought that she shouldn’t be - it was a no brainer that Natasha would get in, they would have to be stupid enough not to take her. He shook his head twice. “Not yet. You?”

“Me neither.” Natasha stared at the letter she was clutching tightly in her hands. “Do you want to open it together?”

In all honesty, Steve was going to wait a few more hours before he gathered enough courage to open the letter - but seeing Natasha’s eager expression was enough for him to comply with her question. He removed the letter from his back pocket and nodded. “Sure, why not?”

But before he could open the envelope, Natasha jutted her letter right into his face. “_Wait! _This is too much to bear. What if I open yours and you open mine?”

Steve was mildly amused by her request. “What difference does that make?”

“It’s...well…” She frowned slightly. “It’s less intense, in a way, I think?”

“Nat,” Steve gave her a small smile. “you need to calm down because you’re going to get in. I’m sure of it.”

Natasha held his gaze. “It doesn’t matter if I get in but you didn’t, so…”

“Don’t be stupid.” Steve blanched. “If you get in but I didn’t then you should _ still _ go. And we should _ still _celebrate.”

Natasha shook her head firmly. “Don’t be _ stupid_.” She threw his words back at him sharply. “If I get in but you didn’t, I am _ not _ going to Midgard and we are _ not _going to celebrate. End of story.”

He understood her gesture, really. But Steve had half a mind to chide Natasha for even thinking that way; this was her future, for goodness sake. It wasn’t something she should take lightly, especially since Natasha had _ not _ applied to any other universities. “Oh, and what are you going to do if you don’t go to college? Be a waitress for the rest of your life?”

“What’s wrong with that?” She retorted, hands on her hips. This was not going the way it should be, but Natasha continued. “If _ you _are already thinking of staying here if you don’t get into Midgard, why can’t I?”

“_Because_,” Steve waved his hands into her direction exasperatedly. “you are destined to do great things in your life! You’re the genius between us. You _ deserve _to leave this god forsaken town!” 

Natasha shook her head. “I’m not doing that without you, end of discussion.”

“This isn’t a discussion.” Steve reached forward to hold her shoulders, shaking her slightly so that she was looking at him again. “This is the _ right _ thing to do, Nat.”

A few seconds passed quietly before Natasha snorted. “God, we’re so dramatic.” She pushed her letter into his chest before snatching his envelope from his hand. “We don’t even know if we got in yet and we’re already having that sort of conversation.”

Steve grabbed hold of her envelope the second she retracted her arm; she was already opening _ his _envelope. Wordlessly, Steve mirrored her action, pulling the flap upward. He removed the paper from the envelope, opening it without hesitation to read the printed words. Steve beamed at once.

> _ Dear Ms Natasha Romanoff, _
> 
> _ Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the Department of Psychology at Midgard University… _

He closed the letter in one swift motion, face splitting into the widest grin as he met eyes with Natasha. While waiting for some sort of reaction from her, Steve felt his heart sink a little at how Natasha remained impassive, no hint to indicate whether he had gotten into the school of arts. In that moment, his gaze wavered, lump returning to his throat as he came to one unfortunate conclusion.

Steve pushed the thoughts away, forcing the words to leave his mouth. “You got in.” He said to Natasha - he was happy for her, of course he was. This wasn’t a surprise to him, he already told her she would get in. “Congrats, Nat. See? What did I say?”

“I got in.” Natasha repeated monotonously, and Steve nodded. Hearing her utter that sentence softly, as though she was disappointed in hearing that further fuelled his conclusion earlier - he didn’t get into Midgard’s school of arts. He didn’t - 

His thoughts were rudely interrupted when Steve nearly lost his balance, staggering two steps backwards at the sudden force that was quite literally crushing his lungs. “Natasha, what-”

“We’re going to Midgard together!!!” She shrieked, wrapping her arms tightly around Steve. When he glanced down, surprised to hear those words, she was already beaming at him, her cheeks rosy with genuine happiness. “Steve, _we’re_ going to Midgard! _Together!_”

A thrill of excitement shot down his spine as her words finally registered in his mind. Even though there was still some doubt within Steve, so he asked, “I...I got in too?”

Natasha threw her head back in a loud laugh, her grip around him only tightened. “Yes you idiot! You got in too!” She confirmed with unabashed happiness.

“Oh my god!” It was Steve’s turn to shriek, face splitting into a huge grin. He was already hugging her back, both of them pressed together and jumping in excitement. “_Oh my god!” _

“We did it! We did it!” Natasha yelled. “We got into Midgard together, we’re leaving this town _ together!_”

“Natasha, I swear-” And then Steve froze, a sudden realisation hitting him all at once. He could feel heat on his face - there was no mistake in what he had just felt, and his heart started to drum once again. Awkwardly, and in one swift motion, Steve almost shoved Natasha back in a hurry, his cheeks flushed. “Hey,” He began calmly, his tone almost flat, eyes trained on the sky above him. “I know you live next door, but...but you can’t just go around wearing _ that _without wearing a b--” Steve couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence, so he took a step backward instead, as if to make some respectable distance between the both of them.

“Huh?” Natasha frowned, her forehead creased in pure confusion. It was obvious that Steve was super flustered over something, but she didn’t know what he was alluding to. She glanced down at her attire, noting that she was wearing her usual black tank top, with her pyjamas bottom. There was nothing unusual about her outfit, she had always wore an attire like this at home; it was comfortable, cooling enough for the summer, and there was absolutely_ nothing _ to restrain her -

It hit her all at once, squarely on the forehead that she nearly staggered backward in absolute _ horror_. A few seconds of silence went by, with Natasha trying extremely hard to control the emotions building up within her. She was blushing, that was obvious, but Natasha tried to act as though what he had just said to her (or tried to) did not affect her as much as it truly did. She gathered her senses and took a step into Steve’s direction. Without warning, Natasha slapped a palm against the back of his head.

“_Ow! _” Steve yelled, one hand flying to his head instantly. “What the heck, Natasha?”

“Idiot!” She yelled back before folding her arms over her chest in mild embarrassment for being called out like that. “It’s not like you’ve never felt or seen a woman’s breast before!”

Steve’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets the second he heard that, the implication of Natasha’s sentence hung in the air hotly. He tore his gaze from the clouds above his head, landing on her flustered expression instead. "T-that's different!" He sputtered, feeling the hot heat rising within his cheeks.

But Natasha was not having any of it. "_How _on earth is that different?"

Steve’s mind was drawing a blank at the moment, he was avoiding looking at anywhere but Natasha’s face. He settled for a simple response in the end. "Because you're my _ best friend _."

"So are you trying to say that I'm not a _ woman_?” Natasha narrowed her eyes sharply. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“N-no, I wasn’t saying that! Of _ course _you’re a woman! If you aren’t a woman I wouldn’t be telling you this!” He shook his hands quickly, wondering if he had just added fuel into the fire from the way Natasha had just rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying that even if you’re that comfortable around me, you shouldn’t just…” Steve could feel his throat clamping shut once again. “It’s just...you shouldn’t…”

“I shouldn’t hug my best friend?” Natasha concluded for him, and even though she had been a little bit annoyed at Steve’s response, she fought the urge to laugh at how adorably panicky he was looking at the moment. Over a small, innocent matter that shouldn’t even be an issue in the first place.

“Not when you’re _ not _ wearing a bra! I’m...I’m a _ man_, you know. Have you forgotten _ that_?” He finally exploded, knowing full well that he was probably as red as a tomato now, because the implication of his sentence couldn’t be _ any _ clearer. Steve could see the blush on Natasha’s face, the realisation _ finally _settling into her head. 

Quietly, and without another word said, Natasha turned around, arms still crossed around her chest area. She walked away towards her house gingerly, slowly at first, until her steps began to quicken at each passing second. She didn’t turn back, not even when Steve shouted _ wait, your letter! _

They didn’t see each other again, not until two days after, and only because Sarah invited Fury and Natasha over for dinner to celebrate their “two babies going to college soon”. By then, Natasha had put what had happened behind her, and Steve was smart enough not to bring it up again. 

From that day onwards, Natasha had been more careful, almost never repeating that incident again, at least not until years later when they _ finally _ got together. By then, whenever they thought about that innocent incident that occurred when they were 18, they would laugh, almost hysterically, because _ so much _(Steve had smirked when he said that, discarding Natasha’s shirt onto the floor aimlessly), has changed since then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas for more bonus oneshots, do let me know in the comments :) I'll never get tired of writing SteveNat in this universe, honestly.


End file.
